My kids pretend to get along

My identical twins are getting better in their advanced age (almost seven now) at letting go when things don't seem fair. Up until this point, and lingering still, they have had huge problems with comparing what they have with what their twin has. They fight over turns, the television, who touches whose stuff, who said what in which other fight, how they're being represented by the other twin, really, anything they can fight about in terms of trying to have everything exactly equal is fair game.

They'll even fight about who gets to tell a story about what happened at school. Or how long each of them gets to talk to me before the other one gets to speak. I'd say 92 percent of their day consists of annoying each other and measuring their own worth based on the other.

Starting last year, though, they began to embark on these imaginary games, which to my writer's ear sound just like stories with a plotline, adventure and adversity woven into whatever they are currently experiencing in reality. Not only are they experts at spinning adventures for each other for hours and hours at a time with intricate precision, during these bouts, they actually get along.

They become expert problem solvers, not only working together as a team within the game, but compromising and working out the story in on-the-fly drawing board sessions without so much as a whine or a whimper.

It's as if they are practicing how to get along in real life. In their little world that they make, they are best friends, usually playing sisters, but with the enhancements of magic powers or the title of princess. They are unstoppable here, and they can keep it up all day.

How do I harness this positive energy and friendliness from pretend to actuality? Why are they able to get along when they put on a slightly false persona, but when it's them in real time, they'd rather scream and cry over who put a foot on the other's beanbag first than play? Are they thirsting for real-life interaction with each other to mirror the world they created? If so, why don't they just get along in both places? Did I do something to force them to play out their better selves in a mock-world in a way they feel they cannot when just their own selves?

Is this a positive thing or a negative thing?

As with everything that happens with my daughters, I have only questions, no answers. But I do know that I will take 3 hours of intense pretend where they love each other and work together than a fight every ten minutes over who got one more grape.

Guest Post - Ways to Help Your Kids Use Their Imaginations

Today, I have a guest post for you on helping your kids play pretend.

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All young children love to pretend and it is important in those early years to help them develop their imaginations. I have thought a lot about how some people have such great imaginations and how others seem to be totally without imagination at all. I feel that I fall on the middle road in between somewhere.

I was thinking about what my childhood was like and was wondering about what causes some people to be more imaginative than others. I do believe you are born with certain characteristics but I also believe that imagination can be developed even further in a child’s life by our parents, our surroundings, teachers, and friends.

I happened to be the middle child in between two brothers. My dad traveled a lot and my mother was working constantly to clean house, cook, and make everything as perfect as possible in our home. I was born in the latter part of the fifties and communicating with your children was not what it is today. My dad was still of the school of children were seen and not heard. My mother talked to me a lot about cooking, cleaning, and making a nice home because that was her life. She also talked to all of us about the Lord Jesus and taught us how to have a relationship with God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

I tell you this so that you can see where I am coming from. Mom did tell us Bible stories which spurred the imagination but she was not a story teller and was not big into flamboyant narratives. And Dad, well, he was a salesman and he was good at it. He made a lot of people laugh but predominantly talked to the adults. I spent most of my time sitting and playing with my dolls, drawing pictures, coloring, or swinging on the porch swing or swing set. I did love to look up at the clouds to see what pictures I could see that the clouds made.

When I was in high school I took some art classes because I loved to draw, paint, and be creative. I was not any good at it really but I still enjoyed it. In that art class I sat next to a lovely girl that was extremely talented. I remember when we were using water colors and were told to paint anything I just sat there and could not think of a thing to paint. I was much better at still life drawings and paintings; I just could not see things in my mind. As I looked over at my friend her paint brush was moving over the paper with sweeping motions, I could see she had the picture already on the paper and she was just filling in the blanks. When she was finished, and it did not take her long, there was a story on that paper of a beautiful girl in a long dress blowing in the wind, in the middle of a field of flowers on a sunny day. I was in awe. This was no high school water color.

