The moment you start fighting with a toddler, you have already lost. Everyone loses, but the parent especially. The main problem is that a toddler will treat every minor infraction with the same amount of vigor. It doesn't matter if they have just broken their leg or if you gave them cheerios in the wrong bowl. When your toddler has the fighting spirit, nothing can stop them. So the question is, how hard should we try?
Right now, my household is a warzone. We are fighting the "Battle of the Bulge," by which I mean there is no bulge because they're refusing to eat. (Boy, that was a stretch for a mildly offensive comparison and a not-funny joke, wasn't it? As you can see, I am no longer working at full mental capacity.) Anyway, there is no amount of threatening, cajoling, begging or compromising that will get a spoonful of delicious, nutritious, lovingly-prepared food into their mouths. And if I do, miraculously, trick them into taking a bite? Well, they get a good taste because it can stay in there for up to an hour.
They have won. They have engaged me. I, the adult, find myself on hands and knees, asking a toddler over and over again what is it that I can do for her as she tantrums and pushes me away. I've never been a parent before, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to work.
Toddlers should walk around with a big "Do Not Engage" sign on their chests. You'll never win. The only way an adult can win against a toddler is by using Judo techniques. Ninja them. You have to keep your calm and wits about you as they throw their deadliest weapons at you, namely the mind-numbing carrying on that can last for as long as they think it ought. Catch them before it gets to this point, if you can. Make them think that whatever they don't want they actually do want, either by telling them they can't have it yet or making as if you are going to do it without them.
Toddlers have very little control in their lives, and it's about this time that they start craving more. They, more than anything, want to let you know that it's their life, and you couldn't possibly understand it. They want to show you that they are the boss of themselves. I hear this comes back in the teenage years, and I am already looking forward to it.
If you can somehow take the control out of the picture, everybody will be happier. I know I usually dole out the advice, but if someone here knows how to do that, I would humbly accept any words of wisdom at this point.
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Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Honest Scrap Award
The Crafting Hobbit awarded me with the Honest Scrap Award!
The tradition is to tell 5 random things about myself and then choose 5 other bloggers who I feel write from the heart and soul and pass the award on.
So, here are 5 random things about me:
1: I don't know my right from my left. If I'm under pressure, I will actually make an eating motion so as to be able to answer quickly. If I'm in a car giving directions, the rule is to follow my finger-pointing as I will invariably tell you to turn right when I clearly mean left.
2: Following the right / left problem, I always go the wrong way. Don't ever follow me. When leaving an elevator, I will walk down the corridor for far too long before realizing where I'm going is the other direction. When I get out of a car, I will go in any direction but the right one.
3: I have two tattoos and a navel piercing, and I'm displeased with all of them. Turns out my mother was right. I really didn't need an amateurish rose on the inside of my wrist; I certainly didn't need a big black blotch of Kokopelli inside my ankle; my belly-button piercing was beautiful, and it's still okay, but pregnancy pretty much ruined it.
4: I am, by trade, a television news producer. I love it and miss it. There is nothing like slapping a show together in a few hours, sitting in the control booth and shouting out orders to everybody, especially when the show moves flawlessly. It's even better when there's breaking news, and everybody is scrambling to get the information and the pictures and put them on the air. I really, really miss this.
5: Having the babies changed my life forever. I was completely unprepared and even now I look with trepidation on the daunting future, since I am responsible for the welfare of two other people who depend completely on me to turn them out right. This is a pressure very different and more intense than live television news. In news, you're only as good as your last show, and if you mess up, you have a beer and call it a night. In baby-rearing, everything counts forever.
The 5 bloggers I choose are:
1: Jessica at Geekamama. Her true-to-life stories and advice are a constant pick-me-up. She juggles fulltime work and raising a baby with grace.
2: Jennifer at St. Louis Bankruptcy Blog. This is a brand new blog, but don't let the name fool you. Anyone dealing with legal issues in the United States will be able to benefit from these frank accounts and how-tos.
