Parenting without Power Struggles, Susan Stiffelman -- Review

I've just finished my third book of the year, and it was a parenting book. I started it more than a year ago, and have been plodding through it slowly, when I need it, and I need it often.

My kids are very spirited, and very loud. And it was hard for me to get them to do what I needed them to do without resorting to yelling or bullying of some sort.

And I hated it.

There are a lot of crap parts to this book. A lot of false dialogue, a lot of scenarios that will never happen in real life ever. A lot of her proposed solutions would not work in the way she wrote it down.

But, some of the core basics were very solid and things I needed to hear.

I needed to hear that I didn't need to hammer home a canned parenting point every time I spoke to my kids. The book spends a lot of time on separation. First help the child get the thing they need to do done. Don't talk about it. Or when you are saying no. Just say no. And let them feel how they feel. Do not spend a lot of time explaining it, thinking they'll come around, see things your way, or understand the logic. They won't and they can't and to try to get that whole message through at the time will result in disaster.

This has happened so many times to me.

What she advises is talking to your kids long after the direct order.

Another good thing in this book was the concept of coming alongside your kid when they feel negative emotion or don't want to do a thing.

Think of three reasons why they shouldn't want to do that thing, she wrote.

Now, I don't want to do that because dammit, do the thing, kids. But she's right.

One of my main mistakes with these kids is that I come at them from a state of irritation. Because why can't they just see the things the way they need to see them? Why can't they understand things and do them and behave?

I've noticed that when I do allow them their feelings, even if I'm impatient about it (in my own head), or I think their feelings are misguided, or downright wrong...if I give them the space to feel, they will come around on their own.

The biggest thing I learned, though, is that parenting without power struggles means getting rid of the bargaining.

I wanted my kids to be able to debate me and be heard and make their points, but that was absolutely the wrong way to go (at their young age). Right now, they need to know that "someone is in charge of the ship" as the book says. They have to hear in my voice that I mean what I say when I say it, and that they can trust what I say. If I leave what I say open at all times, they can never trust me. They don't know if I mean it or not, or if I'll change my mind with a little wheedling. They need me to be solid for them. Even if that solid says no.

Anyway, I recommend the book. Like I said, there's a lot of blah in it, but there is a lot of good in there too.

It helped us. It really did.

How to handle mean, baseless "reviews" -- Guest post

Last night the Twitterverse exploded around Kathleen Hale’s essay in The Guardian, Am I being catfished? An author confronts her number-one online critic. I’d read it a few days ago, thought it had a great ho-lee-shit quality about it, and scheduled a tweet for later in the week.

Little did I know.

If you haven’t seen it yet, a Goodreads user writing under the handle “Blythe” wrote a review of Hale’s book. Hale thought “Blythe” got it factually wrong, and took issue with the tone. “Blythe” harassed Hale via social media and did everything she could to bring down Hale’s ratings, including commenting on positive reviews of the book to say that reviewer had it wrong.

The We Hate Hale camp’s position is summed up nicely here.

And here’s a post on Bustle with a more nuanced view.

“Book bloggers,” which appears to mean anyone who has a blog and writes about books, or puts comments on other sites that write about books, are shocked—shocked!—that trashing people’s work on the internet as meanly as possible may well be free speech but is not in fact free from consequences.

I can't work out why this article was published. What purpose it could possibly serve, except to frighten and intimidate bloggers.
— Samantha Shannon (@say_shannon) October 18, 2014

The book blogging community is vital & wonderful. I am so sad/sorry about those who may no longer feel they can safely express themselves.
— courtnival of souls (@courtney_s) October 18, 2014

The pearl-clutchers now terrified to post their opinions are laboring under the impression they are reviewers.

They’re not.

They’re hecklers.

This is not to say all comments must be positive. Or represent an in-depth engagement with the text leading to a thoughtful assessment of the positives and negatives and where within its particular canon the book should be placed (that would be a “review”). But little gems like

Fuck this.

are the moral equivalent of the guy yelling “you suck!” at a comedian. “Fuck this” doesn’t add anything to the dialogue. It’s not even a statement of opinion. It’s a deliberate, nasty jab intended to hurt the author personally and financially. And for those still heady with the power to depress sales and writers, it’s not as retribution-free as it looked.

