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Friday, January 12, 2018

7 Strategies to Resolving Your Child Custody Issues Amicably - s post

Child custody is a challenging part of the divorce process as you need to shuffle children from house to house, coordinate schedules and divide the holidays fairly. It can be even more difficult if you’re ending a marriage on bad terms. But based on studies, shared custody works the best when each parent cooperates and shows respect for their ex-partner. The following are 7 strategies to resolving your child custody issues amicably.

Don’t Speak Ill of Your Ex

Statistics find that 50 percent of marriages will probably end in divorce. While that may be a sobering statement, there are ways you can learn to live with divorce. If a 50/50 parenting schedule is what you’re aiming for, the best start you can make is to not speak ill of your partner. They may have done things that warranted the failed marriage such as lie or cheat. But don’t want to make your children suffer. Your child could act out when they hear you speak ill of their parent. Instead, keep the feelings to yourself. If you need to vent, trying bending the ear of a friend, therapist or counselor to help you through your troubled thoughts.

Work with the Experts

There are numerous benefits to working with the professionals. According to Harshberger Law Firm LLC, their trusted team of experts will be able to fight for your child’s best interest because they are familiar with the laws. Their negotiating skills can also prove helpful when you’re emotionally drained from the uphill battle of dealing with an ex-spouse. If money is owed, your attorney will also be able to ensure that you get a sufficient and fair amount of spousal support. If you have questions simply click for your free consultation.

Custody is All About the Children

Divorce may cause you to focus solely on your own needs. But when it comes to deciding on custody issues, it’s all about the children. Parents need to remember that both parties still need to do their duties raising the kids. If both parents are amicable in their efforts, the children have a better chance of coming out of the situation with less problems and animosity. After all, wouldn’t you like to give your child the best gift of growing up loved no matter where they reside?

Take a Hard Look at Your Schedule

Parents entering a divorce may want to make their ex suffer by asking for sole custody. But unless there is a real issue, you need to take a hard look at your schedule. If you travel for work or are busy taking care of an aging parent, sharing custody can prove helpful by allowing you time to handle other matters. It’s important to check your emotions at the door and negotiate custody based on facts and what’s best for the kids. If you’re unsure about putting together a calendar, there are sample custody schedules on the Internet that can help you.

Assess the Needs of Your Kids

You want to take your child’s age and schedule into account when determining fair child custody arrangements. Children who are infants and toddlers may find it too difficult to be shuffled back and forth. As your child gets older, you may be able to determine a more suitable arrangement such as every other weekend. If your kids are in school, you may also want to keep them with one parent during the week and every other weekend with the other.

Find a Respectful Way to Communicate

To ensure that your joint custody agreement works, you need to find a respectful way to communicate with your ex. Never tell your kids to relay messages back and forth. Instead, work out the problems amongst yourselves in-person. If you find it unbearable to see your ex, phone calls or a text can also prove helpful. If you can’t see eye-to-eye on an issue, you may need assistance. A mediator or attorney can help keep things on track if your ex decides to ignore the custody agreement.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Parenting can be challenging on its own. Add a divorce, and you may have an even more difficult situation to deal with. You can reduce your number of battles with an ex by keeping the lines of communication open. If disagreements happen along the way, decide if the conflict is worth getting upset over. Things such as vacations, holidays, child rules and schools are all important decisions to discuss. Unless your child has a medical issue that is being ignored or they’re in danger, try to keep the dissension out of the courts.

When you’re going through a divorce, implementing the best child custody arrangements can be one of the most critical steps to smart parenting. Although you may want to do everything you can to punish your ex-spouse for the upheaval, putting the above strategies into play can provide a stable and healthy environment for your kids.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Learning to Live with Divorce - s post

We all know the statistics by now: close to 50% of marriages in America will end in divorce at some point. While this is a sobering statistic, it doesn’t mean divorce has to be some soul-crushing tragedy, only to be relieved by bottles of merlot and Sunday empowerment brunches. Plenty of people have been through divorce, and learned to continue with their lives afterwards.

It’s tough. It’s messy, but divorce can be the spark that pushes you to become happier, stronger, and more self-sufficient. A person who breaks off their relationship effectively, and proceeds to move on afterwards, has the best chance of succeeding in their new life.

Breaking Off

A divorce should be a clean slate. It should give you the opportunity to forge new paths and take your life in a different direction. However, that can be difficult to do if you haven’t properly broken off emotional and legal attachments. Severing ties is the first step in learning to live with divorce.

The legal decisions, and the consequences of them, can be the most explosive and painstaking part of a divorce. Deciding who gets what, how much, and for how long, can be messy. Mix in the painful, fresh emotions you’ll be experiencing, with money and children, and you have a volatile combination. The best thing you can do for yourself is hire a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce attorney can prepare an alimony arrangement, help decide property division, and also provide mediation and arbitration. In cases where child custody and support is being contested, having a divorce attorney is absolutely necessary.

Hiring a divorce attorney that can get the best results for you is paramount to your emotional well-being. You don’t want to feel short-changed by your ex-partner. You don’t want to let grievances linger on. As emotionally-charged as divorce proceedings can get, having a quality divorce attorney will make sure you are moving on from your divorce without any legal hang-ups.