3: Marcia at I Know My Children. Her blog is moving and she takes the time to write it in both English and Portuguese. That's dedication.
4: KD at Life Inspired by the Wee Man. Her blog reaches far beyond parenting and shows us how to be better people.
5: Phrassie at Mama Phrass. Her candid and heartfelt posts do not skirt around the tough issues of life; she has been a pillar of strength to me.
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Hanging Carrot
Packing up, leaving the house in a cluttered disarray of wrapping paper and toy pieces, and hurrying off to the airport at 8 a.m. just before the holidays, I felt nothing but dread as I looked ahead to our day of travel.
First a two-hour car ride to Orlando where we would drop the car off and wait for a shuttle to the airport. Once there, we would have to check the bags in, go through security, and wait around to board the plane while trying to keep two toddlers amused and calm. The plane ride itself, while a direct flight, was to be three hours. Then picking up our bags on the other side, searching for our ride, and driving another 45 minutes to Nana's house. What could go right? Probably nothing.
I braced myself for crying, screaming, wriggling embarrassment. Surely the twins would not be able to stomach this epic journey. My memories of the flight down to Florida in May were still fresh in my mind. Adjusting, trying to keep the babies calm while not completely annoying those around us. Babies in captivity. It was harrowing to say the least. In May, we were that family on the plane. That family. But what could we do? How do you keep a kid entertained for hours on end when they aren't even allowed to move around? There are only so many entrancingly interesting things you can pack in a carry on.
This trip, though, we had a promise on which we could deliver. We were going to see Nana.
I had no idea how much weight that idea would carry. Whenever we had a restless moment, whenever it looked like the twins were going to lose their patience (or their minds), we gently reminded them that we were going through all this to get to Nana.
With that, I saw them set their little jaws in determination and settle into the trip. They were going to see Nana. They didn't want to mess this up.
And they didn't. For seven consecutive hours, the babies, in a fit of grim determination, pressed on without tantrum or complaint. They were going to see Nana. Mommy said so. No matter how long it took, or what they had to go through, they knew, at the end of the day, they were going to see Nana.
It is essentially the power of bribery taken to a whole new level. And honestly, I'm lucky they believed me, given all the empty promises I accidentally make to them. You know, like, "We'll go outside after you eat lunch," when what I mean is we're taking a nap after we eat lunch and then if it's still light out, we'll go outside. The more truthful I can be, the more promises like seeing Nana will work for me.
I have never been so proud of my little girls, truly.
First a two-hour car ride to Orlando where we would drop the car off and wait for a shuttle to the airport. Once there, we would have to check the bags in, go through security, and wait around to board the plane while trying to keep two toddlers amused and calm. The plane ride itself, while a direct flight, was to be three hours. Then picking up our bags on the other side, searching for our ride, and driving another 45 minutes to Nana's house. What could go right? Probably nothing.
I braced myself for crying, screaming, wriggling embarrassment. Surely the twins would not be able to stomach this epic journey. My memories of the flight down to Florida in May were still fresh in my mind. Adjusting, trying to keep the babies calm while not completely annoying those around us. Babies in captivity. It was harrowing to say the least. In May, we were that family on the plane. That family. But what could we do? How do you keep a kid entertained for hours on end when they aren't even allowed to move around? There are only so many entrancingly interesting things you can pack in a carry on.
This trip, though, we had a promise on which we could deliver. We were going to see Nana.
I had no idea how much weight that idea would carry. Whenever we had a restless moment, whenever it looked like the twins were going to lose their patience (or their minds), we gently reminded them that we were going through all this to get to Nana.
With that, I saw them set their little jaws in determination and settle into the trip. They were going to see Nana. They didn't want to mess this up.