As writers, we’re counseled not to engage with reviews. At all. Ever. And for thoughtful reviews—or even statements of opinion such as “Bad writing and it was a waste of time to read it”—that’s still the best policy. A genuine review by a qualified reviewer can, after the initial pain subsides, be tremendously helpful (it’s usually the first time we’ve heard from someone not already in our corner).

But for the assholes yelling “Fuck this”? Don’t engage as the writer with a reviewer. Squash them like a comic with a heckler.

 STEP ONE: The heckler must be loud enough to be heard by everyone else. 

If you can’t hear them clearly, nobody else can either, and putting down that heckler makes you look mean. For writers, this means don’t seek it out. If you can’t “hear” it, chances are most people outside that immediate community can’t either.

But if it’s coming across your social media, and other people have first identified it as mean, so it’s not just your tender sensibilities? Get on that shit.

STEP TWO: Only engage if you can win.

You’re not in this to be reasonable. You don’t want an apology, an acknowledgement, a recognition or to present your own case. You want to crush. Make them look like an idiot spewing meaningless vitriol.

Fuck this.

Mom, please stop using the Internet.

Craft your response like poetry. Cynical, funny, poetry. You know full well you’re poking an asshole with a stick, and isn’t that funny, gang, when we’re all in it together? The same jackasses who “Oooooooo” with the heckler will laugh at them—even louder, because you one-upped the guy who thought he was smart. The audience doesn’t actually give a shit about who’s “right,” and they aren’t smart enough to tell the difference anyway. (Individual audience members are plenty smart, but the pack is only as smart as the dumbest and most-easily-offended member.) They will side with whoever is the most entertaining, so be that person.

STEP THREE: Be prepared for even more fallout.

They might have more words in them. They might be smarter, or more obsessive than you. They might look you up online and trash you everywhere else they can.

Then again, you might get an essay out of it.

Yes, some parts of the Internet are elegant, intellectual salons. But most mass-review sites are little more than fanboys squeeing and high-school mean girls using authors as cannon-fodder. Every now and then someone says something worth hearing, if only by accident, but why wade through the pettiness to find it? Get a friend to scan for pull-quotes. Then go buy somebody else’s one-star book.


....


Allison K Williams is a freelance writer and editor based in Dubai. Her previous work has appeared in The Christian Science Monitor, Brevity and the New York Times. She blogs at www.idowords.net and edits at www.unkindeditor.com






 

The rest of the Go the Fuck to Sleep series

Well, now that "You have to fucking eat" has come out to join its predecessor "Go the fuck to sleep", I've compiled a list of new titles I need to see from this author, asap. (Also, I'd have titled this sequel, "take a fucking bite", but same dif).

1) Put your goddamn shoes on

2) Brush your fucking teeth

3) Get in the goddamn car

4) I dare you to roll your eyes again

5) Stop fucking crying

6) This shit isn't important

7) Go fucking play

8) Stop saying my fucking name

9) Go potty before I kill you

10) Fuck you. Seriously, just fuck you (obviously the capper, for when parents have completely given up on life).




Been a great day here so far, why do you ask?







 

Kindergarten Kids - Helping Them Read

Problem: 

My kids love to read. Kindergarten helped prepare them for sounding out words that make sense and follow the rules, and it gave them a list of "sight words" to memorize, so they have a good base, at this point, when they pick up one of their books.

But the English language is cruel and makes no sense, and this has never been clearer than now, when I have to explain to a five-year-old why sometimes the OU makes an oww sound and sometimes it makes an oh sound and sometimes it makes an ooooui sound. Or however you would type out the sound made in would, or should or could. And for that matter, what about wood? Or though and rough. WHAT IS GOING ON.

Solution:

When my kids first start the book, I have them think about it, and use context and picture cues. "What do you think this word is? It's a weird one!"

They can do this for about the first ten minutes of reading.

After that, I give them hints. "In this word the ea together make an eee sound. Can you sound it out now?"

That gets us through the next 20 minutes.

After that, they're pretty tired, and a bit frustrated (and they're pretty good readers if I do say so myself, but it is frustrating. The language is frustrating.) Anyway, after they're tired but still reading, I just give them the word.

Them: "read, read, read, read, read...what's this word?"
Me: "That's machine."


This way, they practice, but they don't get annoyed enough to put the book down. It's working well so far.





