Get widget

Friday, July 18, 2014

Children and Death -- Contributor Post

Today, Jackie Monck from Accidentally Mommy pens a poignant piece about how children deal with death and how to help them.

...

Loss is never an easy thing for adults. Even with our ability to comprehend the frailty and fleeting beauty that is life, our grief can overwhelm us. Not just when a fellow humanimal dies, either. Pets, and even the loss of other living organisms (See: my deceased grandmother's tangelo tree,) can cause us mourning that must be comprehended, processed, and eventually put to rest like the person/thing we're grieving over.

How does a child translate those feelings, though? How can we help our little people to be efficient in dealing with their grief, which can easily be misunderstood and misplaced?

Firstly, it all needs to be changed up depending on the age of the child. This can be difficult in multi-child households, because whilst trying to deal with one's own feelings, one must deal with the unique needs of each child. Those needs are not just age/comprehension based, either. They are also based on the personality of the child. Is your son a child who has his feet on the ground, often serious and thoughtful? Is your daughter a child who already has separation issues and grows very closely attached? Just as every child is unique and we cannot teach them all the same, we cannot expect them to all to be comforted by the same manner and technique.

It's not uncommon for a child to express their feelings in manners that are undesirable and hurtful. Small children, say, toddler age-- may skip routine activities, regress, or fret uncontrollably while older children can do the same, in addition to acting out aggressively.

I'm going to go ahead and let you in on a child psychologist's secret as the first step towards soothing the ravaged feelings of your little dude or dudette. Honesty.

Yep. That's going to be the first thing a child psychologist will try with your child if you find that you cannot improve the feelings of your teacup humanimal. Whether your child is six or sixteen, they will bring your child into a calm, serene, non-threatening environment, often with toys or art, and they will level. They will ask concise, honest questions, and they will answer return questions honestly, with examples of their own experiences.

That brings us to point two – self expression. Art, Legos, Tinker Toys, even Matchbox cars or Barbies can be the gateway to breaking apart the negativity that can often be expressed by a child who is in mourning. It redirects those feelings and gives them a manner of expression that can take on any form, instead of them feeling frustrated in non-pretend situations. Allow your child that little bit extra toy time, allow them to sing a little louder, allow more fingerpainting. These are outlets that they can use to express emotions that have very probably been building in them like steam in a pressure cooker.

Misunderstanding is also a common feeling that the child in mourning will experience. This again comes back to honesty. Don't tell them that Nana took a trip or that Fluffy ran away. Be honest. Don't tell them more than they need to know, and don't explain over their heads, but be honest. “I'm sorry, my darling, but Nana's body was tired.” A similar statement can be used for beloved pets. The objects, though, can be more difficult. In the case of my tree, my daughter was equally as heartbroken as I was. This was a treasured family heirloom, bringing to us physical nourishment as well as the emotional nourishment it provided by holding many happy memories. When asked why a seemingly perfect tree needed to be cut down and hauled away, with tears in my own eyes, I explained that like Nanny, all life is fleeting in the grand scheme of things. We are a spiritual family, so I informed her that my hope was that since all living things have spirit in them, that Nanny would be receiving the spirit of her tree in the afterlife, there for her to sit under during perpetual blossom for the scent of the flowers she loved so much.

Punishing a child who is actively grieving is a slippery slope, so generally my recommendation is DON'T DO IT. Like the fact that they can misunderstand the loss, they can misunderstand that they're being punished for their actions, not their feelings. Instead, uit has been my experience that sitting them down and talking out the situation and why the behavior is undesirable but the feelings are allowed is the best course of action.

For our small ones who aren't yet comprehending on that level, helping them through their mourning can be ten times as difficult. I have found that there is a very simple first step – be there for them. Physically, make sure to touch and hug and cuddle frequently. Babywearing very young children, temporary co-sleeping, daily and momentary cuddling – these are all things that release the neurochemicals that are key to helping them at this stage. (Yes, processing grief even has a biological aspect, but this blog isn't long enough for that to be explained today.)

Socially, do not stop talking about said person and thing. On terms that they will understand, explain that life is temporary. Don't put photos away, rather, take the time to remember out loud. It will be good for everyone involved, as love begets love, and love begets healing.




