Thank You for Being a Friend: Making and Keeping Adult Friends -- Guest Post

Making friends as a child seems so simple. "You like blocks? WOW, ME TOO! Let's be friends."

That makes it even more frustrating when, as an adult, the process is not only more complicated but more difficult. It’s nothing like what I thought when I watched Spice World or Friends as a teenager. You may not regularly be in situations where you can find common ground with other adults. Everyone is busy, and they don't have time to chat with you or just drop by- they're off to their next appointment.

And making friends at work can be tough. Maybe your co-workers are different enough from you in terms of stage of life, politics, interests, whatever that you can't connect on more than a fairly superficial level. Maybe you don't want to mix your personal and your work life much. Maybe you always have to run out at the end of the workday, so regular happy hours and other work functions aren't an option for you.

And maybe you have those life-long high school or college friends that you always keep in touch with, but you don't live near them anymore, or something else is keeping you from the social face time you need. So how does an adult make friends, then? How do you keep up a social life with all the other stuff you have going on?

I've found a few things that have worked for me for making and keeping adult friends:

Join something. Volunteer groups, professional organizations, take a class, do something else with a group that you find inspiring. You'll automatically have something in common with others there, and even if you don't meet a potential new friend, you still get a benefit. You get the opportunity to talk and work together with others on a common goal. Some of my best friends I met through volunteering.

Schedule your social time. One of the big barriers for me to having an active social life is that I get lazy about social engagements, and then after a couple months of living in a cocoon I realize I'm really lonely. Regularly scheduled social time makes a huge difference. I have a set time once a week where I get together with a group of friends- we eat takeout and watch Netflix, nothing big, but it really helps me get much needed social time. It doesn't always happen, but definitely more often than not- and having the standing appointment means I don't have to think ahead and plan something out. It helps me maintain my relationships too- that way my fragile adult friendships don't wither from neglect.

In the same vein- book your social time well in advance. People are busy and have well-developed routines. It's hard to do last-minute lunches or movies or coffee outings with friends who have a lot going on. I try to book things about a month ahead of time- yes, even casually grabbing coffee. So much easier to work around schedules that way. I have a few friends I can get together with on short notice- but those are few and far between.

Use social media. I try to check in with friends every so often using instant messaging or Facebook. It feels a bit more superficial than going out for coffee, but it really helps to keep that connection alive. As well, it can help you build a connection with a new friend- you might find that that cool person you met at yoga also loves incredibly spicy Thai food, has kids of similar ages, and loves going to cheap matinees and having weekend Netflix binges. A couple of quick Facebook conversations can take you from casual acquaintances to great friends.

Be forgiving. Again, people have a lot going on. It's easy to get frustrated when people frequently cancel plans, but it's also tough to keep social plans when you've got kids and jobs and a million other things competing for your attention. For sure, don't just be a social doormat, but also, cut people some slack. This is also a good reason to build up a group of friends- if your regular coffee date hasn't been able to make it in a while, maybe invite another friend for a Thursday morning latte for a while.



What have you found has helped you to make and keep friends as an adult?

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When she’s not making play-doh spaceships with her two young sons, Jenny Hill, CPLP creates engaging, accessible, and effective learning experiences, so learners can reach their potential and do their most meaningful work.  You can contact her on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferreneehill.

Moment of the Week - Beach with Friend Visit

Right after getting back from my mom's, my oldest friend came to visit us, and we took her to the beach (obviously)!

 

Establishing a Hierarchy -- Guest Post

Today Sarah Fountains from Married with the Mom in Law gives an interesting perspective on living as an adult with another person's family.

...

For the better part of a year I have been lodging with friends in a mutually beneficial arrangement. I get to move out of my Mum's and I get free bed and board; in exchange I help my friends look after their two sons and take on some of the housework: everybody wins.

These two boys – ages 8 and 6 – are highly energetic and were built for the outdoors. They need a lot of outdoor playtime, every day, which is where we hit a snag. I can't take them outdoors every day, and the back yard is pitifully small.  Sometimes I have other things to do – there was an incident last week where they would. not. stop asking., even though they could clearly see I was on a step-stool cleaning out a cupboard. I also, for my sins, don't want to take them out every day (yes, I may or may not have started cleaning out the cupboard when they got home from school on purpose). Especially when they're not that great at leaving the park at the time that I say that they should.

