Parenting by doctor

I've had poison ivy for two weeks now. I thought, as an adult, if I didn't scratch it, it would clear up and go away on its own. I was slightly wrong. Despite my ignoring the terrible itch, it spread anyway. First, I thought it would clear up, so I didn't go to the doctor. Then I had a conference to go to, and didn't have time to go to the doctor. Then I thought, well, it's got to be almost done spreading by now, and didn't go to the doctor. Now, 16 days in, I'm sure there's nothing a doctor can do, so I'm not going to the doctor.

Growing up, we never went to the doctor if we could help it. My mother was a nurse and knew things I just do not know. She was able to assuage our tummy aches and fears, and we waited out a lot of illnesses and injuries. She knew they weren't so bad, that we'd heal. As such, I hardly ever take myself to receive medical care. I know it's not that bad. I will heal.

But when it comes to my kids, or even my dog, I'm almost the first in line to go to the pediatrician's. Because I'm not them, and I'm not a nurse, and they can't really tell me themselves if it's just a bit of bad food, or reflux, or a burst appendix. So we go. Just in case. My kids suffered bronchospasms last month. A symptom of a virus that we could do nothing about. I spent nearly $1,000 carting them to the doctor multiple times, buying humidifiers and nebulizers and inhalers. Anything to help my babies breathe. What if it wasn't a virus, but asthma. What if it was pneumonia and the docs weren't catching it? What if it were the flu? They never tested for the flu.

It was a virus. It went away on its own (though the nebulizer did help. The humidifier, on the other hand, is holding on to old water and probably becoming its own health hazard, as we only used it once. Great waste of $70 for sure.)

The other night, my puppy started acting strange. He wasn't...biting me. He's very playful and hates to be petted (like a puppy) and he was just putting up with it. Moving more slowly. Not interested in his toys. Growing up, we would have just waited it out. A dog is a dog.

But I was so concerned I was going to call the vet the very next morning. I mean, what if something was seriously wrong?

I waste a lot of money this way.

A lot.

And thankfully, the puppy was back to his old self the next day, so I avoided those fees.

I always try to tell myself to wait it out, that it's nothing. But I usually end up caving and bringing my little things to their doctor. It's always nothing. But what if it's not?

VERY IMPORTANT REVIEWS

I have the flu. The real flu. Diagnosed with Influenza A yesterday, and I'd been unable to get up from bed two days before that. I had actually been too sick to go get seen. The thought of having to get dressed, or, you know, stand up, brought me to tears. Today is the first day I've been well enough to move around even a little bit.

As such I've been on my feet since 6:30 a.m. and I honestly feel like I'm about to die.

So, why the heck am I blogging?

Because I'm fucking pissed. This day has been a nightmare, and I have some reviews (good and bad) to dish out. And don't think I'm not going to social media these to the people involved, either. I totally will. Don't freaking mess with me when I'm about to pass out from death.


REVIEW 1 - University of Florida: C

I don't know what their official policy is on the flu and I'm too sick to go look it up and argue about it, but I emailed my professor yesterday after my diagnosis, and while she was plenty kind and polite, she gave me a three-day extension on a 25-pg paper that I cannot fathom starting right now. Because words. And reading them. In order. To have meaning. She gave me no extension on today's assignment which I managed to complete before what we will henceforth call HELL AFTERNOON started. Thank God. She also expects me on class on Monday. The doctor told me not to return to life until February 4th. I'll still be contagious. So, yeah.

For threatening the public health, and clearly not understanding what flu means, UF gets a C.

REVIEW 2 - My Kid's School District: A

I brought my kids to school today because they were BEGGING to go. I knew one of them should not have been there (tho in my defense I didn't know she had the flu because she'd been vaxxed for it. Twice.) I told them the minute she started showing signs of illness fatigue or coughed at all, to call me and have her sent home, regardless of the tantrum she would throw about not being with her twin. They called me at 9:27 a.m. and I went and got her.

For following instructions and caring about human health and the spread of disease their district gets an A.

Which brings us to...

REVIEW 3 - FLU VACCINE (nasal spray): B-

I'm so pro-vaccine I cannot bring myself to give this below a B, but seriously, dudes, wtf. My kids got the mist TWICE this year (because it was their first year for the vaccination). I know strains are different and blah blah blah, and my whole family is going to get vaccinated next year even though this happened this year because it's not the vaccine's fault. But it still majorly blows that we got the mini-sick twice in the fall, and still all got the mother-effing flu anyway.

