8 Best Ways To De-Stress Your Child Creatively - Guest Post

Children these days are hard pressed for time while they shuffle from school, to tuition to sports training and other strenuous activities. The competitive environment bogs them down and results in both mental and physical exhaustion. The information overload is immense. As a parent, it is a challenge for you to keep your child healthy and help him deal with the stress effectively.


Creativity is rampant in today’s children, which includes your child too! Here is how you can help him relax yet, explore other non- strenuous activities to de-stress.

Meditative Music And Talk

The humongous workload in school and tuition pushes the child to the verge of being stressed and sad. In such cases, recorded discs of meditative music and encouraging self-help material does the trick to help your child deal with it.

Pictionary 

Simple games as Pictionary is instrumental in helping them loosen up and enjoy the nuances of life in pictorial representations. It is a constructive means of helping them relax and yet re-learn their learning.

Role Play 

Stepping on stage in somebody else’s shoes is a sure shot way to help your child to break away from the anxieties that haunt him. He can be someone else and separated from the worries that have haunted him through the day. Role- play is an effective way of de-stressing and it helps the child deal with his problem when he attends to it with a cooler mind.

Color the Blues Away

This is perhaps the most fail proof and standardized creative solution to help your child deal with his stress woes. Handing him a pack of colors and paper is surely going to help him spill all his doubts and inhibitions on the blank sheet. He will be washing it away in the hues of his favorite colors. Colors have known to have a therapeutic effect and are healing.

Fun with Food

Nothing works like a wonder as compared to food! Getting your child involved in kitchen is perhaps the easiest way of helping him relax. It can be a simple work ranging from putting dollops of cookie batter on the baking tray or helping him whip up a cake from scratch; or trying his hand at barbecuing veggies with chunks of his favorite meats. Food explorations, cooking and baking are perhaps the easiest ways of relaxing and attaining peace

Cartoons

Every child has his favorite cartoon that cheers him and puts a smile on his cherubic face. These cartoons have their moments of failure and then ultimately salvage the situation heroically. This boosts your child’s morale as he can see his favorite character recuperating from failure and being a hero in the eventuality. He can push himself to do the same. Especially the advancement in the lifestyle these days doesn’t merely restrict the cartoon to the paper or screen but it is available in life size toys or as prints in bags, notebooks, games that the child can carry with him. These cartoon merchandise is a major booster for the child to de-stress.

Building Sand Castles or Legos 

Perhaps the simplest way of relaxing is splashing in water at the beach and building sand castles. The lack of a water body or if your child is water phobic, engaging him in an activity of building using legos can help his release the tension that would be gnawing at him.

Reading

The scientifically proven stress buster for all ages is reading. Inculcating in him the habit of reading is definitely a constructive way of dealing with stress as it helps your child to leave his woes and set sail with his Famous Five or Secret Seven. Reading enables him to widen his perspective and hence widens his ability to deal with the problem.

Therefore, these simple yet creative ways can work wonders for your child aiding him to deal with stress. After all, being emotionally adept is the key to a successful individual!

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I am Aradhana. I am a passionate writer and love to write on topics like parenting, wellness, health and lifestyle. I believe good health is the key to success and happiness. I am a contributor for natural news, elephant journal, naturally savvy and MomJunction.com. Through my writings, I want to motivate people to develop healthy habits and adopt natural ways of living to achieve sound health.

My autistic child is not your inspiration - Guest post

Originally titled: "She's no angel (but feel free to say something nice about her)"

...

My two-year-old scrunched up her face and frowned in concentration. She balled up her chubby fist, extending her pointer finger, and selected icons on her iPad screen.

"I. Want. Banana. Please. I want banana, please," said the childlike computer voice. My daughter looked at me, expectantly.

I frowned. "You can't have a banana right now," I told her. "You still have chicken and broccoli on your plate." Months of giving her any food she requested because we were so excited to encourage her language skills were starting to backfire on us.

"I want banana, please," she insisted, selecting the sentence over and over. "I want-- I want-- I want banana, please."

"No banana," I said firmly. "Chicken and broccoli."

She shoved her plate away, arched her back and let out a series of piercing shrieks, kicking her legs angrily.

