Ask a Teacher: What's the deal with summer reading?

The school year is still underway for much of the country, but most schools and teachers are beginning to plan for next year. For a lot of students, that means it's time to think about summer reading. With the looming worry of summer work, some parents want to know what's the deal with summer reading? Is it beneficial? Do we even have to do it?

Overall, summer reading is a benefit to most students. Over summer, many students experience a learning loss as they don't use skills they were previously practicing daily. For students who are already struggling with reading, these losses can set students back even further. By encouraging students to continue reading over the summer, basic reading skills like inferencing can be practiced at home.

It's important for summer reading assignments to be age appropriate and as stress-free as possible for both parents and kids. If the assigned program is beginning to make your child say things like "I hate reading" it might be time to take a step back. Summer reading should involve a lot of choice for students at every age. The goal is to keep students reading and interested in reading. If your child only wants to read informational books, let them. Summer reading can help build a love of reading in your child.

As students get older, they should be assigned to read less books. The idea in the younger grades is that you are reading with your child. As kids get older, they should read more independently and read longer texts. Asking for a small project over summer is fine, but if it's taking more than a few days to complete, again it might be time to take a step back.

Be open and honest with your child's teacher when you return from summer. If you didn't read the number of books you were supposed to, don't lie about it. Talk to the teacher and explain that your child was struggling and beginning to dislike reading, so you took a step back. Openly lying doesn't alert your child's teacher to information that could possibly help your child during the school year. Also, if your child knows that you lied to their teacher, that can undermine the teacher.

Try not to stress about summer reading. It is only meant to benefit your child and shouldn't be seen as a major assessment of your child's skills or your parenting. Remember to utilize the library as often as possible and let your child lead the way in their reading interests.


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Emilie is a high school English teacher with two children. She holds a Bachelors in English and a Masters in Secondary Education. After completing student teaching at an urban, Persistently Low Achieving (PLA) school, she was placed at another PLA school in the same school district. Her Ask a Teacher column can also be found over at Teaching Ain't for Heroes.

Making it out of school alive (or Z to A month)

My kids do great in school. They make good grades, love to learn, have fun absorbing information like a sponge, and they both have wonderful, caring teachers this year, to boot.

So why do I have to dress them up like zebras, then have them bring in yo-yos, then Wheat Thins, and then wear velcro, and today wear University of Florida gear...

and then,

guys, it doesn't stop.

The first grade is doing this lovely little TWENTY-SIX DAY project called Z-A. And every day the girls have to do something different for the letter as addressed on the cutesy calendar the school sent home.

And I'm doing it, I really am. I'm a great mom, I swear. I even sent my kid to school today in one of my old Gator sweatshirts because we have NO gator clothes. I am committed.

But I am already tired.

And on top of it, it is teacher appreciation week (which I feel is much more important), so we're picking flowers off the roadside and making baseball cupcakes and other adorable snacks to celebrate our teachers. We're giving dollar bills in envelopes marked "room parents". We're bending over backward here, as parents, just as the end of the year sludge is trying to kick in full force. It is HARD.

I have another three weeks of letters and never has the alphabet seemed so long.

Superhero day, red day, orange day, queen day (girls wear crowns?). We don't have any superhero t-shirts, or red ones or orange ones. We might not have two working crowns. I'm dying over here.

I love the creativity. I love the idea. As an idea. As a thing that first graders do for an endless period of time, not so much. This is a lot of work for the parents, and probably a lot of work for the teachers. My kids would have been fine without it. What they don't know exists doesn't harm them.

Next year, in second grade, I hope we do a whole lot of nothing at the end of the year.

Please?

Ask a teacher: What do teachers really want for Teacher Appreciation Week?

Teacher Appreciation Week is just around the corner. Yes, I get a whole week. Be jealous. In addition to this, the end of the school year is fast approaching. Unless you were buried in Snowmageddon at some point this summer, in which case you have a few months to go. Whatever the reason, the desire to give a gift to your child's teacher make suddenly strike you. But what on earth should you give them?

First, please know that this is not expected and you don't need to spend an exorbitant amount of money on your child's teacher. I know money is tight and things get hectic. It's very rare for me to get a gift from my students considering the population that I serve. Honestly, a nice email or phone call from a parent would mean the world to me and other teachers if you don't have the cash for a gift. With that said, if you want to give a gift, here are some ideas.

The Practical

Pens/Pencils - Your kids might be well stocked, but not every kid is. I spend a lot of money every year on writing utensils for my students and very rarely get them back. While decorated pencils are cute, they often clog up the pencil sharpener, so plain pencils are best. In the younger grades, crayons and markers are also appreciated.

Paper - Whatever paper is used for your child's grade, from tablet to college rule, is beneficial. Like writing utensils, I spend a freakish amount of money every year on looseleaf for my students. Think in the hundreds. Yes, really.

Stickers - Kids love stickers. Even my 16 year old sophomores go nuts for stickers. Every teacher can find a use for stickers.

