Five Ways Advent Is Like Potty Training - Contributor Post

M. Kate Allen from Life, Love, Liturgy has a signature look at the prep stage to the holidays, and one I can totally understand!

Advent and potty training, are, in fact, very similar. lol

Way #1: There’s a lot of waiting around.  My kid became daytime potty-trained last week.  We started potty-training her over a year ago.  Advent’s like that—you only get to light one candle a week on your Advent wreath, or open one little door on your Advent calendar per day.  The church hymns, if you’re in a liturgically oriented church, are subdued, like the mood of a parent thwarted by uncontrolled toddler bladders and bowels.  If you’re super-observant, the Christmas tree doesn’t come home till Christmas Eve and the Christmas music makes way for the usual dose of Muse and Metallica (okay, that’s the music at my house, but you get the idea).  “Fun” isn’t the first word that comes to mind in either case.

Way #2: It takes repetition—lots of it—to get the idea.  Without our many-times-a-day repetition of “Do you need to go potty?” our kid just had no awareness of it, and oops! There went her diaper (or, worse, on the days we were foolish enough to dress her in it, her underwear).  At my Anglo-Catholic church, we sing O Come, O Come, Emmanuel—several verses of it—every Advent Sunday to start the liturgy procession.  Wait, what are we singing about?  You mean Jesus isn’t here yet?  You mean he’s still in the dark, nourishing womb of the one who bears him?  Reminders of what hasn’t happened in the midst of everyone’s celebration of the it-already-happened do help.

Way #3: Rewards help.  For a while we used potty treats in the form of little gummy fruit-flavored snacks.  It didn’t really work unless our kid was hungry, though, so we shifted to a homemade chart for which she earned shining metallic stars.  And you know what?  Going square by square works!  That’s what makes Advent calendars a raving success.  My husband is especially fond of the ones from Trader Joe’s, loaded with chocolate.  I’m fond of the Jacquie Lawson virtual Advent calendar, which I’ve received as a gift for the last several years.  The wait for the lighting of each Advent candle on a wreath takes seven times as long—but oh, that moment when you finally get to light the next candle, multiplying the light that will eventually manifest as a bright, beckoning star! 

Way #4: Taking time is kinder than a sudden total shift in reality.  When I first got the idea to potty-train my toddler, it was right after I learned that I was pregnant with my second child.  We wanted her to be potty-trained by the time the second one arrived, so I found a three-day fail-safe method on the internet that a friend had used.  The author of this method said as long as her directions were followed to the letter, it would work for any age, period—in three days.  She lied.  And this mama wept and wailed before (and after) admitting defeat.  The shift from Thanksgiving to Christmas (or the Fourth of July to Christmas) wrenches my heart like that.  Really, I need time to prepare, and I need the experts to respect my need for time to prepare—like John the Baptist—for the birthing of the Christ in my world.  If I take seriously what Isaiah writes, my lioness self just isn’t ready to lie down with a lamb.  I need time to step back, shut up, and listen to the quiet, quieting voice of God, whether as the voice in my dreams or as a prophetic voice speaking out to me in waking life.

Way #5: The final reward, after all that waiting, is a little odd to talk about if you step outside the immediacy of the moment.  The toilet is filled, the diaper at last remains dry.  There’s nothing else you can think about, and you can’t stop squealing.  If your non-parent friends could see you now!  So the Christ-child is born and laid in a manger of animal hay to become food (“manger” means “to eat,” after all).  Um, whose food?   And did you notice that the child got swaddled swaddled like a mummy?  Same way he’s going to be wrapped in the tomb thirty-three years or so down the line when he actually does die, and…becomes bread for the world?  Birth and death.  Death and resurrection.  Birth and risen bread.  Whoa.

Toilet-training is to Advent what Potty-Training Day is to Christmas--the necessary prelude to the main event.  And you know what?  The wait renders the main event absolutely glorious.

 

Toddler Tricks - 91: Story Time

Problem: Your child doesn't want to sit still long enough to take care of business in the bathroom. They'd rather play, or read, or watch TV, and they'll hold it. Bathroom time is a low, low priority. You don't want them in there stressed out or sad because then they'll associate negative feelings with the bathroom, but you have to get them in there somehow, and keep them in there until they go.