For failing to protect my kids this year, the flu vaccine gets a B-.

REVIEW 4 - Kids Doc Pediatric: D 

I'm really sorry to give this one out because I really, really love the main doctor and his wife and their business. But, guys, enough is too much. I called in the early morning for an appt (righ t after they opened), and got scheduled for 2:15 p.m. I got there on time, paid my copay, and we waited for 45 minutes in the waiting room. What's the big deal, right? Sometimes doctors are busy. Well, the big deal is it was packed  in there, and they don't have a sick waiting room and a well one. Just one waiting room. And I told everyone we had the flu and sat us as far away from people as we could, but kids still kept coming up and trying to touch the twins because they look like the same person and are therefore incredibly interesting to the under 10 set. Also, we ended up right next to a six year old just there for his yearly. I wanted to die of flu-guilt. They didn't even have masks.

When they finally put us in the room, it was another 45 minutes before the doctor saw us. The room had a sticky mess in the middle of it and our sneakers all got stuck. Gross. I mentioned that to the doctor, and she was like, huh. That's weird. Then my kid wanted water. The doctor's office did. not. have. water. They gave her a popsicle instead. She didn't want it. I also had to ask them to retake her temp because the first reading was 95.7. The second reading? 103.6.

On our way out, I reminded them to call in the scripts. They forgot. But I'll come back to that.

For giving countless children the flu, making my daughter wait for 90 minutes with an ear infection, the flu, a respiratory infection, and 104 temp, Kids Doc gets a D.

REVIEW 5 - United Health Care: D+

While I've received great customer service every time I've called them, I'm going to have to call them again because somewhere along the line they decided to start charging copays for well-visits, and not only that, but they back-issued payment for all of last year. So the doctor's office tried to charge me hundreds of dollars and I had to be like lol no. I don't like surprise charges or back charges.

For trying to charge me for old money you weren't collecting at the time, United Health Care gets a D+.


REVIEW 6 - CVS CAREMARK: F

When my husband went to get vaccinated against the flu on Saturday (lol the day before I came down with it), they charged him $30. Flu shots are free. He called and the customer service rep told him it must have been an administering fee. Which it wasn't. He now has to call a bunch of different numbers to get the charge taken off.

When we paid for my tamilflu, we paid $100 deductible first, then the medicine. The next day, when I had to pay for my kids' tamilflu, they tried to charge me the deductible again. Calling customer service got a different person with a different answer each time. Now we have to call various numbers again to get the overcharge rectified. I do not have a million dollars for fake deductibles, Caremark, thanks.

On top of that, all of the CVS stores in town were OUT of tamilflu. Which wouldn't have been so bad, except that those stores weren't cool enough to tell the doctor when she phoned them in and waited for my sick-as-death ass to show up with my glassy, green kids to tell me, LOLSORRY. Not impressed. In fact, I actually cried at the fourth pharmacy to do this to me.

So, for failing every which way and making me hate them forever, CVS Caremark gets an F.

Which brings me to:

REVIEW 7 - Walgreens: A-

After running through my CVS options, I finally ended up at Walgreens, where, at first, no one was at the drive-through window. A man who was clearly off the clock and on his way out must have seen my stricken face, because he put his coat down and started my order for me. After that, a nice young man took over, and before filling all the drugs (which the Walgreens HAD) he told me they'd cost $70 a piece, which really sucked. I asked him why, and asked if it was because we had Caremark, and he smiled sympathetically and said yes. Then he filled our abx which was only $9, and instead of filling the tamilflu, he called every single CVS in the area until he found one that had it in stock. He transferred the order there, and I had my husband pick it up after work, (where he again had issues with Caremark.)

For being decent human beings, having medicine in stock and helping me even though you sold less drugs, Walgreens gets an A-.