But the thing that amazed me and still to this day amazes me is how people see these pictures in their minds and then copy them on paper so perfectly. I believe some people are born with abilities but I also believe that imagination can be helped along by creative parents and teachers. I believe it needs to be started while children are very young, when everything is still a wonder to them.

I did my best to instill imagination into my children’s lives when they were young. I wanted them to have the creativeness that I felt I lacked. I also believe that it helps them to think through things in multiple scenarios which give them better decision making skills. Here are just a few of the things we did as they were growing up:

1. Reading stories in character – Both of my children loved it when I read books to them and used different voices for the characters. If it was an active book I would even act out some of the scenes. When children are small they love this because their imaginations are so wide open they can actually see the story unfolding like a staged play as they hear the voices and see the actions. It not only helps their imaginations but gives them a desire to read the book for themselves later to see it all over again in their minds.

2. Puppets and stuffed animals – My daughter loved puppets. She had a lot of hand puppets when she was young. Her first puppet was a rabbit in a magic hat. When you put your hand in he could pop in and out of the hat, you could make his ears wiggle, and his mouth moved. I could talk to her for hours with that puppet (I usually could not last that long), she would look at that puppet and have wonderful conversations. I did not try and disguise the fact that my mouth was moving but she gave me no never mind, she talked straight to her beloved rabbit. We talked about everything that was going on in her life and in the rabbit’s life. He told her stories about magic tricks and being on stage. She had tons of puppets and each one had their unique story. She would say, “Momma, let’s talk to the rabbit.” *smile*

Now my son is a different story. He would say, “Momma, it is just you talking!” He did not like the puppets. I am not sure if they freaked him out or he just did not like the idea that he thought he was being fooled, I just do not know. But he loved when I had a stuffed animal and I would act out stories with them. He had a particular favorite which was a black and white cow. I would tell him stories about the cow walking through the fields and eating grass but then he came upon a bee hive and did not know what it was. As he was investigating the bee hive the bees came out and started to chase him and sting him on the butt. The cow would jump and shake off his rear end and make eww and aww and ouch noises. My son would be rolling on the floor. This worked for him and there was a lot of action going on. Both of these make for wonderful memories as well. We ran across the cow the other day and he is twenty now. He looked at it and smiled. I asked him if he remembered the stories. “Of course Mom! Love you.”

3. Charades (our way) – Another game we played was our version of charades. We would pick a category such as animal, or movie, or even a person we all knew. Then we would each one take turns acting it out and having the others guess. Kids are so much fun to play this with because they can really act things out and if they are having trouble then you can get real demonstrative and help them out. Sometimes we would all get into it when we each had an opinion of how a certain animal walked or moved. It is a lot of fun and all of these activities have extra benefits of just being together and having fun.

4. Playing with blocks, action figures, or dolls – Building houses or castles with blocks and having action figures or dolls to tell stories with as you build them homes, encampments, or princess towers. Sitting with your children and making up stories as you do this and getting them involved in the lives of their doll/action figure characters is a great way to get their imaginations going. After you get them started they will continue the stories when they are playing alone or with siblings.

These are a few of the things we did when my children were younger, not only is it imagination building but a wonderful way to bond and learn about your children, and it's what makes them who they are. Today my oldest is twenty-seven and she is an avid reader and is a professional writer/editor. My son is in college and is a wonderful problem solver. He can think of so many ways to solve intricate problems in every area of life. I know that the times we shared when they were small encouraged them and their imaginations to succeed. Have fun with your children and grow some imagination!

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Author Bio:

Ken holds a master’s in business leadership from Upper Iowa University and multiple bachelor degrees from Grand View College. As president of morningsidenannies.com, Ken’s focus is helping Houston-based parents find the right childcare provider for their family. When he isn’t working, he enjoys spending time with his three children and his wife.





 

Moment of the Week - 110: Make Believe

The girls play pretend with some little beach toys Dulce is the monster.

 

Imaginary Enemies

Some kids have imaginary friends. Mine have pretend enemies.

