Get Up, Get Out - Contributor Post

As school has started, our entire morning routine has shifted, and not in an easy-to-swallow way. Thankfully, Alex Nguyen from Alex Nguyen Portraits has done this before and she's got some great ways to get the kids up, out, and into good human beings.

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School normally starts up around here after Labor Day. With the beginning of school, begins also the morning struggle of getting my boys ready and out the door on time in the morning. I have two kids going to two different schools, so it took everything I had to keep my sanity from reminding them of the same things every. single. day. They could recite whole episodes of Curious George, but not remember to brush their teeth in the morning without a reminder. Times two! Fortunately, I instituted a morning chart routine a couple of years ago when my oldest started kindergarten, and it's really streamlined our whole morning process. Now, instead of me getting frustrated that, yet again, I'm reminding him to go pee and brush his teeth, I just redirect him to check out his morning chart, and he can look and cross off what he needs to do. It's been a sanity saver, and let's me make a cup of coffee in the morning so I can get going with my day.

The second thing which also helps in our household is a chore chart. I downloaded a template and laminated the different chores and velcroed it to the chart. I love it because there are things that need to be done such as feeding the pets, practicing spelling, not fighting with their brother, etc. that isn't necessarily a chore that I want to reward. The template has a "morning", "afternoon", and also a "to earn" column. In our household, I give out chore coupons for completed chores in the "To Earn" column. One coupons = one quarter OR 30 minutes of screen time. Each boy gets their own chore chart to complete, with age appropriate chores. It really helps gives them a sense of responsibility, and also gives me a chance to redirect them to being helpful (and in the older son's case, making sure his homework is completed, he has practiced his soccer skills or tae kwon do poomses). In the long run, kids who *want* to be helpful get to be, things get done, and sanity gets saved. It's a win, win for everyone!

Project Links: Morning Responsibility Chart Template for Chore Chart (.PDF File)
 

This is the responsibility chart I have for both my kiddos. It's SO helpful in the morning because I can just tell them, "Go look at your chart!" instead of nagging at them in the morning. The step-by-step tutorial I found on Spoonful.com here. To make your own you will need: corrugated cardboard, paper, bamboo skewers, and a straw.

 

My older son's chart reads: wake up, go pee, brush teeth/puffer, eat breakfast, get dressed, pack back pack (includes homework AND lunch). This is simple stuff that needs to be done every day! My younger son has pictures since he can't read yet.

 

Here is the chore chart I have for both my boys, I downloaded the template from Home School Creations (it's a .PDF file, free to download!). I laminated mine, and then put velcro on the backside. I like this template because it has morning, afternoon, and also a "to earn" column, because I want my boys to have automatic things to do that aren't just for money (such as feeding their pets). It also has pictures AND words so both kids can look at it and understand what it asks.

 

What the velcro looks like, it's very easy to adjust around. When the boys are done with a chore, they put it "upside down" on the chore chart to let me know that it's been finished (easily done with velcro).

 

I got my squares from Home Depot, but you can also buy them from places like Lakeshore Learning, or Amazon.com

 

Some of the different chore squares the printable template came with! It also came with some blank ones where you can make your own.

 

In our househole, one chore in the "to earn" column equals one chore coupon. The value is 25 cents OR 30 minutes of screen time, whichever they want.

 

Moment of the Week - 139: Get Ready for Bed!

Wait! Please, please, please! WAAH! Yup, that's about right.







 

Road Trip!

Why would a person take two four-year-old girls on a two-hour car trip to go to dinner, then drive them two hours back? Exercise in torture, most likely. Still, yesterday at 3 p.m., I packed up my half-sick girls and off we went. Back by 10:30 p.m.

A huge reason, of course, is that a good friend of mine is visiting the state all the way from Canada. We went to see her.

But, why not leave at 10 in the morning? Why not spend the day, instead of just a few hours?

Good questions.

Answer 1) I had some stuff to do. Figured I could pound that out, then we'd go. It's like I don't even know me. When I finally get that stuff done, there's still enough time to go for a day trip. Which leads us to Answer 2.