Classroom Library Books - I have a few hundred classroom library books, most of which I bought myself. Even in younger grades, teachers are in need of new and interesting books for students.

Post Its - I can never have enough. I like fun ones, but basic yellow is fine, too. Basically every size is used.

The Personal

Mugs - I can never have enough mugs. Seriously. Most teachers drink some kind of hot beverage, be it tea or coffee. I'm also taking them home on accident or stuck with a dirty mug. Travel and regular mugs are appreciated.

Notepads - I send notes to parents and students. Yes, even in this digital age. If you have the time and inclination to get a nice notepad, personalized or not, for your child's teacher, it will definitely be used.

Water bottle/Cup - I drink freakish amounts of water. Those cute plastic cups with straws and tops are a big trend amount teachers right now. Most teachers spend a lot of time talking and keeping your throat well hydrated is very important.

Hand Sanitizer - I go through buckets of this. I love your little angels, but they have a lot of germs.

The Gift Card Route

Store Closest to School - See what store is closest to your school and choose a card from there. I never shop of Meijer normally, but it's right down the street from school. A gift card there would work the best because it's literally minutes from school for me. See what's close to your school.

Organize It - If you have the time and inclination, see if you can organize a card from any parents that want to chip in. Maybe you were going to give $10 and another was going to give $25 and a third wanted to give $20, but the three of you combined can get an easy to use single card instead of three separate cards.

Restaurant - If you find out what restaurant your child's teacher enjoys the most, this is a nice, thoughtful gift. If you're not sure on their favorite restaurant, go back to a store card. Store cards can be used on personal purchases or classroom purchases. A restaurant card won't work for every teacher. I don't have the time to go out with my own kids and busy teaching and coaching schedule, so a store card would work better for me.

The Food

Individual Snacks - Things like granola bars are a huge hit. They're portable and have a decent shelf life. Individual snacks are great for teachers because we often get 20 minute lunches and sometimes don't even get to eat during then. A quick snack during class change is great for us.

Candy! - I freaking love candy. Remember smaller is better. I've gone through a huge 1lb bag of chocolate before. I have no self control, so a smaller package is better.

Hot Beverages - Find out how your child's teacher gets their caffeine or hot pick me up. Maybe they like tea or coffee. Maybe they have a Keurig or a traditional coffee pot. Whatever way they take their hot beverage, they always need more.

Homemade - I'm always down for your homemade Chocolate Zucchini Bread or whatever. Bring it on! Just remember dietary restrictions and let us know if it's been around peanuts or whatever.

Whatever you decide on, you can't go wrong by showing your child's teacher that you thought of them. I'm always grateful no matter what gift I get!


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Emilie is a high school English teacher with two children. She holds a Bachelors in English and a Masters in Secondary Education. After completing student teaching at an urban, Persistently Low Achieving (PLA) school, she was placed at another PLA school in the same school district. Her Ask a Teacher column can also be found over at Teaching Ain't for Heroes.

Ask a Teacher - How Do I Get My Child to Behave?

In the girls' classes they had this thing called "Shining Star". In addition to their green and yellow and red cards that got flipped for everyday decisions, the teacher would pick one child a week as the best child and send them home as the shining star. Oh, the tears. THE TEARS, GUYS. Shining star was absolutely the bane of my existence, escalating to an unparalleled scale when one of my twins brought home shining star months before the other twin. THE TEARS. Anyway, this system, while very well intended...didn't quite work out for us.

Emilie Blanton, who blogs over at Teaching Ain't For Heroes, has some suggestions on the best ways to reward a child for good behavior, and how to supplement that system at home.

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How can I help my child behave during school?

Every kid is different. If my contributions have a common theme, it would be just that. Every single kid is different and one size does not fit all. It's with that in mind that we had to reevaluate how we were motivating our son in Pre-Kindergarten.

My son's teacher has a system that works really well. Students move up and down a ladder based on their behavior. They start neutral green and can move up with good behavior and down with bad behavior. Students who are green or better receive a stamp at the end of the day to let their parents know. Students who receive a stamp every day that week visit the treasure box on Friday.

The problem for us was that five days in a row was a lot for our son. His teacher and I were both frustrated by his behavior. He wasn't intentionally being bad, he just wanted to play. He would be good on Monday and Tuesday, but if he didn't get a stamp Wednesday, he didn't seem to care about Thursday or Friday.

At our house we devised a color chart that he colored in with his behavior color. Instead of focusing on five consecutive days, we focused on five days, period. If he was good Monday and Tuesday, but then didn't do so hot Wednesday, he still cared about filling in good boxes for Thursday and Friday. He could earn things like a book, an iPad App, a toy from the dollar bin at Target, and so on.

We also had a bad decisions bar that filled up with five no stamp days. After five no stamp days, he lost a privilege that he had to earn back. The bars helped him see his overall behavior and give him a more achievable goal to reach.