Solution: Make a fun activity specifically for bathroom time. For us, it's reading stories. Not actual books since I read them books all the time and I wouldn't want to limit out reading time to just on the potty. When I read them stories in the bathroom, it's more like, telling them stories. Anything they want to hear. They know if they're going pee, they can pick one story for me to tell. If they're going number two, they get two stories to pick. The not-going sister will usually sit next to me to get in on the story-telling action. They're favorite stories include The Three Little Pigs, The Little Red Hen, The Little Mermaid, Rapunzel, and Snow White. They can choose anything they like. Sometimes they'll even make me make up a story about Caillou.

When I was little, my parents used to do rhyming and counting games with me. Any activity you choose should work, so long as it's something your kids enjoy. It will take the boring edge off potty time.

Scaring the Sh*t Out of Them

I have a distaste for public bathrooms. Actually, it goes beyond that. My aversion rests just slightly above phobia. I hate them. Now that I have potty-trained toddlers, I end up spending a lot of time in my favorite little, dingy, smelly rooms, trying my hardest to act like these are like any other rooms and like I'm not utterly disgusted that my kids are using this toilet that everyone else uses. Because, really, when you type it out, it's not so bad. This is really an aversion I should get over. But I can't.

Anyway, so far, I've done a pretty good job faking it. The babies, of course, know not to touch anything. That's one thing I've been firm on. "Don't touch anything!" I used to say. Now I don't have to. We push that dirty door with the peeling paint open and flick on the fluorescent light and the babies are already repeating "Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. Touch your knees. Touch mama. Don't touch anything else."

But, aside from that, we've been able to do our business in many public restrooms, from the grossest beach variety where sand and puddles of dirty sea water (and whatever else) pool around our feet, to classy, bright restaurant stalls, to darkened and stinky diner bathrooms. I was proud the babies seemed not to pick up on my misplaced germ hatred.

Until this weekend.

A double-whammy has left me with a new battle to fight -- a battle brought on by myself and my reactions.

It started at the pool. While one of my twins gleefully announces when she's going to pee in the water (we're working on that), the other insists on using the potty, something I prefer to water goings, but something that's nevertheless inconvenient.

I trot the babies out of the pool and into the community clubhouse where the bathrooms are. We walk in, and immediately Dulce says "It's too stinky in here." I said, "Yes, it is rather stinky, I wonder--UGH."

There it was. Someone had left a giant turd in the toilet of the women's restroom. We reversed out of there so fast we nearly lost our flip flops. Guh! Gross! Ugh ugh ugh ugh! Seriously, you can't flush your shit? What the heck is wrong with people? Ick. I can't. The image, the sodden...you get it. But I'm still mentally washing myself, seriously.

There was no mistaking my reaction this time. No couching it or making light. The babies understood that the bathroom freaked mommy out. I didn't realize it at the time, but they carried the memory with them. Not of the scene, but of my reaction.

Fast forward to a few hours later. We're out at a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, and Dulce has to go. The restrooms are outside around the corner. They're predictably dark, smelly and cramped. I open the door, flick on the light, and Dulce takes a step in only to scream and scramble back out.

"Mama! Catepillar. Ah!"

A giant back scrub brush that looked remarkably like a catepillar had been left under the sink. I showed her that it was just a brush and tried to ready her for the bathroom.

"No, mama, I okay. Poo poos in there. I okay now. I go at home."

We didn't use the potty there.

An hour after that, we were at a restaurant, eating dinner. The babies dragged me to the restrooms three different times. Each time acting weird and scared in there, deciding not to sit on the toilet, telling me they were okay, and leaving.

We haven't had cause to go to another public restroom since, but each time that night I gently reassured them that everything was fine, that they didn't have to wait for home, that they can go anywhere that offers a bathroom facility, that it's good to go when you have to go.

It's going to be a battle, this I know. What we say leaves an impression on our kids, but not nearly as strong an impression as what we do or what we think. Kids pick up on everything. It's up to us to be solid, consistent and helpful for them.


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I Never Thought I'd...