Now, during this whole pharmacy debacle, my check-engine light came on and my car started shaking. Which brings me to:

REVIEW 8 - Honda of Gainesville: D+

After charging me $600 for new tires when I went in to check out a rattling noise a month or so ago, the dealership said I wouldn't need oil for another whole year because the oil was full and looked new. I'm too sick to go get the car checked right now, but without that rec, I'd have gotten the oil changed 1000 miles ago, bc that's when the sticker told me to get it changed. I'm willing to bet the $200 that Caremark is never going to give back to me that the problem with the car is the oil. Since I can't be sure, I won't fail them. But still.

For telling me my car was fine, and telling me to ignore maintenance stickers, Honda of Gainesville gets a D+.

And finally, we have:

REVIEW 9 - Grocery Mama: A+

After the day I had yesterday, just to be treated cordially and like a person was enough to inspire eternal gratitude in this small business. When I used it, I thought it was just a regular grocery service, which it is, but it's also way better than that. It's a local, one-family, business, and they are just doing everything right. I hope they have great, great success in everything. Here's what I left on their FB page review section:

Grocery Mama is amazing. I'm dead with the flu right now, and had to use a service for the first time in my life today. Within seconds of receiving my list online, the owner called me, clarified all concerns, and continued pertinent conversation throughout the trip to make sure she got what I wanted. Her understanding and humor was a breath of fresh air after a day of everything gone wrong. After the shopping she had to hand off the reins and called to make sure I was okay with a man dropping the groceries off. At every step, she ensured my comfort. When she couldn't find a brand I wanted she texted to see if another brand would be okay, and when it wasn't, she took time out to ask a store employee where the exact item was. My groceries were here within an hour of me ordering them. AND I FORGOT TO GIVE A TIP. They were so polite, they didn't even stick around in case I would remember. Please come back, Grocery Mama, bc I have all the monies to give you. It is unacceptable that such stellar service go tipless. I recommend that any and everyone use this service. They cater to all the local grocery stores too. I could not have had a better experience, and I was in a BAD MOOD, so that was hard to pull off. They're wonderful.

A+







 

It's Your Job to Speak Up

"Mama, I don't like the doctor appointment."

My daughter said that sullenly as we walked out of the door of the pediatrician's office this afternoon.

They didn't get any shots, and they usually love the doctor (weirdos), but this time it took an emotional toll.

After the weighing and the eyes and ears, the doctor came in. And she checked them physically and said everything was fine with a big old beam on her face.

But it's not fine. I know it's not fine. And if the ped's office had been paying attention to me throughout the last year, they would have known it's not fine either.

"What about their speech?" I asked. (I wrote a couple of years ago about how my daughters' were slower in speech than some other kids, and I've done speech update posts in the form of cutesy "aww, little kids' words" posts about every six months since then. But they weren't just cutesy. They were also for me so I could keep a record of how they were or were not progressing without intervention.)

"Yes, well, they do seem to slur some of their words and sounds together," she replied.

To which I nodded.

"They also can't get her and she right," I said. "They use she for everything." (This is a change. Last year they used her for everything, and at our correcting, they replaced her with she. But it's all or nothing, it seems.)

The doctor was able to get them to use she in a sentence incorrectly, and looked at me, puzzled.

"That's not normally a problem we see," she said.

"But what does it mean?" I asked.

She didn't know.

And she still would have let us walk out the door, but I pushed and so she put in a referral for speech evaluation. But had I not said anything, she wouldn't have. Remember to speak up. It's important.

But the hardest conversation was yet to come.

"What about their behavior?" I asked.

Of course, what I wanted to say was, "What about how they lose their shit all the time?" but we must use tact in these situations. They're delicate at best. And at five, my kids know exactly what's going on.

I've long come to terms with the fact that I have what kind internet mommies call "spirited" children. (Yes, scare quotes).

And last year, I had to go pick them up from preschool no less than five times throughout the course of the year because they just completely lost their shit. They get tired of using their words, and if an adult doesn't see their point of view, instead of accepting that, they throw a tantrum that would put any two year old to shame.

And it's not like that ever, ever,  works, so I don't even know what the hell.

Excuses are: they're very competitive, they're perfectionists, they're sensitive, and up until a few days ago, that they were two or three or four.

But now they're five. And that shit ain't gonna fly in kindergarten.

The doctor had a rather stern talk with them. Complete with telling them if they couldn't hold it together, they'd get kicked out of school and have to go to school with all the bad and mean kids. Which kind of made me go o.O

Anyway, by the end of it, one of my daughters was in tears and seeing her cry made me well up and it just sucked all around.