Answer 2) Have you ever tried to go anywhere with twin four year olds? It's like gambling. Could take five minutes, could take two hours. Yesterday, it took the latter. First, they were hungry. Then they had to argue with me about exactly what kind of lunch they were hungry for. (They got PB&J, much to one's delight and the other's dismay. You can never win with twins.) Then it was time for socks and shoes. And I can't do that for them anymore because they're big girls and can do it by themselves. Very s l o w l y. After forgetting about what they're doing midway about 50 times.

Then potty. But one has to go poop, so then the other one won't use that same bathroom, oh no. It's too stinky in there! (It didn't stink at all.) She had to use the upstairs bathroom. Well, then, why did the second one get to use the upstairs bathroom when the first one had to use the downstairs bathroom? That's it! The first twin is taking off her shoes in anger and despair. The world will never be the same. Meanwhile, I've got the other one calling down to me, asking if she wet her hands enough. Then if she put enough soap on. Then if she rubbed them enough. Then if she...just wash your damn hands, girl, jeez!

So, now I've got the upstairs bathroom twin crying at me because I won't tell her if her hands are dry enough, and the downstairs bathroom twin going nuts because I obviously hate her forever because she chose to use the downstairs bathroom (they can always use whichever one they want. So long as they use a bathroom at all, I'm happy.)

And we haven't even gotten started yet.

Then I check the directions on my smart phone, which tries to take me to an entirely different place. Thankfully I realize this, and work hard to straighten it out and get the phone to find the right place. Now the twins need a snack. And one for the road, they decide. Then they fight about what to bring for the car ride and I want to give up on life.

By now, of course, I know we're not going to make it back for dinner, so I email my husband (who is not feeling well) to let him know I'm thinking about driving two hours down to Orlando for dinner with the girls.

His response was: "It's fine on my end, but I worry for you." No kidding.

Okay, we're ready! Snacks in hand, let's get in the car!

Oh, wait, someone has to use the potty again.

So, we left at around 3:30 p.m.

They didn't sleep on the car ride down, but we only had a few minor breakdowns (one over the fact that I cannot physically put grapes back on their stems. I'm such a jerk, seriously.)

Anyway, there are many more stories from when we were there and from when we went back, but I'm all tired out. For now, suffice to say that it was hard, but worth it.

Oh, and the answer to the original question is this: I eventually want real people in my life. If the girls are to become those people, they are going to have to start doing things, and lots of them. Expanding their horizons and such. Coming along with me. I cannot remain holed up in my Gville apartment because the thought of taking them anywhere further than the grocery store alone scares me.

So, points for us all, just for doing it.





 

Guest Post - Specific Tips for Putting Twins to Bed

Today I'm lucky enough to have a guest post from Agnes Jimenez about bedtime...something that can take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour for us, depending on the day and mood.

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All children have different preferences when it comes to bedtime. Some like a nightlight; others may
want a glass of water, while some will fight tooth and nail to stay up. Having twins can make this even
more difficult. If you are having problems getting your kids to sleep, there are some very specific things you can do to solve the issue.

Consistency is a huge part of having a successful nighttime routine. Give both kids a five minute warning before bedtime. This will give them a chance to mentally transition and to finish up whatever they are doing. Pick a time for bed and stick to it. Vary this time by no more than an hour on the weekends. Letting children stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights will cause them to basically have jet lag on Monday morning. If getting kids to sleep on the weekends is tough, plan fun things they love to do on Saturday or Sunday morning. This will give them motivation to get up in the morning, which will help them transition to sleeping at night.

Make your evening relaxing and predictable by filling it with calming activities. Read stories, sing songs, or have cuddle time. Make sure both twins have an activity that they like. If one wants a story and the other wants to sing, make sure both have what they need. Try to make it predictable by turning it into a routine. For example, maybe the children have a bath, then get a story, and then cuddle with you before bedtime. You can change a regular bath into a bubble bath, choose a different story, and have them cuddle with daddy instead of you. But keep the main activities the same.