There are so many things I never thought I'd do in my life. In fact, they were so far removed from me, I never even thought of them to think I'd never do them.  Some of you may relate.

10. I never thought I'd say "can you hear me?" I say it probably dozens of times a day.

9.  I never thought I'd clean smeared human feces off a stroller. That was a bad day.

8.  I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom. From my childhood, through my relationships, through my pregnancy, through the babies' first 18 months, I was sure I was a committed career woman. This one still throws me for a loop quite often.

7.  I never thought I'd have to explain that going to the bathroom was not a competitve sport. Who ever heard of tantruming because you don't have to poop and your sister does?

6.  I never thought I'd beam with pride when my kids decided that playing imaginary games is better than TV.

5.  I never thought I'd be singing the theme to "Elmo's World" at the top of my lungs in a public restroom to distract my daughter enough so that she could actually do her business, while annoyed women slowly formed a line outside the john.  She went, by the way.

4.  I never thought I'd live in north central Florida. I never thought that if I ever ended up here, I'd be worried about school systems.

3.  I never thought I'd think of a warm cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal eaten while actually sitting down as a luxury.

2.  I never thought I'd go running when I heard a suspicious "shhhh" with my heart in my mouth. Usually it's to the kitchen. They'll either have salt or milk, or sugar, or flour. Something messy. "Shhh" is always bad.

1.  I never thought I'd have twins. Never. Twins? I mean, I know many people have triplets, or a toddler and then twins, but for me, twins is basically the ultimate crash course in parenting. Twins.


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Toddler Tricks - 43: Making the best of it

Ways to trick your baby:

Problem: Your potty-trained toddler has to go to the bathroom midway through a rather long drive. You don't want him to hold it and teach him that troublesome trick. You don't want him to go in his pants. You don't want to slap a diaper on him, showing inconsistency. You don't want to stop, but you'll have to.

Solution: There are several solutions to this problem. The first is prevention. Do not leave the house until your child has gone to the bathroom. Even if he says he doesn't have to go.  Wait him out, especially if the drive is just a few hours. In my experience, if my twins have gone potty right before we leave for a faraway destination, they don't have to go for the few hours it takes us to get there. At any rate, at least there is less of a chance for it.


Ways your baby can trick you:

Problem: They really didn't have to go before you left and you ran out of time and had to hit the road. Or they went, but they still have to go again.

Solution: Bring a potty with you. Even potty-trained little ones who go on the big potty understand that a little potty serves the same purpose. If you have a potty with you, they can go anytime, anywhere. You just have to pull over in a safe spot and make them comfortable. If that doesn't work, or if there is no room for a big potty amid your other things, schedule your drive around a potty break. We'll usually make it so that we stop for lunch midway, and the babies use the bathroom at the restaurant after they eat. This is normal to them, and they don't know to make a battle of it.


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We're All Stopped Up

One of my daughters hasn't pooped in two days.

I've been trying to think of an interesting blog topic for everyone today, and I can't because over and over in my mind I hear myself worrying. I hear the same sentence.

One of my daughters hasn't pooped in two days.

First, this can't be good for her little intestines. She's acting normal and happy, running around, playing, and yet, she must be full up.

I haven't changed her diet at all. I have no idea how this could have happened. Did she hold it because she didn't want to interrupt playing for potty time? Has her body chemistry changed so that her normal diet is insufficient in some way?

Before the stoppage, she was clearly having trouble for a few days but still going.

The doctor told me to give her Miralax. Great idea in theory. Have you ever tried to get a toddler to drink a chalky disgusting mix, though? We've not been incredibly successful with it over here.

The implications of this are dire. I assume I'll eventually fix the problem, so right now I'm not worried about her long-term health. I know a lot of toddlers go through this. My mother consolingly told me that I went through it as a toddler, too. Only, that wasn't consoling at all. This could set us back months in the almost completed potty training. This could put us back to square one only worse because she'll be fearful of pain while going.

My daughter has not pooped in two days.

If you need me, I'll be at the grocery store, stocking up on prunes.