I might be wrong here, but in my book, going to the park is a treat, not a right. Yes, even for kids 'built for the outdoors'. I get to decide if and when we go, and when we leave. Obviously, so do their parents, but going for walks has become something they only ask for from me.

Yet, they are part of the family, and I am not. Not in the same way. I am 'like' family, whilst not actually being family. It is confusing how I fit into the hierarchy, both for them, and, sometimes, for me. They go out for family fun time, vacations, etc, without me, meaning they are higher than me in the household hierarchy, and yet at the same time, I am an adult and I expect them to follow any and all instructions I give them (because sometimes it's for their own safety), meaning I need to be above them.

I do try to be fair with it. Cleaning out the cupboard was a rarity, but bringing order out of chaos, and not going to the park were necessary for my own mental health that day. Most of the time I aim to get them to compromise with me – “If you'll help me clean off the dining room table, then afterward I will supervise you playing outside at the front for a few minutes.” It has had some success. Where it is safe to do so, and I have the mental energy to handle it, I let them be in complete control too. If we're out for a walk (not just to/from the park), I often let them choose which ways we are going, for example.

But there are times where that isn't possible, and I don't want to 'give in' every time either. The best way I've found is just to... take control. Keep my temper, but don't give them the option of not doing what I say. For example, when we're out on a walk, and I decide we're heading home now, I walk off, and, this is the key, don't look back until they have no other choice but to follow me. The second I look back to see if they are following, I've given them a choice whether they will or not. They're not stupid. Even if they were following, they'd pounce on that and be off on their bikes in the opposite direction faster than I could catch them, and that helps no body.

In the meantime, we muddle through. There's still something of a power-struggle, and there may be broken feathers, but I also have to acknowledge that they're still kids and they're not going to be that great at everything an adult could do, and just cross my fingers that we can keep on going tomorrow.

My Five Year Old Is NOT a "Strong Leader"

As I walked with my children to school an hour ago, in between paying exactly equal attention and lavishing exactly equal praise to my twins so that they would remain in a human-like mood at least until we got to the big doors, I readied myself for a talk I needed to have with one of the girls' teachers.

As anyone who knows us knows, my girls are scare-quote spirited. We'd been coming off a long stretch of normality, where the girls would play together nicely for hours, accept reality as it came their way, and just generally showed a maturity I knew was too good to last.

But this past week has been an abomination.

There are lots of reasons for this. 1) School is drawing to a close, so their schedules during the school day have been disrupted with activities they are unused to. 2) The dentist told them they needed to stop sucking their thumbs, which, until this point, had been a major source of comfort and security to them. And my kids? They've wills of steel. They stopped that day and have not put their thumbs in their mouths since. I, as an adult, cannot fathom this. I've been trying to stop biting my nails for 29 years. HOOOOOOOOW? They just did it. I don't even know. 3) They've been fighting off an illness, which always makes for a rough go of things.

But there is a new culprit in the mix, and one I'm just not ready to face (although I did and I will).

The influences of other kids at school.

Yesterday, one of my daughters tantrumed for a full three hours. Ninety minutes over a lollipop that she picked out and ninety minutes out of just general malaise. It may have been my hardest day as a parent yet.

When pressed, one particular little girl, Natalina's partner for the school play, and the girl she now sits next to (that was a change from the previous month), kept coming up. M eats blood. M doesn't listen to anyone. M doesn't like me. M says mean things all the time. M likes me now and invited me to the "popular girls club" (INSERT MOM RAGE). M never does what she's told. She doesn't have to. M squeezes her hand hard to hurt her during play practice. M thinks she's a tattle tale. M, M, M, M.

So, I suited up.

In my I-mean-business trench coat and my paper-plate necklace, I prepared my talk in my head to the teacher.

When I got there, though, the tone of the talk surprised me.

"Hi, Mrs. G, I'd like to ask you about M."

