The last debate

I'm here, watching the last Republican debate before the Iowa caucus, and I'm looking at all of these men talking about immigration, and I'm still just as boggled as I was three months ago when this all started. Why do none of these people know what they are talking about?

Listening to the Republicans versus the Democrats, and it's like they are talking about two different countries, with two different sets of issues. And the Republicans keep talking about issues that don't exist. Or, the issues exist: immigration is an issue that is very important.

But the solutions don't address the problem.

Like, building a wall, stopping people from coming in, not trusting those born in other countries, using them as scapegoats for hate and fear. These are the solutions to immigration that they're talking about. And they're arguing over who wants to be the most extreme about this.

Meanwhile, the Democrats talk about the middle class and how to fix our ailing infrastructure, what to do about climate change, how to stop ISIS, you know, important things.

The most of this debate, as with all Republican debates, is a sniping match between the candidates. They spend all their time pissing on each other. They are all scurrying around as if their fellow Republicans are the scourge of the Earth. The only thing worse than the primary opponents are the Democrats.

They are looking so desperate right now. Why are they so frantic and testy? Why aren't they calmly telling us what they would do for the country?

Why is the Republican Party its own reality show this year?

Donald Trump isn't even there.

This isn't a debate. It's a pissing match.

There is no winner here.

Just seven desperate, angry men making themselves look bad.

Man Up, You Damn Pussy -- A Retort to NY Post's Kyle Smith

Oh, I'm sorry, Kyle Smith, did the Golden Globes get your panties in a bunch?

NY Post

Seriously, the amount of bitching you did at having to watch successful women for a few hours on your TV makes me wonder if you're on the rag. Get hold of yourself, man.

The last thing we need is another bro crying hysterical tears about cruel Hollywood (Hollywood? Nay, life) completely forgetting about your penis.

If you want something done, do something, don't just sit there, eating your gallons of ice cream and whining in mass media...like a girl.

Be the change you want to see. Strike out in leadership and dominance. Christ, men wonder why their rights are disappearing when all they do is PMS all the time instead of pulling themselves up by their boot straps and getting the job done.

I mean, what's the matter? Are you too much of a pansy to actually do something about this sorry state of affairs?

Be a man, God.

Instead of filling your pretty little head with all this inane gossip and gerrymandering, call people to action.

Okay, so you didn't like the jokes. There's no need to get all uppity about it, Jesus. All these men always overreacting to shit and exaggerating it. Vagina is a word, it's not that bad.

Better yet, instead of mindlessly complaining, why don't you face your fears, full-frontal. It's not like they're going to rape you.

It would be totally ballin' if you manned up right now, is all I'm saying.

Plus, if you didn't enjoy it, it's your own fault. Living in the 2000s means you're going to see some women outside the kitchen sometimes. You're pretty much asking for it, anyway. So don't expect me to feel sorry for you. Stop playing the victim all the time, God, you are so manipulative.

I'm just asking you to calm down. Seriously, are you okay? Stop being such a little bitch.

Think you can handle your business now, nancy-boy? Or should I get you your smelling salts?
... ...

The Golden Globes and all media messages need more estrogen, Kyle, because regardless of what you think about the style, content or structure of the individual shows, the disgusting diatribe above is basically 'the pep talk' every high school boy hears in the locker room when things in his life go wrong.

Media representation is important as a trend. I care not about the specific content right now because how much marginalized groups are represented in the media is important, and not just for feminists. For you, too.




 

Hey, Jessie. No, Really, Hey!

Dear Disney,

You know those God-awful children's sit-coms you have on in the afternoons to try to compete with Nickelodeon's God-awful children's sit-coms (and Spongebob)? Can you stop?

No, seriously. They're all really freaking bad.

Anyway, the show I have a particular problem with today is Jessie.

Admittedly, at first it seems like your typical sucky show with its cast of quirky, one-lining, not-hilarious-at-all characters, getting themselves into silly, embarrassing and otherwise boring situations. In other words, fairly non-offensive, run-of-the-mill crap. We've now caught bits and pieces of a few episodes (it's meant for tweens, not four year olds, so we're not really watching it anyway), but I'm still totally appalled at this programming, and even if my kids were nine or ten, I still wouldn't want them watching it. It's everything I do not want them to be.

Hey, Jessie is not only thoroughly inane, it's also modelling horrible behavior. Consistently. And in many different avenues.

NUMBER ONE:

The way they treat Nanny Agatha is reprehensible. Now, on Wiki, Nanny Agatha is listed as a character as follows:

"An unattractive, arrogant British nanny who frequently locks horns with Jessie and the Ross children. During their first meeting, she attempts to ban Zuri and Jessie from Central Park. Zuri and Jessie ignore Agatha and keep coming back, so Agatha starts posting mean things saying that Jessie is a bad nanny on her website "Toddler Tattler:. Zuri, Jessie, and Christina stand up to Agatha, and Agatha shuts down her website. Agatha has a twin sister Angela, who is even more dishonest (but much prettier) and tries to steal Jessie's job, but the kids and Jessie stand up to her, and she goes back to England. So far, this is the only time Agatha, who despises the long-favored Angela, was on the same side as Jessie. Officer Petey met Agatha (dressed as a clown) at a fair in the park, and thought she was cute until he learned her mole and snaggle-tooth were not part of her costume."

Given this mediocre Wikipedia description, you can clearly see there are many reasons for the viewer to dislike Agatha. She's mean, she's dishonest, she's constantly trying to trip your hero up just for kicks, she's surly and awful.

But what do you do? You make fun of her looks. Constantly. All those other bad qualities are almost completely ignored vocally, as Jessie ranks on Agatha for her apparent ugliness.

Poor form.

Here are some examples:

Their first meeting -

Jessie: "I'm pretty sure you don't own Central Park."
Zuri: "For her sake, I hope she doesn't own a mirror."
Jessie: "And for the mirror's sake."

Jessie frequently refers to her as "Hagatha."

They also poke fun at overweight people, and sometimes the insults (of which there are dozens per show) have racist undertones.