There are kids in my son's class who are completely capable of five consecutive good days in a row and maybe next year, my son would be one of those kids. He's just not this year and rather than fret about him being "that" kid in class and wondering why other kids were able to meet the goals set by the teacher, we made our own goals.

If your child is struggling with behavior in the classroom and the teacher's system isn't a good fit for them, making a complementary system to help encourage good behavior and discourage bad decisions is great. What we did might not work for you and it may take some time to get it just right. We'd tried giving and taking away privileges on a day by day basis before trying the chart, but it didn't work for us and we moved on to something that did. Helping your child be successful is about finding ways to facilitate success rather than react to negative behavior. The ultimate goal is to remove these incentives once the behavior becomes habit. It's a lot easier to start with baby steps and work your way up than to expect giant leaps that your child can't or won't take.








 

Dear Overzealous Room Parent

Now, before I get into the nitty gritty of this, would like to state emphatically that I mean this woman no ill-will, I don't think she's a horrible person, I don't think room parents in general is a bad idea, etc. etc. I'm just annoyed. That's all.

Also, keep in mind, I am like the anti-room parent, to be honest. I practice a kindergarten isolationism, not necessarily on purpose, more because I have a life, and that life has nothing to do with interacting with people who won't like me, just because they happen to have also given birth in 2008 and live in the vicinity. We're busy.

Because of this whole, 'bring the kids to school, kiss them goodbye, go home and live my own life, pick the kids up from school, give them a kiss hello, go home and live my own life' schedule, I don't know any of these people. I know a few of my girls' friends parents, because they are important to us. But I couldn't tell you what the room parents look like, or who their kids are, or anything about anyone at all. If I did, I'm sure I would tell you that they are lovely human beings with the best intentions at heart. Actually, I can say that anyway. I'm sure they only mean the very best. Still annoyed.

Not knowing who they are makes it easier for me to dissect a few emails I've gotten by way of Teacher Appreciation week, which is going to be next week.

On Monday, I received this pleasure-bomb in my inbox:

Hello everyone! For those of you who have sent in your donations, thank you! For those of you who haven't, please have your donations in by Thursday (min of 3 dollars). 

On Friday I will be decorating our classroom dope with superheroes. I would like every child to color a picture of their favorite super hero. Please send these to me (you can fold them neatly in an envelope of just put a sticky on that says room parent). I will be cutting out the colorings and glueing then on a poster board. I think this will be more personal :). 

Also, Monday the kids will need to bring in a flower for their teacher to put in a vase when they get to school. 

One last thing, I also would like to send cards made by the kids to mrs _______. Please have your cards send to me no later than Friday. 

Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you! 

OVERZEALOUS ROOM PARENT

First of all, I can't even with the tone of the whole thing. Something about it just sets me on edge and makes me NOT WANT to do any of the things she's asking? demanding? we all do. Kind of like 'you're not the boss of me' with a little 'lol at you' on the side. I don't know. That's probably not fair of me, but there it is.

Let's go over a few of the details, though.

"For those of you who have sent in your donations, thank you! For those of you who havien't, please have your donations in by Thursday (min of 3 dollars)."

Since when can you put a minimum on a donation? Answer: You cannot. A donation is a gift and you don't get to tell people how much they have to give. I mean, technically the minimum is zero because people don't have to donate. If this is a requirement, then you are looking for a different word.

"On Friday I will be decorating our classroom dope with superheroes."

LOL, what? Do I really want someone who can't be bothered to proofread an email doing what is clearly the most important job in kindergarten? (Also, is it wrong of me to worry that my child is going to come home one day plastered in superheroes? JUST KIDDING, SHE'S BRILLIANT, FYI.)

"Please send these to me (you can fold them neatly in an envelope of just put a sticky on that says room parent). I will be cutting out the colorings and glueing then on a poster board. I think this will be more personal :)."

Couple of things. 1) Did you really have to tell us to fold them neatly? I mean, I was totally going to have my kid color her heart out, then crumple that shit into a ball and toss it in the bottom of her backpack. Maybe spill a little applesauce on it for good measure...

2) I have absolutely no idea how you cutting them out and glueing them on poster board will make this more personal. It's only going to make it harder for the teacher to fit it in the garbage can when appreciation week is over. But I'm sure your cutting job will be perfection and right on the lines, so at least there's that.

3) You meant or. Not of. Maybe those cuttings won't be right on the line after all, eh? But that's okay! We are in kindergarten and things don't need to be perfect. ... Actually maybe you don't mean or. Do you mean and? What is happening.

"Also, Monday the kids will need to bring in a flower for their teacher to put in a vase when they get to school."

Okay, first of all, no they don't. The kids don't need to do anything. You're not my mom. Secondly, luckily I have a vase of fresh cut flowers in my home all the time (because I am an AWESOME PINTEREST MOM, FOR REAL). But if I didn't? I would TOTALLY allow my child to pick some random weed flower from a field and call it a day.