She nods, knowingly.

"Okay, good, so you know what I'm talking about. What's up with that?"

She took a moment. "We have lots of trouble with M. Has she said anything ugly to your child?"

"Well, kind of," I replied. "They're partners in the play and I know Lilly sits next to her now. We're having some behavior issues at home, and I know you had to send L to the office the other day for attitude. I was just wondering if you could move her back to sit next to G?"

She hesitated again. Now, this is a longterm substitute. Natalina's teacher had a baby, and left just a few months ago, if that.

Her old teacher knew that N has trouble finishing assignments, and needs a good example to follow. N picks up on cues really easily, so when paired with G for so long, she began finishing assignments and setting a good example for others.

N picks up on cues really easily.

So, when Mrs. G told me that Natalina was a "strong leader" and she needed to "keep a good kid at each table" and mine was "one of the good kids", while my heart filled with pride (and recognition...they used to do this to me in school, too), I knew it was all wrong.

My child is not a strong leader.

And that's okay. She will be. I have no doubt. But she's not there yet. The person the substitute thinks my child is, and who my child actually is are two different people.

Natalina picks up on cues really easily.

For now, because I was not expecting that response at all, I let it go. The teacher is going to monitor the situation more closely, and there are only two weeks left of school anyway.

But, in reality, this is only part one of the talk. I need to, now that I know what I'm dealing with, go back in there and get my kid what she needs.

This may well be the one time in my child's life where being thought of as a strong leader will be detrimental to her, but so be it.

My child is not yet a strong leader, and I will defend her malleability as she grows into one. So that one day, perhaps, yes, the teachers will make her the leader of the table of kids who have some trouble.

Today is not that day.

Today she is just learning how to overcome her own trouble.

This is a crossroads. An important one. These kinds of events could determine how my daughter deals with outside influences for the rest of her life. So, for now, I've instructed her to be nice to everyone, including M, but to know that she needs to do the right thing, always, and not follow along if she sees M behaving inappropriately. That whether or not M likes her bears no consequence on her life.

God, I hope it sticks.







 

Kindergarten Kids - The Made-Up Parties

Problem: 

Earlier in the week, my girls were talking with one of their friends. They started imagining what a sleepover would be like. They'd climb trees, bake things, play games, jump on beds, and go to sleep. They are in love with this image. They have really built it up in their minds. And over the days, the narrative changed from them describing what a sleepover would be like for them, to them telling me they were invited to a sleepover, and could they go?

This sleepover is apparently today. They insist their friend invited them. I've told them no less than a dozen times and possibly closer to 100 times now, that kids can't invite other kids over for sleepovers when they're five. The parents have to invite them. Having not heard from the parents (they have my number), I can only assume they know nothing about this.

So, my kids are super upset that I'm not letting them go to a sleepover that they made up. They've asked me to call the parents and tell them my girls are coming to sleep over. Because that would go over really well.

"Hi, my rambunctious twins want to sleep at your house. Cool? See you at 5."

I've explained to them that I can't invite them to someone else's house. I told them that in a few weeks, we could invite M to our house to play. You know, following the proper rules of society.

No good. We always have people over our house, and they never go to anyone else's house.

Anyway, lest I thought the battle was over, this morning, my daughter woke up at 7 a.m., came into our room and demanded I drive her to M's. We hugged her and explained again how society works.

No good.

She got upset, and decided to take matters into her own hands:

Not only are they going to a madeup sleepover, they're apparently driving there with no keys and no ability to actually open the garage door. They kill me. Hahahaha.


Solution:

Repetition, repetition, repetition. Eventually they do get it. This is a message she didn't want to receive, but there is nothing to be done. No reason for anyone to get angry, even though the premise is utterly ridiculous. It's not to her.

And the girls bring up a valid point. No one does invite them over. I assume because there are two of them. And to be honest, if there were a sleepover, I wouldn't let them go anyway. 1) because they're five. 2) because I can't trust that they'll behave at someone else's house. Particularly if they are together. Too easy to fight over the affections of the inviting friend. They have to grow up before I make other parents take care of them.