They'll make fun of anything on that show, seriously. Intellect, looks, socialization skills, love, friendship. And the biggest offender is Jessie herself, the adult nanny. Shameful. It's all she has for jokes. And making fun of people isn't funny.

I'd like it if you would stop trying to teach my kids that laughing at people because they are different or have a weakness. What horrible behavior modelling. And not only are the characters doing it, but the laugh track finds it off-the-hook funny.

NUMBER TWO:

The sex talk and innuendos used are graphic, stupid and objectifying. Jessie should not be talking to her young charges in the manner that she does, referencing her "end zone" and etc. And it should not be funny that Luke (one of the kids who has a crush on Jessie) tapes the nanny sleeping, says things like "Come and find my off button" or gropes her in an elevator.

What in the ever loving...?

Disney, it's like I don't even know you any more.

I'd like to end this with some reviews I found on Common Sense Media from parents with kids who might actually watch this tripe on a regular basis.

- "this show is full of inappropriate innuendo and sexual references by very young kids as well as "Jessie". I don't think 8 or 9 year old girls need to hear their heroine saying "As long as he doesn't touch my end zone"."

- "The show makes me regret relenting on the whining for Disney in my house. For one thing, there is too much sexual innuendo - in one episode "romancing the crone", an older female neighbor is bending over suggestively and mentions something about "the view" to the butler Bertram, who is visibly horrified. Disney really thinks I want my kids to watch this? I won't go into many details because you can watch an ep for 5 minutes to see for yourself. For a show that is aimed at tween girls to contain so much sexism is inexcusable. The main characters are materialistic and shallow. Stereotypes are reinforced constantly (fat, old, or unattractive characters are frequently insulted and made jokes of)."

- "This evening I watched my first and last episode of "Jessie" and think it is inappropriate for all ages of adolescents and teens. The reason given here will be brief and to the point. The two attractive female teens are tall, fashionably dressed, wearing make up, hair attractive, etc while another young teen is short, boring drab outfit, no make up, childlike hair style and wearing glasses to boot. This young teen was subjected to very pointed unkind remarks by others and indicating in one scene that she was not pretty enough to have a boyfriend so might as well get a cat."

- "Bra stuffing is not a topic I'd expose my children to, same with bullying without any consequences, and the sexual references are inappropriate. Tired of the media telling our young teenagers that they need to change their bodies to meet the world's standards. Horrible role models and very negative message for kiddos. Come on, Disney."


And lest you think we're all just making a big deal out of nothing, don't forget you had to take an episode of Jessie off the air after the characters made fun of someone with Celiac's disease.

Keep it classy, Disney.

Sincerely,
A lost customer


 

The Layers of Racism...It's Like an Onion, Really

Look, I get it, I really do. Some poor schmoe who gets paid like two cents a tweet for The Onion made a bad decision.

And it was really bad.

But I see where he was going. Taking the sweetest, most innocent, freshest and possibly most talented face at the Oscars--someone who was beyond reproach (because that is what would make the joke funny)--and using the crassest language possible to point out the error in the ways in which the Oscars are both produced and reported.

Who looks the worst? Who's drunk? Who's gotten botox?

It's all garbage, and that's what the man behind the tweet was trying to say.

But that is not what he said.

And to those of you blathering about how no one can take a joke, and we're all clearly missing the intention of the humor and free speech and blah, I've just started this post with proof that, no, I get it.

And I still hate it.

And I'm not even going to defend Quvenzhane Wallis, not because she doesn't deserve to be defended, but because those who supported the Onion's tweet are saying it's not even about her.

It's not about a young child, it's not about a girl, and it's definitely not about a young black girl. People who think it is are just obtusely missing the point. In fact, the supporters of this humor didn't even notice she was black!

First of all, yes you did. Unless you are literally blind and had no access to media during the release of the movie, and during the Oscars and really for all of time (in which case, you wouldn't have heard about the tweet) you noticed her skin color.

What you meant to say was this: Her skin color didn't matter to you. You would have made the same shitty joke about a little white girl, you swear.

Okay, so let's give you the benefit of the doubt and say you would have. Even though you didn't.

The problem is this: It's not up to us to say skin color doesn't matter to us. While it can be a grandiose step in what might be the right direction, it erases centuries of pain, hardship, loss and despicable treatment that is not ours to erase.

As bell hooks said in 1992, white people cannot reach out to black people to combat racism saying, “we’re ready now, let’s be friends. Subject to subject contact between white and black which signals the absence of domination, of an oppressor / oppressed relationship must emerge through mutual choice and negotiation.”

We don't have the right to say when racism is over.

Here's a comment from my friend's blog, the post to which I linked above: "You clearly have not reached the stage of post-racial."

No. No, she hasn't. That's the point. Neither has the person making that comment, although he (or she) thinks he has. "Color blindness" not only minimizes incredible strain and hardship in the distant and recent past for minorities, it also implies that the problems they face today are not there. It subverts efforts to bring about true equality by saying that what we have now is equality. And it is not.

These paltry attempts we make as white people to make ourselves feel better, to allow ourselves to prematurely congratulate ourselves on wiping out racism, are exactly that: paltry attempts.

“[Modern racism] eschews old-fashioned racist images, and as a result, stereotypes are now more subtle, and stereotyped thinking is reinforced at level likely to remain below conscious awareness” (Entman & Rojecki 1992).

My point here is that the little girl is black, and we cannot go around saying we didn't notice or that it has no bearing on the situation, as spectators. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe she will tell us that, or her parents will. They're pretty much the only ones who can make that call. 

Actually, that's not my point. That was my side point. My point is, yet again, that words mean things. And even though you meant the opposite of what you said, you still said what you said. About a little girl. For a cheap laugh. And yes, we all know that no one, especially you, tweet writer, actually thinks Quvenzhane Wallis is that word you called her.

And no, it doesn't matter.

Think before you type. There are so very few lines in this day and age. Why would you cross one like that? And I realize that the joke is damn near impossible to pull off if you use anyone but a child as your vehicle. Because people will take you seriously. And I think now we've all realized that people will still take you seriously. Because words mean things and even if you didn't mean those words, meant the opposite of those words, that message is still being digested by millions of people around the world.