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Potty and Beyond

Diapers are becoming a thing of the past.  I still use them for naps and when we go out somewhere, but I've no need.  The babies will tell me when they have to use the potty, and if there is an available structure, we'll use it.  If not, they'll hold it because try as I might, I can't convince them to empty their bladder in an unorthodoxed setting.

They're not dry at night, though - far from it.  So that when they turned to me as we were about to put them to bed last night and asked to use the potty, I was more than happy to accommodate them.  And they used them, almost immediately.

Yes, it was a hassle, undressing them from their nighties and stripping them of their diapers, but it was worth it.  Until the games kicked in.

As I bundled them back up and tucked them into bed, I saw the light go off in their heads.  Hey, they thought, you know what stopped this from happening just a few minutes ago?

"Shee shee, again!" Dulce proclaimed, trying to get out of bed, insisting she need the potty again, just 10 seconds after getting off.

I didn't fall for it. We gave them their goodnight kisses and left the room to chants of "shee shee gain, shee shee gain."

Fifteen minutes later, when I went to resettle them, the chant was at full force and had changed to "Go pee pee. Go pee pee."

Still, I resisted. My husband suggested moving their potties into their room overnights, and I was overcome with the image of spilled waste and wet babies in the morning.

Eventually they settled down and went to sleep, and we woke up to the typical wet diapers this morning.  So, when are children ready for night training?  Should I have ignored their playful pleas?

I don't know, but I do know this...the war I was sure I had just won was really just one of the battles along the way.  Perhaps potty training will never end.  It certainly seems that way.

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Potty Training - A Success Story

Potty training.  As you can see, it's serious business.  And this week, I think, I can proudly claim success.  Of course, success is relative, and I've been trying for months to get to this point, using various methods and techniques and tricks, mostly to no avail.  The twins simply were not ready for my previous attempts.

I've had my share of pee-pee pick-up duty.  I've scrubbed down furniture and carpets to get rid of undesirable waste.  I've dealt with tantrums over wearing or not wearing a diaper.  I've rushed babies to the potty only to sit there for hours as they refused to pee or to move.  I've completely missed dinner at a restaurant, spending the entire time in the restroom with petulant twins.  I've gone through hundreds of stickers.  I've begged, cajoled, threatened and broken down into tears.

Potty training.  It is serious business.

It got so bad at one point, I simply gave up, deciding that my quitting did not equal a failure on my part or on my kids' parts.

After that last attempt, as the twins approached their 2.5 mark, I decided, once more, to try the potty.

Here are a few things that worked for me:

1) Forget the pull ups.  My children liked pull ups, they really did.  They liked them because they were pink and blue and pretty.  They had no interest in pulling them either up or down.  They know what a diaper looks like, even when it's colorful, and they know what a diaper does.  It's easier to pee pee in a diaper than in a potty, so if they were wearing a diaper, even one with snazzy velcro, they would pee in the diaper.

2) It doesn't matter what you reward them with, as long as you reward them.  My kids only got distracted with promises of stickers and candy.  The bribes didn't really work to get the pee pee in the potty.  They could not connect the two concepts.  In the end, the best incentive for them was letting them flush the toilet afterward.  This worked on several levels.  They got to do something they considered fun to prove that they were good girls, and they saw the completion of a task.  They gratifyingly saw their pee pee go away.  We have a little ritual that include waving goodbye to it and shouting, "Bye Shee Shee!"

3)  You do not have to clean up urine dozens of times a day.  Repeat that to yourself.  I do not have to clean up urine dozens of times a day.  If you find yourself on your hands and knees scrubbing away every hour for more than a few days (they do need time to get used to it), if your hands have a lingering salty smell no matter how much you wash them, your kids are not ready for potty training.  This is where I was when we gave up.  I simply could not bear to find another "present" behind the coffee table three hours after the fact.

4)  Take it in steps.  We started by going completely pantless.  A few accidents later, and the babies understood that when they had to go, they had to run to the potty.  It was magical.  Then I moved to keeping them in pants and underwear.  We had a few more accidents because up until that point whenever the babies had felt material on their legs they were able to urinate without consequence.  After a few pants soakings though, they now rush to me and I help them down with their pants, and they go, gloriously, as heavenly music filters down from the sky.

