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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Separation Anxiety

I had to go to the doctor this morning.  A regular check up. It only took an hour.

As I drove up through the parking garage, I realized that this was the first time I had been out without the kids or my husband since Christmas shopping.  It was the first time I had been out without the kids or my husband not doing something for the kids or my husband since I got my hair cut in October.

Inadvertantly, I've become one of those mothers whose children are attached at the hip.

It was nice to drive in a quiet car, listening to whatever station I wanted to with no protest from the back.  It was refreshing to get out of the car and...well that's it.  I could just get out of the car, and I was ready to go.  No strapping, or pulling, or hand-holding, or watching fingers as the door closed.  No redirecting from my original route, no worrying about how many buttons were pushed on the elevator, no snacks to fish out of my purse.  I could just get out of the car and walk to my appointment.  Oh, the freedom!

I thrilled at doing this little adult thing all by myself, and laughed at myself, since three years ago I was going to these appointments twice a week, before work, and never would have thought twice to appreciate being able to walk from point a to point b in a straight line.

I missed them, though, even for that hour.  We've got a very set morning routine, and I wasn't there for it.  As I got back into my car -- again, got back in, and drove away; no strapping, struggling, unstrapping, yelling, giving of snack or juice, or pleading -- I missed their little curly heads.  I wanted to get home quickly and give them hugs.

And they'd missed me, too.  Apparently Dulce had cried for much of the time I was gone, simply aghast that I would dare to step out the door ever.  I was the one that was supposed to feed her the milk, yogurt and oatmeal in the morning.  I was the one that took care of morning potty rounds.  Daddy was simply an unacceptable substitute.

This doesn't bode well as I strike out searching for a job, but I know we're all resilient.  We'll make new routines, and grow to love those just as well.  I'll probably always miss their curly heads after more than an hour, though.

Life is always changing.  Your child may put up a fuss or a fight about something, but it's not because they hate it.  It's more likely because it's different and they aren't used to it.  Babies are just as scared of change as adults, but they get used to it much more quickly.  No matter what you have to do in your life, as long as you keep your babies' well-being first in mind, they'll be okay.


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  1. funny. I find if I drive without my son though I have my favorites on my ipod and rarely get to listen to it when he is there, I'd rather drive with silence. but I do miss him and think of all these things we would say if he were there...funny that.

  2. lol! I'm trying to remember the last time I went somewhere by seems like it was recently... I don't remember what it was, but I remember getting out of the car with nothing but my purse! Oh, wait! I remember! It was a church meeting Sunday morning a couple weeks ago! Yeah, holding ONLY the purse is the most vivid part of the memory. Turn the car off, pick up the purse, walk. Of course, it was only a few minutes later that I returned to the car with both kids and my husband and the snacks/books/crayons/etc. to attend the services that Sunday. ;)



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