And if there wasn't this backlash of know-it-ally bloggers fighting what we consider "the good" fight? And if the Onion hadn't been forced to take down the tweet and apologize? Well, how many 12-year-old boys (or girls) would have seen it and assumed that kind of language and message was okay, was funny, was cute? Because talking doesn't ever lead to action, right? People, especially young people, speaking words that they've heard those they respect say, that doesn't subconsciously solidify opinion, right? That doesn't normalize behavior, set an example, enhance a point of view, does it?

But maybe it does.

 

Guest Post - An Ode to Scooby Doo

Today I have an avid Scooby Doo fan explaining to me why the show is great. (Which works out well, since I was never really into it, myself.)

Scooby Doo has always been a greatly popular cartoon and is still shown today on Cartoon Network. The show has been on air in some way or another since 1969 and is still being produced today. There are four main characters, along with Scooby himself of course. The four teenagers include Shaggy, Fred, Daphne, and Velma and together they solve many mysteries that come their way.

The gang spend their days getting into all sorts of trouble and solving many mysteries that involve the teenagers facing ghosts, ghouls, monsters, and criminals. The episodes are full of fun, action, and adventure and it’s no wonder why they have always been so popular.

Shaggy and Scooby are usually together. Shaggy is Scooby’s owner and is a little bit of a coward himself who is usually more interested in food that what is going on! Scooby is a Great Dane who can speak English a little bit and tends to put an ‘r’ before the words that he says. Shaggy is always being chased by ghosts and is a bit scared to say the least! Scooby is the star of the show and a very loveable character who is scared of his own shadow! His mistakes often lead to the group solving a mystery.

Daphne is known to be a little clumsy. She has been kidnapped a few times and left imprisoned until the other teenagers finding her. It’s usually Shaggy and Scooby who end up finding her, but it does tend to vary. She has a big crush on Fred too. Daphne adds a bit of glamor to the show with some handy everyday things in her purse that often prove to be useful.

Fred is the leader of the gang and tends to try to take charge. He and Daphne are often wondering off alone whilst the rest of the team heads off in another direction. She is calm and collected most of the time and very focused on the task in hand.

Velma is the clever one and is very intelligent at that. She is a key to solving a lot of the mysteries and loves to read mystery books as well. She has a habit of losing her glasses at times and finds them often falling off her head! Velma is great at finding the vital clues that the gang need to solve the mystery!

If you are a Scooby Doo fan, then you can watch episodes on Cartoon Network and see if you can help solve the mysteries. Every episode has a new plot and a new mystery to solve. The gang gathers clues to reveal who has committed the crime!

Not only can you watch the episodes, but you can also play the games. Cartoon Network has loads of great games to play online so you can help the gang solve mysteries and plot your way out of a haunted house. You can keep yourself entertained with games online until the next episode is on! Scooby will no doubt be around for many more years to come. 

About Author

Olivia is a freelance writer based in North Wales. She is a great fan of Cartoon Network and Scooby Doo. When not watching the shows; you’ll usually find her swimming or reading a good book.

 

Guest Post - Electronic Addiction

Today I have a guest post about protecting kids from electronic addiction. We don't yet have to ward against this problem, since the girls don't have access to any electronics yet. But I'm sure they will, and sooner rather than later.

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Some people are not as fully aware of the problem as others. Some are adults fully immersed in an electronic addiction of their own, with iPods and smart phones. Many think that with society in the age of electronic media, it may be better to allow kids to acclimate to an electronic, internet driven society. Like most addictions, however, electronic addiction sneaks up on you. Symptoms are similar to any psychological addiction. They include lack of socialization, lack of a desire to take care of your own needs, and of course huge amounts of time in front of the video screen.

Society Has Changed and There is no Going Back

"I can't ask anyone for a phone number anymore and actually get it," says Bill of Sy's Plumbing. "No one remembers them anymore." That is just one telling sign of the times. Add that to the diminishing size of the yellow pages, the lost art of using a map book, and of course the rarity of seeing a phone booth. All signs of what we are losing to our mobile electronic society. Replaced by search engine mobile apps, push button GPS and, of course, your cell phone. These are all improvements and our society will be better for them. But along for the ride came all of the life consuming video games, Facebook, and You-tube programs that everyone has taken to, yet many are slow to see the full impact.

The Free Babysitter Comes With a Steeper Price Than Money

Hopefully, you are now a little concerned with the time kids spend in front of the TV and video games. You should also be worried about what they see and how they interact online with others. Today's game systems allow kids to get together online and play games together. Kids are often conversing with people from across the country, or the world, people that they will never really know or meet. On any given day, your child can be exposed to language you would never allow in your home from a regular person. Kids are learning that they can say almost anything without repercussion, whereas in person, there would be consequences.

Steps to Take to Get Your Kids Away From the Video Screen

For the most part, anything you do to limit your child's time in front of a screen is a good thing. Life is fun without electronics; so help yourself in your battle by finding fun replacement activities. Point out what your kids are deficient in by spending to much time in front of a screen. As a parent already knows, be patient.You are going to get resistance.


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BIO: This article is written by a team of authors at HappyHealth.Net. Protect your families by investing in a home security system today.

When Is Violence Okay?

Do you remember these days?

I saw it on my Facebook feed and it got me thinking. Now, I'm going to skip past all the normal stuff, like, how would the originator of this image know that my childhood was awesome just because I remember this episode of Tom and Jerry? Perhaps every child born from 1975-1987 did not have an awesome childhood just because Looney Toons were on TV, right?

I'm going to get right to the point. Is the violence acceptable or not and have we wussed out as parents or not? And is it adversely affecting our kids?

 In the acceptable column, we have arguments such as the ever valid:

"Well, I grew up with it and I'm fine."
"It teaches kids to stand up to bullies and outsmart them."
"It's funny."
"Kids are smart enough to know it's just television."