My daughter-- "Ham"-- is nonverbal and developmentally delayed (with a diagnosis of autism that I'm considering potentially 'in flux' for a variety of reasons I won't try to get into right now). She'll be three in a few months and has about as many speech sounds as the typical ten-month-old. This hasn't changed  substantially in the seventeen months she and her sister have been in Early Intervention, or in the nine months since they started applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy. In the meantime, though, we saw that she was clearly intelligent and easily frustrated when she couldn't communicate, so we got her an iPad and a communication app called "Speak for Yourself" and the rest is history. It's no easy road, but she can use her iPad and communication app to make simple requests, comments, or even tell jokes (like saying "booboo sad crying" or "oops! oh no! what happened?" and then laughing).

Things I would like to say about my girls: they love swimming, popsicles, Elmo, soccer balls, tutus, toy cars, books, the ocean, never napping ever, visiting their grandparents, going for a walk, and watching our dog go nuts running around on the hardwood floor and slamming into furniture.

But I will never post any of those sparkly GIFs you see plastered all over people's Facebook pages or say the things written on them, like, "my daughter is my Autistic Angel!", nor will you ever hear those words escape my lips.

Here's the thing: my kids are not "angels."

Geez, no one ever wrote this glowing an acrostic poem of ME.

I don't mean to say that they're badly behaved-- no more so than any other soon-to-be-preschooler. It's just that I don't see their deficits as being so devastating that I need to balance them out with a friendly but equally dehumanizing characterization of their personhood.

Calling someone an "angel" as a term of endearment is one thing. We all call babies any number of sticky-sweet, often food-related nicknames-- "pumpkin," "cupcake," etc. That's adorable and I'm the first to admit that my kids have a lot of nicknames,  including the "Chicken" and "Ham" I use to talk about them online.

"Autistic angel" and its ilk are different. It's a personality trope-- a designation that limits a person with special needs to something more palatable than their diagnoses.  I think it makes logical sense that people would want to balance the more negative messages about disability in our society with positive ones. But when the pendulum swings too far in the opposite direction, it's just as far from its origin as it was before. I'm not the first person to make this observation.

By talking about the value of a disabled "angel" as mitigated by what she has to "teach" you about yourself, you reduce her to a functional tool in your own development-- something less than a full and separate person on her own. See what I mean about how damaging even positive attributes can be?

Why not, "Never Ignore Somebody With a Disability Because That's Super Rude and Uncool"?

My children are still young, and I don't know what the future holds for them. But I do know that 83% of women with developmental or intellectual disabilities are sexually assaulted (and only 3% of assaults are reported). I know that people who are nonverbal or have limited communication are often unable to tell anyone that they have been abused or feel unsafe. The problem isn't the disabled person, but everyone else, when accessibility, safety, and access to resources are limited or nonexistent. This is the other thing that happens when we don't treat disabled individuals as people, the thing we don't like to talk about-- the other side of the pendulum.

Before saying something or sharing an "inspiring" image, ask yourself: does this statement or image turn a disabled person into a tool for boosting someone else's self-esteem or remind them that their own life could be worse? Does it distill someone's personhood and identity down to something that makes everyone else feel better about their disability? Does it "fix" the disability by neutralizing it and balancing it out with something palatable?

Instead of sharing these messages, you could listen to disabled people tell us about themselves. More and more, disabled teens and adults are speaking up and letting us know what they think and how they feel, including addressing the tendency of non-disabled people to be "inspired" by disabled people living their ordinary lives. Rob J. Quinn's book I'm Not Here to Inspire You: Essays on Disability From a Regular Guy Living With Cerebral Palsy, excerpted in his article here, and Stella Young's funny and powerful TED Talk "I'm Not Your Inspiration, Thank You" are two examples.

Please choose to share these messages and not your own manufactured ones. Let's amplify the disabled self-advocates's own thoughts and take a backseat on creating our own. Share the messages that will help them feel good about themselves, not the ones that help us feel better about them.

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Jules wrangles toddlers, herds therapists, and eats cereal hastily over the sink. Follow her occasionally-updated blog at The Adventures of Chicken and Ham.










 

AND THE WINNER IS

The winner of the adorable pumpkin toddler hat is:

SARAH STANFORD.

Congratulations, and thanks to everyone for participating!

