We do homework.
We go to church (although this is new).
We eat ice cream.
Draw family portraits.
Take naps.
Wash the car.
Give presents.
Frost cupcakes.
Pretend to get married.
And climb all the fences.
It's a good life.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Moment of the Week - Regular Days
Instead of a moment this week, here's a collection of pictures that depict a normal week.
It's a good life.
It's a good life.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Kindergarten Kids - On Parenting Books
Problem:
The twin that is usually the more reasonable twin has been acting out in a big way this past week. As always happens after they've been behaved for a stint, the sudden pushbacks, non-stop attitude, and tantrums throw me off-guard and I immediately forget that we just had three months of normalcy. I immediately think, Oh, God. What am I doing wrong.
And with that thought comes the parenting books, with that thought comes the Internet searches. Because I want this to stop and I feel the need to change my behavior to make it stop. I automatically discount growing and learning, and want the torture to cease.
This time around, I chose to look into Calm Parenting. Because I am NOT a calm parent. I do yell. When they're behaving, this is not a big deal. And when they've been misbehaving for a week, it's actually also not a big deal because I've acclimated to the current normal. But during the switch from good behavior to bad, all of a sudden, I'm yelling all the time. Because I'm flustered and don't know what to do, and what the hell is even happening?
And of course, I want to not yell all day.
But, it turns out, calm parenting may not be for me.
Because I simply cannot do it. At least not all in all at once.
Solution:
As with anything, you have to take what you can use and leave the rest.
I absolutely cannot leave my children's lives and decisions in their own hands, allowing them to "discover their authentic selves, all by themselves." I will discipline my kids. The books say this won't allow them to learn to self-discipline, but I disagree. At this age, they CANNOT self-discipline and it is unfair to ask them to do so with no barometer in place. Right now, I'm still them and they're still me in their eyes. Therefore, I am their SELF-discipline. If I am loving and keep the emphasis on the actions not the person, they will learn which behaviors they need to self-monitor at a later time.
These books and articles I've read encourage "not pushing your agenda or ego" on your child, and allowing them full space to live their own lives. At three? That's bordering on cruel to the kid, I think. Talk about confusion. They're not ready! That's why parents are there, no? To help a child mold her internal monologue so that she actually has something to fall back on that has been consistently presented to her. We are the inner core, we are the voice, we are the moral values. To NOT be that is to ask your child to parent herself at a really young age.
There's being empathetic and not bullying and making your child feel heard and respected, but that can all be done within the boundaries we set in our home.
...
And I've got a whole other post planned about the "example dialogues" these pieces present. Oh. My. God. Stop.
The twin that is usually the more reasonable twin has been acting out in a big way this past week. As always happens after they've been behaved for a stint, the sudden pushbacks, non-stop attitude, and tantrums throw me off-guard and I immediately forget that we just had three months of normalcy. I immediately think, Oh, God. What am I doing wrong.
And with that thought comes the parenting books, with that thought comes the Internet searches. Because I want this to stop and I feel the need to change my behavior to make it stop. I automatically discount growing and learning, and want the torture to cease.
This time around, I chose to look into Calm Parenting. Because I am NOT a calm parent. I do yell. When they're behaving, this is not a big deal. And when they've been misbehaving for a week, it's actually also not a big deal because I've acclimated to the current normal. But during the switch from good behavior to bad, all of a sudden, I'm yelling all the time. Because I'm flustered and don't know what to do, and what the hell is even happening?
And of course, I want to not yell all day.
But, it turns out, calm parenting may not be for me.
Because I simply cannot do it. At least not all in all at once.
Solution:
As with anything, you have to take what you can use and leave the rest.
I absolutely cannot leave my children's lives and decisions in their own hands, allowing them to "discover their authentic selves, all by themselves." I will discipline my kids. The books say this won't allow them to learn to self-discipline, but I disagree. At this age, they CANNOT self-discipline and it is unfair to ask them to do so with no barometer in place. Right now, I'm still them and they're still me in their eyes. Therefore, I am their SELF-discipline. If I am loving and keep the emphasis on the actions not the person, they will learn which behaviors they need to self-monitor at a later time.
These books and articles I've read encourage "not pushing your agenda or ego" on your child, and allowing them full space to live their own lives. At three? That's bordering on cruel to the kid, I think. Talk about confusion. They're not ready! That's why parents are there, no? To help a child mold her internal monologue so that she actually has something to fall back on that has been consistently presented to her. We are the inner core, we are the voice, we are the moral values. To NOT be that is to ask your child to parent herself at a really young age.
There's being empathetic and not bullying and making your child feel heard and respected, but that can all be done within the boundaries we set in our home.
...
And I've got a whole other post planned about the "example dialogues" these pieces present. Oh. My. God. Stop.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Ask a Cleaning Lady - What NOT to Use to Clean your House
Over at Smibbo, our resident cleaning lady has a few choice words to say about a few choice soaps. After giving us a rundown about how the stuff even works, that is. I have never been so enlightened about cleaning before, and I'm so lucky she agreed to share her knowledge bombs with me.