In the not acceptable column, we have such gems as:

"I don't feel like explaining why a cat is pummeling a mouse with a frying pan while getting hit in the knee caps with a pipe, only to turn around to get beaten by a bat. I'll let Uncle Vito do that." (Just kidding, Uncle Vito.)
"It's scary."
"It teaches children to be violent and that hitting people is okay and hilarious."


Both of these sides have been done to death and I'm not going to flesh out either one of them. That's why we all went to 6th grade debate class, right?

I think the real issue is that we try to fit all families, all kids and all parents into one generic mold. You know what your kid can handle. You know what you want to explain. You know the maturity level of your child and his ability to tell reality from make-believe. You know your situation in life and how the cartoons would affect your particular children. So, go for it. Or don't.

But, really, stop crying about it. You don't like Sid the Science Kid? Go out and buy some old-school DVDs. They're funny and awesome. I remember them.

We'll chill with PBS for now because I have a hard enough time answering my kids when they ask me why Rapunzel's mother died when she fell out of the tower, why Ursula gets so big when she takes over the ocean, and what the heck that green stuff is leaking out of Maleficent. Also, why do the trees grab Snow White, and do they have to be afraid of trees, too?

They're old enough now where they're simply curious. They're not actually confusing the videos with reality...meaning they don't really think the trees are out to get them. But they do love their questions, and I just don't have the energy.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you show the violent cartoons or not. It's not going to make your kid into a wimp or a serial killer. What's important is how the real people in that child's life act. The real-life fighting, how does it go down? The real-life discipline.

Because you're already working (supposedly) on teaching your kids that what goes on in the TV isn't real, I would think that lesson would sink in. What will also sink in is how you, personally, treat your kids and your partner in front of them.

The danger isn't in the television. It just isn't.

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Favorite Characters

We watch a variety of shows here at various times, depending on when I'm working that day. We switch it up because I can only handle so much of any one kids' show. They're fairly irritating, I would say. Of course, so are most adult shows.

I work in the living room, so I see all these shows, and I've ended up with a couple of favorite characters.

1) Gerald on Sid the Science Kid. I love him. He's vibrant and full of energy and shows how kids can be just this side of good even if they're acting hyper. He's got funny ideas, and he's confident in himself. I find him to be a good role model for my kids, even if he is a little scary looking.

2) Swiper. He's, quite simply, the least annoying character on Dora. His "oh, man!" is adorable, and it's proved in the Christmas special that he has a good heart.


3) Ernie. He's been my favorite Sesame St. character since I was a kid. For many of the same reasons I love Gerald, in fact. He's lively, optimistic, fun, and funny. He's inquisitive. Even if he's annoying Bert or bothering his neighbors, he's trying to make life better for them. Plus, he has a band of counting sheep. Does it get cooler? I still remember the mummy skit. It still scares the heck out of me. Ernie is where it's at.

4) Duck. All the same reasoning. Apparently, I love silly, fun-loving, slightly annoying characters with charisma and a good heart. What can I say.



5) Eeyore. The one exception to my pattern. Something about his glum, pessimistic demeanor is so endearing to me. Yes, he sees the worst in everything, but he brightens up when his friends come through for him, which is almost every episode. Plus, he never takes his feelings out on other people, and he's always willing to see the other side. It just takes a little convincing.

Honorable mentions go to Kermit the Frog, the Moonbear, the Spider Monkeys, and Curious George (tied with The Man in the Yellow Hat).

Who are your favorites?

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What's a Doctor?

I just want to take a moment to talk about how ridiculous Dr. Drew Pinsky is all of the time.

He's a medical doctor. Graduated in medicine in 1984. Specializes in addiction medicine.

Good.

Fine.

Shut up, Dr. Drew.

First of all, your credentials don't really give you the expertise to counsel young girls about their pregnancies and marriages. So stop it.

What really gets me is that he time and time again has stated that parents of twins are more likely to get divorced than parents of singletons.

The study he's using is one based out of Massachusetts that uses information from the 1980 census to say that parents of twins are one percent more likely to divorce than parents of singletons.

Really?

Anyone that knows statistics knows that you can't even count one percent. It's part of the error margin, unless your study is inhumanly precise. Secondly, there's just not enough information to make a conclusion from one year's census. What the study says is that people who had twins as their firstborn children in the late 1970s were one percent more likely to divorce than parents of singletons in the late 1970s. What about all the other years, all the other parents? What about all the other factors that determine divorce? Like the age of the couple when they first get married for instance, since he most recently used this statistic on Teen Mom.

I'm not saying there's nothing to that study, I'm just saying don't pass it off the way you do. "You know, statistically, parents of twins are more likely to divorce than parents of singletons."

I just don't buy it.

Add that to his blowhard attitude, his I'm-everybody's-friend-as-long-as-they're-making-me-money stance, and his long career of crap, and I'm tuning out.

Before he even graduated medical school, he was on the radio as "Ask a Surgeon." He's not a surgeon.

He did ads for 1-800-GET-THIN.

He co-founded a site on the internet for teens to get advice, named after himself, of course. Ran out of funding and no longer exists. Shame.

He's a reality rock-God and for that, I don't fault him. Get it, gurl, get your money. Lord knows, I'd do the same.

But don't say stupid things. Don't say you'd frame Lindsey Lohan for drugs to get her into rehab if you were her father. That's not hyperbole. Look it up. I think you'll find it's more along the lines of assholery.

You've got plenty of credentials and plenty of great things to say. Just stop when you run out of them. Don't make bridges that aren't there, and don't pretend to be everything you are not.

A doctor who plays one on TV.

Give the triplets a kiss for me as I sit here and pray for your marriage, since God knows how many of those fall apart. Do you have a study based on numbers from 1965 you could perhaps pull out of your pocket?

Oh, and PS - Adam Carolla was the best part of Loveline.

PPS - What even is this? How are you qualified, and notice how you say nothing.




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Toddler Tricks - 80: Use the Television

Problem:

Twofold...one, your kid continues to do something she's not supposed to do. Two, you're not sure if all your talking at her is sticking. She seems to understand everything you say, down to the very subtle nuances of conversation, but when it comes to "don't do that," she pulls a blank face. Maybe she really doesn't yet understand? Haha, no. Maybe she's reached the age of selective hearing. Time to gear up.