It's not on them to do better, of course.

It's on me. Having lived with them 24/7, I let myself get pulled into their nonsense, I try to reason with the beast that unleashes instead of just ignoring it.

I expect them to act like rational human beings and I treat them as such, even when they're literally puddles on the ground. And when they do get to that point, I get frustrated, because, seriously, what the hell, kids? What even is this nonsense?

And they sense it and clearly that doesn't help anyone or anything.

And obviously that's not the right way.

They start kindergarten in less than a week, now. And the speech people aren't going to call me for two weeks, probably, if they even call. (I'll have to hunt them down after that.) It's not that they can't talk, and interestingly, they can read very well. But I need them to feel as if language is their friend, moreso than crying.

Anyway, the doctor said if they can't get it together, she'll recommend occupational therapy, but to wait and see.

Wait and see.

They've been telling me that, you know, since my girls were two. And I'm between a rock and a hard place because I don't think there is anything atypical about the girls. I truly think they are right-down-the-line typical, just fiery, spunky, "spirited" if you will. But I need to do a better job. And to do that, maybe I need help.

And if I need help, well, haven't I waited long enough and seen enough?

I just don't know. But I know that I should have pushed for speech evaluation last year, and I didn't.

Kids are hard. Life is hard.

My kids are so much more complicated than I am.

I hope I can get it together myself, and do right by them.


 

Preschool Pointers - 27: It's NOT Allergies

A while back I wrote a post about how maybe my pediatrician was right, maybe my kids simply had allergies. I was wrong. It's not allergies.

Problem:

Your kid is sick again, you bring her to the doctor and you get, "well, it's allergies." A week later, still sick, you bring her to the doctor again, he shines a light here, takes a temperature there and tells you, "nope, still allergies, but now there's an ear infection...from the allergies, of course...so here are some antibiotics."

Then you come down with these "allergies" a few days later. Because, you know, allergies are so contagious. And your husband, too.

And your babysitter had to go to her doctor, and he told her "allergies" until she went back a few days later and demanded a throat swab. Because she had strep throat.

Which isn't allergies.

Solution:

Don't let them put you off. I've come to the conclusion that during winter time, some pediatricians figure these illnesses are just kid sicknesses, little viruses here and there, and there's nothing that can be done, so what the hey, blame allergies.

We've never gotten tested for allergies, so the next time we go in (follow up in two weeks for ear infection, of course), I'm going to ask him to test them. If he's going to tell me allergies every time we pay him a visit (which isn't often. I'm pretty tough. We only go to the doctor when we absolutely have to.), then he's going to tell me what they're allergic to. Because come on.

Anyway, this is the winter of sick. I don't know of any parent that hasn't suffered through multiple bouts of illness, and they're probably all viruses that no one can do anything about.

But, seriously, they're not allergies.


 

Preschool Pointers - 4: Allergies

This post will verge on Dr. Google. Do not take my word for it. Ask your doctor.


Problem: Is your kid always sick? Post-nasal drip, sore throat, stuffy, or sneezing? Does she have dry skin on her legs or arms? Do her ears feel funny but there are no ear infections?


Solution: We live in Florida now, and my "almost-could-be-getting sick" symptoms are at full-throttle, but being an adult, and who I am in general, I don't care and just carry on. It's fine. The kids are a different story. They'll tell me about every teeny malady that's accosting them. Multiple times. This spring we went to the doctor a lot. Virus, they would say. Must just be a virus. For months? I asked. Could be, they said.

Then, we went for their yearly check up. Neither was actually ill, this time, but they were complaining of some of the same symptoms I listed above. The doctor checking them actually asked about these symptoms without them saying anything about them. (They were too preoccupied with the shots.)

He said they appeared to have mild allergies. He said I should give them a small, appropriate dose of allergy medicine in the morning.

I ignored him for a while because that's what I do. I either forgot, or thought it wasn't a big deal, each day. Then I started paying attention. I gave them the child dose of the medicine once in the morning.

I've only been doing it a few days, when they remind me by telling me they feel a little sick and listing out their symptoms. But it works. It really works.

Obviously don't just go about giving your kids allergy medicine. Go to your doctor first. But when you do, ask about mild allergies. It could be a part of the problem.