Maybe it's because they're twins and have a built-in playmate that they don't need to expand their social group to those characters solely in their minds. Or maybe it's because their loveys, Bear and Bean, are friends enough for them, the high-pitched squeals of the teddy bear and blanket often voicing the more babyish views of my growing children. When one of them is afraid of something, their lovey tells me that it's afraid. When they want to throw tantrums, it's Bear or Bean at the forefront, doing the most misbehaving. Any notion my children deem beneath them is awarded to their loveys.

Of course, the stuffed animal and battered blanket are also the girls' main audience for their shows. They're the object of many feedings, and naps. Many times, the loveys will find themselves cordoned off in the bedroom while the girls "go to the gym" or "go grocery shopping."

The imaginary enemies, though, are different. The witch and the monster have traditional roles in our household. They intimidate the twins, compelling them to call out a warning to me or their daddy should we wander too far outside at night. They're the evil ones that my girls are convinced will try to get them in their sleep.

These are all things I expected.

What took me by surprise is the new game that's popped up in the past few weeks or so.

Giving the characters voices, much like they do for Bear and Bean, the girls will channel these malevolent ghouls, usually when they want to be bad.

There have been many dinners as of late where my husband and I have had to "kick the witch and monster back to the moon" so the girls could eat their meals.

"Mommy, the witch doesn't want me to eat my dinner," they'll say. Then they'll break into a gravelly voice. "No! Dulce will not eat her dinner. I am the witch, and I say no."

"Go away, witch," is the standard reply. "You have no power here."

And then we can continue our meal.

Sometimes, the girls will ask me if I love the witch, or if I'll hug her,. I usually say, "Well, if the witch would be good, I would think about it."

When I tell them I love them out of the blue, they'll say "I love you, too." But over the past few weeks, they've then paused, thought about it and asked, "Do you love the witch, too?" I'll usually say no. I don't know if that's the right answer.

What if they are looking for validation that I'll love them when they're good and when they're bad? But, then again, what if they don't want me to love the thing that torments them and causes them fear?

I'll give them a hug. "But you won't hug the witch, are you?"

"No, I won't hug the witch."

With imaginary friends like these, who needs enemies?

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The Man and the Tiny Elephant

Once upon a time there was an elephant, and this elephant was so tiny you could hardly even see him. One day a man went on safari. He expected to see a very large elephant, and some lions and rhinoceroses as well. He thought nothing could surprise him. But when he came across the tiny elephant, the shock of the sight froze him in place. And from that point on, he remained just as he was, stuck in place next to the tiny elephant, his mouth gaping open.

The actual story went like this:

"Mama, why is that elephant so small?"
"Oh, that does look like an elephant, doesn't it?"
"Yes, why it so small?"
"Because it's actually a phone jack."
"And why the man like this (she makes a face o.o)"
"Huh, that does look like a man, doesn't it?"
"Why he like this?"
"I don't know."
"Is it because the elephant is tiny?"
"...yes."

I'm learning never to close my eyes to what my children see. Their world is so wondrous and so very different from my own.

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Toddler Tricks - 57: Make it Last

Problem: The older your toddlers get, it seems the shorter their attention span becomes. One would presume the opposite, but either we're expecting more from them as parents, or they're louder about their boredom / less willing to go along with the grown ups plan just because. But I know I don't really want to break out the sidewalk chalk only to have to put it away 30 seconds later to get out the Play Doh only to have to put it away 30 seconds later to get out the bubbles. That's a lot of taking out and putting away for very little payoff. I'm not into it.

Solution: Incorporate other games into the main game to keep it fresh for your children. Choose imaginative games that don't have extra clean up. For instance, with the chalk, draw and have your children draw just one thing first, then thoroughly explore what you've drawn. Have your kids tell you about their image, where certain features are and what that big red blob means. Then find something that's related to that drawing to have them act out. This gets them out of the chalk world for a moment and doing something else, satisfying their gnat-like attention span. I'll look for a song that's tied in (Twinkle Twinkle for stars, etc.), or a description question (what are the colors of the rainbow? How about of the rainbow we just drew?), or an acting session (what does a crocodile do, go ahead, chomp chomp chomp. Oh! He's eating the fish, swim away fish! And they swim and chomp for a while.) When you then go back to the chalk, it's as if the activity is begun anew. You can do this at least three  or four times in a row before they catch on. I find it gets me up to a half hour to 45 minutes of play per toy.