Solution:

Use those mindless TV shows to your advantage. Your child is going to remember little fun details about pieces of the shows, and Lord knows, you'll have memorized them too at this point. These days kids' shows are always trying to teach some lesson (unless it's Max and Ruby, which, don't get me started). In our house, we watch primarily PBS, so those are the shows we all know the best. Use a few lines of the dialogue from the show or one of its songs to get your point across and make it memorable.

In my case, my child did this for me. I told her not to touch my wine glass.

"But, Mama, I have to touch the wine glass, it's in my story, see? Dulce touches the wine glass."

This is Super Why, and luckily for me, the point of that whole bit is to change the story and save the day!

Knowing this, I was able to step right into character, and what would have been tense discipline turned into a fun game in which no wine was spilled.

"Okay, then," I said, "let's change one of the words in the story. Should wine glass be "couch," "oven," or "shelf? Let's try oven. Dulce touches the oven?"

"No!" the girls shout delightedly.

"Dulce touches the couch?"

And they gleefully ran and touched the couch.

"With our power to read, we have changed the story and saved the day!"

And in this manner, not only did I get across to them that they couldn't touch the glass, I was also able to check on other lessons I had taught them throughout their lives.

And they got to play the whole time. Double win.

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Toddler Tricks - 73: Shut It Off

Problem: The TV is on. Again. You needed to make breakfast or dinner and switched it on for the children. And then never switched it off. Or they asked for it specifically after nap, and watched it for ten minutes then wandered off, but they don't want you to shut it off. Or they're still watching it. They'll watch it for hours. Whatever kind of television-watching toddler you have, you, as the parent, feel like the TV is on just too much.

Solution: Shut it off. But not like you think. This, like everything, requires slight manipulation of the situation. The toddlers need to feel like they are in control. So, if they ask you to turn the television on, try to guide them  in a different direction, but if they're set on it (and asking politely, of course), go ahead and turn it on. Either set a time (if you've got an actual watcher), or wait five minutes when your kids will be distracted by any of the other wonderful things in your living room and shut it off again. If they protest, take part in whatever game they were playing before you shut it off. If they insist, turn it on again, but in another few minutes shut it off.

This might seem odd, but in my house, it's a result of a parenting mistake I made long ago. I turned the TV on to make breakfast, and left it on because my kids weren't watching it, so I figured it wasn't harming anything. But they got used to having it on in the background, and the truth is, I don't really like the television on. I don't like the sound of it. It's distracting and unnecessary. But, they're so used to hearing it in the background that they railed against my off position. So I've been doing it this way to prove to their subconsciouses that they don't need the mindless drabble in the background, and it's been working.

They feel like they have some control, and television stays in its place (instead of being put on a pedestal along with other things Mom says they can't do), and they come to realize they don't really want or need the TV anyway. I mean, they're just running around ignoring it anyway, and Kung Fu Panda isn't on for me.

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Blast You, Max and Ruby!

My children had an unfortunate affair with Max and Ruby for a few weeks there. I think they're over it now, thank goodness, but not before learning several bad behaviors.

This is from its wiki page:

"The episodes present stories about Max, a rambunctious and determined three-year-old bunny, and his big sister, Ruby, a patient, goal-oriented, sometimes restrictive seven-year-old bunny. The show presents an uplifting message for its audience by showing Max and Ruby playing together and exercising respect and love in resolving their conflicts."

There's nothing uplifting to me about a seven year old and a three year old on their own. You'd think Grandma Bunny would be a bit more involved, but no. A seven year old and a three year old catch the public bus to see her. Oh, okay. That's kind of a lot to expect, I think.

And Max is three? I had no idea until just now. Because most neurotypical three year olds are saying more than one word at a time, wouldn't you say? If my kids point at one more thing and demand it over and over only using a one-word name for it, I might see red.

And Max is a saint to hang out with boring Ruby all the time. At the same time, he's not really a good kid, per se.

We got the Christmas DVD for Christmas. In the Santa episode, he refuses to go to sleep and he sees Santa.

Are you kidding me, Nick Jr.? Because what I need on the night before Christmas is a television show telling my kids that if they ignore the going to sleep part of Christmas Eve, they'll actually meet Santa. Awesome.

The next episode is even worse for us. My kids have trouble eating. They don't like to do it. They don't like to try new things, and getting them to take a bite of something is quite the task, all on its own. So someone needs to clue me in on why having Max hate eggs (which he's never tried), is a good idea.

The episode goes like this: Ruby makes Max an egg. Max doesn't want the egg. He wants the strawberries. Ruby says not until after you eat your egg. Max breaks his one-word streak to say "Bad Egg!" throughout this episode. He hides the egg, he throws his spoon, he drops the egg on the chair. Ruby is ever-patient and never loses her temper. Never reprimands him for his bad behavior either.

Then Ruby finally does the I'm-going-to-show-you-how-delicious-this-is tactic, and takes a bite of the egg. Then she does it again, and Max plays into it "egging her on" as it were. She eats the whole egg, and he still gets the strawberries.

So my kids have learned that if they don't want to try something they can hide it, throw things and just generally be obstinate until the adult (because, yes, they think Ruby is an adult) eats it for them and then they get a treat.

Great. Really?

I've seen another one where he wants a popsicle and Ruby says no and he spends the episode making a huge mess to get to the popsicle. At the end, he's slurping away happily, everything is destroyed and they're all like, oh, Max, hahaha.

That's just not how I want my house to run. No more Max and Ruby for us. It's an annoying show and the only thing it teaches is how to get what you want by being bad (or figuratively die trying.) No thanks.

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Why Don't Cartoon Dogs Talk?

This is a serious question. I mean, sure, some cartoon dogs talk, but of all cartoon species, the dog is often the silent one, full of woofs and pants, but no words. Even the dog in Word World itself has no words. You could argue that dogs are meant always as pets, but in Blue's Clues the cats talk. Heck, even the salt and pepper shakers talk. Just not the dogs. Same for Garfield, talking cats, non-talking dogs. And one of the only Looney Toons not to talk? Wile E. Coyote. Why don't dogs talk? Does anyone know?