 

The Day All the Fucks Were Gone - Guest Post

A while back I was having a conversation with some online friends and most of us were complaining (me at the forefront) about how very few fucks we had left to give. Monika, over at aias.ca pointed me to a post she'd written about it a while before that, and said I could use it at any time. I'm calling that in now, on a day when my very last fuck has also been given.
...

Pardon my french, but I'm only telling it as it is. 

Back before I had my son, I had many, many f*cks.  So many f*cks I couldn't even count them.  My cup runneth over with f*cks.  If you had asked me to give a f*ck, I could have given you dozens and it wouldn't have left a dent. 

And then the onslaught of f*cks began.  

A few of my f*cks went to worrying constantly that something would happen to him while I was pregnant. Ok that's a lie, I gave many f*cks at that time.  

Many f*cks went toward researching vaccinations and birth.  Many more were given to learning about Attachment Parenting, and planning on how I was going to be the most perfect parent ever and how I would, in turn, be given the perfect child.  During this time I gave an abundance of f*cks to things that were really needless and careless ways to give f*cks; other people's parenting choices were a big one.  Looking back, I think I could have prevented all of this if only I had kept my f*cks to myself on that one.  

Anyway, before I knew it, I was bleeding f*cks.  A super ton of f*cks went into breast feeding and co-sleeping.  More went into not giving him sugar and junk food.  Before I knew it, I was giving a f*ck at every twist and turn of my life, as this roller coaster of parenting continued to get faster and faster and faster.  

Then my kid started to leave babyhood and enter toddlerhood.  He started to express himself, and started saying "no" all the time.  He started protesting things like what he wanted to eat (or not eat), what he wanted to wear (or not wear), etc.  Tantrums started to happen.  Screaming started to happen. I was giving a few f*cks here and there for a while, but over time, it seemed like I was able to give fewer and fewer.  

I don't know the exact date or time it happened, but at some point I can only assume something came along and sliced me open and all my f*cks came pouring out of me.  I was hemorrhaging f*cks.

I started experiencing a serious f*ck deficit.

Now here I am, almost entirely unable to give a single f*ck sometimes.  To be perfectly honest, parenting has driven me to this and I've come to terms with it.  The truth is, in a lot of ways, it's made me a way better parent.  At the same time, it's always nice to have a few f*cks on hand, just in case.  

Now things like this happen to me and because I have so few f*cks to give, it's all good:

Child refuses to walk, pretends to be homeless on busy sidewalk.  Elderly folk glare at me about my horrible parenting abilities.

Child has fit in grocery store because I won't buy him Sunny Delight, which he's never even had before and I'm pretty sure would put him into a diabetic coma.

Child eats goldfish crackers off floor pretending to be a cat.

Child empties drawer, completely unrolls million foot long roll of wax paper. I had to clean that up, you know!

Child refuses to walk (again).  Won't be put in carrier, refuses stroller. Thinks he can hide behind pole because he doesn't understand physics.

Child wears pants never.  Has tantrum and falls asleep under kitchen table. This is because he didn't want to wear pants, but required orange juice, which we didn't have, and insisted we go to the store to buy it but only if he could go with no pants.

Child refuses to walk, basically attempts break and entering into the yard of a complete stranger.

At this point you are probably like "where are you going with this, Monika, is it good to have f*cks or not!?! Make up your mind!"

Ok, ok:

The moral of my story here is that you should hold on to your f*cks if you can.  You should have f*cks for sure, but you shouldn't be giving them all the time.  A f*ck doesn't have to be given about every little thing. Sometimes f*cks are necessary, and while it feels like you should give a ton of them, maybe you should really only give one.  If you are giving f*cks all the time, you will eventually run out of f*cks.  Then you just turn into an asshole. 

Right now I'm in the process of slowly regrowing my f*cks.  As they regenerate, I'm very careful about how I give them.  For example, if other people parent differently than me, that's not really worth a f*ck.  If my kid is about to run into traffic, that's worth as many f*cks as I can muster.  

Don't worry too much about me with regard to this; I've learned my lesson and now I'm just really careful about when I give a f*ck.  It would be nice to have my f*ck stores replenished but since I was so careless with them for so long I recognize that may take some time.  

I'm sorry if this post has offended you, but you will understand when I say that I can't give a f*ck.