 

The Week I Don't Remember -- Guest Post

Katrina Leno's inaugural book is coming out early next month through HarperCollins, and if you like thrillers, I cannot recommend it enough. The book is suitable for those over 13 which places it YA, but the twists, turns and dilemmas within can be fully appreciated by an adult audience. You will not want to put it down.

Today, I am lucky enough to have the author herself give a glimpse of some of the inner workings of The Half Life of Molly Pierce. And, you know, some of it? The important bits? Not made up.

Seriously, check her out, you will not regret it.

...

You take it for granted. Waking up. Going to school, talking to your friends. Watching a show on television or reading a book or going out to lunch.
You take for granted going to sleep at night, getting up the next day, and remembering everything that happened to you before you closed your eyes.
You live and you remember.
Me, I live and I forget.
But now—now I am remembering. 
For all of her seventeen years, Molly feels like she’s missed bits and pieces of her life. Now, she’s figuring out why. Now, she’s remembering her own secrets. And in doing so, Molly uncovers the separate life she seems to have led…and the love that she can’t let go.
The Half Life of Molly Pierce is a suspenseful, evocative psychological mystery about uncovering the secrets of our pasts, facing the unknowns of our futures, and accepting our whole selves.

...

The Week I Don't Remember - Katrina Leno

This is how I remember it.

Everything got very dark, very quickly.

Sometimes I imagine my depression like a window. Just a plain window. A little older, maybe, so that sometimes it sticks when you try and open it. A single brass lock. A panel of clean, clear glass. White paint on the frame that’s been built up a little too thick over the years, so now it’s clammy and slick to the touch.

White curtains, but surprisingly thick. When closed, the sunlight is fully extinguished from the room. The window disappears entirely. It might as well be solid wall.

This is my depression.

When I was twelve, the window shut. No more breeze. No more air. And not long after that, the curtains shut. They shut a little bit at a time over the course of several months. It was hard to tell they were even moving. Just one day they were open and the next day I couldn’t see anything. It was all dark.

I went to the doctor for headaches. I said, before, this is how I remember it, because in truth—everything is faded. The doctor’s visit is like a story someone told me. It’s like it wasn’t even me.

The doctor referred me to a psychologist, who then referred me to a psychiatrist, who then diagnosed me with a smattering of illnesses—none of which I had. I had depression, fully. The rest were misdiagnoses.

I was swiftly medicated. This was the right decision, but it unfortunately led to THE WEEK I DON’T REMEMBER. That’s what I call it now, when I talk about it. THE WEEK I DON’T REMEMBER. I had an adverse reaction to the medication, had what might aptly be called a mental breakdown (at thirteen! I was a fast learner), and blacked out for the majority of a week.

It’s weird, when I look back. These holes in my memory stick out. What did I do? What can’t I remember?

Memory has always fascinated me because my own is so tenuous and unreliable. Because even when I finally managed to open the curtains, to crack the window, to raise it even higher—even now, when I am arguably better, able at least to control my depression so much better than the twelve- and thirteen-year-old version of myself, I still find it so hard to remember. To commit things to memory. I’ve just never learned how.

I knew, when I wrote my first book, it would be almost autobiographical in the way it dealt with depression and mental illness. It is also a wholly fictionalized story. Nothing that happens to Molly Pierce happened to me. It’s just the feelings that are identical. What she feels is what I felt. Her words are taken from my journals, from my experiences, from my life. It is the truest account of my struggle with depression that I will ever be able to write. And it’s also made up. It’s the best balance I could find.

I wrote THE HALF LIFE OF MOLLY PIERCE in three weeks—ten-hour days of writing that bled into each other and lost their borders and turned into one long, fuzzy day. I wrote a chronicle of my depression and gave it a plot, made up characters, inserted suspense.

I wanted to get it all down correctly. It felt important to record it. It felt important to show people—see? Do you feel like this, too? Do you sometimes have trouble even brushing your teeth, because the curtains are shut and there is no light and you are, essentially, blind?

Well you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way too. I’ve spent years feeling around in the dark for a window I know is there, but cannot see.

To normalize depression, to normalize mental illness—to identify and treat and erase the stigma so inherent in this process—that is what I want. That is why I talk about my depression. That is why I write about it. To make it okay. To open the window. To try and remember.