Talking Dogs:

Brian talks, poking fun of cartoon dogs not traditionally talking (I think). It comes up as a joke often enough, anyway.

Clifford and all his friends talk, in disparity with the original book series.

Goofy talks. But not Pluto. What the heck? Because a dog is a mouse's pet he doesn't get to talk, but a stray (and let's not forget Pete, either...Wait, hold the phone. I was just informed that Pete is a cat. Mind blown. 29 years of knowledge rocked. Whoa.) gets full vocal range?

Underdog talks. That's kind of necessary if you're going to save the world, I suspect.










Dogs that don't talk:

And I've left out dozens on either side. Still, it would seem there are more non-talking dogs than talking dogs, and each specific character seems to have a unique reason for not speaking (or speaking) although I can't figure out what that reasoning is. Are there any trends? Does anyone know the reasoning behind this? Why don't cartoon dogs talk?

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The Things that Annoy Me about Kids' Shows

Being an expert in educational children's programming, by which I mean I'm a parent who sometimes needs to clean or make dinner in peace, I have some gripes. Most are irrational, some are grudgey, all legitimately bother me.

The first is derived from a very unfair grudge I hold against Martin Short. I just hate him. I've never found him funny, and he was at his unfunniest on his little show there, Glick, or whatever it was. His voice irritates me. Therefore, the voice of the Cat from The Cat and the Hat affects me like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Gosh, Cat! Shut up with your creepy cackle and stupid sayings. I can't handle it over here in the kitchen.

While we're talking about The Cat in the Hat, why do they bother showing the kids being buckled in every time if the buckles are 1970s-Olsmobile-style seatbelts? I can just see six year olds around the nation putting their chest strap behind their backs right now. If you're going to do safety, do it right.

And why does fish sound exactly like half of the other characters (including the bat) on the show? If you have the same voice artist doing different voices, try to make them different, okay?

Speaking of characters that sound the same, Disney is a prime offender. I didn't think I cared, but apparently I really need to know if the cartoon speaking is Pig from Word World or Smee from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. A line coming from Pete in Mickey's Club House has a completely different connotation than one coming from Tigger. So why is the voice the exact same? You're confusing me over here! Remember, I can't see the TV. Let's use a little creativity, shall we?

Max and Ruby is pretty much the most boring show I've ever seen, but for some reason, it evokes ever-changing emotions in me. At first I really disliked Ruby. She's so precocious. But then I realized that she's just a kid, and she's basically little Max's mom, and Max would certainly annoy any eight year old. I know if my kids didn't listen to me three times in a row, I'd be telling them about themselves. So, really, even though Max seems like a saintly toddler just doing his own thing, it's Ruby who has the patience. And one of my friends brought up a really good point. Why does he insist on speaking in only one word sentences? The point-and-demand is not a method of communication I want to encourage in my house.

And what started this whole rant is my favorite character, The Map. What a smug, egocentric, worthless tool he is. He always sends Dora the absolute longest way with the most obstacles, and his little song just sets me on edge. "What's my name? The map! SAY IT AGAIN!" Ooooh,  yeah. Wait, what? Enough, map, enough. We get it. You're the map.

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I Like My Kid Shows with a Large Side of Guilt

As I've mentioned before, I'm kind of religiously confused right now. Of course, I'm dealing with it in the mature way of ignoring it until I can't any longer. Very healthy.

As such, I wouldn't normally introduce Veggie Tales into my home. But, Natalina fell in love with the cucumber on the cover at the library, and we brought it home with us. Since then, we've watched it a few times. To be honest, it's pretty great!  The real-world lesson is 'don't be selfish,' something we're working hard on here, with limited success. The songs are catchy as all get out and based loosely on classical numbers. They address grammar and style. The animation isn't particularly annoying. I even kind of like the characters.

In fact, here's a quick preview of the show.



Suffice to say, I really like it, much to my surprise.

I was totally crushed, then, when at the end of the episode a little weird dude comes out and tells my kids that the cucumber's actions made God angry.

Oh.

Click.

I think even if I were religious and that was a lesson I wanted to teach to my children (which, even if I were religious, I doubt I'd want to teach my kids that they could anger God by being bad and that they had to ask Him for forgiveness, but to each their own) I just don't think I'd want it coming from a cucumber.

Those are personal lessons that I'd like to share with my children on my own time, in my own words. I don't want a dancing vegetable to do it for me. I don't want my television (which makes me feel guilty enough) telling my kids what they should feel bad about and what they should be afraid of.

So, right now, we're in a compromise. We'll watch the episode, and I'll click it off before the last five minutes arrives.  It's working for us.

Click for me??





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Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

I've noticed recently that my internet is angry. Really angry. Over the past few weeks, I have been linked again and again to things said by a certain person trying (and possibly succeeding) to be famous on the internet. Heather Clouse.

Heather blogs here and on tumblr. She runs so many Facebook fan pages and groups that I've lost count. In at least one, she lists herself as a public figure. Her two main niche groups, though, are military wives and teen moms.

So, why is my internet angry? I'm not a military wife, and I wasn't a mother during my teenage years. But I know many people in both groups, and they're pissed.

You see, when you are on the internet a lot and you say a lot of stuff, some of that stuff is inevitably going to be stupid. Trust me, I've been there. So apparently, Heather has said some insulting things, and now she is on the receiving end of quite a lot of ehate.  Is it right? Absolutely not. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

So here are the bare bones from an outsider: Heather Clouse runs many pages of support for military wives and many fan pages for teen moms (particular to the MTV show). She says military wives hate her because she's not married to her National Guard member, police officer boyfriend. Military wives say they hate her because she says things like, buck up and stop whining, you knew what you signed up for (I was going to link this, but the post has been deleted), and oh, hey, I hope your man comes home in a box. (NOTE: I have no evidence of this comment. It was given to me by a source close to her who prefers to remain anonymous.) These hate pages grow. So, Heather goes to...the police? I don't know. You would think so, since her boyfriend is a cop. I do know that she went to the news.  And the news told her, sorry, people have a right to their words.