 

Preschool Pointers - 43: Use your Words

Problem:

It seems no matter what you say, your children hear something different. If you tell them to stop misbehaving, they hear you saying that they are being bad. If you tell them act like big girls, they hear you calling them babies. If you tell them to quiet down, they hear, "shut up" or worse, "you're not important."

Why? They've got good self-esteems, they're active and spirited and happy. Why the perceived insults and sensitivity? Why the mixed, and potentially harmful messages?

Everything is about the ego at this stage. Even though the kids have passed the age of not seeing anything beyond their noses, they still relate everything back to themselves, and in the most intense way possible. So that each message you send gets internalized.

This is important in that this is the stage where you can actually cause behavior change, but you must be careful not to do so at the expense of your child's positive sense of self.

So, when your kids hear things you didn't say, what do you do? Particularly if you're still disciplining them for the original offense?

Solution:

 Make a definite effort to separate the two issues. Issue one is that your kid did something you didn't approve of and needs to be told about it. She also needs to understand exactly what the reprimand is for, so use your words well, and make sure she understands that it is not her, but the deed that is getting talked to. She will still misunderstand and make it about her. Correct her.

After you've gone through the initial reprimand, hug her and talk to her about words meaning certain things. Re-explain that your discipline had nothing to do with her as a person, simply her actions. Reassure her of your love, etc.

Don't stop there.

Make another pit-stop at, but you shouldn't do this, that or the other thing, please, because whatever reason you have at the moment to stop them from being ridiculous.

A lot of people skip that step (the last two steps really, but even people who are good at overexplaining their discipline as action-not-person based sometimes miss this last part).

If you follow up with the original complaint and its resolution, you provide closure for your child, and put the emphasis back where it should have been in the first place, had you not been dealing with a four year old.


 

Sex or Parenting?

Yesterday, some words came out of my mouth. And those words got me thinking. It occurred to me that many of the phrases uttered by parents and children to each other in the heat of growing up a good family could also very easily be instead uttered in...the heat of the moment, if you know what I mean.

These things. Are they sex or parenting? Taken out of context, one can never be sure.

I brought it up on Facebook and the results were phenomenal. With that, I give you: "Sex or Parenting?"

- "Let go of my hair; you're getting it all sticky."

- "Don't put that in my ear!"

- "But...I just love you!"

- "I want you to play and have a good time, just not on my face!"

- "You are going to hurt yourself that way!"

- "Put that back in your pants!"

- "Stop licking me!"

- "Are you playing harmonica on my butt?"

- "That does not go there!"

- "Take it out of your mouth or you're going to choke!"

- "Don't put your tongue on other people's hineys!"

- "Why do you think that feels nice?"

- "Stop grabbing that!"

- "Put your dress back down, honey. It's not that kind of parade."

- "You can't put your tongue in that!"

- "Get your face out of my boobs!"

- "We don't touch our penis like that in front of other people, buddy."

- "You did a great job, but we need to work on your aim."

- "Why are you naked?"

- "Take off your pants. This is going to be messy."

- "I love you, baby, but I don't want you coming up behind me."

- "Can you please stop wrapping your penis around that toy?"

- "He didn't do it! You had your finger in his butt!"

- "I already told you, I'm going to stop if you keep playing with my nipple."

- "If you don't put on your pants, you are going to get a bare-butt spanking."

- "Yes, dear, you look lovely. Now can we get back to cuddling?"

- "Get that frog out of here!"

- "I want to give you a hug. No. I want to touch your armpit!"

- "Because...butts are private."

- "It happens to everyone, honey."


(HINT: These are all real statement made by real parents. Hah!)

How about you? Have any gems that could be...sex or parenting?




 

Instinctual Mama - Contributor Post

Joella over at Fine and Fair often writes letters to her daughter (and now son, I would guess!) in the form of blog posts. Always beautiful and inspiring, she was kind enough to share this one with me...about the instinctual side of parenting.
...

Dear Delilah,

Late Sunday evening...well no, technically it was early Monday morning, I was up nursing you back to sleep for the second time that night. You've been working on more teeth, which means you're waking up more than usual, which means I'mwaking up more than usual. The first day of the semester at school was upon me, and I desperately longed for a good night's sleep. I was feeling a little frustrated as I surfed around the internet a bit while you nursed, and then I happened upon Instinctual Mamas which lead me to a blog post encouraging 'Mommy bloggers' to write about what it means to be an 'Instinctual Mom'.