"One last thing, I also would like to send cards made by the kids to mrs _______. Please have your cards send to me no later than Friday."

So, let me get this straight, in addition to their homework, this week we also need to draw and color superheroes, fold them neatly and get them to school, bring in $3 and magically figure out who you are to give it to you, pick a freaking flower and have that thing not die before the teacher gets it, and make a homemade card.

No problem. I actually wasn't even doing anything this week, anyway. Because with five year olds, you know that NONE of this shit is going to take less than two hours a piece.

Even still, I was going to do this (I'm still going to do it, but with less enthusiasm). I have it on my to-do list today and everything.

Then this morning, at 6:30 a.m. I get this gem in my inbox:

Hi everyone. I'm still missing donations. We only have 30 dollars so far. It will be very difficult for me to do everything I'm requires to with only 30 dollars. Please send in your donations they are due by Friday. 

In addition, I have not received any superhero colorings from the kids or hand made cards for mrs __________. I have to decorate the classroom door Friday at 1:45 so I need everyone's colorings no later than Thursday. 

Let me know of you have any questions. 

Thanks! OVERZEALOUS ROOM PARENT

So many issues, here. First of all, this was sent on Wednesday at ass in the morning, when in the previous email the deadlines were clearly stated, and none of them were Wednesday at ass in the morning. We are grown ups, lady. We can handle our business, and know what deadlines mean. Thanks.

Secondly, I mean just look at this. I laughed.

"I'm still missing donations." The only way to miss donations, as was pointed out on my Facebook earlier, is if they are stolen or lost once you've received them. People are not required to donate, therefore, you are not missing their non-requirement.

"We only have 30 dollars so far."

Okay, this is my surprised face that you even have more than zero dollars so far because it is hardly even Wednesday when you sent this and the donations aren't "due" until Friday. So, clearly, many many many parents have their shit together way better than me. 

"It will be very difficult for me to do everything I'm requires to with only 30 dollars. Please send in your donations they are due by Friday."

What in God's name are you "requires" to do with this money? I need to know this. What could you possibly be required to do with money parents donated for their kids' teacher other than buy her a gift with that money? And if that's the requirement, then surely you can find something rad (like wine) to give her for $30. Moot point because you're going to get more money anyway, and PS, you didn't have to bully us into it. It's coming, hold your gift-horses.

"In addition, I have not received any superhero colorings from the kids or hand made cards for mrs __________."

This just made me lol. Of course you didn't. COME ON. Something about the tone of this, I can't.

"Let me know of you have any questions."

I just have one question. Who made you the boss of me, though?

Actually, I have another one. What about the families who are struggling and can't donate right now? Or those horribly shitty parents who, you know, work, and therefore haven't had time to address your bullshit yet? Can't we be a little more sensitive to different people's situations? Can't we ask people for their time and effort and money instead of acting entitled to it and then peeved when it doesn't come three days before it's "due"? Just wondering.

Now, lest you think I'm just a jerk (which, sustained, I know I am). I have twins. And my other twin also has a room parent. And she's looking for the same things. And she has managed to alert me to this TWICE just like the first one up there. And she hasn't annoyed me once.

First thing she did right was send the first note home with the kids. So, I'm already in school mode when I'm looking at it.

Second, her follow-up email looked like this:

Good Evening Fellow Miss ________ Class Parents! 

I just wanted to give you the SUPER HERO update for our super teacher appreciation week that is planned for NEXT WEEK! 

Today your child has in his/her backpack a full detailed outline of the upcoming events....if this paperwork has self destructed before making it home...please see attached files. 

Please send in any donations that you are able to contribute for Miss ________ class gift...this will be the BIG end of year gift a special way to say "Thank you" for the OUTTA this WORLD job she has done with our children! Send your donation in a gift card or monetary donation marked "Room Mom." I pull together our contributions and purchase her something special from ALL of us...or if you wish you may acknowledge her individually. I really just want her to know how special she is this week for all of her SUPER HERO teaching she has provided to our kiddos throughout the year! 

Please remember to send in your "SECRET AGENT" homework that your child received today by THURSDAY, APRIL 31 so I can process the data and plan for a surprise door decoration for her on Friday.

Please remember to send your child with a FLOWER on Monday to give to Miss _______ for a special Teacher Appreciation Week Blast OFF!!! 

Thank you for all of your support, REGULAR ROOM PARENT

Dear OVERZEALOUS ROOM PARENT,

Please see REGULAR ROOM PARENT for how to get people on board with plans, act as if everyone is equal, and in general have people like you.

Sincerely,

FRAZZLED TWIN PARENT

Home Schooling Co-op Confusion - Guest Post

Today, I'm especially lucky to have Tracey Birch from Inside the Mommyvan explaining what co-ops mean to home schoolers...and what they don't. Thank you, Tracey!