 *

THE HALF LIFE OF MOLLY PIERCE will be released July 8, 2014, by HarperTeen. It is Katrina’s first novel, and it is suitable for ages 13+. You can find her in the following places:

Website// katrinaleno.com

Blog// thesevagaries.com

Twitter// @katrinaleno

Facebook// facebook.com/katrinalenobooks

 

Inspirations for Writing - Guest Post

Today, I have author and superstar Elizabeth Hawksworth who has been gracious enough to talk about some of her inspirations for one of my favorite books, "Lake Effect."

They say you shouldn’t live in the past, but it’s from the past that I’ve gotten my inspiration as a writer. I’ve written at length about my inspirations for my second book, “Lake Effect: Voices of Toronto’s History”, but when Darlena asked me to write about them again, I struggled to formulate a post that was different from anything I’ve written before. And so this post isn’t about my inspirations so much as it’s about the reason why I felt like I had to tell the stories of Toronto’s immigrants. It’s more than just historical fiction. It’s a way to give back to the city and the immigrant stories that have shaped me and my life today.

“Lake Effect” comprises about fifteen “vignettes”, or “short short stories”, as I like to call them. When I started to write the pieces for this book, I didn’t have a set word count or outline that I was following for each story. I just wrote the story from the beginning to the end. So, some stories are a few pages, whereas others are chapter-length or longer. How long the story ended up being depended almost entirely on how much the character wanted to tell about his or her own life. That sounds stupid, but everyone has a different story to tell. Each of my characters, unless otherwise noted, are fictional – but they represent real people in this city. Some are more loquacious and educated than others. All have a message.

Because Toronto is a multicultural city, one of my main reasons for writing the story was to stray away from the usual historical account from a white, rich man that peppers our archives and history books. One of my characters is a black woman who works in Massey Hall. Another is an Asian woman who’s an architect. I, myself, am Native (1/4 Chippewa). I told stories from people who were born here and people who immigrated here. I focused especially on the Irish immigration push in the late 1700s, because the Irish, almost more than any other group, helped to shape Toronto’s early years as a city.

Each story was not necessarily the one I set out to tell. I had a story about Casa Loma, perhaps Toronto’s most famous historical residence. It never came together, and so it was left out of the book. I had another story about the “forest school” of High Park, an outdoor summer school for kids who lived in poverty during the First and Second World Wars. That, too, never materialized. It was then that I realized that I wasn’t the one picking which stories got told, necessarily. I was telling the stories of people who didn’t have a voice to tell them.

Collecting the information to set the stage for the hardworking people in each vignette was a two-year endeavour. I looked at the Toronto Archives, at many old pictures in the libraries around the city, and read countless first person accounts of what it was like to live in Toronto during the wars, and during the Industrial Revolution. I studied articles, books, and novels. I went for countless walks around the city, trying to imagine the old buildings before me in different settings, how things would look when the highest building in Toronto was St. James Cathedral. I learned a lot about the people I wanted to write about, but more than that, I learned about myself and what I wanted to convey with these stories.

The message of human survival is a big theme in “Lake Effect”. The lake effect, itself, is a strong weather phenomenon that can bring gentle winds and warm weather to the city, or can usher in wild blizzards, ice storms, and water damage. I wanted to show, both through my own experiences and through the experiences of the denizens of this city, that we survive anything the lake effect throws at us, be it hard times or good. We are survivors. It’s not only the Toronto spirit coming through, it’s the Canadian spirit. We are more than our situations. We are people who strive for better.

And so from a Jewish girl living in the Ward to an Irish mother losing her husband on the beaches of Lake Ontario, the book isn’t just about Toronto’s history. It’s about relatable themes and feelings, and the reminder that while those people are now dead, their legacy isn’t. We see their mark on every city daily as we go about our lives. We see it, and we live it.

You can find“Lake Effect” in both Kindle and paperback on Amazon.

And make sure you visit Liz's own blog, where she writes about writing, feminism, nannying and more.

 

Book Review - The Lake Effect

Sometimes, you read a piece of literature so moving, so powerful, that your mood is swayed and your thoughts are altered. The world seems a little bigger. History seems a little richer. Your life doesn't seem all that bad, and maybe not as meaningless as you thought.

This is what Lake Effect did for me the first time I read it. Each harrowing tale reaffirmed the importance of just one person, usually a person who felt completely helpless and drowned in sorrow during their living years.