I glanced down at you, peacefully nursing with eyelids drooping, and my frustration melted away. I remembered that this very scenario, which happens far less frequently these days, is a part of my own personal brand of instinctual motherhood.

For me, instinctual parenting means anticipating, recognizing, and meeting your varying needs. It means that your needs are just as important to me in the middle of the night as they are in the middle of the afternoon. Instinctual parenting means that you are welcome in my lap, at my breast, and in my bed. It means that I will not leave you to cry alone, because the visceral reaction I have to the sound of your cry compels me to respond to it with care and concern.

Instinctual parenting means smiling and nodding when I receive unsolicited parenting advice from strangers that goes against every fiber of my being, feeling confident that our choices are the best for our family. It means recognizing that you have more than an 'Instinctual Mama', you also have an 'Instinctual Papa' who is a fully and equally capable parent. Being an instinctual mother means that I appreciate that in order to be fully present as a mother, I must not neglect the entirety of my person. It means that I should ensure that my own needs are met, and help your father meet his own needs, so that we can be more available to meet yours.

As an instinctual mother, I will do my best to cherish rather than detest your night time wakings and all of the minor annoyances of childhood. I know that the time will come all too soon when I will miss those quiet moon-lit snuggles, because eventually,being an instinctual mama will mean watching you set off on your own path, guided by instincts of your own.

Love,

Mama



 

Regarding Nannies - Contributor Post

Today, I've got a guest post from writer Elizabeth Hawksworth, who also nannies and cares for children on the regular. It's great see another side of this parenting thing.

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I’ve looked after a lot of children over the years, and never am I so sure about attachment than when I go back to children I’ve been really close to. It’s hard when you leave a child you’ve been really close to. I’ve done a lot of leaving, but I’ve also done a lot of coming back, and I think the relationships I have with children have been forged more strongly when I get to come back to the kids I had such a great closeness with.

This weekend, I was with one of my favourite charges, Glo-Worm, a very bright and sweet 21-month-old. I was her full-time nanny last year for a few months, and we became very close. She was initially distrustful and strange with me at first. It’s been almost four months since I’ve seen her, and toddlers have short memories. But soon after a warm-up period, she was cuddling in close, engaging with me, and enjoying every moment together the way we always did. It made me think about the ways I know children love me and are attached to me. I’m going to share a few with you.

1. They want to be near me all the time: most children I know show their love in touch – they want to hug or kiss you, hold your hand, sit on your lap, or even just be pressed up close against me. I had a little boy who wanted to just always hold onto my skirt or the pocket of my jeans. Now, 19-month Diva and Footballer are two of my charges who show their love in touch – Footballer especially. He needs to be on my lap, his strong arms around my neck, and burying his face in my hair, or giving me open-mouthed kisses (we still haven’t managed to teach him that this is inappropriate, haha!). Diva is just happy to be sitting on my hip while I prepare bottles or food for the kids. It’s nice to have them close, even if I am someone who gets touched out a lot – it shows that they’re comfortable with me and want me around.

2. “I need to show you!”: Kids who want me around want to show me special things. I’ve had grand tours of their homes, intricate discussions on their favourite toys, or been presented with “gifts” of their favourite snack or a special drawing they made just for me. Often when I get in the door, the first thing I’m greeted with is, “Look, L! I need to show you this!” It’s sweet, and makes me feel very special that the children want to share these things with me.

3. They don’t want me to go home: Glo-Worm was my most recent charge, who, I think, would have been quite happy if I’d just moved into her house with her! She never wanted me to leave, and would hop into my arms upon arrival and cry when I left the house at night. Attachment really shows in this way, and though it can be awkward with the parents, I am glad that the child is showing attachment to me, because it means that the child trusts and loves me. I think that also gives parents a bit of reassurance that their child is fine to be left alone with me, even if it’s a bit sad that the child is crying heartbrokenly that I’m leaving!

4. They talk about me positively when I’m not there: I’ve had many a parent pass me on the street and laugh, telling me that their child couldn’t stop talking about the last time that I babysat or the activities we’d done the last time I was over. That’s good, because it means I made a good impression on the child! My favourite part is when the parents ask me when I can come back next, because the child is clamouring for me!