5)  Buy the right underwear.  While everyone pays lip service to having their babies trained at 18 months (I'm skeptical, I admit), the smallest underwear you can easily find is a 4T.  Don't do it.  If your child is a 2T or a 3T, hold out.  Wearing underwear needs to be a comfortable experience.  Ballooning, wrinkled, too-big underroos are anything but comfortable.  Be careful, too, of the cut.

On the left we have a "wrong" pair of underwear.  It's made by Joe Boxer.  First, it's huge.  It simply will not fit my babies for about another year.  Secondly, and almost more importantly, look at how small the front portion is.  It's not wide enough.  It doesn't cover, and the blue outline is too rough for the skin it's up against.  They are poorly made.  On the right, we have a "right" pair of underwear, although I don't remember their brand.  They're 2/3T.  The waist is smaller, the leg holes are smaller, the front portion is bigger and sits correctly.  It's enough for me to forgive the "Cute" across the front (really, underwear-makers?).

6)  If you are at the beginning of this potty training process, remember what not to buy, and that quitting is not failing.

Good luck and Godspeed.  Children are all different and can handle different developments at different times.  Two and a half just happened to be the right age for us.

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Toddler Tricks - 25

Ways to Trick your Baby:

Problem:  Congratulations!  Your child is pooping in the potty!  What could possibly be the problem there?  Well, I don't know about you, but after years of wiping the stuff, cleaning the stuff, and otherwise handling it, I find nothing more gross than carrying it from the chamber pot to the actual toilet to flush.  And, sometimes, it sticks.  It sticks.  It's something that just turns my stomach, and I don't know why, but I hate it.

Solution:  This is pure common sense, and I'm sure almost everyone but me must have been doing it right off the bat, but for some reason it took me weeks to figure this little simple gem out.  Before you dump the offensive-smelling treasure into the toilet, pour some water from the tap into the bucket and swish it around a bit.  The excrement usually slips right out without sticking or clumping or making you ineffectively wipe at it before you give the potty a wash down.  This tip is gross all around, but it's seriously been a lifesaver for me.


Ways your baby Tricks You:

Problem: Now that they are using the potty regularly, they're realizing it's not as fun to sit on the potty as it is to play.  You may go through a week or two accident-free, then, suddenly, the kids are peeing their pants again.

Solution: Pick opportune moments to suggest the potty, then slow down activities so that there is nothing more interesting going on.  You may choose to suggest the potty, then sit down and read a book right near the receptacles, clearing all other toys out of the way.  Usually, your suggestion will be met with a no.  Don't force them to use the potty.  If you've waited until after two, like I did, you should be able to talk to them after they've declined.  Tell them that if they don't use the potty now, they'll have wet pants later.  They will most likely test this postulation a few times before getting it.  But I've found that now they accept my potty suggestion when I remind them that their pants will get wet because there's no diaper there to protect them.

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Third Time is the Charm

A few months ago, I defended my decision to stop potty training by saying that quitting and failing are not the same thing.  Turns out, I was right.

We are now on day five of potty training, for the third time.  At 17 months, my kids did not even understand what the potty was.  They pushed them around as toys and tried to take them apart and put them back together like puzzles.  At 24 months, they understood that mommy would like them to urinate in this small chair, instead of in their diapers, on the floor, on the couch, behind the stroller.  They understood, but they didn't care.  Four months ago, my role changed from stay at home mom to stay at home pee-pee picker-upper.  Not very glamorous.  Not very good for the back or the self esteem either.

I would ask them, "Do you have to go shee shee?"

"No," they would lie.  Then I'd inevitably find the puddle ten minutes later.  It was spirit breaking.

After an entire month of this torture for both me and them, I packed it in.  The potties went back into the bathroom from whence they came.  I never mentioned them again, and neither did the babies after a few days.  They happily went back to diapers, and I happily went back to pee-free life.  Until last week.

I took the potties out of hiding and left them in the living room (that's where we train - apparently nothing is so satisfying as pooping while watching Dora).  I didn't say anything about them.  The babies ignored them.  After a few days of that, I started mentioning the potties off-handedly every once in a while.

