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Saturday, August 30, 2014

Boys and their bits -- Guest Post

Donnelle over at The Never-ending Laundry has a funny and too-true post about kids...and their parents...and the things we all find ourselves saying.


Although my daughter is the twin who will matter-of-factly explain (to me, or the neighbour, or the supermarket checkout operator) that "Finn penis. Daddy penis. Me vulva.", nothing compares to the fascination small boys have for their boy bits.

I've previously shared the most memorable diddle incident from my eldest, but I'll quote it again here:

Disturbing parenting moment #4354:

Sitting next to your only-undies-wearing son, and looking over to realise he has stretched his penis out to over twice its normal length.

Disturbing parenting moment #4355:

He notices you looking and announces, "My penis is a string for a golden harp."

Disturbing parenting moment #4356:

He twangs it.

Aside from the instinctive "nappy off, party time!" grabbiness, the first understanding I had of the level of connection between a boy and his banana was when my eldest, at around age three, walked in on me in the shower. Eyes wide with concern, he exclaimed, "Mummy, your penis is broken."

While we'd talked about anatomical differences with him, it wasn't an everyday discussion like it is with boy/girl twins. That started early, mostly with strangers. "Twins?" Yes. "Boys or girls?" One of each. "Are they identical?" ....No, one has a todger.

"Your brother's penis is not a pull cord." I overheard that gem from the bathroom where hubby was tackling bathtime. A few months later it happened again. "No, only Finn can touch his penis. You're not allowed to touch any penises for at least 30 more years."

With it being "summer", we've been giving Finn lots of nakey-butt time in order to help with toilet-training (Vieve is not interested yet). That has led to some things I never thought I would say, things like:

"No penises on the table."


"Don't eat rice off your brother's penis."

Finn went through a period of anatomical confusion in which he muddled his bottom and his bratwurst. This led to a hilarious scene where, trying to explain to his Nana that her Manx cat had no tail but did have a bum, he kept lifting his shirt to show Nana his "bum" while Vieve chased him around in circles exclaiming "No! Bum here!" I even have video footage... but I might save that for their 21st.

(Apologies, by the way, if the willy euphemisms bother you. Like many of you, we use the correct terms around here, but the post got a bit "penis penis penis penis". I briefly considered using "Penis penis penis penis" as the title of the blog post, but then I thought about how "Penis penis penis penis" would look in the sidebar. Penis? Penis.)

I'm pretty sure the frankfurter fascination is universal for small boys. Do you have any funny stories to share?



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