5. The child is not afraid to tell me secrets or come to me when he or she is upset: This is the biggest indicator that a child loves and trusts me. A child who is closemouthed about everything when I’m around is a child who doesn’t trust me. A child who is willing to tell me secrets, hopes and fears is a child that knows that I’m there for him or her. I’ve been the lucky recipient of many stories, secrets, fears and hopes from children, and every time, I feel honoured that they have chosen me as a confidant. It’s what I hope for whenever I come on with a new family, and it’s a reward that is very, very sweet and amazing to me.

I say all the time that I don’t just look after children for the money. If I did, I think it’d be a very unfulfilling, inappropriate job for me. I love the families and children I meet. I have had times where children haven’t liked me, but they’re few and far between. I am honoured to do the job I do, and to earn the love of children. It makes me feel as if I have a purpose, and it definitely makes me feel like I’m in the right profession.

What ways do children show they love you as a caregiver? How do you deal with it when children don’t remember you? Sound off in the comments!






 

A Mother's Knowing Shake of the Head

These days, I don't usually even pay attention to the "baffled hymns" of those who don't have children. They're all basically trying to tell parents what they're doing wrong (not the childless, the "hymns" in question), they're all condescending as hell, and they're all totally off-base. But this. This is the New York Times. I mean, really? Really?

Credit: Earl Wilson, NYT

So, I'd just like to take a moment to address Mr. Frank Bruni's post in the New York Times Opinion Column, "A Childless Bystander's Baffled Hymn".

Let's just start with the first sentence. "Modern parenting confuses me."

Here, let me fix that for you. "Modern parenting confuses me everyone."

There it is. Parenting confuses everyone. From the childless who have to deal with kids running and screaming in their coffee shops, to the moms like me who never really thought about what children actually mean in real life, to the mothers who have painstakingly prepared for every step of the journey. It's a confusing business. And it throws a lot of curve balls.

Before I go further in chronological order, I'd like to just say that the whole op-ed became invalid for me when Bruni used the word "flaccid" above the fold in a parenting piece.

Hahahaha. Now, I know. Not everyone is a 12-year-old boy. But a lot of us are. And while probably 50 percent of people are mature enough not to immediately picture penises when the word flaccid is used, the other half us us...aren't.

And if that was the point (which it could have been, nothing quite gets the message 'impotent' across as flaccid peen), then, still, what the hell? Can we not imagine genitalia while reading about parenting? Thanks for that small favor, from all the adults-who-are-still-really-tweens out there.

Okay, back to business. Let me address a few of the complaints: mainly the million last chances and the attempted diplomatic choice system.

We know these don't work. They are for you. They are for you, the childless person just trying to return that crappy novel to the library, or trying to buy just two items at the grocery store for your glorious childless dinner later one (trust me, it is glorious; if you can, try to appreciate for us while we fish eggshells out of the meatloaf and accidentally wipe raw ground beef on our jeans).

You see, we know we're bumping into you with our overflowing carts and whining brood. We know our decibel level is ten times over the library limit as we try to check out that Tarzan DVD. And we're sorry. The last chance system (while also implemented at home as a way to teach children that they have the power to better their behavior before they get in too deep) in public is for your benefit. Because we have to be there. Many many times, I leave the grocery store because my twins are just too much. Too much whining, too much fighting, too much irrationality, too much everything. But we need to eat, so I'll time us out, outside, then we have to go back in. I don't have the option of leaving all the food there and dragging them home. We need to eat. This is our only chance. It's like an action movie, really.

And even if that's not the case, sometimes, dragging them out and taking them home (which I do if we're at the pharmacy or a park or something) is even worse. Have you ever seen two four year olds weighing 40-pounds each being carried out of a place in a double football hold while they scream "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, mama! Please! Please! Last chance! Please, mama! Owwww! You're hurting me! Waaaaah!" Bet you haven't.

And, honestly, my kids are good. They're amazing actresses. I'm surprised no one has called the people on me when I do this. I look like the biggest asshole on the block. It's like, 'go home to your childless spouse and talk about this over lunch' bad. Seriously.

So, yes, I'd rather give four last chances than look like a sadistic lunatic if it is at all avoidable.