And they do. Her haters have the right to their opinions, even if they express them somewhat violently. Just as she has the right to hers (and whether or not to delete them). Just as I have the right to come along all Johnny-come-lately with it being no business of mine and blog about it as if I knew something.

A perfect example of this very thing is here on one of her blogs. "Think you're ready to become a teen parent?"

In it, she generalizes an entire subset of people, trying to scare them. I'm not sure which is worse, that she generalized an entire subset of people, trying to scare them, or that she did so on purpose. She lists off a bunch of random prices for things that aren't accurate. She doesn't take into account living costs in certain areas, independence and maturity levels of certain teens, love, affection and support of certain families...the list goes on. My least favorite part is that she assures the teen mom that other people will find her pregnant belly disgusting.  None of these things are inherently true. All of them, though, hold some intrinsic value, and her intentions, as ill-applied as they were, are good. As are mine.

Actually, I lied. This is my least favorite part: "Why would you have a baby with someone, who won’t marry you first? That doesn’t make much sense, does it?"

Um, hey. Yes, it does. First of all, who said he wouldn't marry the girl first?  And if he doesn't...and they're teens...perhaps remaining unmarried will give the woman and her baby insurance coverage through her parents that she would be unable to get if married.

But, it's posts like this and the deleted one that show me why people might perhaps be a bit upset with Heather Clouse. She writes for the Examiner and published an article entitled "Young Marriage in the Military: How Young is Too Young?"

In this article, you can find many such gems as: "While many young couples choose the military as an escape from their community or their situation like a teen pregnancy, or simply being in love and not wanting to have to deal with the hardships that a long distance relationship can bring. Is marriage the right  chouse? Lets take a look."

Okay, so avoiding the grammar snark, which is very hard to do (but it would take me an extra thousand words just to get through the first sentence, let alone the paragraph), lets get to the meat of the matter (okay, couldn't resist one small one).  Not only does the paragraph make no sense, it completely minimalizes the stress and emotion a teenager is going through at the time this situation might occur. She has no facts or statistics to back up her oddly chosen reasons of marriage for a young military couple, and she again generalizes a huge number of people, insulting many. One of whom proudly and rightly states: YOU DON'T KNOW ME. It's true. She doesn't.

But she can say these things and say them badly.

I'm not saying I even necessarily disagree with her intent or purpose, though I do think she bumbles it quite awfully, and I do disagree with a lot of what she actually types out. If I thought the way she apparently does, I'd probably chalk it up to her age, but that's a generalization I don't quite feel comfortable with.

There's nothing illegal about saying what you want or what you feel on the internet, barring actual, physical, specific threats on a person. She's free to spout off any advice she wants. She reminds me of Bill O'Reilly, in fact. She spins a hard "truth" that's not really all that accurate, in layman's terms, edgy in her apparent sincerity. She's playing the internet base like he plays Fox News' fan base. But you know who has a lot of haters? Bill O'Reilly. It's part of the game, Heather. So, I guess I would say, "lol, suck it up, you knew what you were signing up for." And then I could delete it, but I probably won't.

Anyone who is trying to be a public figure on the internet is going to get hate. Especially if they don't couch their words and expect people to "get their point," and ignore the details for the greater message. Because sometimes it's the details that are the most hurtful. Sometimes it's the details that are someone else's life.  Words mean things. People can and will use them as carelessly as you, and I, and your haters do, but that doesn't detract from their meaning.

Right now, you can do just about anything on the internet.

The biggest thing for Heather, and the people she's offended and myself to remember is that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

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Five Petty Things to Hate about Parenting

There are a lot of things to hate (and to love) about parenting. I could go on all day about giving up my independence, losing my freedom, hanging onto my identity with the skin of my teeth, but the important thing to remember is that these things are all passing. They are as fleeting, in fact, as the five things I'm about to list here...the five petty things I hate about parenting at this very moment.

5) I hate the neverending monologue, the only purpose of which is to build up to a tantrum. You know the one. Where they want you to repeat what they said back to them, and then do it, even if it's impossible. And if you don't respond, or respond in an undesirable way, the chant continues on and on and on. They're like Energizer bunnies. Until, finally, they, too, have have enough. Then they melt down. There is hardly ever a happy ending to this particular type of babble.

4) I hate begging them to eat. I know, I know, I'm supposed to put the food out and let them eat it if they want. But I just can't do that. I mean, I can, but it's almost as hard as begging them to eat. They're so skinny anyway, you see, and now that they talk well, they're always telling me, "I'm hungry, I'm hungry." I don't know what that could mean other than...I'm hungry, but apparently it means something else. Anyway, I hate the games we play, the stories we have to tell, the pleading to get them to take one more bite or just stay in their seats until their father and I are done eating.  Enough. Just eat, okay?

3) I hate the theme songs that constantly run through my head. When I get a moment alone, the last thing I want to find myself doing is humming along to "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer." My mind even makes up words to fill in the gaps. Like, I guarantee you the nexts line is not "Boots has super shoes so sayonara," but I put that in, every time. I want to sip my coffee in peace, thank you. At the very least, give me the latest Ke$ha bullcrap or something. But, no. It's always, "this is the song, la la la la, Elmo's World!" Argh! And how do I even know "Whoooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?" My kids don't even watch SpongeBob. Enough, brain, enough.

2) I hate never being able to consume anything at its intended temperature. I happen to like my coffee hot and my ice cream cold. I also enjoy sitting down to eat at a leisurely pace. I do not particularly care for standing in the corner of the kitchen in the dark, scarfing down a handful of sugary cereal so that the babies won't see me and complain about their cheerios. I also am not a fan of eating my dinner cold and alone after everyone else is finished because I had to stop a million times to redirect a child and remind her to put food in her mouth...oh, and then swallow that food.