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If you spend much time around homeschoolers, you'll probably hear them talk about their "co-op" days. I was recently asked for an explanation of these mysterious organizations by someone who'd heard they they were "like school, but without qualified teachers."

I suppose that description may fit some co-ops, but I'm fortunate to live in an area where that couldn't be farther from the truth, at any of the half-dozen co-ops in my general vicinity (and those are just the ones I've heard of).

First off, what is a homeschool co-op? Details vary, but in general it's when a group of homeschoolers get together--usually once a week--for a day of more-or-less classes. These are often, but not always, taught by the co-op parents, and the subject matter can range from belly dancing to advanced biology. There is usually a fee for classes, which generally goes to the individual teachers to pay for their time and supplies. Some large co-ops have a paid administrative staff, but most are truly co-operative, relying on parent volunteers for everything from scheduling classes to cleaning up the lunch room. The best organizations double as a support and social group for both parents and students. Some have the interpersonal drama you might expect from any organized group of individuals, but no more than you'd find in a PTA or neighborhood organization.

As for the teachers' qualifications, there are a few things to keep in mind. One, many former professional teachers homeschool their own kids; two, co-ops often attract outside (non-homeschooling) teachers and experts; and three, truly unqualified teachers are easy to avoid. As word gets around, and it does, about their lack of teaching skills or subject-matter knowledge, they're not invited back to the co-op or people just don't enroll in their classes. How many traditional-school parents have (or wish they had) that option? The reality is that public school teachers are often placed in classrooms far outside their areas of expertise (take a look at your state's minimum requirements for a teaching certificate sometime), and much of their class time is spent on high-stakes standardized test preparation. Worst-case at co-op: we've spent an hour a week for one semester in a worthless class. At a traditional school, that class with the "bad" teacher may be the student's entire day, every day (for lower grades) or their only opportunity to take an advanced class in the upper grades.

Some co-ops add on many of the extra-curriculars found at traditional schools: field trips, yearbooks, science fairs, student council, art shows, even prom and graduation ceremonies. Others focus on rigorous academic subjects, with highly qualified teachers and loads of homework. Still others are relaxed, with an eclectic mix of classes where age or grade levels are mere suggestions and parents, often with babes-in-arms, can be found sitting in on class sessions.

Whichever type you choose, co-ops can be a valuable addition to a homeschooler's toolbox for academics, extra-curriculars, and social time. My kids are currently taking a science & nature class from a long-time professional educator (who brings in all sorts of critters for the kids to see and touch) and a class on playing games (fall semester focused on old-school games and good sportsmanship, this spring is games from around the world complete with geography and culture lessons). In the past they have taken arts & crafts classes (with themes from a storybook reading), Lego construction (including simple machines), ballet, tap, and hip-hop dance, exploring water (from physical/chemical properties, art, and nature perspectives), local plants & wildlife (great day-long field trip that semester), and Waldorf-inspired art.

We also spend hours on the playground and at the park each week, just hanging out and playing with friends. This may be the best part of our co-op experience, as kids of all ages play together and look out for each other; cliques and bullying are practically non-existent.

So yes, it is sort of like school... but the difference isn't in the teachers, it's in the parents and students.


 

Ask a Teacher: How to Get the Whole Story

Sometimes, when kids come home from school or even playdates, they have some...odd stories to share. I know mine have told me about teachers "yelling" at them, or saying something mean. Heck, it's happened to me on multiple occasions. Once, my daughter slipped on tile floor during a tantrum and I made a grab for her so she wouldn't bang her head, only I was in heels and stumbled myself, falling and putting a hole in the wall. The story that reached her daddy was: "Mommy got mad and kicked the wall."

She was three at the time, saw my stern, all-business, gonna-save-my daughter face, confused it with anger, and was falling herself as I fell, and when she got up there was my foot in the wall. Makes sense. I can see her version.

Anyway, sometimes what kids remember is not exactly what happened. So how do you get the whole story? We asked resident teacher, Emilie Blanton, who blogs over at Teaching Ain't for Heroes.

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Kids remember the darndest things. Or they remember things in really odd and unflattering ways. This happens to parents all the time. It happens to teachers as well.

At some point, your child is going to come home with a really strange, possibly shocking story involving their teacher. It's going be easy to jump to conclusions. For example, my son came home and told me that his teacher told him he needs to brush his teeth in the morning because his breath smells bad.

I immediately jumped to conclusions and thought she'd singled out my son and made him feel bad. He was already brushing his teeth in the morning. I started trying to figure out how his fantastic Pre-K teacher would think that's okay to tell my son. I got a little irrational while talking about it with my husband demanding to know how she'd even know since he's in the afternoon class. I went through his normal lunch trying to figure out what would make his breath smell so bad.

At after school pick up the next day, I waited a bit to talk to his teacher only find out they sang a song all about why you should brush your teeth, including how it makes your breath smell good. I got irrational over nothing.