As for choice? That's implemented to stop tantrums. Whether or not it works is up in the air, but its purpose is to keep us quiet and out of your way. Would you rather a mom and kids in the corner discussing diplomatically the qualities of sugar cookies vs. chocolate chip cookies, or up in your face at the counter as the children scream their faces off that they don't want that cookie, they hate that fucking cookie, what is wrong with everyone, GAWD?!

You'd think this was because the kids are spoiled brats, but that's not the case either. You say it yourself: "they’re also not adults, so why this whole school of thought that they should be treated as if they are, long before they can perform such basic tasks of civilization as driving, say, or decanting?"

They're not adults. Therefore, they do mystifying, illogical things all the time. Their priorities are...skewed at best.

"While I have no kids of my own, I have many I can (and sometimes do) lease for the weekend: 11 actual nieces and nephews, whom I’ll be with this Easter Sunday, and perhaps twice that number of honorary ones. I have put in my time around tots and teens, and enjoy them. I have seen my share of parenting, and am not certain what to make of it."

This is because you are not a parent. It's different. Leasing children on the weekends doesn't even remotely count.

And did you ever stop to think that one of the reasons we're all so self-conscious about this parenting thing and whether or not we're doing it right because the internet brings us people like you who poop on our every move? I mean, in your world, we can't helicopter and we can't free-range. So, the only acceptable thing to do is be your parents thirty years ago? Times have changed, and the box society places parents in is small and looked at by magnifying glasses all over the globe and internet. Including apparently, by childless people who write for the New York Times.

Now, here comes my favorite part. You say this:

"I’M (sic) equally confounded by the all-encompassing praise . . . There’s a line between filling a kid with self-esteem and larding a kid with delusions."

You argue that the everybody-wins society is wrong.

Then you say this:

"So parents: cut yourselves some slack. Take a deep breath. No one false step or one missed call is going to consign your children to an entirely different future. Make sure that they know they’re loved. Make sure that they know their place. And make peace with the fact that you don’t hold all or even most of the cards. There may be a frustrating sense of helplessness in that realization. But there’s a mercy, too."

Dude, seriously?

You just spent a thousand words calling me a jerk, and now you want a hug?

Forget this. I don't need your false camaraderie  particular after you just showed what hides underneath, which is a complete lack of understanding of parenting in general.

All of this said, I really do like your second page. You are right, in my opinion, when you get off the naggy, whiny, individual-yet-falsely-generalized crap, and start with the actual generalizations that might be worth something.

So for this:

"I’m struck less by the genius or folly of diverse child-rearing techniques than by the way most of the children matured into who they seemed, from the get-go, destined to be."

Thanks.

Try to understand that it's both. People are going to grow up into the people they are, but those tracts are influenced and as parents we are the greatest influencers. And we are not perfect, and we are unsure of ourselves, and we bumble a lot. But we're trying. Tearing us all down, then trying to tell us we are only doing it to ourselves and let's all hug...well, that doesn't help.






 

Cooking with Toddlers: Audrey Onciul

Toddlers.  They drive us nuts.  And we love them.  We just don’t always like them very much.  I’m not sure about the majority of Moms, but my biggest toddler complaint is my two year old’s constant need to be involved, with everything, even if it’s just by being underfoot.  Typical two year old, right?  Of course right.  Usually, I just deal and step around her and carry on my business.   The one place where this wasn’t usually possible, was the dreaded kitchen.

Now, we have a relatively small kitchen.  And I have a relatively healthy (or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it) relationship with my kitchen.   I cook a lot, I bake a lot.  I’m trying to move in a “no store bought processed food” type direction, as much as possible with a toddler and infant.  So I bake our own bread, english muffins, bagels, cookies.  I’m starting to can my own BBQ sauce, ketchup and pasta sauce.   All good in theory, right?   The baby, as of this writing, loves to sit in his kitchen bouncer and watch.   The problem is, the toddler.  I spend too much time in the kitchen to time it around her sleeping, and with hot, dangerous processes going on, I can’t have her underfoot.   This presents a problem.  The solution, however, was so simple, so elegant, that I didn’t even see it at first.  This brilliant solution of mine lets me balance making what I want to make without tripping over her.   

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Are you ready?

I let her help.