Take care of their physical needs ahead of time. Provide bathroom reminders, make sure they have on
comfortable pajamas, be sure each child has their favorite toy, and adjust the temperature of the room
ahead of time. Be sure they are comfortable with nice sheets and the best mattress. If there are other
preferences like a nightlight or glass of water, make those available as well. Most importantly, leave
before they are asleep and allow them to settle in themselves. It is important that children learn how to
relax on their own.

It is possible to put twins to bed! Be positive and try to make the evening relaxing and calm. Stick to a
predictable routine that varies as little as possible. You can enjoy a nice night with your twins.










 

Toddler Tricks - 82: Choices

Problem: Your kid won't eat breakfast, or get dressed, or brush her teeth...again. She'd rather cry.


Solution: Choices. You already knew that. But specific kinds of choices. And a limited number of choices. Make the choosing part of the routine. Offer the choice at the same time each day. For instance, when my bundles of whine come up the stairs in the morning, we go into the bathroom together (the glamour of being a mom, let me tell you). I ask them, every morning, before they can come up with their own endless request list, if they'd like to brush their teeth upstairs or downstairs. Immediately, the brain cells that would otherwise be engaged thinking up illogical reasons to cry are now focused on one thing, upstairs or downstairs. They make a choice. Then right after they finish that, the next choice. They know it's coming because it's part of the routine. Pants or a skirt? And instead of dawdling over dots or stripes, they are focused. Do they want pants or a skirt. Breakfast time. I give them four choices for this. Oatmeal, grits, yogurt or applesauce. They don't have as much time to tantrum over not being able to eat in front of the TV because they have to concentrate on which food they want for breakfast. And then when they don't want it, all you have to do is tell them that they chose it, and tomorrow they can choose something different. That doesn't mean they'll be completely calm the whole time, but it helps. It keeps them in control while giving them boundaries that they need to keep level.


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Dear Journal

My girls are already excellent journal keepers. They insist on going over their day every night before bed. It's become part of our bedtime routine, and it's one I really enjoy because I get to hear their side of things. Many times they've interpreted a situation in a way I'd never have thought of. In some cases, it allows me to gently correct them, like, "no, mommy did not tell you no because you were a little kid. She told you no because touching the stove is dangerous." In that way, I think it's really helpful to reinforce important lessons.

I also get to see what they like the best each day, which activities are their favorites and which events stick out in their brains. For instance, the fact that Dulce didn't finish her cookie yesterday and that her balloon popped totally eclipsed buying ingredients for Daddy's birthday cake, which, to me, was what the trip was all about.

This oral journal has another twist. It's always told through a third-person character. A little stuffed Toadstool from Mario, to be exact. He's the child. A stuffed Superman and Supergirl doll are the parents.

 Each night, Toadstool goes through magical adventures that mirror everything the twins did that day. If we went grocery shops, he goes grocery shopping. If we chased squirrels, he chases squirrels. Along the way, he tells us how he felt about each tiny occurrence in his life that day.

Another benefit of this is that it forces me to continue to give them new experiences and take them out each day. I wouldn't want Toadstool not to have a story one night, would I?

I love this ritual. Toadstool is often inappropriate and the girls step in and show him how they learned to do things in the kind, caring way, or they'll call for my husband (or Superman) to reprimand Toadstool.

One of Toadstool's main characteristics is his selfish and greedy nature. He eats all the food, drinks all the milk and wants all the turns. He is the best and worst of my children all rolled into one stuffed animal with a rather large head.

Other than reading, it's one of their best activities, I'd say, to keep their little brains sharp and working.

Moment of the Week - 48: Bedtime fun

First the bath:

Then change for bed.

But before we actually put our shirts on...we need to sing a little song.

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The Witch Is Coming!

Last week, my babies went to bed for the first time in what must be a year without making me go back in there to resettle them.  A magical secret of happiness and sugar plums as they drift off to sleep?  Hardly.  Actually, I scared the pants off of them. But it was an accident, I swear!