Anyway, the biggest point I want to make here is, be honest, be straightforward, and be calm. Do not allow them to feel like they were able to manipulate the situation to their whims with elaborate schemes and shenanigans with other kids. I absolutely am not calling M's mom. If the girls collectively want to do a sleepover, they can do it the right way, through the right channels. I am not going to reward sneakiness on any level.

Yes, it's very innocent right now, but I know all about this. I did this a lot as a kid. You think your parents won't let you do what you want, so you try to spruce up the story to make it more appealing to them, or like it's already in motion and would take more effort to stop than to just go along.

Nope. Go through me, go through other parents, then make your plans. Us first, then you.



 

Reasons Moms Might Not Talk to Each Other

Here's how it sometimes feels to be a mom, and why we can't seem to call on our support group of other moms when we most need to.

...

- Everyone else's kids seem perfect. They're so good, quiet, smart, well-behaved. Often your tales of having to drag your spawn out of the grocery store while they screamed bloody murder are met with blank stares.

- Since your kids are only kids, you are betting you are the problem. That's embarrassing.

- There's a possibility your kids might be the problem. And that's a problem.

- Sometimes, other moms will commiserate, but their stories never end up with them locked in the bathroom crying and begging for mercy.

- In this way, those moms are even harder to talk to because they actually deal with the same bullshit you do, and they can hold it together and lovingly nurture their babes, instead of dialing the circus over and over again as they rock back in forth in their bathroom full of tears.

- In the back of your mind, you're sure this is actually a normal, everyday problem and you're just being dramatic. You don't want people to think you think you're special or a mommy martyr or anything.

- In the other back of your mind, you fear this is actually not even close to normal, that no one has to deal with this issue like you do. And you don't want people to know you accidentally gave birth to a sociopath.

- You're the mom, you should know what to do. When you don't know what to do, it should be for cute things, like, which cloth diaper covers are the best for baby skin. If you don't know what to do with your own damn child, you fail. Goodbye.

- You don't want people to know you did the wrong thing. Again.


...

I don't really have anything to say about this list I've made. I'm just throwing out ideas as to why moms might not feel like they can use their supportive friends and family sometimes.

Oh, I would like to say that all of those things are wrong and hogwash, obviously. But that doesn't negate the fact that they can exist as thought-patterns in the brain of a frustrated, overworked mother.



 

Preschool Pointers - 31: Playdates and Parties

Problem:

Where you normally have one (or for us lucky ones, two) four year olds to keep busy, somehow you convinced yourself that having a group playdate would be a grand idea. After you're done crying in your room, you still have to entertain them.

Solution:

Whatever you do, do not ask them what they want to do. Even one four year old can't figure that out. Put eight together and there is no way anyone is coming out alive. On the other hand, do not  have a plan. Seriously. You've got to be able to go with the flow, make decisions on the fly, and gauge the situations as they come up to make sure everyone stays happy. Or at least relatively calm.

So, when you've got eight pairs of eyes staring you down, start a game. Remember, grown ups are still cool to kids this age. Grown ups they hardly know but know they can trust are even cooler. They will give you the benefit of the doubt. Lead them in a game. The other day I first did doctor, where I was the triage nurse and each of them lined up to be seen, giving me their pretend ailments, then going to sit on the patient couch. One of them was the doctor, and after each one got seen, she became the next doctor. This way everyone is involved playing not one but two roles. Then you can make one of them the nurse and step out of the game entirely. Do not forget this step. It's the best part.

Another thing I did was restaurant. First I played the waiter and took some kids' orders. I called for a chef and a few of them piled into the "kitchen" to make the food. Then I was a customer and made an order. Then I stepped out.

Just let them play and step in when shit gets rowdy, then step back out. You can have a few activities, that's a good thing. Just don't plan them in cement at certain times for certain lengths. Be ready for change.

And breathe. You did a good thing. Maybe another parent will return the favor someday.






 

Preschool Pointers - 26: Bring Over a Friend

Problem: Now that the kids are four, do you really need to be right up in their faces while they play? Does everyone need to go to the park together? When do we get to do that whole, hey, come over to my house and play with my kids and leave me out of it? I say now.