This move might seem obvious to some of you.   But others, like myself, originally wouldn’t have even thought of it!   My neighbor has a three year old and can’t figure out how I cook as much as I do.  She claims she hasn’t been able to do so much as bake a batch of cookies since she was pregnant with her first, and she was absolutely floored when I told her that I let my 2 year old help.    I think I didn’t think of it at first, because I tend to still think of her as a baby in many ways and forget that she’s capable of more than I give her credit for.  The best part is, she LOVES it so much that even when I’m doing something she can’t help with, she loves to watch, quietly, in the hope that I will give her something to do!   I moved her stool to the end of the counter (as far away from the stove as she can be and still be at the counter), and any time I go into the kitchen, she climbs up and watches everything I’m doing at the counter.

But, wait, you might be thinking, “yeah right lady.  What can a two year old really do to help?”   You’d be surprised.  She can help pour things like flour and sugar into a bowl.  She’s really fantastic at using a cookie cutter to cut out cookies.   She loves to “help” knead the bread and roll dough out with the rolling pin.   Some things she’s not so good at include helping mix meatloaf by hand (she tries to put her hands, raw meat and all, in her mouth too much), cracking eggs (I don’t think elaboration is needed there), or mixing most things (not enough arm strength).  But I find the balance of what she can and can’t help with is enough to keep her interested for long periods of time.  And as a HUGE added bonus?   After she’s done “helping” me cook or bake, she further occupies herself by going to her play kitchen and using her utensils to cook!   

So folks, no more excuses.  No more “I want to cook/bake more, but can’t with a toddler underfoot.”  Just go for it.  They may really surprise you.  Remember, they WANT to help you.    As my mama says “home is their first school.”  And you might get lucky and they’ll be so occupied with their new skill that you’ll even get some peace after.  Plus picky eaters might be more inclined to eat something they helped with!  Now to work on getting her to help with loading the dishwasher, that may be trickier.  If you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a rambunctious two year old to start some Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Banana Bread for snack time later.







 

Guest Post - The Basics of Baby Teeth

Guest blogger Jennifer Vishnevsky writes for TopDentists.com, part of the Everyday Health portfolio, which also includes WhatToExpect.com, as well as a freelancer for other lifestyle media sites.

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Seeing your baby’s first teeth can be exciting and nerve wracking. Before you know it, those little teeth may be accompanied by crying and fussing. Gums take a few years to be replaced by two rows of baby teeth. It’s still important to take good care of gums and then baby teeth, as they are the placeholders for adult teeth.

Without a healthy set of baby teeth, your child will have trouble chewing and speaking clearly. That's why caring for baby teeth and keeping them decay-free is so important.

Start taking care of your baby’s gums by gently wiping them down at least twice a day with a moistened washcloth or cause. This simple task will wash off bacteria. Once your child’s teeth start erupting, use a toothbrush with a soft head and small head. Start using a small amount of toothpaste around age 1. You should take your child to a first dental appointment by age 1. Your dentist will give you advice about teething and thumb sucking, among other things. Most dentists recommend waiting until age 2 to use fluoride toothpaste.

If you’ve heard of the phrase “the terrible two’s,” you’ve likely heard parents talk about teething. It can take two years before all of your child’s teeth emerge through the gums. Teething is uncomfortable and painful, so take steps to relieve your child’s discomfort. Teething rings are very popular for parents. Let your baby chew on a clean, cool teething ring or a cold washcloth. Also, try rubbing your baby’s gums with a clean finger. If your child seems to be in a lot of pain, some pediatricians recommend giving your baby Tylenol occasionally to relieve pain.

As your child’s teeth erupt, start thinking about how you can prevent cavities. Avoid giving your child any sugary drinks, like juice and soda. Even excess breast milk can cause problems with tooth decay. Bacteria feeds on the sugar from sweet drinks and produces acid, which attacks your baby’s teeth. If you send your baby to bed or naps with a bottle or sippy cup, fill it with water only. Also avoid putting anything sweet on your baby's pacifier.

Children start losing their baby teeth around the age of six. The last baby teeth generally fall out by age 12 or 13. You’ll notice that baby teeth tend to fall out in the order that they erupted. The bottom two front teeth are generally the first to fall out, followed by the top front two teeth. Check with your child’s dentist about losing baby teeth. Some baby teeth may be resistant to falling out or being pulled.

The most important thing to remember about losing baby teeth is that you have the perfect opportunity to emphasize oral care. Make brushing teeth a fun activity with character toothbrushes and toothpastes. Happy child equals happy smile!