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Moment of the Week - 54: Pirate Dora Play

And now my children will re-enact Dora rallying the troops after their treasure chest gets stolen.

They take turns playing Dora and the crowd. It's hilarious.


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Toys That Aren't Toys

Toys overflowing the toybox. Toys all over the floor. Toys in the corners of the room. Toys downstairs. Toys upstairs. Toys blocking the stairs. Toys under the couches. Toys, toys, toys. But you know what's more interesting than toys? Things that are not toys.

Sometimes, my toddlers are just plain bored with every one of their millions of toys. There's not one of them that can hold their interest for more than a few moments. Bored, bored, bored, they say. Actually, to me it sounds more like, wah, waaah, waaaaahhhhhh! But the meaning is the same.

So, what do we do? Buy more toys? Yeah, right.

No, we take the classic toddler trick that's been working for generations upon generations and turn not-toys into toys. Here are some of our favorites:

1) The laundry basket. Otherwise known as a sled, a fort, a carrying device for other toys, a big pot for making pretend chocolate and a giant stepstool. The babies could play with a laundry basket all day.

2) Pots and pans and buckets, oh my! They use the loud metal ones as drums. They'll raid my silverware drawer (which consists of just spoons these days) to mix up some delicious make-believe goodies, and when those delicacies are ready for cooking, they open the bottom cabinet and use the old coffee maker and crockpot as a stove and oven.

3) Flashlights. Whether they're making shadows on the walls, following / chasing the lightbeams or searching for monsters in the dark, flashlights mean up to an hour of mommy-less fun.

4) The sliding glass door. This one is not a mom-free activity, as little fingers love staying just a moment too long on the wrong end of the door, and you don't want anyone's hand to get shut in the door. But with my supervision, the babies can delight in knocking, asking who's there, and letting her sister in or out, over and over again.

5) Feathers. This little guy fell off of my feather duster. I was just about to toss him when the babies rescued him to add to their non-toy rotation. They've discovered that tossing it into the air gives it a flying / floating effect. They take turns "flying."

There are so many more, too. I swear, I could get rid of almost all of their real toys and they wouldn't even notice. Thank goodness for toddler imaginations.


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Let's Pretend to Go to the Grocery Store

As the world slowly opens up to toddlers, their imaginations start to take hold. All of the knowledge and experiences they process everyday come out during lulls in their real adventures. It's magical to see.

Still, my husband and I have noticed that the twins don't like to let their imaginations run too far just yet. While they'll sometimes play witch, and they love playing lion and jungle, they'll often throw in everyday elements, so that the game doesn't get too foreign for them.

For instance, even though they know Superman can fly, they make him drive everywhere in a toy car.  Everywhere, of course, includes, the park, the beach, the grocery store, the icecream parlor, the pool, and home.  Superman leads a very exotic life. He likes chocolate milk and orange juice. He often has to strap Supergirl into her carseat. Sometimes he throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. After any given adventure, Superman gets tired and has to take a nap.

They use their imaginations these days to tie into their memories, reliving their favorite events over and over again. This is something they'll bring with them to adulthood, as so often we don't realize that our own daydreams are products of experiences we've already had.  Making things up out of the blue is fun, but the experience intensifies when we are able to see ourselves in the situation. That's what the babies are doing. No, they're not yet finding the charming prince love of their lives or knocking executives dead at a big meeting in their minds. They're where they can see themselves. They're at the pool.

They'll hone their imaginary skills and expand their repetoire soon, I'm guessing, but for now, I relish in our nightly trips to the grocery store where we list all the food items we would possibly gather should we actually find ourselves grocery shopping.

