Dear Other Parents, Can We Stop with the Horror Stories? -- Contributor post

Hey there, parenting pros. It’s me, the new guy. You know, the one with the twins coming in a couple of months. The one who looks nervous all the time. Yeah...that guy. I want to say I really appreciate how wonderfully pleasant and accepting you’ve been. When we meet, you make me feel like I’m one of you. No side-eye or making me feel like I’m not up to the task; just love and empathy. It’s super sweet.

That said, I do have one small favor to ask. If it’s not too much trouble, could you please dial the Tales of My Nightmare Children From Hell down a notch or two? I mean, I really appreciate your honesty and openness, I do. I know you’re just trying to help, to prepare me for the harsh reality of sleepless nights and being constantly covered in shit and puke. You want me to know that it’s not all sunshine and roses. I appreciate the reality check, but it sometimes feels like you’re taking a kind of sick delight in scaring the rookie. If that’s the case, let me assure you that it’s working.

You parents of twins, especially, with your tales of the conniving, collaboration, and conspiracy that your tiny terrors engage in on a daily basis. That, or fighting. I’m left to believe that when they’re not trying to kill each other, they’ll be plotting together to kill me and their mother. And that I’ll be getting half the sleep and covered in twice as much shit and puke as those slacker parents of singles. It’s as if you want me to start losing sleep now, just so I’m used to it when they get here. Mission accomplished, folks...congratulations?

While we’re on the subject, if you could also please stop telling The Cricket about everything that went wrong with your (or your sister’s/cousin’s/co-worker’s/best friend’s) pregnancy, that’d be awesome. It’s bad enough that the doctors treat her pregnancy like a potentially life-threatening disease; your armchair diagnoses of gestational diabetes and predictions of pre-term labor are less than helpful.

Look, I get it. I know that these horror stories are an attempt (albeit an awkward one) to bond, to share the camaraderie of the battlefield. All I’m asking is that you tone it down a little. We’ve been pretty much terrified from Day 1; when the doctor told us it was twins, one of us rocked back and forth repeating “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” and the other burst into tears. I’m not going to tell you which was which; all I’m saying is that we’ve got the “scared shitless” part down pat. So maybe we can bond over something else?

Here’s an idea: you know how you always conclude your stories by reassuring me that “there’s nothing quite like it” and that you “wouldn’t trade it for the world?” I don’t know whether you’re serious or just trying to make me feel better, but I find myself wanting to hear more about that part of it. That little ray of hope means the world to me. It makes me think that I might survive this after all. Could have a little more of that, please? I’d love to bond with you over that shit instead of, well, actual shit.

Tell me how much you love your kids. Tell me how amazing and smart they are. Tell me about the clever thing they did last weekend that was so far ahead of their age. Tell me about first steps and first words and first discoveries of the world around them. Tell me about encounters with nature and days at the park and trips to the zoo.

I promise I won’t roll my eyes or accuse you of bragging. I’m one of you now, remember? And as for the shitty bits? I’ve got plenty of opportunities in the very near future to find out about all of those firsthand, and that’ll be soon enough for me. In the meantime, fill my head full of the wonder and amazement of watching a tiny human grow, if only because it helps me sleep better at night and, frankly, I have a sneaking suspicion that I need to bank a few extra hours before they get here.

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Jerry Kennedy is (in no particular order) a husband, stepdad, writer, actor, director, singer, and web dude living in The Greatest City In the World, Sacramento, CA. His hobbies include reading, skateboarding, falling off his skateboard, drinking, karaoke (especially after drinking), and making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape. You'll find his irregular ramblings about life, the universe, and everything at http://jerrykennedy.com

Thank You for Being a Friend: Making and Keeping Adult Friends -- Guest Post

Making friends as a child seems so simple. "You like blocks? WOW, ME TOO! Let's be friends."

That makes it even more frustrating when, as an adult, the process is not only more complicated but more difficult. It’s nothing like what I thought when I watched Spice World or Friends as a teenager. You may not regularly be in situations where you can find common ground with other adults. Everyone is busy, and they don't have time to chat with you or just drop by- they're off to their next appointment.