And the number one thing I hate about parenting at this very moment:

1) The proximity of my face to poop at any given time. One of my daughters is having a bowel movement problem. Unlike baby poop, which I never thought smelled that bad, or even toddler diaper poop, in which my hands were doing the dirty work, but my face was still a good two feet away, a potty seems to exacerbate excrement smell by about 20 times. Seriously, how much stench can come out of one little thing? And it wasn't so bad when they were doing their business, and I was called in at the last minute for cleaning and disposing. But now, my poor daughter needs comfort on the potty. She needs to be hugged through it. She needs to put her little arms around my head and force it down toward her stomach so that my eyeballs and nostrils are mere inches (if that) away from the seat itself. I get a front row seat to the sounds, the smells and the movement of a long, hard pooping extravaganza.  If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

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Want to Go to Paris? Don't Have a Kid.

Commericials are so ridiculous in general that the one I saw last night hardly even bears mention, but it stuck with me, not only for it's blatant exclusionary tactics (which, in a commercial, where your audience is women, and a large percentage of that audience, would, by nature of things, have children, can't be a particularly clever thing to do), but also for its sheer length.

So, after my babies were tucked away in their beds, most definitely not sleeping, laughter and shouts erupting from the room every few minutes, and every few minutes more, a plaintive plea: "Mommy?  Moooooommmmmmy!" I settled down to watch a bit of television (After Lately, actually.  You should watch it.)

After five minutes of the show, the commercial break pops up, and I go to resettle the kids. I plop myself back down on the sofa to see images of happy young women -- every once in a while, a happy young couple -- flitting back and forth on the screen, wearing fashionable things, and being presented with "life choices."

A stork comes by with a purple satchel.  The beautiful woman laughs at him and shakes her head. She moves on to a picture of the Eiffel Tower and instead picks out the note "Trip to Paris."  Another woman, this one in stylish glasses and skinny jeans, looks at house after house after house, the implication being that she can afford it because she doesn't have a child.  Which is why we should all buy this particular brand of birth control.

The commercial goes on and on; it's never-ending.  It says, look at this scenario that's better without kids. Look at that one; you can't do that one with kids.  See all of these smiling faces? It's because they don't have kids.  Know why they don't have kids? Because they buy and use our birth control.

Oh. Okay.

Except that having a kid doesn't mean you'll never get to Paris.  If you try to do it with toddlers, you're a braver woman than I, but last time I checked (I hope!) that phase lasts for just a few years.  Having a kid doesn't prevent you from buying a home you would like.  In fact, it may push you in that direction, who knows?

But, I get their point. I understand what they were going for, and it's not a notion that's completely without merit. Without kids, there is a lot that you can do, it's true.

What really gets me is the length of time they spent on this one concept.  The commercial ran at least a minute. That's a really long time in TV. And I got the point after 15 seconds. 30 seconds was pushing it.  It was only after the full minute that my annoyance and my resolution to never switch to their product set in.

Birth control is used by so many people for so many different reasons.  Why not include the woman with totally intense cramps (in a picture, of course...going with the commercial, she'd be smiling and lovely, over-the-moon about her choice of BC), or the woman has a family already and is satisfied with where she is in life? By using just ten seconds to show those two situations, that brand of birth control widens their audience probably three-fold. As it stands, they alienate at least half and maybe more of the birth-control users out there.  Foolish marketing, in my opinion.

Of course, I'm probably over-reacting and here's why.  Right after that commercial, a spot came on for Enfamil Formula, showing a harried mother in an oversized shirt feeding her baby a bottle.

Oh, television, what's with the one-two punch?  "If you didn't use that birth control we were just talking about, and you look like this woman instead of those other women, here's a product for you."

Well, E, thank you for not leaving mothers behind in your advertising.


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Toddlers and Tiaras? No, Thanks.

Last night, my husband and I caught about three minutes of the show "Toddlers and Tiaras."  There was a pretty little girl in a lot of make up, smiling and standing before a crowd, her mother proudly looking on with tears in her eyes.

"When I'm in my make up," the little girl said, "I feel pretty."

And she looked pretty.  I certainly wasn't scandalized.  It looked like any other mother / daughter activity to me.

The next shot was a teaser for the next segment, in which a young girl, probably three or four, was walking down the corridor, getting ready to go on stage.

"Don't take your dress off right now," the mom said calmly.  The girl stopped in her tracks, put her head down, whined, and flopped face-down on the floor in slow motion.

My husband and I dissolved into laughter.  That would have been Natalina's exact reaction.  Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the pressure on these families and the effort they must exert to go through this particular activity.  They can have it.  We're not interested over here.  Let me tell you why.

1) I happen to think my two girls are the most beautiful human beings ever to toddle the earth.

See?

Oh, you don't? That's okay.  I am acutely aware that as the mother of these two girls, I will find them more beautiful than anything.  I assume that every other mother of every other child thinks the same about their children.  Therefore, my opinion of their beauty is useless in determining whether they should be on a toddler runway.  I prefer to have my viewpoint, separate from the judges and audiences that would not be so kind.

2) As a parent, I don't have the energy to truck them around to this and that agent or show producer.  The casting calls, the constant primping, the frills, the organization.  I mean, it's all I can do to get them to the library two miles away.  And putting make up on a two-year-old kid?  I can't even put make up on myself.  I'm not cut out for show business.

3) I highly doubt they're cut out for show business, either.  The scene with the little girl flopping on the floor seconds before her big moment reduced me to giggles because I'm absolutely sure that would be us should we ever attempt the spotlight.

4) I don't know if I would be strong enough to put all this pressure on them and emphasis on their looks and at the same time instill in them that looks mean (or should mean) nothing in the real world.  I am not a complicated enough creature to be able to resolve those mixed messages.  I'm sure some parents can do it, but I have no idea how.

5) It takes them out of a loving home environment and puts them under harsh lighting and critical eyes at such a young age.  They are just learning about themselves and their place in the world around them.  I just don't think adult stranger criticism is going to help their development.

Thankfully, so far in their two-year life-span, the girls have never expressed to me an interest in showing off their looks to millions of strangers on television.  While some toddlers may have a burning desire to do this, mine are content to play princess and superman.

I'd like to keep it that way.

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