Tackling issues like immigration, feminism and love, Elizabeth Hawksworth jumps in feet first with these short historical works. Many deal with the plight of the Irish immigrants, and the stories span centuries, richly covering an overall historic goldmine through vignettes that will leave you breathless...some will even leave you horrified.

But empowered. Each story, no matter how dark, speaks to the efficacy of human nature, the persistence of the mind and heart over any adversary. And when the characters don't make it, you know that someone did. That time is over, and we can learn from it, we should learn from it.

Hauntingly beautiful, this book of vignettes from Toronto will deepen your appreciation of life, and deepen your life in general. And since the stories are short, it's a perfect read for a mom during naptime, too.

I can't recommend it enough, to be honest.

Go check it out for yourself...

 

Literopathy - Prescribing Books

I'm taking part in a great collaborative effort of ingenuity and genius that's called Literopathy. Over at this blog, people write in with problems they are experiencing in everyday life...and we prescribe them books. I have the honor of replying to this letter, sent in by anonymous.



"Hi, I'm smack dab in the middle of my life; a mother, wife and dutiful employee. I have heard the call of my heart, career wise (life wise, spirit wise) but don't know how to move from where I'm at to where I believe I need to be. The call is powerful and potent, but the restrictions are things of my own choosing and things I love and can't give up. Do I heed the call of the universe, and do what I'm supposed to do? If so, how? Or do I tend to practical things only. It seems so late in life to make such changes. What should I read to help me make my future clear?" 

Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball, to just feel sure of where we're going and what we're doing? To have a goal, to know we're meant for great things, that all this humdrum and routine bull**** is actually worth something, actually going somewhere? Aren't we all adventurers in our own special ways?

And when we can't be adventuring, when we really can't make the endless piles of paperwork, red tape, dirty diapers and dishes, or what have you turn magically into creative fodder and ambitious design, don't we deserve to rekindle our lust for that spark. That you-must-do-this spark? Don't we all wish to see our protagonists hurled into a set of coincidences that force them into action, that not only pause their dull lives but alter that course forever?

The books we're about to recommend are not what one might call 'works of literary genius.' They haven't won (too many) prizes, or brought in accolades. In fact, some of them have been criticized a bit, and for good reason. If you're not willing to fly by the seat of your pants, let go of disbelief and truly adventure, these books aren't going to do it for you. But, trust this, they do do it. And that's important. And magical. And when I (the person writing this prescription, not the entire group) read them in my 20s, they completely turned my life around because I was able to grasp onto the inner context of the messages. I was able to turn the inspiration inward to myself. They gave me hope that I, too, could find that kind of hope, adventure, love, strength, definition in my life. If only I could let go of the practical, even just for moments at a time.

The important thing to remember is that to experience a change, you have to be open to it. You have to see it. And we cannot see change if we're knee-deep in laundry wishing the universe would just tell us already what the heck we're doing here. "Be the change you want to see in the world." Someone important said that. I'm sure creator of this site, Anne Theriault, knows who it is. But I don't, so just trust me.

Okay, with all this in mind, mid-life, routinized-to-death anon, here is a book that may convince you that you don't have to give up those daily choices you make to also follow your calling. That you have the ability to do both, if you just put faith in yourself and let life and all its unpredictability in just a little bit.

Here's the blurb on Goodreads (and I share it in its entirety for a reason, stand by.)

"The Celestine Prophecy contains secrets that are currently changing our world. Drawing on ancient wisdom, it tells you how to make connections among the events happening in your own life right now...and lets you see what is going to happen to you in the years to come!

A book that has been passed from hand to hand, from friend to friend, since it first appeared in small bookshops across America, The Celestine Prophecy is a work that has come to light at a time when the world deeply needs to read its words. The story it tells is a gripping one of adventure and discovery, but it is also a guidebook that has the power to crystallize your perceptions of why you are where you are in life...and to direct your steps with a new energy and optimism as you head into tomorrow."

In 2005, a friend of mine, a reporter I knew, handed me this book (along with Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates, which you should also read as it pertains to your interests). It was wrapped with a bow and everything, but it wasn't a present. "You need to read this now, I think," he said. And that was it.

And he was right. 

A reviewer sums it up fairly well: "On first read, I wanted to throw it in the bin. On the second read, I let go of the fact that it was badly written and the characters were bad and all the other flaws. I don't think it was ever intended to be a work of literary wonder but as an accessible vehicle for ideas."