And making friends at work can be tough. Maybe your co-workers are different enough from you in terms of stage of life, politics, interests, whatever that you can't connect on more than a fairly superficial level. Maybe you don't want to mix your personal and your work life much. Maybe you always have to run out at the end of the workday, so regular happy hours and other work functions aren't an option for you.

And maybe you have those life-long high school or college friends that you always keep in touch with, but you don't live near them anymore, or something else is keeping you from the social face time you need. So how does an adult make friends, then? How do you keep up a social life with all the other stuff you have going on?

I've found a few things that have worked for me for making and keeping adult friends:

Join something. Volunteer groups, professional organizations, take a class, do something else with a group that you find inspiring. You'll automatically have something in common with others there, and even if you don't meet a potential new friend, you still get a benefit. You get the opportunity to talk and work together with others on a common goal. Some of my best friends I met through volunteering.

Schedule your social time. One of the big barriers for me to having an active social life is that I get lazy about social engagements, and then after a couple months of living in a cocoon I realize I'm really lonely. Regularly scheduled social time makes a huge difference. I have a set time once a week where I get together with a group of friends- we eat takeout and watch Netflix, nothing big, but it really helps me get much needed social time. It doesn't always happen, but definitely more often than not- and having the standing appointment means I don't have to think ahead and plan something out. It helps me maintain my relationships too- that way my fragile adult friendships don't wither from neglect.

In the same vein- book your social time well in advance. People are busy and have well-developed routines. It's hard to do last-minute lunches or movies or coffee outings with friends who have a lot going on. I try to book things about a month ahead of time- yes, even casually grabbing coffee. So much easier to work around schedules that way. I have a few friends I can get together with on short notice- but those are few and far between.

Use social media. I try to check in with friends every so often using instant messaging or Facebook. It feels a bit more superficial than going out for coffee, but it really helps to keep that connection alive. As well, it can help you build a connection with a new friend- you might find that that cool person you met at yoga also loves incredibly spicy Thai food, has kids of similar ages, and loves going to cheap matinees and having weekend Netflix binges. A couple of quick Facebook conversations can take you from casual acquaintances to great friends.

Be forgiving. Again, people have a lot going on. It's easy to get frustrated when people frequently cancel plans, but it's also tough to keep social plans when you've got kids and jobs and a million other things competing for your attention. For sure, don't just be a social doormat, but also, cut people some slack. This is also a good reason to build up a group of friends- if your regular coffee date hasn't been able to make it in a while, maybe invite another friend for a Thursday morning latte for a while.



What have you found has helped you to make and keep friends as an adult?

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When she’s not making play-doh spaceships with her two young sons, Jenny Hill, CPLP creates engaging, accessible, and effective learning experiences, so learners can reach their potential and do their most meaningful work.  You can contact her on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferreneehill.

Kindergarten Kids - Helping Them Read

Problem: 

My kids love to read. Kindergarten helped prepare them for sounding out words that make sense and follow the rules, and it gave them a list of "sight words" to memorize, so they have a good base, at this point, when they pick up one of their books.

But the English language is cruel and makes no sense, and this has never been clearer than now, when I have to explain to a five-year-old why sometimes the OU makes an oww sound and sometimes it makes an oh sound and sometimes it makes an ooooui sound. Or however you would type out the sound made in would, or should or could. And for that matter, what about wood? Or though and rough. WHAT IS GOING ON.

Solution:

When my kids first start the book, I have them think about it, and use context and picture cues. "What do you think this word is? It's a weird one!"

They can do this for about the first ten minutes of reading.

After that, I give them hints. "In this word the ea together make an eee sound. Can you sound it out now?"

That gets us through the next 20 minutes.

After that, they're pretty tired, and a bit frustrated (and they're pretty good readers if I do say so myself, but it is frustrating. The language is frustrating.) Anyway, after they're tired but still reading, I just give them the word.

Them: "read, read, read, read, read...what's this word?"
Me: "That's machine."