6 comments:

  1. Am Lizzy Dixon from Canada, I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real online spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Chief He helped me recently to reunite my relationship with my husband who left me, When i contacted Chief he cast a love spell for me, and my husband who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me to come back. he is back now with so much love and care. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers to restore broken relationship back. because i am now happy with my husband. To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help, Chief can also offer any type of help like, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot's more. You can contact him Via his email chiefdrlucky@gmail.com call or add him on whats-app with his phone number +2348132777335 Website: http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/   

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want to share a great testimony on this website on how great Priest Babaka help me in falling pregnant,me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for over 4years, but they where no luck so we decided to contact the family doctor and after all the test have been done,he said to us that my fallopian tube is not functioning.then one day i was in the office when a friend of mine who have the same problem with me, fall pregnant after she contacted Priest Babaka .she directed me to him and when i contacted him through his email and he did the purification on the pregnancy spell and i used his herbal remedy , in 2weeks time i was feeling some how and i went to meet the family doctor who told me that i am pregnant.if you know that you have a similar problem like this, or any fertility issue and you want to be pregnant you can contact Priest Babaka via Email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka






    I want to share a great testimony on this website on how great Priest Babaka help me in falling pregnant,me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for over 4years, but they where no luck so we decided to contact the family doctor and after all the test have been done,he said to us that my fallopian tube is not functioning.then one day i was in the office when a friend of mine who have the same problem with me, fall pregnant after she contacted Priest Babaka .she directed me to him and when i contacted him through his email and he did the purification on the pregnancy spell and i used his herbal remedy , in 2weeks time i was feeling some how and i went to meet the family doctor who told me that i am pregnant.if you know that you have a similar problem like this, or any fertility issue and you want to be pregnant you can contact Priest Babaka via Email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka


    ReplyDelete
  3. I have never seen anything that has worked so effective like Chief Dr Lucky spell that was able to bring my lover back to me within 48 hours. I run into luck on that beautiful day that i found Chief Dr Lucky contact details on an article that someone wrote about Chief Dr Lucky i had no choice that to contact and trust him. Chief Dr Lucky shocked me because i was not expecting to get a positive result as fast as that because the way my boyfriend left me was terrible, he lift me for my friend and i was told by Chief Dr Lucky that she used a black magic spell on him. Since the return of my lover i have made a promise that i will write out Chief Dr Luck on the internet and his contact details are +2348132777335 and via email: Chiefdrlucky@gmail.com . His website: http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete
  4. I never believed that i will be happy again after much frustration. I have been rejected by my husband after Six(6) years of marriage just because he met another woman and he left me and the kids to suffer. One day when i was reading through the web i stumbled at a post on how chief dr lucky the great spell caster has helped people to restore broken marriages and relationships and curing of diseases. I emailed him immediately to help my situation via: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com He told me not to worry that my husband will return to me begging and shedding tears of forgiveness. I am so happy that my husband actually returned to me in 48 hours after i obeyed the words and instructions of chief dr lucky. contact him today in any of your problems for a lasting solution via: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or call/whats app +2348132777335 Website: http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/  

    ReplyDelete
  5. my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody at baby center told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will conceive once we follow his instructions ,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Priest Babaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast and herbal remedy help us, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka if you are trying to have a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine






















































    my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody at baby center told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will conceive once we follow his instructions ,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Priest Babaka, Because his pregnancy spell cast and herbal remedy help us, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka if you are trying to have a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dr. Sambo cast a spell for me per my request. I bought a lottery ticket the day you cast my spell. Guess What guys? I hit 4 of 6 and won 7,000.000.00 Dollars! Then I received a letter from the hospital stating that the $ 7,000.00 bill I owed was settled .I want you to know that, your lottery spell have make me to win millions of dollars. Then a week later I won 5000.000.00 thousand dollars,Thank you Dr Sambo for your genuine spell. Am very grateful for what your wonderful lottery numbers did for me, i own a house and a car right now. Am free from debts.thank you for casting the lottery spell for me. I was trying to settle a job action and after the lottery winning spell you did, I received a settlement. I am now self employed. If you are at there looking for a real and a genuine spell caster,search NO MORE. Dr.Sambo is there to help you to win and be rich forever.contact him via his Email: divinespellhome@gmail.com Whats , App. him now +1(267)527-9481 






    Dr. Sambo cast a spell for me per my request. I bought a lottery ticket the day you cast my spell. Guess What guys? I hit 4 of 6 and won 7,000.000.00 Dollars! Then I received a letter from the hospital stating that the $ 7,000.00 bill I owed was settled .I want you to know that, your lottery spell have make me to win millions of dollars. Then a week later I won 5000.000.00 thousand dollars,Thank you Dr Sambo for your genuine spell. Am very grateful for what your wonderful lottery numbers did for me, i own a house and a car right now. Am free from debts.thank you for casting the lottery spell for me. I was trying to settle a job action and after the lottery winning spell you did, I received a settlement. I am now self employed. If you are at there looking for a real and a genuine spell caster,search NO MORE. Dr.Sambo is there to help you to win and be rich forever.contact him via his Email: divinespellhome@gmail.com Whats , App. him now +1(267)527-9481 

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...