"Oh, you went shee shee?  Do you want to try on your potty?"

"No!"

The answer was always no.  Until it was yes.   Five days ago, the answer was yes, and we haven't looked back since.  There have been no accidents.  Not one.  I'm still reeling from the fact that I've not had to clean up any unsanitary messes since the start of this new bout of potty training.

I've kept it low key this time.  The babies sleep, both at night and during naptime, in diapers.  When they wake up, I change their diapers.  I do not leave them pantless.  When they are ready, they will tell me, and we take the diapers off.  This way, if they forget about using the potty, they're pee protected.  At this point, they completely understand that they don't have to be wet and will demand I take their diapers off after they go.  Then they refuse to wear a diaper again until they've gone in the potty.  If I try to put a diaper back on, they tell me they have to shee shee first.

Potty training does not have to be painful.  Apparently, it doesn't even have to be messy.  Don't try before your child is ready.  They'll get it when the time is right for them.  Trying to conform to society's ideal will only make the process miserable.  If your kid is trained at 18 months, congratulations!  You will be able to brag to your friends and family, and you clearly have a genius baby (in that one area).  If your children aren't trained until 28 months, like mine, or three, or even four, congratulations!  You have an awesome kid who knows when he is ready to move on to the next stage of life and learning.  There are so many avenues in which to be proud of your child.  If early potty training isn't one of them, I'm betting your child has dozens of other traits and talents that make him the special snowflake you deserve.

The biggest lesson I've learned is not to define my children based on only one area of development.  Where one is lagging, another is soaring.  Concentrate on the success.

Of course, while the training has marketedly improved this time around, the potties have not.  You can't win them all, I guess.

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Quitting and Failing Are Not the Same Thing

Competitive parenting is the ruin of many a mother's self esteem.  Benchmarks, milestones, highlights plague parents even as they repeat the mantra that every child is different, every one unique. They find themselves wondering if their baby is more advanced than their neighbor's niece.  Their parents start in with the ever-popular "when you were his age..."  Well-meaning mothers meeting at playgroups offer advice while others silently stew, worried about their own child's development.

And there is so much to worry about - weight gain, height, motor skills, walking, talking - the list seems unending.  Every time a child passes one hurdle, the next one looms, and sometimes, as parents, we push too hard.

My twins were born at 34 weeks.  They were in the 3rd percentile for weight and height for longer than I was comfortable with.  You would think, then, that I would be immune to all the talk about developmental victories, having struggled with my own kids in their infancy even to get them onto the charts.  Alas, I am not immune.

It started with sippy cups.  My children, for the longest time, refused to use sippy cups.  They would play with them.  They would try to dump the liquid out.  They would sometimes throw them and laugh at their achievement.  But drinking from one was a concept they could not grasp - not even with patient lessons from mommy.  Eight months passed, nine months - nothing.  What about straw cups, my parent counterparts asked?  What about a gummy spout?  I tried them all.

Then, one day, I stopped trying.  I quit.  And when I introduced the sippies to them once again, probably at 13 months or so, they used them from day one, as if there had never been a problem - as if they'd been using them from eight months old.  Quitting and failing are not the same thing.

Fast forward to the day before yesterday - I've just quit again.  When my babies turned two, we started potty training.  For four intense weeks, I cleaned up spill after spill.  I gave out treats and hugs.  I made a ritual of dumping potty droppings in the adult toilet with the babies.  For their part, they sat on those potties religiously.  They went diaperless (except for during naps and sleep).  They learned what having to go to the bathroom felt like. 

Then things took an odd turn.  They started ignoring that feeling.  They started flooding their diapers during nap and bedtime.  They started rejecting the potty.  We persisted for a week or so after that, until one morning, when I got up to change the babies and start another round of potty-sitting. I entered their room to find them absolutely soaked from head to foot and cold.  We aren't potty training, I realized.  I'm training them to hold their urine until they burst.  Messes I could deal with.  Uncomfortable babies on their way to urinary tract infections?  We needed to quit.