When these instances happen, it's important to keep a cool head and ask calmly what happened. Oftentimes kids have these weird filters that make no sense to adults. Sometimes starting out with "You know, Johnny said the craziest thing..." instead of an accusatory tone can keep help you get the whole story without the teacher getting defensive. You'd be surprised what kind of things students spout off about their parents. Keeping an open mind and remembering there's probably a perfectly good explanation can save a lot of stress and embarrassment for all parties.

There are "bad" teachers out there who may speak or act in a manner you don't find appropriate. If that is the case, discuss that situation with the teacher in question. If the behavior doesn't change, involve administrators as needed, but always try to discuss the issue with the teacher first.

What are some crazy stories your kids have come home with? What really happened?

 

My Son Was Bullied - Contributor Post

Alex Nguyen of Alex Nguyen Portraits speaks to an increasing problem as our children grow up. Bullying and what to do when it happens to your family.

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Last year, at the tail end of August, my husband and I casually talked to my son Samuel about school starting. We asked all the parent questions like, are you excited to see your friends? What are you looking forward to learning about the most? Anything that you want to talk to mommy and daddy about? He rattled off the expected answers such as, he was excited to see such-and-such friend; he wanted to know if he'd be able to check out such-and-such book during Library; and he wanted to see how much he'd grown against his buddies.

 

What we weren't expecting was his hesitation, and confession that he was scared, and worried about going back to school to see a specific classmate. At my son's school, he is in cooperative program where from first through sixth grade, he has the same classmates and they all move up together through elementary. So while it's lovely to know that he'll always be in the same class with his friends, this was the first time that we heard about him fearing a fellow classmate.

We talked to him about his concerns and fears, and he said that his classmate John* wasn't very nice. John was loud, disrespectful, mean to other kids, told lies, and not a rule follower. When Samuel was around John, it would make him feel anxious inside. I talked to my son about how sometimes kids don't know how to make friends, and they act mean because they don't know how to be kind. I told him about modeling kindness, including John in activities at recess, in games, and we brainstormed ideas on how he could interact with John to alleviate his concerns and fears before school started.

School started, and my husband and I checked in with Samuel to see how things were going daily. About three weeks into school, my son told me that John had hit him at recess. I asked him what were the circumstances, and basically they were playing a game. John was showing off and doing "karate moves", Samuel asked him to stop, John continued doing it and made physical contact with my son more than once. My son reported it to the playground supervisor, who followed up with John. I emailed my son's teacher at once to see her take on the situation. I got no response. I emailed again, and again, and left messages on the school voice mail. By this time, a week had passed since the initial incident, and my son came home to tell me that John had kicked him at recess again. He also mentioned that John had stolen stuff out of Samuel's desk, and taken Samuel's school stuff from his backpack. Just matter of fact, while he was telling me about his day.

This time, I emailed the teacher, I emailed the principal, and I went to the school to talk to the teacher. I asked my son if he had reported it to anyone, and he said he had told his teacher who said she didn't see it and wanted kids to "work it out" amongst themselves. For recess he had told the playground supervisor, but John had run away and hidden, so he wasn't sure what had happened. I finally cornered the teacher to set up a meeting time with me to specifically talk my concerns that maybe John was bullying Samuel.

Her responses to me: "I haven't seen anything, so it didn't happen" "It's never happened to me before in all my years of teaching" "Do you really believe the word of a seven-year-old boy?" "Well, I think the class is bullying John, not the other way around."

She wouldn't take my concerns that my son was being HIT BY A CLASSMATE seriously. She wouldn't take my concerns that maybe my son was being bullied by a classmate seriously. And she blamed my son. When we finally met up with the administration, two and a half weeks after the initial physical hitting incident, we were told that we could only discuss things moving forward, and we couldn't discuss anything that happened in the past.

To say that I was livid would be an understatement. The cherry on top of the under-responsive teacher and school administration sundae was that my son came home the day of our meeting to tell me that John had hit him again on the playground.

After calling the Vice Principal again, we had an action plan in place. But, I had to really advocate for my child, since his first line of defense, his teacher who should have been protecting him, would not believe him. She even marked him down on his report card, stating that my son had social issues and did not accept others' behaviors (because he would not get along with his bully in his classroom - even though he got along with everyone else, and was even chose as ASB representative for his grade).

The action plan we finally got in place for my son was this: my son and John had weekly separate meetings with the Vice Principal starting in October, and lasting through April. All adults in charge were made aware of the situation, and knew to at least acknowledge my son when he came up with them to tell them of John's behavior (a simple, "I hear your words" was all we were requesting from them). His teacher, parent volunteers, the P.E./Music/Librarians/Spanish teacher all knew. My son also had a daily check in with his teacher to make sure that things were okay.

I also starting volunteering in his classroom weekly to keep an eye out on things. My husband started volunteering during recess whenever possible to also check on things. It took a lot of effort, and a lot of pushing from us as parents to have the school take us seriously that this was a problem. As a parent, it is a nightmare when your child is being bullied and no one at your child's school takes your seriously.