They love stories, especially during potty time. On this particular night, they'd requested stories about a witch. So I made one a prince, the other a princess, and the bad guy was a witch. (Okay, okay, I'm no JK Rowlings, I get it.) Anyway, after the story, we continued playing a game about the witch. She was coming. The prince and princess had to get away! It was time for bed, and if there's one thing the babies hate, it's getting into their jammies. So, I had the brilliant idea to make them magical jammies that would protect them from the witch overnight. To get them into bed, I told them the witch was coming, and we had to go hide under our covers to be safe.  I was just trying to get them into the room for the bedtime routine. But on this night, there was no bedtime routine. In its place, I had two cowering babies, eyes full of fear, clinging to me as I said goodnight to them.

They allowed me to leave without protest, and I heard not a peep from that room for the rest of the evening. Why? Because I'd told them (in play) that if they were very quiet and stayed still, the witch wouldn't see them.

I felt horrible. My husband and I had explained to them over and over again before we left the room that the witch wasn't real, that we were only playing a game.  No dice.  Had I terrified my children? Had I scarred them for life?

I was sure of it. I was ready to pick up my worst mom of the year award.

Thankfully, my mother-guilt had underestimated my babies. They made it through the night in tact. The morning came and they were bright and bushy-tailed, ready to take on the day.  And that night?  They asked for the witch game again.
They have requested the witch game every night since, and every night now, instead of a long drawn-out bedtime routine, they hop under their covers quickly and quietly, accept a kiss and go to sleep.  The fear has left their eyes, and they're simply caught up in the game before bed.

This might be the best development ever.  What a lucky accident.


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Toddler Tricks - 31

Ways to Trick your Baby:

Problem: Your children won't go to bed. You've got a nice bed time routine going: they do the whole schpiel every night, but when it comes to actually walking into that bedroom, they refuse.  You don't want a major upset before bed, so you must trick them into going of their own voilition.

Solution: Mix up the very last part of the routine so that you have several games in place, all of which lead to the bedroom.  My husband and I have had luck with "horsie," where we get down on all fours and offer rides to the bedroom, caravan-style.  We'll sometimes dance into the bedroom, either swinging the babies in our arms, or inducing them to follow us in our joyous pied-piper celebrations. Sometimes we will have them put a stuffed animal or toy to bed as a continuation of a game we were previously playing with those toys, or we'll "steal their noses" and hide them in the bedroom.  Any of these work on any given night, provided it's not the same game we played the night before.


Ways your Baby Tricks You:

Problem: You're all in the bedroom.  Now your children won't get into bed.

Solution: We have a separate set of games for this purpose.  Sometimes we'll do a dance party where the babies will spin around until we lift them up and gently toss them into their beds in a fit of giggles. That's not been working lately.  Their favorite get-into-bed game as of late has been when I climb into one of their beds, and their father climbs into the other. We pull the covers over us, and reverse roles, asking the babies to give us a kiss goodnight and tuck us in. Then at the last second, we tell them that we don't fit very well in the small beds, and we're going to go into the big bed for mommies and daddies. The babies usually take our place in their beds without protest. Then, before they can change their minds, we commence to kissing them silly and turn out the lights and say goodnight.


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Because I Said So

Routine changes, as I've said, are hard to deal with both for the toddlers and the adults involved.  Even the slightest change can cause a ripple effect that will last for weeks.

When my mother in law visited us, not much changed.  We went out to eat a bit more.  The babies had more attention.  There was an extra person with us.  That's about it.  They still napped at the same time, ate at the same time, went to bed at the same time.  They were still allowed the same things, and not allowed other things.

Still, as they learn that not all things will always be the same, it shifts their definitions of their lives.  If their grandmother is suddenly here, and not living in the phone, for instance, then maybe they are now allowed to eat lollipops for breakfast.  It's worth a try, right?  If one thing has changed, perhaps everything has changed.  And what better time for rebellion than when there is an outside audience present?

