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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Just a Mom? Yes. Just a Mom, Facebook. Just a Mom.

Have you seen the newest Facebook status meant to buoy stay at home moms up and make themselves feel as if they're worth something?


"You're just a mom??

Uhh Yes....I AM A MOM!!! That makes me an alarm clock, cook, maid, waitress, teacher, nurse, handyman, security officer, photographer, counselor, chauffeur, event planner, personal assistant, ATM, & I scare away the boogie man. I don't get Holidays, Sick pay or Days off!! I work through the DAY n NIGHT!!! I am on call 24/7 for the rest of my life. And that's just my First JOB.....Being A MOM!!!! I may not be anything to you but I am EVERYTHING to someone........ Repost if you are a PROUD MOM!!!!"


I'm a proud mom, and no (I'm with you, Kat). No, I will not repost that because it's utter garbage, as per usually found on Facebook. No offense to those who have posted it. I mean, I understand the sentiment, and how often have I, myself, said that we're under-appreciated as a group? I'll say it again.

We are an under-appreciated group. And it is hard to be a full-time, all-the-time mom. I complain about it all the time. But that doesn't make me a photographer or a counselor, does it? Not likely.

Let's go through the grammar because I simply can't move forward until I do. If you are a mom, hell, if you are even a well-educated adult, you'll know that using capital letters to get your point across doesn't work. You'll also know that four exclamation points are no more excited or angry than one. Same for question marks. You're not suddenly more incredulous because you've used two question marks. Ellipses are three periods together...like this. And why would you bother typing out that mammoth paragraph of an update if typing the word "and" is too hard for you? Also, it's Bogeyman. The one place you have to legitimately capitalize, and you miss out. Speaking of, holidays, sick pay and days off are all lowercase. I'm sure there's more, but that's enough grammar snark for now.

I was joking about this status with a childless friend of mine, and I said, listen, being a mom makes me a god, okay? Which is basically what this status is saying. In its attempt to validate a mother's choice to stay home and "do nothing" in society's judgmental eyes, we've grossly overstepped.

My friend asked me to provide the paperwork that authorized me such a position, to which I replied that being a mom makes me harried and disorganized, and while it may make me a maid, that doesn't mean it makes me a good one--which is a key point.

Yes, as stay at home moms we do put bandages on scraped knees. That doesn't make us nurses. We do take pictures of our kids. That doesn't make us photographers (even if we have DSLRs). We do clean up the living room and put the dishes in the wash. That doesn't make us maids. Organizing a playdate for our little ones and driving them there doesn't make us personal assistants, event coordinators or chauffeurs.  And teaching our children basic life skills does not make us teachers.

Do you know what those things make us? They make us moms.

And what's wrong with being moms? What's so awful about this that we feel we need to shout at the world that we are so much more than moms, that we are so much more than everyone else?

Fighting fire with fire rarely works and this is yet another case of it.

If you were truly proud to be a mom, you wouldn't have to validate your choice on Facebook. This status update screams insecurity at me. It's a rightful retaliation of the judgement we as moms face every day, but it's done all wrong.

You don't have to be an ATM, or a handyman, or a waitress to be proud of being a mom.

You can just be a mom. You are everything to your child, like that status says, so you do not need to justify your existence falsely to the world.

You can just be a mom.

___

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17 comments:

  1. Today, you are my favorite person. I've felt this way about that status for so long (thank you for addressing the grammar issue, btw), but was afraid to voice it and face the vitriol of mom's who believed this. I'm not a mom, but I am a wife, and I am a teacher. I cook dinner often - does that make me a chef? I do some light yard work - does that make me a landscaper? I am NOT a mom (yet), and just I was would never presume to know or possess that necessary skills that go with that important job, neither would I make that presumption when it comes to any other difficult job - including maid, photographer, or counselor.

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  2. Eugh - leave it to me to comment on grammar and then follow that rant with an unnecessary apostrophe on "mom's."

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  3. Love it :) Mom is a hard enough job on its own without having to inflate it! Seriously :) But you already know my feelings on the topic. Thanks for stepping up to the bat on this one as a SAHM :)

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  4. @Sarah - Haha, I do that ALL the time (notice the caps? They totally make the all that much more potent, don't they?) I'll be like, "Hurr! I'm an editer!" Or something equally as stupid. It never, ever fails.

    @Beth - Facebook chain statuses are like fish in a barrel, but sometimes one comes around that you just can't ignore. Ugh, Facebook.

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  5. I don't think this screams insecurity of the choice to stay at home, I think it means the person would like a small amount of appreciation for everything they do. A FB status isn't anything more than telling the world how that person feels at that moment in time...and maybe at that moment the person feels unappreciated.

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  6. I don't understand why everyone cares so much... if you don't like what your reading then don't read it! SMH it's really not the end of the world... JUST SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. There are some people that just don't get it. Being a mom is not a walk in the park. It takes a lot of strength to raise a family.

    new moms support group nyc

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  8. People get paid to do those things we as mothers do by choice. Who cares if some choose to say they do them. It doesn't hurt you. It doesn't scream insecurity. It's just stating how we feel our jobs are. We chauffer our children, by choice, we do photograph, by choice, we cook and clean, well, because it's a must. We work round the clock giving meds, taking temps etc when children are sick, jut like a nurse. Just because we don't get paid to do those things, doesn't mean we can't say that we do them. Get real! Being a mom is just like ALL of the jobs stated. Just because we don't do them for other people and get paid, doesn't mean we don't. And just because we so choose to say or repost thing's like that, doesn't scream anything. Unless it is narrow minded people like your self.

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    Replies
    1. BREATH!!!! It's going to be okay. It is just a silly Facebook status. You really just wasted a lot of your precious time with your children venting about something so meaningless. I'm sorry that you're so bored and unhappy that you obviously cannot find humor in anything. Oh, and your usage of grammar makes you so awesome and perfect and gives you every right to make fun of and correct everyone else.

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  9. BREATH!!!! It's going to be okay. It is just a silly Facebook status. You really just wasted a lot of your precious time with your children venting about something so meaningless. I'm sorry that you're so bored and unhappy that you obviously cannot find humor in anything. Oh, and your usage of grammar makes you so awesome and perfect and gives you every right to make fun of and correct everyone else.

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  10. I think picking apart a status is sad. I am a mom of 6 at 24 and sometimes it is overwhelming. I also work from home so venting on Facebook is MY (yes I capped it on purpose to make a point) outlet. Who are we to tell ANYONE how they should and shouldnt feel.

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