My advice is to be persistent and document everything (emails, phone calls; make a spreadsheet if you need to of actions taken, who you contacted, if there was any follow up). Make your voice heard, even if the administration thinks you are overboard. Make sure there is an action plan in place for future incidents, and that EVERYONE knows it - playground supervisors, even substitute ones. Parent volunteers in the classroom. Teachers. Vice Principals. Everyone should know.

Changes can be as simple as making sure your child and their bully are not sitting at the same table group in a classroom. If the school doesn't take you seriously, check with your school district website. I found out that our school district actually had something called a Bullying Advocate for parents/students. This was a third person liason that would work with parents with resources, and give us ideas on how to approach the administration better. At the end of the day, you are the best advocate you have for your child, and you know what is right for them.

 




 

An Open Letter to a Third Grader's Teacher - Contributor Post

We all have back-to-school jitters, and things we want our children's teachers to know, so that we can give them the best start possible to every school year. Sometimes knowing what to say, and what not to, can really help. Accidentally Mommy helps me out.

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An open letter to a new teacher at the start of a new year. Since we can’t actually make our correspondence to our childrens’ educators both confessionals and on-our-knees pleas for help where we’ve failed in the past, I couldn’t actually send this. It was written, though. Here you go, Village. I wrote mine—don’t feel foolish if you’ve ever written or need to write yours. And as you save it to gather dust in the drafts folder, remember one thing: No matter your fears and concerns at the beginning of each year, sometimes just the change in and of itself is all that we need to find balance again. Dancing Queen has found her love for school again, without my tear-stained e-mail going out to her teacher after the first week.

Dear Mrs. 3rd Grade,

First off, I want to say thank you. Upon reflection, I realized when we were talking that I was pointing out many of Dancing Queen's weaknesses. You lead only with her strengths. That means a lot to me, and I wanted you to know that it didn't go unnoticed.

Dancing Queen is a very, very special person. I know every parent says that, and for every parent, it's true. I see a strength of character in Dancing Queen that I don't see in many other people, though -- adult or child. As you said, she's a very social individual and genuinely interested in being friends with just about everyone. I've had the chance in the past to observe her in a social situation that another person could have handled in a much more negative way. Instead of reacting with scorn, or suspicion, or gawking curiosity, she reacted only with a smile and an offer of friendship. While the children around her were making fun or asking hurtful questions, she was standing up to bullies and holding her new friend's hand. I have encouraged tolerance and good will in her from the beginning, but I cannot in good conscience claim to be the reason for her good nature. That would be a false humblebrag; kindness is simply a part of who she is. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying she's without fault. She's eight. She has the same quirks and frustrations that come with being eight and expanding her boundaries. She has a good heart, though.

You'll have to bear with me. I can get verbose and sometimes it takes me a little while to get to my point, which is why I wanted to email you instead of talking to you tonight. It takes far less time to skim an e-mail than it does to listen to a parent awkwardly fumble through trying to get their thoughts to come out right.

As her new teacher, you need to know that she didn't have the strongest start in school, and I feel like you need some of her history. Pre-K was marred by drama with her father and the very difficult pregnancy and subsequent birth of her brother who was very ill at the beginning. Because of this, she didn't have a parent who was the most engaged and involved. This continued into kindergarten, as I was consumed with maintaining her brother's health. We have a very strong support system in my parents and my siblings, but that can't always replace having mom directly involved. First grade found her with a teacher that was very clearly under personal strains who unfortunately took it out on her classroom. Dancing Queen is a very, very sensitive child. She's naturally averse to conflict and sensitive to what she perceives to be negative judgment. She was made to feel inadequate a handful of times, and that was enough to start the downhill slide. By the time second grade rolled around, she found that she dreaded school and everything about it. She dreaded tests. She dreaded reading. She dreaded writing. She felt like her teacher was passing constant judgment on her, and because of that often felt persecuted, even though she was reassured at home that this surely wasn't the case. Still, though, I met with her teacher early in the year to discuss these feelings she had, and I was met with a stony expression and monotone, emotionless, flat answers to my questions. Questions that I should have been asking all along, like "What are some suggestions for things I can do to enrich her at home and help her to enjoy learning again?" Questions of that nature were answered with "I don't know." Fast forward to this summer, and we have a normally bright, sassy little girl presenting herself dimmed, defeated, convinced that school sucks and she just doesn't want to go.

I don't want that for her. And I see that in your class, that won't be the expected behavior. While she will still answer when asked what she likes about school is that there's pizza and fruit-flavored water, it is my dream that she tacks on something about actually receiving her education, too.

Now that I have that said and out of the way, there are some other important things you need to know. Dancing Queen, as I said, is a worrier. She is definitely her mother's child in that she dwells on things that bother her and lets them interfere with her daily life sometimes. Her biggest school-related anxieties are centered primarily on test taking and reading/writing. Some things were said to her last year that she interpreted to mean that she wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough, to succeed this year.

