Being the Allergy Mom - Guest Post

My kids are allergy-free, but when they went to preschool, there were several allergies we had to be mindful of. I always tried to make our snacks universal for all, to avoid what Debby has graciously offered to write down for me...the seclusion of the kids with allergies, and the deadly consequences if that seclusion isn't followed correctly.

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Let’s say you bring your family into a local deli to order lunch, and while they are grilling your sandwiches you notice a large, open canister of Rat Poison sitting right next to the bread and lunchmeat the cook is preparing.  When you bring it up, the lady at the counter waves her hand dismissively.  “Don’t worry,” she says, “we only use that on the left side of the grill.”

You drop your child off at her first day of pre-school, and while she’s gripping your hand tightly, the teacher talks to her about all the fun things she’ll do there.  “And you can play with cyanide,” the teacher says, kindly.

“Cyanide?” you ask with concern, “I can’t have her playing with that. I’m sorry but…”

The teacher looks at you funny and says, “Well okay. The kids who do that will stay at that table. We’ll make sure she sits alone over here,” she points to the next table over. “No worries.”

This is what it’s like as the parent of a child with a deadly allergy to an everyday substance or food.  Of course, we know in real life it’s not Rat Poison in the deli, just a jar of peanut butter.  That the children aren’t playing with cyanide at pre-school, but eating goldfish crackers and honey-mustard pretzels for snack.  They aren’t doing dangerous things – just innocuous, childhood things.  Normal things.

It’s us, the parents of the allergic child, who are seen often as overreacting, “crazy”, helicopter parents – god, can’t we just let it go?  But actually, most parents I know of children with allergies go through life in a constant state of underreacting. You have to, in order for your child to have any kind of life.

 “Oh, no problem, I brought his own food.”

 “Oh, her best friend has strawberries today for snack?  I’m just going to sit her over here away from that. No, no big deal… just if you wouldn’t mind washing her hands?”

“He’s at camp, but I made sure the counselors know what he can’t have and are trained in administering his epinephrine injector. I think he'll be okay."

After a while, it becomes part of your life.  Reading food labels is as natural as holding hands while crossing a busy road. Your kid knows to ask you  “is it safe?” before eating any food, the same way he knows not to get into cars with strangers. Just another danger.  Just another thing that can kill your child.  You think as long as you teach her right, as long as you know the signs, carry the epi-pen everywhere, you can handle it.  It will be alright.

And then a story like this hits the news. A 13-year-old girl did everything right: spit out the food after one bite, told her parents right away, her father – a doctor - administered her medication within the ‘correct’ time window.  And she still died.  A young girl barely beginning her life is dead  from one mouthful of a mislabeled rice cereal treat.  A family is grieving for their daughter who died from a peanut. This is not right, this is not fair, this is terrifying.

When I read that story I went into my son’s room, and held him while he slept.  I cried.   I second-guessed everything: summer camp, the family vacation we have planned, public school.  I half-seriously considered never letting him out of my sight ever again.  Every parent has had moments like this.

This will follow us into his teens, college years, adulthood.  I struggle to make sure he knows the ‘rules’ about food safety but not to become so draconian about it that he rebels in his teen years and ends up in a dangerous situation (according to an article in MedScape weekly, late adolescence and teens is the most dangerous time for kids with food allergies, due to poor decision making skills, alcohol impairing judgment, and even bullying. I may never get a good night’s sleep again).

There are lots of things to be scared of in this world:  a wayward bullet, a speeding car, childhood cancer, all the things that keep parents up at night.  I just have an additional worry.  Another reason to kiss my son goodnight.  Another reason to stay awake long after everyone else in the house is asleep.  A normal parent to a normal child, in a very dangerous world.

But we all just do the best we can.

Debby V. is a stay-at-home mom with a four-year-old son and another boy due this fall.  Thanks to her son's moderate dairy allergy and severe peanut allergy, her house never has the good candy at Halloween. 



 

Preschool Pointers - 27: It's NOT Allergies

A while back I wrote a post about how maybe my pediatrician was right, maybe my kids simply had allergies. I was wrong. It's not allergies.

Problem:

Your kid is sick again, you bring her to the doctor and you get, "well, it's allergies." A week later, still sick, you bring her to the doctor again, he shines a light here, takes a temperature there and tells you, "nope, still allergies, but now there's an ear infection...from the allergies, of course...so here are some antibiotics."

Then you come down with these "allergies" a few days later. Because, you know, allergies are so contagious. And your husband, too.

And your babysitter had to go to her doctor, and he told her "allergies" until she went back a few days later and demanded a throat swab. Because she had strep throat.

Which isn't allergies.

Solution:

Don't let them put you off. I've come to the conclusion that during winter time, some pediatricians figure these illnesses are just kid sicknesses, little viruses here and there, and there's nothing that can be done, so what the hey, blame allergies.

We've never gotten tested for allergies, so the next time we go in (follow up in two weeks for ear infection, of course), I'm going to ask him to test them. If he's going to tell me allergies every time we pay him a visit (which isn't often. I'm pretty tough. We only go to the doctor when we absolutely have to.), then he's going to tell me what they're allergic to. Because come on.

Anyway, this is the winter of sick. I don't know of any parent that hasn't suffered through multiple bouts of illness, and they're probably all viruses that no one can do anything about.

But, seriously, they're not allergies.


 

Preschool Pointers - 4: Allergies

This post will verge on Dr. Google. Do not take my word for it. Ask your doctor.


Problem: Is your kid always sick? Post-nasal drip, sore throat, stuffy, or sneezing? Does she have dry skin on her legs or arms? Do her ears feel funny but there are no ear infections?


Solution: We live in Florida now, and my "almost-could-be-getting sick" symptoms are at full-throttle, but being an adult, and who I am in general, I don't care and just carry on. It's fine. The kids are a different story. They'll tell me about every teeny malady that's accosting them. Multiple times. This spring we went to the doctor a lot. Virus, they would say. Must just be a virus. For months? I asked. Could be, they said.

Then, we went for their yearly check up. Neither was actually ill, this time, but they were complaining of some of the same symptoms I listed above. The doctor checking them actually asked about these symptoms without them saying anything about them. (They were too preoccupied with the shots.)

He said they appeared to have mild allergies. He said I should give them a small, appropriate dose of allergy medicine in the morning.

I ignored him for a while because that's what I do. I either forgot, or thought it wasn't a big deal, each day. Then I started paying attention. I gave them the child dose of the medicine once in the morning.

I've only been doing it a few days, when they remind me by telling me they feel a little sick and listing out their symptoms. But it works. It really works.

Obviously don't just go about giving your kids allergy medicine. Go to your doctor first. But when you do, ask about mild allergies. It could be a part of the problem.