Solution: Try it. The other parents aren't going to do it first (trust me, I tried waiting for them). Today we bit the bullet and we have a very nice little girl here. Now, no one is used to it, and my girls are tantruming and not knowing what to do with themselves, but this is a learning process. (Right now they're all watching Bambi for a hot second after a completely failed experiment involving three girls and only two play computers. Yeah, that went over as well as you could expect.) Anyway, after they chill out, I'll feed them lunch, then make them play some more. And we'll do this again next weekend. With a different kid. And then again. And we'll keep doing this until my kids figure out that they can play with friends and not involve me every single second.

Here's hoping.

 

Play Therapy

D: "Will you play with me?"

N: "No, we don't like each other."

D: "Well, I like you."

N: "But I don't like you, so there."

D: "But why?"

N: "I don't like your hair."

D: "Why not?"

N: "It's not beautiful."

N: "Oh."

Dulce walks away. Natalina assume the role of the teacher.

N: "Dulce, what's wrong?"

D: "Nuffin."

N: "No, you're acting sad. What's wrong?"

D: "M and J don't like me."

N: "Oh, well, let me talk to them."

And on and on. And then over again. And again. Sometimes the "teacher" would get angry or sad. Other times, she would tell Dulce that it would be okay and go play with someone else.

It's cute right? It would be really cute if it were pretend. But it wasn't. The girls, with no prompting from me at all, and apparently no discussion ahead of time, they spontaneously broke out into this "game" recreating a very real event that had happened at preschool that morning.

M and J really did tell Dulce they didn't like her because her hair was dark and curly. And it messed her up a bit. My child is four. She doesn't need to hear about how her hair isn't beautiful.

Dulce told me and the teachers told me. I don't think they talked to the other parents, but that's okay. It's not a big deal, it's just kids being kids.

That didn't stop me from shooting a four-year-old child the adult death-stare of doom. Yeah, you heard me. Not above it.

Other than that, I just told Dulce that the girls were wrong about her hair, they probably just didn't know any better, and sometimes people just don't want to play with other people, and that's okay. I told her to seek out other friends who would be nicer to her when that happens. I didn't know what to do.

And my heart broke when this game started. This incident really resonated with the twins.

But as they went on, I became less sad and more fascinated. They were working through it. Over and over again, they worked through it until Dulce was satisfied with the solution.

And by the end, they were laughing and giggling away. Best of friends. Forever.

Perfection.

My kids.

 

Inviting Twins -- Etiquette

With the advent of my kids making friends, comes the individuality of one of them being better friends with one person, while the other is better friends with another.

So what happens if your kid only likes one of mine?

We had a close call yesterday, and before that I had been asked a question about twin invitations, so I thought I'd toss my two cents in, today.

Yesterday, Dulce went to pieces thinking her friend had invited her sister to a party, but not her. The girl would not calm down. I had to hold her for a long time.

Fortunately, it was just a drawing...her friend had been using an irrelevant invitation as scrap paper.

But it's not like this isn't going to come up, and soon. So I'd better batten down the hatches.

Here is what I would say, given my twins intense relationship to one another (more intense perhaps than most twins, as I think many others can separate without dramatically melting into a puddle at this point.)

1) If you are throwing a party, where lots of kids are going, and your child only wants to invite one twin, please, do not invite us. I would so much rather make up some lie to my kids about why we couldn't go or why we weren't invited than have to deal with

A) explaining to one twin why she can't go even though she's invited so that she'll blame her sister (although, to be real, this wouldn't be an issue for us. One twin will not go without the other.)

B) Having both go only to have one ignored because she wasn't really wanted.

C) Trying to separate them in a situation where one gets to go do a fun thing because she's liked more. Yes, I could arrange a super fun playdate for the other one, but firstly, they both would then want to go to both, and secondly, dude, it's not the same.

Okay, so, parties. Either invite them both because you like them, or pass. We're cool with that.