 In addition to this, Dancing Queen is also epileptic. The medication she's on can sometimes have an effect on her mood, sleeping patterns, and even her short-term memory. If she seems more forgetful, it is possibly a side effect of her meds.

(Disclaimer: I won't pull the meds card if you come to me and tell me that you truly feel she isn't paying attention. I'm not that parent. Please, please, please let me know if you feel that her behavior is questionable. I don't allow her medical condition to be a cover for lack of effort.)

She needs to play catch-up at home, particularly with her writing skills (punctuation, grammar, vocab, and sentence structure specifically,) and to discover a love for reading. I am the first to admit, though, that I don't make a very good instructor. I know I already ask a great deal of you by simply sending my child to be your student, but may I ask for a little bit more help? Can you point me in the direction of some resources  that I can employ at home that take a fun approach to these subjects so that she and I can work on them diligently without frustrating each other to the point of misery?

Thank you so much for your time, and thank you so much for your dedication to the kids. I wasn't paying lip service when I said earlier that I'm excited for this year. I'm truly  looking forward to being more involved with both her and you.

Sincerely,

Accidentally Mommy





 

The Common Denominator

What do teachers and students have in common?  They're all people.  Too often, this similarity is overlooked if not entirely forgotten.  Teachers good and bad fall into their roles, and students, often with some resistance, follow suit.  Ignoring humanity in our school systems does no one any favors, and it only gets worse as the government focuses on test scores and statistics instead of on students.

As I considered who to highlight here, the choices seemed endless.  I could choose the tech teacher, who let me come to class late if I brought him coffee and taught me about being in news.  I could choose the math teacher who specialized in broadening our social consciousness.  I could choose the science teacher who preferred lengthy interesting discussions to papers and multiple choice questions, or the art teacher who was so clearly passionate about her subject.  In my long and illustrious school career, I had dozens of teachers, some good, some bad. But I only had one person.  Mr. St. Peter.

Mr. St. Peter was a short Irish man with a stubbly mustache.  He wore too many turtleneck sweaters and worked in as many bad puns per lesson as possible.  He used the Socratic Method, annoyingly at times, and always made you answer your own question through thinking.  He taught me chemistry.  Then he taught me physics.  It is because of Mr. St. Peter I pursued and completed a degree in Biology, even though I am bad at science.  It is because of Mr. St. Peter I forced myself to retake college physics twice, not giving up.  But these are all things he did as a teacher.  It's what he was as a person that really made him special.

As a kid, I never saw teachers or parents or anyone with any authority as a whole person.  I only thought of them in terms of how they related to me, and since they rarely if ever related to me as if I were a real person, I could never see them as a person, either.  Without that connection, the space that remained between us - teacher and student - was too wide to overcome and learning over the gap was difficult at best.

Mr. St. Peter was a teacher, above all, yes.  But if he was having a bad day, he didn't try to hide it underneath his professionalism.  He didn't bottle it up and take it out on students accidentally.  He explained it to us as if we were people capable of understanding human emotion, and because he did that, we became people capable of understanding human emotion.  Don't misunderstand, it wasn't all about him.  On an off day, he would honestly say at the beginning of class that he was having a rough time that day, and that it had nothing to do with us (he wisely remembered that to students, everything is about them, always).  Then he moved on with a weak pun, and we learned more about electricity or whatever we were learning that day.

When students didn't get it, he took pains to help them.  When students didn't care, he took pains to make them.  He appealed to these students not as a teacher trying to impart invaluable knowledge, but as a person trying to understand where the mental block lay.  More often than not, the student's problem had nothing to do with physics at all, and instead had to do with something personal.  Instead of completely ignoring this (as many teachers do because they don't know how to handle it) he acknowledged it and brought it into the lesson in a general way.  He was gentle when he ought be, playful when it helped, and intuitive always.  He never made a big deal out of the students' lives beyond the classroom; he simply let them know that he understood they existed, and he empathized by showing students that he, too, had a life outside teaching.

This knowledge of humanity - not pushed or promoted, but not ignored out of ignorance, laziness or helplessness - gave Mr. St. Peter a camaraderie with his students rarely achieved in the school system.  Many teachers can manage having a 'pet,' a student they believe in, a student they connect with, a student they view always as human.  Seldom can teachers manage seeing every student they come into contact with on that level.  So, as I write this piece in praise of him, know that it was not just me that he graced with the human elements I actually possessed, but every student in that school.

Even now, as a parent, I look back on Mr. St. Peter as a role model, as I struggle to remember that my two year olds are people, too.  They are not just babies, but people.  When you realize the common denominator, you make your job - and your life - easier.  You earn respect without trying.

Cheers, Mr. St. Peter.  I hope you're not having a rough day today.

**This is in cooperation with the blogshare over at Teaching Ain't For Heroes.  You have until the 12th to join, if you'd like!

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