This way, they practice, but they don't get annoyed enough to put the book down. It's working well so far.





 

Kindergarten Kids - Rules for The-End-of-the-Year Play

Problem:

Your kid has spent weeks preparing for her special end-of-the-year play. She's spent hours memorizing songs and dance moves. Singing and speaking, being quiet, and watching, readying. And it's all been hush-hush. She wants it to be a surprise for you. Because you'll be there.

We'll all be there.

This isn't the 1980s anymore, and one of the striking differences in parenting style is that these days, you never don't show up. Gone are the days of empty soccer field stadiums that I remember, a few straggling parents there with a weak clap here and there. These days, you show up. Whether you do it because your parents did it for you or because they didn't, you are there.

And so is everyone else.

And...it kind of sucks.

So, I have some rules I thought up that might help next year's class.

Solution:

1) Have the room open immediately.

This play was at 8 a.m. The place had to have been ready the day before. Don't shut the door. We all got there at 7:45 for the morning bell, and we want to go get a seat. What we don't want to do is stand in a line that wraps around the elementary school like a snake of good parenting. Let us in. That was silly and put everyone in a defensive mood.

2) Let parents know where their kid will be.

I have twins. One was in the front. One was on the side of the room. We picked a seat unknowingly where we could see neither of them. A lot of parents did this. So, during the play, there was a lot of people getting up and changing seats, and repositioning, and I'm sure it's not what the school had in mind. The kids had those spots from the beginning. Let the parents know the general area where their kid will be. That's who they're interested in. You don't need seating plans or anything, but just a general idea would be helpful.

3) Parents: don't save seats, for cripe's sake.

Now, I'm not talking about one partner saving a seat for the other partner. One seat saved is fine, necessary even, but I'm saying we came into the room, thinking seats were available and they were not. So we went to the front, where there was an empty bench. Only umbrellas, bags, keys, and shoes were splayed out over the whole thing. Not cool, guys, not cool. Now the mid-seats we could have taken were already taken. And the mid-seats we thought were open? Covered with travel mugs, sandals, and freaking walking sticks.

Stop it. Just stop. We all know you're about to get up and snap a photo of your kid anyway. Do you need to sit next to 80 of your closest parent friends who couldn't get there at 8? Very frustrating.

4) The phones, guys. Can we not with the phones?

Again, when it's your kid's time to play her two-second part? By all means, bodycheck everyone else out of the way, and snap your shot. But they have a video being recorded by the school, guys. And they sent an email saying, HEY, WE'LL HAVE A DVD AVAILABLE, SO DON'T RECORD THIS ON YOUR PHONE.

So, why did I have to try to see my kids through a maze of upheld electronic devices? I showed up at ass in the morning to see my kid sing, not to see her through your tiny newest iPhone lens.

And honestly? Are you going to watch and rewatch your shaky phone video of the kids singing "Florida Alphabet"? Isn't it better to actually enjoy it the first time? To make eye contact with the kid as she sings? I'm not even close to a phone shamer, but in this one particular case, I'm totally down with the 'put down your phone' thing.

5) Don't be the "wooooooooo" guy.

Once you woo for your kid, we all have to woo for our kids. I didn't go to a pep rally, dudes. I went to an itty-bitty kid concert. They don't know how to handle five minutes of parents out-wooing each other after each song. They just want to sing again, so...can we let them? Fist pump at home.

 

Ask a Teacher - What's the Deal with Common Core?

Emilie Blanton over at Teaching Ain't for Heroes graciously comes over and answers school questions for us once a month, and this month's is a doozy. What is up with Common Core?

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You've probably heard about it in the news. Common Core is a newest buzzword with parents, despite being heavily discussed in the education world for more than three years.

Judging by the posts I see on Facebook, Common Core is the new thing to blame for all the ails of education. Parents post pictures of worksheets and complain about how horrible Common Core is.

Let's start with what Common Core is NOT.