But, quitting and failing are not the same thing.  As I said, the day before yesterday I put them back in diapers.  Yesterday, for the first time in at least a week, Natalina asked for the potty.  She sat on it, and within minutes had gone number two.  Does this mean she's ready for the strict schedule I'd set for us, you know, to keep the pace with other babies?  No.  Today she's in diapers again.  And she's happy.  And she's healthy.  And two months from now, six months from now, a year from now, when she and her sister are actually ready to use the potty on their terms, they'll be trained.  I'm not worried about it.  So what if my mother says I was potty trained at 18 months?  Every baby is different and that doesn't make one any better or any worse than the other.  Plus, I'm starting to think she's remembering that wrong.

So, I say, relax.  When your child turns 10 you won't even remember these battles.  When your child turns 25, you may be the parent who says "well, when you were his age...", and you may also get the memory completely wrong.

Potty Choices - A Bad Review

I am currently soaking two potties in my bathtub with bleach. Usually they look like this:

Today, they look like this:

And I can't think of a better time to go over what every parent should know before setting off to buy their child's first potty.

First, do not let the bells and whistles distract you. The potties I have chosen for my twins are amazing, in theory. They come with a wipe dispenser and a toilet paper roll attachment. They have a pretty sticker chart for when the babies make it in the potty. They have pretty pink lids, like a real potty, so your child can learn to put the lid down early, I would guess. The seats are soft, and sprinkled with the same design as the stickers. Later, they can be flipped over and used as a stepstool.

These are all awful ideas.

First of all, why you would ever want to teach a child to flip over a receptacle that may or may not have excrement in it is beyond me. My carpet is getting more urine stains than I can keep up because the babies will use their potties and flip the things over to stand on them immediately afterward.

The soft seats seem like a good idea - especially since my twins have decided that the potties make excellent mini-couches for watching TV - except that when they get up from the potty, the seat will often stick to their behinds, and splatter off after they've stood and started walking. The sticker decoration on the seats seems cute to an adult. Try explaining to a two year old that even though they used to have stickers that look like the designs on the potty, the designs on the potty will not come off, no matter how much time you spend trying to peel them. Expect massive tantrums when you run out of stickers. In fact, the stickers to begin with, at least in this house, are cause for trauma and pain. Something about stickers turns my two children into raving lunatics. We didn't even run out of those stickers; mommy threw them away.

The pink lids make for awkward handling, plain and simple. I wish they were not there. We've never used the wipe dispenser or the toilet paper roll attachment. My babies would pull all the wipes out and unroll all the toilet paper, making sure to shred it into the tiniest pieces possible. I already know this. We don't need to experiment.

But the absolute worst part of these potties is the reason they're sitting in my bathtub right now. Structurally, they just don't make sense. No matter how well my babies are positioned on their potties, they always manage to get a little extra not only on the rim or the seat, but inside the crack where the chamber pot meets the step stool. If you're a first time parent, and you aren't aware of this phenomenon, about three weeks in, you're in for a less-than-pleasant surprise. Stale urine drippings collecting in the bottom of a step stool - which, by the way, was not engineered to easily come apart - can smell up an entire house. I know from experience. And trying to wrestle that stool apart without getting any of the offensive stuff on your person is near impossible.

So, my advice on buying any potties that have more than one piece for any reason: don't do it.

Your best bet, parents of singletons, is to buy a little potty seat that sits directly on top of your toilet. The baby will get a sense of where the bathroom is, will know that urinating really only need take a minute, not an hour, and will feel more like a big kid. Clean up is minimal.

I can't do that because my twins need to do everything the same at the same time, but if I were to buy another potty set for them, it would look more like this:

One piece, one use, no stickers. If I can leave you with one message from this post it's this: don't do fancy. Your kids won't appreciate all the extras, and you'll come to rue them. I'd give you even more advice, but I have bleachy potties awaiting my return.

Toddler Tricks - 2

Ways to trick your baby:


Problem: We’re in the middle of potty training, and oftentimes when we need to go out, it just doesn’t make sense to go without a diaper. But after spending all day barebottomed, I know at least my toddlers will throw a right fit about putting a diaper on, to the point where I’ve been pinning down a 27-pounder with the adrenaline strength of baby Hercules with one hand, while trying to strap a diaper on her with the other.