2) If your little darling is besties with only one of my children, and cannot open her heart to inviting them both over to play, please, please ask me first. I don't think it's weird, and I don't think it's mean. People, no matter how small, have friendships and preferences, and I get that my kids aren't a package-deal for everyone (just me...I'm so lucky). If I somehow think I can figure out a way to swing a one-on-one outing, I'll let you know. If I can't, I will be super nice to you, and understanding, but politely decline.

If you come to me first, before having your kid tell only one of my kids, I have some semblance of control over the issue and the outcome is a lot more likely (read .5 percent over 0 percent, at this point in time) to come to fruition. If you leave it to the kids, not only will one of my kids not be able to go, but I will have to deal with hours, and hours, and hours, AND HOURS of cleanup.

The other one simply will not understand. Not yet. We're working on this. I hope to report back to you in a year with entirely different rules, or better yet, no rules at all.

Unfortunately, we're not at that point yet. My four year olds have a sense of competition and justice that rivals the Fantastic Four. They will fight to the death if something is just a hair off, convinced that the other one has it better, is better, is more loved.

I don't know why. Like I said, we work on this every day.

For now, it works best for us if you invite both kids and if you come to me first. It's not a must. It's not an order. Just a request. From one mom suffering from first friendships to another.



 

First Friendships as a Twin

My twins do everything together. They've never been apart. They prefer to be together always, and like I've said before, I'm just convincing them that they don't have to compete over all the specifics and that they can (gasp) like or want different things at the same time.

Any friendships they've had thus far, they've made as a unit. Lilly and Dulce make a friend. As LillyandDulce. It's all they know.

The only friendship they've nourished as separate people has been the friendship they have with each other. And let's face it, that friendship is weird.

As twins, they are always together. They do everything together. They play every game together. They make every move together. They discuss every decision together. They eat together, sleep together, watch movies together, do any activity together.

To them, that is what friendship means. Friendship means together. And it means together all the time.

At school, for the first time, they've been able to pick their friends...as separate people. Of course, the friends kind of picked them, since they would have been content just to be with each other all day, but miracle of miracles, one little girl picked each of the girls to be her best bud.

And the girls took to that like wildfire. Now Lilly talks about her friend A when she comes home, and Dulce talks about her friend N. I've seen it happen, too. They get to school and they go off with their separate friend.

Of course, those friends didn't really know what they were getting themselves into.

Because right now (and I'm sure this will get better as the girls get a better grasp on how to actually socially relate to people), the girls are treating their friends like their "school twin."

You can imagine Dulce's shock and amazement when N wanted to play with someone else for a while.

"Mommy," she said on the car ride home, "Today I was playing with N, but then she wanted to go do something else with R, and she didn't want me to come."

"Oh, well, what did you do?"

The answer was matter of fact. No hurt feelings. No "that moment when" awkwardness.

"I followed her."

I felt a parental twinge then. I didn't want my girls to go around annoying their friends because their friends didn't want to stick to them like glue. There are 20 kids in the class. Sometimes the friends will want to play with someone else. And sometimes the girls could use that time to find even more friends.

I tried to explain that to them.

They nodded and said okay.

I don't think that this is going to be an issue as they grow, but I found this in-between stage really interesting. Right now, they're still stuck on their one new friend. I'm curious to see how it will all turn out.



 

Party Pointers

A party of errors? Not really. The girls had a great fourth, all things considered.

Here are some things to consider, though, when you throw your own party.

- Party favors come in packs of eight. Not ten. Buy two of everything.

- If you're having your party at the pool, don't let your kid drown. This is a serious statement. My kids know not to go into the pool without their swimmies on. They've never done it before. Someone throws a party hat in the water, though, and mommy's back is turned greeting guests? All bets are off. One wet mommy, a drowned party hat and a safe kid and lots of hugs later, we all survived. Thank God. There is not one scarier thing than having to jump into the pool after your kid who can't swim.

- Pinatas are made of cardboard. It rains in Florida. Do not keep your pinata outside.

- If you do, a pizza box bottom will work as a quick fix. (Thanks, Osvaldo!)

- Stock drinks other than soda. We did juice boxes, which were much more popular than the soda. They are only four, after all.

- If you have a big kid coming, invite a couple more along. We had a few six and seven year olds who were able to play together without getting (too) bored.