That's what it looks like you're looking for. Ideas. And not Redfield's ideas, but your own ideas. In this way, your reading experience will mimic the actual prescription for you, which is, let go a little bit, let the small stuff slide, don't be so critical (of yourself), and allow others to help you find your way.

Now, if you really, truly hate this book (because a lot of people do! I'm going out on a limb here, recommending it to you), may I suggest as mentioned previously Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates by Tom Robbins. It's like The Celestine Prophecy only written well and funnier.

"Switters is a contradiction for all seasons: an anarchist who works for the government; a pacifist who carries a gun; a vegetarian who sops up ham gravy; a cyberwhiz who hates computers; a man who, though obsessed with the preservation of innocence, is aching to deflower his high-school-age stepsister (only to become equally enamored of a nun ten years his senior). Yet there is nothing remotely wishy-washy about Switters. He doesn’t merely pack a pistol. He is a pistol. And as we dog Switters’s strangely elevated heels across four continents, in and out of love and danger, discovering in the process the “true” Third Secret of Fatima, we experience Tom Robbins—that fearless storyteller, spiritual renegade, and verbal break dancer—at the top of his game. On one level this is a fast-paced CIA adventure story with comic overtones; on another it’s a serious novel of ideas that brings the Big Picture into unexpected focus; but perhaps more than anything else, Fierce Invalids is a sexy celebration of language and life."

Of course, there is also and always, Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach.

"This is a story for people who follow their hearts and make their own rules...people who get special pleasure out of doing something well, even if only for themselves...people who know there's more to this living than meets the eye: they’ll be right there with Jonathan, flying higher and faster than ever they dreamed."

(Hey, at least I didn't recommend any Deepak Chopra, right?)


 

Moment of the Week - 138: "Reading"

Some kids can already read. Mine are interested by not quite there yet. They're working on it. For now, they "read" the pictures, and make up stories for each other.

 

Just the Messenger RELEASED

Spy thriller and erotic romance Just the Messenger releases today from No Boundaries Press!

When Graciela Merced fumbles a package she’s delivering for her mysterious and sexy boss, Gene Hardy, she finds out he’s more than just a wealthy photographer. Prepared to lose her job, she confronts him…and ends up embroiled in the tricky takedown of a powerful drug cartel pushing cocaine into the heart of New York City.

Marco Valencia is an undercover agent, working against time—and against Gene Hardy—to crack Angel’s Drug Cartel before the story makes it to the press. When Hardy’s luscious Venezuelan messenger literally falls at his feet, he has no idea just how well he’ll get to know the beauty or how difficult it will be to drop her.

Hardened by experience, Gene Hardy takes his undercover work seriously, and charges a hefty price. When Grace makes a careless mistake and hurls him back into the visage of Marco Valencia, he must either fire her, or involve her in a twisted plot that could kill them all.

As the two men battle over their feelings for Graciela—and their attraction to each other—one thing becomes perfectly clear.

Grace is much more than just the messenger.

 

You can grab it here:

 

From the publisher

From Amazon

At Barnes and Noble

At All Romance Ebooks

 

I am really excited about this book. Be warned, though, it's not my typical medium-heat romance. This one is very high heat, and full of action, too.

And I'll be doing a book tour for it starting Apr. 1st, with all kinds of posts and goodies galore!

 

 

One Month, TWO Books!

I have two books coming out this month!

First up is a sexy menage thriller full of drugs and international spies. Just the Messenger comes out for No Boundaries Press on March 5th, and the cover is just gorgeous.

Check it out!

Then at the end of the month, my dystopian, sci-fi romance Direct Contact comes out for Resplendence Publishing!

This one is full of revolution and government take-down from the inside, and, of course, love!

Find the cover and blurb here!





 

Book Review - Touch and Go, by Lisa Gardner

Touch & Go by Lisa Gardner
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Don't let the stars deceive you, this thriller by Lisa Gardner is good! It had me in tears several times as the author went through the private lives of the victims, perpetrators and investigators of a kidnapping in the Boston area.

I really enjoyed the use of first person for Libby Denbe's character. As the wife of Justin Denbe, she gave the reader a very personalized view of the family's home life before the abduction. Gardner's choice of voice was strong throughout, using accounts from private investigator Tessa Leoni, NH Detective Wyatt, and the kidnappers themselves, to wind the story around.