And they didn't. For seven consecutive hours, the babies, in a fit of grim determination, pressed on without tantrum or complaint. They were going to see Nana. Mommy said so. No matter how long it took, or what they had to go through, they knew, at the end of the day, they were going to see Nana.
It is essentially the power of bribery taken to a whole new level. And honestly, I'm lucky they believed me, given all the empty promises I accidentally make to them. You know, like, "We'll go outside after you eat lunch," when what I mean is we're taking a nap after we eat lunch and then if it's still light out, we'll go outside. The more truthful I can be, the more promises like seeing Nana will work for me.
I have never been so proud of my little girls, truly.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Moment of the Week - 20
A Christmas breakfast sing-a-long. We're taking it on the road, so look for tickets in 2011. Hah.
___
If you are enjoying this blog, please vote for Tales of an Unlikely Mother on Babble.com. We're number 14. It's easy and quick to vote!
If you are enjoying this blog, please vote for Tales of an Unlikely Mother on Babble.com. We're number 14. It's easy and quick to vote!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Toddler Tricks - 20
Ways to Trick Your Baby:
Problem: You have something important to do in a timely fashion. You'll quickly find that nothing turns normally self-entertained, quiet babies or toddlers into snivelling, whiny, needy messes than the knowledge that their mommy or daddy might actually have something to do that doesn't involve them.
Solution: Tread softly. Let nothing in your attitude or demeanor betray that you might have something important to do. Try not to let your impatience show as you set them up with a toy or game or even the television. Stay with them for an extra minute, even if it seems you don't have the time to do that. One minute in the beginning may save you 15 throughout the process.
Ways Your Baby Tricks You:
Problem: They've figured out that you desperately need to do something right now. They will not allow it. Whether it's excess hugs, sitting directly with them, playing with them or breaking up fights and tantrums, it is clear no work will be done.
Solution: Arm yourself. Right now, for instance, I'm using yogurt. They don't want to eat the yogurt, so every time they come over to me to cry, scream or beg for something, I simply offer them the yogurt, saying, "We can do that after you have your yogurt." They wander off. They'll come back every few minutes, but each time, I offer the yogurt, and each time they give up the tantrum or other attention-stealing methods to avoid it. Sometimes they even take a bite, knowing that we will not move from this room until the container has been eaten. This trick moves the onus off you and your attention and puts it on something less offensive and more concrete - namely eating a food they don't quite feel like eating.
Problem: You have something important to do in a timely fashion. You'll quickly find that nothing turns normally self-entertained, quiet babies or toddlers into snivelling, whiny, needy messes than the knowledge that their mommy or daddy might actually have something to do that doesn't involve them.
Solution: Tread softly. Let nothing in your attitude or demeanor betray that you might have something important to do. Try not to let your impatience show as you set them up with a toy or game or even the television. Stay with them for an extra minute, even if it seems you don't have the time to do that. One minute in the beginning may save you 15 throughout the process.
Ways Your Baby Tricks You:
Problem: They've figured out that you desperately need to do something right now. They will not allow it. Whether it's excess hugs, sitting directly with them, playing with them or breaking up fights and tantrums, it is clear no work will be done.
Solution: Arm yourself. Right now, for instance, I'm using yogurt. They don't want to eat the yogurt, so every time they come over to me to cry, scream or beg for something, I simply offer them the yogurt, saying, "We can do that after you have your yogurt." They wander off. They'll come back every few minutes, but each time, I offer the yogurt, and each time they give up the tantrum or other attention-stealing methods to avoid it. Sometimes they even take a bite, knowing that we will not move from this room until the container has been eaten. This trick moves the onus off you and your attention and puts it on something less offensive and more concrete - namely eating a food they don't quite feel like eating.
___
If you are enjoying this blog, please vote for Tales of an Unlikely Mother on Babble.com. We're number 14. It's easy and quick to vote!
If you are enjoying this blog, please vote for Tales of an Unlikely Mother on Babble.com. We're number 14. It's easy and quick to vote!
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