Common Core is not:

a set, assigned curriculum
assigned worksheets
a way to remove autonomy from the states
about added homework and stress for students and parents
"Obamacare for Education" or whatever that means (oh, Facebook...)
In 2001, George W. Bush signed No Child Left Behind into law. The act was designed to ensure 100% proficiency in the entire nation by 2014. That's next year. That's right, by 2014 all students were going to be perfect! You're perfect all the time, aren't you? Surely every child in the United States of America, the greatest nation on this here planet, can be perfect, too! NCLB wasn't the beginning of the Accountability Movement in education, but it was a heavy straw added to the breaking back of education.

The measure for proficiency was on a state by state level with tests created by the states over standards also created by the states. So California makes their standards of "stuff the average students should be able to do by the end of the year" and tests them over it. Kentucky does the same, and New York, and Texas, and New Hampshire, and Florida and on and on and on. No two states are the same and no two tests are the same. This creates a problem when families have the audacity to cross state lines and students proficient in Kentucky are suddenly severely behind in another state. What's worse, the idea of "college ready" isn't stable across the country and countless students are accepted into universities, go in debt in student loans and promptly drop out or are kicked out because they just weren't ready, keeping their enormous education tab while they reassess their lives.

As 2014 edged closer and closer, the Common Core was created for a few reasons. First, the states needed to agree one reasonable expectations for grade levels that will create individuals who are ready for postsecondary education and the workplace. This agreement will help students who move between states first, but it will also make an ending point for 12th grade that students need to reach in order to move on from public school. Without cooperation, students moving between states are left to flounder while universities will continue to have more and more freshmen drop out because they can't handle the workload.

Instead of making sure that no child was left behind, the Accountability Movement of the 1990s created a further gap of haves and have nots. Parents who had the means could secure a spot at a charter school, private school or even public schools that are more selective in who they allow in. These students continued to learn at deeper levels, similar to the education you probably remember. Students at struggling schools, or "Persistently Low Achieving" schools were more and more focused on test scores to the detriment of the education the students received.

The expectations were leveled by grade creating a scaffold that students would build on each year in order to grow and develop. The expectations are not unreasonable. They're just different. Different is not inherently bad, but it does take some adjustments and getting used to.

Those "Common Core Aligned" worksheets? They're not endorsed by the government or required. Companies are looking to make a buck off teachers and parents trying to make sure that they are teaching the "assigned curriculum" that doesn't exist. The curriculum is not assigned. There are a set of skills a student must be able to demonstrate. In kindergarten, there is no "Do this worksheet because it's required." Instead, this is an example of a literature reading standard for kindergarten: "CCSS.ELA-Literacy.RL.K.1 With prompting and support, ask and answer questions about key details in a text."

The same standard is built upon the following year in first grade with the following adjustment: "CCSS.ELA-Literacy.RL.1.1 Ask and answer questions about key details in a text."

And again in second grade with a further adjustment: "CCSS.ELA-Literacy.RL.2.1 Ask and answer such questions as who, what, where, when, why, and how to demonstrate understanding of key details in a text."

The standard grows each year until the final version of the standard in high school: "CCSS.ELA-Literacy.RL.11-12.1 Cite strong and thorough textual evidence to support analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text, including determining where the text leaves matters uncertain."

All four of those examples are the same literature reading standard, Standard 1, which I shorter for my students as "Cite text evidence." The skill is begun in kindergarten and grows to an actual, useful skill that is required in any English 101 classroom.

That's it. That's all the Common Core is. It's not a way to control the masses or brainwash your children. It's not a plot to increase homework or make children cry. It's nothing to do with irrelevant or tricky worksheets. It's not some socialist agenda designed to dumb down your children. If anything, the level of work required for Common Core will help your students.

There's a lot of misconceptions about Common Core and pundits aren't helping the dialogue by creating fear and misinformation about it. Teachers are still working to grow and adapt to the massive change in curriculum. The adjustment can only go as smooth as people let it. While people continue to kick up a fuss about Common Core without understanding what it is, the adjustment will take longer and it is the children who will deal with the consequences.

If you'd like to see more of the Common Core State Standards for various subjects and grade levels, this is an excellent source: Common Core State Standards Initiative.