I was utterly ensnared not only by the action and motives of each suspect and character, but also by the relations between them. I really loved Z, his whole character development. The killer with no morals yet high respect for how the game is played and high regard for those who stand up in the face of danger. Radar, too, with his subtle helping, here and there. However, the plot had some major holes for me.

First, the prison in which the family is kept. Really? The state of New Hampshire is going to build a prison and not use it (which I could believe) but then have it completely electrically hooked up and ready to go? The thermostat always set at 77 degrees? Really? That's a lot of money to waste, isn't it? And at first, I thought the lights were always on, but at the end, the kidnappers shut the lights off. The power company isn't going to notice a huge spike in output from that location? I think they just might.

The rest of my problems involve SPOILERS, OMG, SPOILERS, FOR REAL I WILL GIVE AWAY THE WHOLE FREAKING BOOK RIGHT HERE SO STOP READING, JUST KNOW IT HAS HOLES, OKAY?!

Go here for spoilers


This book was given to me by BlogHer as part of their Book Club, but the opinions are my own. To join in the conversation, visit them here!

View all my reviews

Finding Home Release!

Just in case you didn't know...I'm also an author, and my newest book came out today!

I'm so proud to announce the release of my next book, Finding Home, today!

It's a holiday romance with some suspense thrown in, the story of two people desperately searching for home in their own different ways. It's got farm living, a bar fight, coveted family heirlooms, dark family secrets, city life, Christmas and of course, sexy tension etc.

The cover is beautiful. At this point, you've seen it, but let's show it again, shall we?

Here's the blurb, and below the links, I'll give a new excerpt!

Jessica Deitermeier is on the run from her family and from herself. The rings her mother bequeathed to her upon her untimely death are worth money, and her uncle will apparently stop at nothing to get them.

She makes her way from Boston to Minnesota and finds work on a small farm. Everything goes smoothly for four months...until the farmer's “prodigal son” comes home. The dark, moody Ben Elkers shakes Jessica on a level she doesn't understand.

Ben Elkers is a failed businessman. When he loses all his money in bad investments, he makes his way home to Sauk Centre. After leaving his parents without so much as a phone call for the holidays, he's surprised when they welcome him with open arms, but even more surprised at the fiery red-headed girl sleeping in his old bed.

Together, they discover the importance of family and decide to do whatever it takes to find home.

Buy it HERE at Resplendence Publishing today to get your holiday romance read on!

If you'd like a little taste, here's an excerpt from the first few chapters.

****

Ben inhaled the steam as he stepped into the recently used bathroom. What a vision his parents had procured. And as a farmhand? That girl should be royalty. Her crimson hair curling around her face where the tie couldn’t hold it back, her delicate features and little snub nose, the way she held herself—they all spoke to good breeding and wealth. And her eyes, a vibrant emerald that nearly held him hypnotized.

He saw from her hands she wasn’t accustomed to life on the farm and from her sweater and posture she had style and grace. His mother had said from the girl was from Boston but she never talked about home. Ellie had been warning him not to broach the subjects during his father’s arrival and their homecoming dinner, but Ben didn’t know if he could hold back. He wanted to know everything he could about the beautiful creature helping his mother cook downstairs.

He’d had a lot of girls in the city, especially in the beginning when he was so confident he’d spent loosely, out to impress. Fancy dinners, investor meetings, penthouse suites…Ben had done the whole thing. On his own dime. A dime he didn’t even have yet and now probably never would.

But none of the wealthy blondes or brunettes had called to him the way this girl was after only a brief meeting. She had an innocence about her, tied to a protective barrier he couldn’t quite make heads or tails of. He got the impression she wasn’t in Minnesota because she liked the weather. Her accent was fully Massachusetts. He wondered what had brought her all the way out here.

He folded a towel around his powerful hips and went out into the small hallway. From habit, he headed for his old room. And he ran straight into Jessica. The girl had just been coming upstairs, and Ben reached out his arms, grasping her to stop her from falling backward. The feel of her soft sweater on his naked skin sent goose bumps down his spine, and he felt an unwelcome arousal creeping up beneath the towel.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice a bit breathless. “I almost killed you.”

She looked up at him, those soulful eyes capturing his own and not letting go. As they stood there, a crazy impulse swamped Ben and before he could stop himself, he drew the girl against his chest. She gave no resistance, just a soft whimper of surprise. Her head rested on his damp shoulder. She smelled of cookie dough, the old farmhouse and everything he loved. His heart rate quickened, and he dropped his arms, allowing her to step back.