- Timing. Some kids are going to have to nap. While an afternoon party (say 2-5) would be the best time for me, it's not for the kids. So we did high noon to about 2:30 p.m., then everyone went home (some to nap!) Last year we did it at 5 p.m. (after nap). Whatever works.

- Keep it moving. Even with a pool, kids are going to get bored and want the next thing quickly. As soon as everyone arrived, we ordered lunch. 20 minutes in the pool for everyone while we waited for it, then time to eat. Right after that, I cleaned a bit and went home to grab the cake, giving the kids another 20 minutes or so to play. Then cake. Then pinata. Then a few more minutes of play time. Then presents. Then home. Bam, bam, bam.

Remember: Most people aren't going to see your mistakes. They're busy having a good time. So relax, if you can!

 

Birthday Bash

So, I turned thirty yesterday. And really, for the most part, it was great. It feels just like 29!

 The girls spent two days painting me a box for my birthday. Like a produce box. Just an old box, and they saw it and said, you know what mom needs? A painted box. And they were right.

 Box painting is serious business.

After that, we went over to my friend Yasmin's house. She'd made me a cake, she said.

Now, when I make a cake, I pour a mix into a bowl with a few eggs and water and cook it for a half hour. Usually, I'll make my own frosting, but that also only takes a few minutes.

These friends of mine, they're a different type of folk. A really good, really nice couple. But they do things like grind their own sausage. They do things like grow their own yeast. They serve me things like this for lunch:

 And this:




So, yeah, I was a little wary of my cake. She says it took her two days, and I believe it. She gave me the recipe to post on the blog for "Recipe Monday." It was crammed onto an entire 8x11 sheet of paper. On the back of her husband's PhD resume. Which is just as well, since the information on the front about the physics of agriculture made just as much sense to me as the recipe on the back.

But it's delicious. And gone, I might add. This gigantic cake made it barely two days.

Want the recipe? Really? Because I'll type it all out for you, but that's as far as I go. If any of you make it, you can send some to me.

Crostata Di Apancia

The Crust (Crostata)
300 grams flour
150 grams sugar
130 grams butter
1 egg
1 tbsp baking powder

(And if you guessed I have no idea how much those grams amounts are in American measurements, you're right.)

Directions:
Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and butter. Add egg. Mix until a dough is formed.
Put it in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge for 15 minutes.
Preheat oven to 380 F
Remove dough from fridge and roll it into a buttered pan.
Bake for 40 minutes.
Let cool for 20 minutes.

Filling:
200 grams sugar
50 grams flour
1/2 liter of milk
3 egg yolks
1 small glass of liquere

Directions:
Mix flour, sugar, butter (did anyone see butter in that ingredients list? This is what I'm talking about. Some people know how to cook, and unfortunately for me, they just cannot translate it), and eggs.
Add the milk and start to beat it.
Put it in a pan for stovetop and cook it over medium-high heat, continuously stirring for 5-8 minutes.


Pour the filling into the crust, cut up some oranges, strawberries and melons, and put it in the fridge for at least two hours.

Actually, all typed up, it doesn't look SOOOOO bad. Maybe I'll try it after all. I'll go without the butter in the filling. I'll assume that was a mistake. I'll let you know.

Anyway, this is what thirty looks like when you have a friend who loves you enough to bake you a cake:

And a few extra "party" shots just for fun.

And my husband came home with presents, and took me out over the weekend to celebrate, too.

It was a good birthday.

 

Little Girl Excitement

It's here. The moment I've been waiting for since learning I was going to have girls. Waiting for, or dreading...or both. It's the screamy, shrill, oh-my-God-I'm-so-excited-and-thrilled shriek. My girls have got it and they've got it bad. It's cute. For the first three seconds at least. Thankfully, they're also given to song, so that as the initial shock wears off, their voices float down to a more agreeable level and they chant their desire instead.

I give you, "the Alicia song."

In their defense, Alicia is pretty awesome. She's been my friend since I was five years old. I hope my kids find a friend like her for themselves. Or maybe they've got one built in? We can only hope.