We overcame many tantrums this past week about minor issues that I never thought I would have to fight against.  Which video we would watch, when we would watch it, when they could have chocolate milk, whether or not they were allowed to stand in front of the fridge and pick out any number of miscellaneous items and throw them on the ground.  Issues I thought we had conquered months ago were now apparently up for rediscussion.

And since discussions with a toddler invariably end up in fish-flopping on the floor in anywhere from one to four minutes, we suffered an inordinate amount of timeouts and count downs this last week.

As frustrated as I became with them (and I did become very frustrated - it's one thing to have your children act out around you, it's another when they do it in front of someone you respect and, let's admit it, are trying to show off for), I tried desperately to remember that two year olds not only have the right to test boundaries, they need to test boundaries.  A huge amount of toddler growth comes from taking a leap of faith and overcoming boundaries.  How else would a toddler learn how to climb stairs, or go potty, or use a fork?  Things that were previously impossible become possible everyday for them.  In their minds, lollipops for breakfast should be no different.

As much as I admire their gumption and persuasive arguments, as much as I see the toddler logic ticking away and making sense, I am afraid there will not be any lollipops for breakfast.  There will never be any lollipops for breakfast.

Because I said so.

And here, at 27 months, the "because I said so" begins.


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Go with the Flow

A while back I posted about how hard it is for toddlers to deal with a change in their routine.  While adults may not get scared when their routine changes without their permission, they can get irritated.  Yet another way in which adults are not so different from toddlers after all.

We used to have a system in this house.  We'd wake up at 8 a.m., I'd give the babies a glass of milk and some dry cereal to munch on while I made breakfast, we'd eat breakfast, my husband would go to work.  This system worked because the babies could not get up the stairs and were content to play downstairs for a little while, as I got myself ready for the day.

The change in the clocks just happened to coincide with my twins discovering they could easily scale the stairs in the morning.  So that my easy morning that started when I was ready for it is no more.  Bright and early at 7 a.m. I inevitably hear the stomp (let's be honest, it's no pitter-patter) of little feet ascending to my bedroom.

"Up!  Up, mama!  No night night.  Wake up. Wake up!  Wet.  Mama, wake up."

I try to delay them, but to no avail.  A wet diaper is a wet diaper and a wet diaper needs changing.  I stagger out of bed, rubbing sleep from my eyes, and if my husband attempts to get up to help, he is reprimanded.

"No, dada.  No.  Dada night night.  No up."

Oh, okay, babies, thanks.  We stumble downstairs and I start my day.  An upside to this new schedule is that my husband has some time in the morning to himself.  I get to drink my coffee in peace as the babies snack on their cheerios and meander online for a few minutes instead of having to rush to get breakfast ready.

Still, the shift hasn't come about without a few hiccups.  It takes me a few days to adjust, and sometimes breakfast is ready too soon.  Sometimes it's not ready in time.  Changing routine on me can make me forgetful, too.  I find myself remembering at the last second these days to pack lunch, whereas before packing lunch was a built-in response to finishing breakfast.

I want to complain about it, but I know it won't do any good.  No reason to stick my heels over something I have no control over.  It's easier for everybody if the adults sometimes accommodate the little ones.  Plus, I'll be used to this new routine before I know it - just in time for my kids to change it up again so that I can be disgruntled and disoriented.

Oh, well.  At least they're cute in the morning.

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Routine Change

Toddlers thrive on routine.  It gives them confidence; it allows them a sense of power over their unknown lives.  If they know what is coming up next, and they can predict it, they feel as if it is something they have decided for themselves.  That sense of independent decision making, while false, is excellent not only for their self esteem, but for tantrumless days for the caretaker.

When routine is broken, as it sometimes must be, you can expect your toddler to rail against the unfairness of life, not out of spite or anger, but more out of fear.  Suddenly, all they thought they knew has shifted, has changed.  Change is scary, even for adults.

This unfortunate occurrence has the effect of ruining the first night of any "vacation" my husband and I have ever tried to go on.  The new surroundings, combined with the adventure of different sights, sounds and smells, accumulate with such dramatic effect that by the time we all turn in for the night, our children, in a cloud of muddled and confused rage and fear, explode into quivering, wailing toddler puddles in their new room.