Solution: When we have to go somewhere now, I tell them a few minutes before that we have to pick out our diapers. Then I bring them two diapers to choose from – a pink pullup or a white traditional. The pullups are new in our house, and they’ll always pick that one, but the point is, they pick it out and then they let you put it on. Choices are a huge deal to them.



Ways your baby tricks you:

Problem: Sometimes your new shoes really need to go potty.

Solution: Don’t ever leave the room during potty training time. Alternately, wear only flip-flops for the next three years.

Potty Palindrome

Toddlers are gross. As parents, we tend to forget that this statement applies even to our little ones, especially if they have, thus far, avoided certain disgusting behaviors that we’ve heard others complain about. At least, I know I do. We say, “oh, you poor thing!” We think, my baby would never do something so base, thank goodness. But the joke is usually on us.

Yesterday, I heard my little angels waking from their nap in the late afternoon. I thought I had time to make a trip to the complex dumpster before rousing them completely. I was wrong. We’re in the middle of potty training, you see, and while I still put a diaper on them for naps and sleep, they now know that a diaper isn’t permanently attached to their bodies.

I walked into their bedroom. “Hi!” I was greeted. “Hug, hug! Up! Outside! MUAH!”

I walked out of their bedroom and took a few huge gulps of fresh air.

What had greeted me on the other side of that door was a monstrosity I wasn’t sure I had the heart to deal with. I opened the door again, with grim determination and not a little disgust pasted on my face. I didn’t yell. I didn’t cry. I certainly didn’t hug or kiss them. I looked at my two naked babes, hands caked, feet smooshed. I looked at the room itself, brown streaks on the cribs, on the pillows, on the carpet.

“No.”

“No, no. This is very bad. This is very very bad. No. Don’t move. Don’t move!”

In my misplaced pride, I’d thought this could never happen to me. Since most babies who are going to experiment with this usually do so at around a year of age, or 18 months at the latest, I thought my babies too high-brow for such shenanigans. At least by waiting until age two, they gave me the advantage of having children who can actually listen to the word no and the command, don’t move.

Okay, so how to clean this overwhelming stinky mess:

First, find the big piles of the culprit, pick them up and put them in a bag you can seal. I picked them up using the dirty diapers from which they had been tossed. Second, do a thorough search for laundry. Look at blankets, loveys, washcloths, sheets, toys - anything that you leave loose in the room is suspect. Put all of it in a pile on top of a clean blanket.

Next, soap up a rag and a small towel - really soap them up. Using the rag, scrub the carpet, walls, doors, changing tables, anything that may have been sullied, but be sure to remember where the offensive material was. This is a job that requires more than soap.

Now, turn to your twins (or singleton, as the case may be), and using the towel (a washcloth is too small, trust me) vigorously scrub them down from top to bottom. (If you have a baby younger than 2, you should do this step first. Mine were decidedly not moving at the time, and I wanted them to see the clean up. It wouldn’t behoove a baby to see such a clean up, and a baby wouldn’t know not to move and could further soil himself or put the stuff in his mouth. Clean babies are happy babies.) Remove everyone and every soiled thing from the room. Start a load of laundry; use bleach.

Get the tub ready, and toss in babies. Give a good scrub down and a good rinse. In my case, I left them naked (we live in Florida) and instructed them to sit on their potties. If you have a younger baby, or it’s cold where you live, suit them back up.

Now, turn your attention back to the room in question. Open the window and turn on the fan (if these are possibilities.) It is very important to disinfect the area. You can use hydrogen peroxide, or any cleaner with an enzyme. I further cleaned the carpet using Oxy-Clean.

I can’t tell you how to prevent this in the future. Some parents fully clothe their kids at all times, put footy sleepers on backwards, pin velcro diapers shut, or put socks on their babies’ hands.

I, of course, gave mine a stern talking to, and am taking no further action, still convinced that they will not do this again. How much do you want to bet that the joke, again, will be on me?

(A proud postscript: I was able to write this entire thing without using the word poop. Oh, shoot. There it is.)

Moment of the Week - 1

Potty Time Rocks!  My twins dance to They Might Be Giants, careful not to move from their potties!