I am hoping they'll soon allow Superman to fly, though. It's so much more convenient than driving.

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Moment of the Week - 37

Dulce eats a noodle, Lady and the Tramp style.

Bonus:

The super hero repays me by cooking me a delicious plastic egg.

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4 Ways to be a Better Mom - Guest Blog

Virginia over at My Spinning Plates has children older than three, and she has survived.  Not only that, but she has had fun.  I had to ask her how she did it!

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When I was asked to do a guest post for Tales of an Unlikely Mother, it was suggested that I offer some advice from a mom with slightly older kids to parents with young children. It was hard to decide what I could contribute. There's so much parenting advice out there already: nutritional, educational, financial, spiritual, psychological... and each is presented as the most critical part of your child's development. “Follow these steps or your child might grow up to be an ax-murderer.”

Then I realized an aspect that is often overlooked:

Have fun with your kids. Have a ridiculously silly amount of fun with your kids. Of course, kids are great at having fun all by themselves. They can find the fun in any situation, but we tend to sit on the sidelines and watch. Stop being a spectator. Get in there with them.

1. Get Dirty- Go out and explore with your kids. Dig for worms. Pick up rolly pollies. Play in the mud. Run through the forest. Watch where you step, though, this could also be labeled “get poison ivy.”

2. Get soaked- Play in the sprinkler. My kids like chasing me with the hose but they love it when I grab them and carry them through the sprinkler. My clothes will dry, but their memories will last a lifetime.

3. Be Creative- Next time the kids color or paint or play with playdoh, sit down with them and do it too. It will be a great chance to bond and they'll be in awe of your mad coloring skills.

4. Be a Comedian- Tell jokes. Make funny faces and silly noises. Kids are the perfect audience because they don't have high standards when it comes to comedy. Even better, they've really never heard any of the classic jokes yet. Where else can the “orange you glad I didn't say banana” joke be a hit?

It's good for the kids to see that adulthood isn't all laundry and errands. I want them to realize that fun can be had at any age. It doesn't just benefit the kids. When I hear my kids get that that uncontrollable giggle, I can't help but laugh with them.

We have a lot on us, as moms. Taking the time to laugh with your kids relieves stress and it's great for your health. I'm not saying that if you don't follow my advice your kids will grow up to be ax-muderers, but do you really want to take that chance?

How do you have fun with your kids?

When she's not out having fun with her kids, Wesley(6) and Gracie(5), Virginia blogs at My Spinning Plates.

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The Witch Is Coming!

Last week, my babies went to bed for the first time in what must be a year without making me go back in there to resettle them.  A magical secret of happiness and sugar plums as they drift off to sleep?  Hardly.  Actually, I scared the pants off of them. But it was an accident, I swear!

They love stories, especially during potty time. On this particular night, they'd requested stories about a witch. So I made one a prince, the other a princess, and the bad guy was a witch. (Okay, okay, I'm no JK Rowlings, I get it.) Anyway, after the story, we continued playing a game about the witch. She was coming. The prince and princess had to get away! It was time for bed, and if there's one thing the babies hate, it's getting into their jammies. So, I had the brilliant idea to make them magical jammies that would protect them from the witch overnight. To get them into bed, I told them the witch was coming, and we had to go hide under our covers to be safe.  I was just trying to get them into the room for the bedtime routine. But on this night, there was no bedtime routine. In its place, I had two cowering babies, eyes full of fear, clinging to me as I said goodnight to them.

They allowed me to leave without protest, and I heard not a peep from that room for the rest of the evening. Why? Because I'd told them (in play) that if they were very quiet and stayed still, the witch wouldn't see them.

I felt horrible. My husband and I had explained to them over and over again before we left the room that the witch wasn't real, that we were only playing a game.  No dice.  Had I terrified my children? Had I scarred them for life?

I was sure of it. I was ready to pick up my worst mom of the year award.

