Get widget

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Why is Delilah Still on the Air?

No, seriously. All I want for Christmas is for Delilah to retire. For too many years now she's been sullying my Christmas spirit and ruining my nights just about every day of the week any time of year (best of the week on Sundays? Really?)

I mean, can any of us remember a time when she wasn't droning on about "religion," (hers), "love" (hers), "family" and "family values" (hers), talking up a storm and thinking she was more important than the insipid pop hit from seven years ago she was about to play?

For a woman with her history (which I won't go into. Unlike Delilah, I have boundaries of personal space and a working what-is-appropriate meter), she sure preaches a lot, doesn't she? You'd think she was the Baby Jesus himself, sent down to save all these lost callers from their bad relationships with her ill-fitting advice and contradictory moral code.

And even on the rare occasion that she is right (or even remotely close to right) I still cannot stomach her tone. Starting with what she considers her 'dulcet radio voice' meant to calm and engage listeners (does anyone sound like that? Really? Her speaking voice's overdone quality is comparable to Celine Dion's singing voice. Both, I'm sure are lovely when normal. When infused with this showmanship? They're grating to the ear. At least for me.)

But it goes so much deeper than that. She prattles on at people incessantly. When her poor callers get on air, she'll put a conspiratorial lilt in her her voice, like, "it's just you and me, talking like close girl friends here."

First of all, no it's not. You and her and a million other listeners who have the misfortune of not switching over to satellite radio yet.

And more importantly, you're not that caller's buddy. Stop taking liberties and acting like you've known them for years and if you could only glean that last bit of confession from them, you'll have the answer they're seeking. You never do. And most of the time, the pieces they've left out of the story are extremely personal and they chose to leave them out for a reason. You put them on the spot and all they wanted you to do was to play them a damn song so they could cry a little.

I mean, yes, they open themselves up to that by calling in the first place, but must you be so fake about it? I'm hard-pressed to think of another host of a call-in show who is more embarrassing than his or her callers. But, Delilah, I blush for you all the time. I cringe because the less astute callers will open up, but I can hear the reluctance in their voices, and I know I'm listening to something I shouldn't be privy to. And then, instead of letting them unburden themselves in peace, you stroll all over their pain, normally in combat boots. What is your problem?

Either it's the fakey-fake soothing mother voice where you coddle them, turning them into infants, or it's the "tough love" bootstraps voice, commanding them to make a change. As if you know something. As if you know anything about that person's real story or have any real-world experience to back you up. I just can't stand it.

I'm just letting you know, Delilah, that I'm only here for the Christmas Carols. And since I don't have satellite radio or an MP3 player, well, I guess I'm just going to invest in some CDs for the season. I'd rather hear the same eight songs over and over than have to wade through your sordid advice with the promise of catching an old gem of a song I'd forgotten about...only to have it be I'll Be Home for Christmas, again.

I know it's the holidays and I should be a little more forgiving. I'm sure she has done a lot of good for people. I'm sure she's an excellent human being. I'm just sick of hearing about it...from her.

14 comments:

  1. Every time I see a photo of her I think it's someone else's face. ... I guess she has one of those faces, as one friend put it, fit for radio.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excuse me while I log into Pandora and listen to Christmas music all day without Delilah's interruptions...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was going to suggest Pandora also. I agree that Delilah sucks. I rarely listen to the radio in the evening, so I think most of the times I've listened to her have been in the car... mostly on roadtrips when I couldn't find an NPR station.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i love delilah, but dont like november christmas carols.

    ReplyDelete
  5. THAT'S DELILAH?!

    So unexpected.

    ReplyDelete
  6. why not just change the station?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Divorce 3 times? And she wants to give advice?

    ReplyDelete
  8. So right on the mark! Delilah is so fake and phony it is pathetic. Sad to think she makes her fortune giving 'advise' to people who are easily influenced because of emotional issues they are going through.
    I cringe every time I hear her voice....!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haha, so happy to read that. shes so rude I cant stand her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. are you being forced to listen somehow?

    ReplyDelete
  11. I HATE HER SO MUCH, THIS IS SOOO TRUE. ALL I ASKED FOR WAS CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND SHES TALKING ON AND ON ABOUT PROBLEMS NO ONE CARES ABOUT

    ReplyDelete
  12. You don't have to like her radio voice but she really doesn't necessarily preach to people and before you slam the lady you might want to take a look at her resume and what she does for the world and the community she's adopted over 10 children she goes to Africa and raises money for them all the time she owns a little cafe and her community and grows natural food and service in a restaurant and she does a ton of charity work. So what that she's been married four times do you know her story maybe she was married to men who cheated on her or passed away or abused her why do you think she's a failure because she's fallen in love enough to want to spend the rest of your life with someone 4 times would it be surprising that The Love Guru wants to be in love? The initial commenters sure is judgmental all you have to do is turn the radio station there's hundreds and hundreds of stations nowadays I'm sure you can find someone else to be judgy about

    ReplyDelete
  13. You don't have to like her radio voice but she really doesn't necessarily preach to people and before you slam the lady you might want to take a look at her resume and what she does for the world and the community she's adopted over 10 children she goes to Africa and raises money for them all the time she owns a little cafe and her community and grows natural food and service in a restaurant and she does a ton of charity work. So what that she's been married four times do you know her story maybe she was married to men who cheated on her or passed away or abused her why do you think she's a failure because she's fallen in love enough to want to spend the rest of your life with someone 4 times would it be surprising that The Love Guru wants to be in love? The initial commenters sure is judgmental all you have to do is turn the radio station there's hundreds and hundreds of stations nowadays I'm sure you can find someone else to be judgy about

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...