They wonder if mommy is gone forever.  They wonder why it's so dark in there.  They wonder where their own beds are.  They're so tired, and, yet, nothing is right.  They cannot sleep when nothing is right.  So that even when I give in and go to them, laying in between them the wrong way on a double pull-out couch, they cannot rest, instead jostling me, climbing on me, trying to be as close as possible to me, in case, of course, I should try to sneak out again, and leave them to face most certain death alone.  I can only imagine all life is this dramatic to a toddler.

They were scared.  So many times we forget to look at things through our babies' eyes.  Their antics annoy and irritate us because they cannot see the world as we see it.  They are not crying out in order to stay up longer or to get us to come in and play.  They are crying out of fear.  Out of loneliness.  Sometimes even out of anguish.  For even though they cannot speak clearly, their imaginations are quite developed.  I shudder to think about what they must make up in the dark of a strange room with only silence to greet their panicked shouts.

This chronicles our first night of vacation.  The second and third nights were much easier.  Not only were the babies a bit more used to the room in which they would sleep, they also had the comforting knowledge that they had made it through the first night no worse for the wear, if a little more tired. 

But the real difference came by chance.  Instead of all going to bed at the same time, I put the babies down first.  Then the adults settled into dinner and conversation around the kitchen table.  I found myself annoyed as my step-father and husband continued to banter, wondering if they even cared that the babies needed to sleep, thinking, surely, their voices must be keeping them awake, tantalizing them.  But I was wrong.  Their voices soothed the babies, comforted them.  So that after a few jovial shouts, the room fell silent.  In listening to sounds to which they were used, the babies were able to fall seamlessly and comfortably to sleep.  While we may not have been in the room with them, we were still here.  It made all the difference in the world.  Simply the voices of those they love can soothe them to sleep.  It proves to them we are still there.

Any Routine Will Do

Routine is important for toddlers.  They need structure in their lives as they struggle to understand the subtleties of getting through each day as a human being.  You can make a routine for everything, and many times, inadvertantly, parents create routines for their children, and those routines become habit.  In this house, we wake up.  The babies have some cereal, then I make them some milk.  They watch a bit of television, then we go outside.  Before we know it, it's nap time.  We grab Bear and Blankie and head to the nursery for some stories.  For one story, they sit on the floor next to me.  For the next, they must be in bed.  A traditional nap time routine. 

When my husband comes home from work, we all eat dinner.  The babies watch a bit more TV while I make and clean up from dinner.  We play games in the living room, have a bit more milk, and it's time for bed again.  We do the same thing every day, with the details rearranged a bit.  Maybe one day's outside adventure will be swimming; the next day's will simply be walking the garbage to the bin.  One day we'll play chase the baby inside; the next we'll be building blocks.  But the general framework remains the same.

In this way, daytrips to the beach or shopping mall adventures become special trips, which supercede the routine's importance in your toddlers' minds (if not in their bodies), and making a fun day into an extraordinary day, after which, the kids are more than happy to settle back into their routine.

But routine need not be boring, nor need it be traditional.  I made up our nap time routine.  You can tell.  It's a traditional slow calming down into sleep.  My husband made up our bedtime routine, which has a slightly different rythym.  After milk, my husband and I round up Blankie and Bear, and set to marching into the bedroom.  Even if the babies are saying no when we begin, rare is the day when they can resist the call of "March, march, march, march, left, right, left, right, left!"  Within seconds, we have two toddlers in their bedroom lifting their knees and shouting, "March!"  Once in the bedroom, it's time for "night-night."  And we literally jump to bed.  "Night, night, night, night, night, night, night!"  Then a quick kiss, cover with the blanket and mom and dad slip out.  It's certainly not traditional, and it doesn't exactly wind them down, but it works like a charm.  See for yourself:

Of course, this is a little lackluster.  The babies were confused as to why I was holding a camera instead of jumping up and down and shouting.