Thankfully, my mother-guilt had underestimated my babies. They made it through the night in tact. The morning came and they were bright and bushy-tailed, ready to take on the day.  And that night?  They asked for the witch game again.
They have requested the witch game every night since, and every night now, instead of a long drawn-out bedtime routine, they hop under their covers quickly and quietly, accept a kiss and go to sleep.  The fear has left their eyes, and they're simply caught up in the game before bed.

This might be the best development ever.  What a lucky accident.


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Learn Through Play

"I'm a frog, mama, I'm a frog...riddit, riddit...I need flies!"

Cue two babies hopping around on all fours. Soon one of the frogs finds a toy dog on the floor.

"Uh oh!" she says. "Bad dog, bad dog, bite frog!"

"Oh no!" her sister yells. "No dog, no! Go away dog! No biting!"

In an instant, one has gone from a frog to a dog and wreaks havoc upon her slimy friend.

"Mama, help me! Save me, save me!"

The frog clambers up onto my lap, no longer a frog, but a simple victim of a dog attack.

"We're safe now," I say. "Dog is gone."

Upon hearing my words, the dog wanders away, to plan its next assault. The victim does what she would normally do when she feels safe and comforted.  She sleeps.

"Shornk shoo.  Shornk shoo." She pretends to snore.  "Oh no! Mama! Dog coming!" The dog comes back with renewed strength and vigor.

"No, dog, no!" I say. "Baby, get Superman! Only he can save us."

The little one runs to the toy box, expertly avoiding the dog.  "Whoosh, whoosh! Superman!" She comes back triumphant, with the superhero in hand. The dog, understanding it's been beaten, retreats behind the wall.

Over the past few months, this house has gone through a revolution of the imagination. Games like these can evolve and sustain themselves throughout the day. My children have gone from wanting a sponge to be a hat and tantruming over it, to knowing a sponge is not a hat, and pretending it is anyway.

I'm not trained in any cognitive sciences, but I've been more proud of their blossoming imaginations than any other developments thus far. Yes, they can tell me their letters and numbers, but I've never seen them as fully engaged as when they are submerged in play.  Their games expose the inner workings of their minds and environment. Through them, I am able to see the world as they are learning to see it. And with each day that goes by, the games get more sophisticated, more complicated.  I'm a proud mom, but I didn't know why.

How validated I felt when I read this article.  It suggests that children hone their mental skills through play and imaginative games, and that this education is more valuable than anything learned by rote as if by duty.

The question becomes, why do we stop encouraging this in our children's daily lives as they get older?  It's as if, suddenly, when they hit seven or eight, we adults decide that they are ready to move on from imagination entirely, and we force memorization, logistics and critical thinking in a very structured way.  If a child, probably surprised and confused by the change, doesn't catch on, or acts out in rebellion, we punish.  Tests enforced by the federal government must be passed.  Everything is structured.  Everyone must learn in exactly the same way and know exactly the same things.  The minds we were helping to grow just a few years ago are now beaten back by the system, forced into channels they may not normally go.  The emphasis changes from loving to learn to learning to repeat. The brain is told to stop reaching for ideas not already given to us by those in charge. Children begin to learn how to give 'the right' answer, but in doing so, they have little time left to formulate their own conclusions.

More importantly, many of them stop enjoying education.

"Play is steadily losing out to what play proponents refer to as the "drill and kill" method. We drill more because they can't pay attention, but they can't pay attention because they don't have these underlying play skills, so we drill more,"  author Deborah J. Leong says. "It's pathetic."

Educators, too, are forced to work within this tiny 'acceptable' framework in order to achieve test scores that may or may not actually indicate the level of learning taking place in the classroom.  If every child were to receive 100 percent on these tests, all we would prove, in my opinion, is that we were able to completely squash individuality and creativity in favor of memorization. A learning without the learning, in fact, because all the memorization in the world will not help a child understand the building blocks of the theories behind the execution.

For now, my little princesses are safe from all this. 

When they do get to school, don't get me wrong, I hope they pass those tests with flying colors.  I also hope they never lose this originality they are starting to exhibit on a daily basis, in favor of adult approval.

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