She glanced at him again, under her long fiery lashes, before moving past him, holding up the bundle in her hands. “I was just going to replace the linens.”

She closed the bathroom door behind her before he could respond.

****

When Jessica returned downstairs, Ben was waiting for her, his hand on the banister. He was dressed in a black button-up and tight European-style jeans. He’d combed back his black hair, and it stayed that way because it was still wet. He looked sleek and sure of himself, a lazy smile on his bow-shaped lips.

“My lady, the parents of the house request our presence at the dinner table.” He swooped out his arm with a flourish, twirling his hand and taking a mock bow.

She giggled and slipped her fingers into his palm, her nerves tingling at the touch. He led her to the dining room, rubbing the back of her hand with the pad of his thumb. Every muscle in her body tightened at his movements.

“A true family dinner?”

Ben stopped and turned her toward him. “Is there any other way?” he asked.

Jessica thought about it. She was an only child, and before her parents had died, they’d treated the Christmas holiday like any other time. Sure, on the day itself, there had been presents, maybe a few carols, but certainly no special dinners. No visiting with relatives, either. That had been completely out of the question. Her father didn’t have any family, and while her mother had a brother who lived a half hour away, just outside Boston, they didn’t speak. Even the mention of Uncle Travis’ name had put her mother in a huff. Jessica had learned early on that she would never meet her family, that she shouldn’t want to. She only knew she had some young cousins from the note Travis had written her after the funeral. Whatever had happened in those years before Jessica had been born, it was unforgivable.

A throat cleared from the other room, and Jessica found Ben's father, Harold, staring at them from his spot at the head of the table. She felt sure he would reprimand them for stalling until the stern lines of his face softened into a smile.

“It’s time to eat,” he said gently, “but before you head over here, look up.”

Hanging above their head was a sprig of white berries and dark green leaves, tied to a hook on a string.

“The mistletoe?” she asked.

Harold nodded. Strong arms drew her close. Of all the ways she could have spent the Christmas season, she’d never imagined she’d be in the arms of a dark, handsome stranger, sharing a kiss.

 

Cover and Excerpt from Finding Home

I have a new holiday romantic suspense coming out, and the cover is so gorgeous. Heather at the Red Headed Bookworm agreed to release an excerpt from the book, which comes out on December 19th!

Go take a look!



 

Daring Greatly, Brene Brown - Book Review

Daring Greatly. Do you dare greatly? Do you dare at all? This book by Brene Brown encourages us to take action in our own lives by first understanding ourselves and our motivations. It's a look inward to affect outward action, and it's important work.

This book came at a great time for me. Brene is a shame and vulnerability researcher. Scary business. Something I'd like nothing better than to scoff at.

But I can't.

Because she makes sense. And I like her. I'm not going to blather on about her book. I'm going to let her speak for herself. If any of this strikes a cord, I suggest grabbing her book. It's really been a great read for me.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly..."  --Teddy Roosevelt

"When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary."

"We're afraid that our truth isn't enough--that what we have to offer isn't enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing."

"Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."

"You know that you are far more than a painting, an innovative idea, an effective pitch, a good sermon, or a high Amazon.com ranking. Yes, it will be disappointing and difficult if your friends or colleagues don't share your enthusiasm, or if things don't go well, but this effort is about what you do, not who you are."

"We are hard on others because we are hard on ourselves."

"We are a culture of people who have bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives will not catch up with us."

"Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark."

"Using vulnerability is not the same as being vulnerable. It is the opposite."

"Cruelty is cheap, easy, and chickenshit."

"Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer."

"Fitting in is one of the greatest barriers to belonging."

"Hope is a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities. Hope is plan B."

"Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up."

"Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It's about courage."

Reading this book really helped me put a lot of my own life into perspective, and not just my present and future in terms of parenting, but also my past in terms of who I am as a person and why I've gone the path I've chosen. I wholly recommend it. Want to hear more? Take part in the discussion over at BlogHer.
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This review is paid for by BlogHer, but it is my own opinion expressed, good or bad.





 

Body Combat RELEASED!

Body Combat has been released!

This blog post gives the first section of the first chapter if you want to read it!

And this is where you can get it, if you want to, you know, support my bad writing habit.