In order to establish yourself after your divorce, you will also need to sever your emotional ties to your ex-partner. Unfortunately, not every divorce ends on amicable terms; not every divorce is wanted by both partners. Regardless, hanging on to a relationship that is over is not healthy behavior, whether it’s your spouse, friend, or family member.

Every person is different. Some people find it easy to break off relationships. They can simply remove a person from their thought processes through sheer will, and poof! They are gone. Others may need to erect effigies of their ex-partners; old piles of clothes, photographs, and cheesy mementos formed into a vaguely human mass, and burnt in some kind of pagan cleansing ritual. I am not here to say one way is better than the other, I am just saying you have to make an effort. Don’t get stuck. Do what you need to do to separate yourself from that relationship. It will never go away entirely, but at some point you should be able to look back on it with an objective distance.

Moving On

Moving on goes hand-in-hand with severing your emotional ties. The process of distancing yourself from your old way of being, of learning to enjoy yourself, and discovering new facets of life will help place your old relationship in context. 

This can also mean different things for different people. Asking questions of yourself in the aftermath of a divorce can shed light on who you are, who you want to be, and what you think will make you happy. In some respects, it is similar to leaving your home for the first time when you were a teenager, off to work or college. The important thing is to keep an open mind and trust in yourself.

Changing careers, picking up new hobbies, traveling, and making new friends can all be extremely rewarding for people who find more time on their hands after a divorce. Forging new romantic relationships and allowing yourself the freedom to explore new love, without guilt or restriction, can also be key to moving forward in life. You want to surround yourself with positive people and experiences as much as you can.

However, not everyone can live out their Eat, Pray, Love fantasies following a divorce. Divorcees with children more often than not have extra responsibilities they must fulfill. Taking care of your family as a single parent is one of the most challenging obstacles life can throw at you.

It is easy to push your emotions and needs aside and focus on being the best parent you can be for your children, but if you aren’t happy, chances are it is rubbing off on the people around you. Be present and appreciate the moments you have with your children. Spend extra time with cousins, parents or siblings. Work hard, but be grateful for what you still have. Do things you enjoy, like taking an evening walk or having a good cup of coffee, even if it’s only for a few minutes a day. Most importantly, remember that your happiness depends on you and you only.

Don’t let divorce dictate your life for you. Take advantage of the unique opportunities it gives, even if it only seems like a silver lining at first. 

Monday, January 1, 2018

Resolutions -- 2018

In keeping with tradition, I will make 10 resolutions for myself and 5 with regard to my children and never look at them again until nearly 2019. Here goes nothing. I have a lot of big changes coming this year, so, unsure as to what this will look like.

10) Drink 4 glasses of water a day.

Same as last year, only one glass less. I have to drink more. I was really bad with this this year. Luckily, as last night was New Year's Eve, I've already drunk my 4 glasses today, lol, and I'll still need more.

9) Go to the gym and/or run consistently 3-4 times a week.

I want to keep this one too. I need to keep doing this.

8) Stop biting my nails

Keeping it.

7) Actively work on local and state campaigns in swing states for the interim election.

2018 is a big year, politically. I want to make sure I help.

6) Buy that house and decorate it and keep it up as if it is my home.

I'm not great at interior design and I'm not great at cleaning. We are trying to get our own place and I have done most of the heavy lifting there which has been really hard. I have to finish that task, get the place, fix it up, move, and then decorate it and keep it clean like it is a real home that I love and live in because that's what it will be.

5) Make $75,000 and/or get a full-time position somewhere.

This is a huge stretch. HUGE. I'd be happy with $65K again. I'd be over the moon with $70. I'd also be happy if I could grab a full-time job at a place.

4) Publish 50 pieces and teach a full course load all year.

I want to keep up with writing at least a little and not let go of my teaching either.

3) Get my passport and Portuguese citizenship (if not for me, at least for the girls).

Ugh, grown up paperwork, blah. Too hard. Must do.

2) Get through my medical stuff and come out the other side just fine.

I have a lot of crap I don't want to do this year that I have to do. It's going to take a while, some back and forths from the hospital, a long recovery and subsequent procedures and it's all very glamorous and awesome. So, I have to get through that.

1) Plan and execute this vow renewal for our 10-year anniversary.

So we kind of sort of got married in five minutes while our preemie twins were in the NICU. We had meant to do a nice shotgun wedding before their birth, but they came early. Even without that complication, I was never going to have a real wedding or wear a dress or have a party. And I want one, kind of. And we have made it 10 years, through twins and the financial and housing crash and through all the things. Of course, on top of buying a house and going down in medical flames, it is a bit much this year, but I think we can do it!

For my kids and I, I resolve the following:

5) Get them to stop fighting all the time.

Lol. Every year we try.

4) Homework and studies every day, even in summer and on weekends.

When we do this, it's great, but when we have all the time in the world (ie: vacation), we slack off because it's just easier for me not to make them do it. If I were consistent, it would be easier.

3) Save $10,000 each for them.

Since I totally took the money I've saved for them thus far and put it into the house. I figure it is also for them, right? But I need to get that egg back.

2) Play a game with them every day.

I can do better with this. I can try harder. It's just five minutes. SAME I WILL DO THIS THIS YEAR.

1) Have them do chores every day.

Chores every day, because people do chores. This is going to be hard to start back up because I had them doing them and then I stopped and now they'll be like RWAR NO, so I really have to work at it.


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