...
What not to use:
Murphy’s Oil Soap
Do not use Murphy’s on your hardwood floors or your wood furniture. Just don’t. If you are confused as to why, just look at the label. This is soap, made from oil. Oil that does not mix entirely with water (because its in soap, not detergent or solvent) So whenever you use soap (and I’ve ranted against soap use in the shower/bath) you leave behind a kind of weird sort of oily residue that may or may not also contain dirt, depending on how exactly you mixed your solution. Soap does not actually strip oil very well. It will dissolve some fats, especially fats that have been contaminated with dirt but overall, soap is a very ineffective and inefficient cleaner for most surfaces. Oil based soap even more so. (by the way, Dr Bronners is a soap. It’s an oil-based soap but because of other ingredients, its actually more effective at cleaning than most oil-based soaps. but that’s not saying a whole lot)
Wood is a natural surface but in the vast majority of cases, wood isn’t in its natural state when it is a household object of any use. Wood is almost always coated in either paint or some type of varnish/urethane. The coating of wood protects the wood from superficial damage over time from sun, humidity and dirt. So when you are cleaning your floors or your furniture or bookshelves you are usually not cleaning wood. You are cleaning urethane or paint. If you use soap, especially an oil-based soap, you are leaving a residue on the surface that might still contain particles of dirt.
Now, what do you think happens over time as you use oil-based soap? It builds up. On your shiny urethane or painted surface. It builds up with oil and often smears of dirt too. Because, really, oil and water only mix so well, and most of the time people use too much soap anyway. The reason there are directions for mixing things like Murphy’s is because the soap needs to attach to water in order to do its job and then leave. If there is too much soap, there will not be enough water to carry the excess soap away. Soap already leaves a bit of oil behind anyway but when you do not mix it properly (and it must be mixed in blazing hot water to really work) you not only leave oil behind, you leave soap too. Sticky, sticky soap.
Obviously, if you use too much water, you will not get the dirt to vacate the premises and you are more or less wasting soap and putting water on your nice wood floor. Not good. So if you ARE using Murphys or Dr Bronners or any other soap-based cleaner, always be sure to mix it exactly according to directions (I usually skimp a tad on the soap anyway) but the only time you should be using soap-based cleaners for your house is if you need to scrub stone, brick or certain kinds of tile.
In any case, stop using Murphy’s or ANY oil soap for your finished wood. IF you have bare wood and are interested in oiling or waxing it, Murphys can possibly clean it a bit between stripping sessions but its not really necessary then either.
What you should use instead:
To clean a hardwood floor, figure out if you have pre-formed laminate sub flooring or just urethaned wood. Pre-formed laminate can only be cleaned by solvent-based cleaners. Windex, Clean-up, even very watered down automatic dishwashing detergent will do the trick. But really all you need is some vinegar and water. Laminate floor doesn’t realy get a lot of dirt embedded in it. Because it doesn’t get pits and micro-cracks like urethane does, dirt mostly vacuums away. Anything left behind can be wiped with a soft cloth and some glass or all-purpose surface cleaner. Or, vinegar and water.
A solvent based cleaner will NOT build up and it will NOT dull over time. Unless you are really grinding stuff into your floor, whacking it with metal objects (don’t laugh, I know people who practice their throwing star technique over their laminate flooring… or sword fights) or deliberately scoring it with a key, there’s no reason to believe you need anything more than a basic wipe down of your floor. If you HAVE used an oil-based cleaner, I’m sure you noticed the dulling that resulted. If you are one of the unlucky people who learned all this the hard way there is nothing to be done except go to HD and buy some laminate floor stripper and redo the finish. You’ll end up spending a pretty penny (stripper, cleaner, refinisher) but once you do it, you should be golden for a while. And I know you won’t make that mistake again. Learn from this my friends; learn.
Now, if you have a urethaned floor, you can also use solvent based cleaners to avoid the build up and dulling. However, urethane decomposes over time and ends up with cracks and pits and peeling which means things can get under the urethane and possibly in the wood itself. That is to say, urethaned wood can, over time, be progressively harder to keep clean. That’s when you might want to OCCASIONALLY use a detergent to clean it. You can even scrub it. However, HOWEVER, the problem is that any water you put on the floor will actually speed the degradation of the urethane. The longer the water is on the floor the more it will compromise the urethane. So if you’ve really got some serious dirt to battle, I still recommend avoiding detergent until you know for sure that nothing else will get it out. You can try dry cleaners like borax or baking soda. Sprinkle it on, rub it in a bit then sweep and vacuum it out. Wipe with a DAMP cloth then immediately dry. You can try solvent-based cleaners without any water – glass cleaner, counter cleaners, anything that smells like petrol. Just be sure to wipe it dry.
IF YOU MUST mop your urethaned floor, then be assiduous. Make sure your detergent solution is properly mixed (although the less detergent, the better) and that you are wiping all the excess water off in a timely fashion. This is tedious and back-breaking labor. If you insist on doing it this way, you are probably one of those stubborn old-fashioned people who thinks Donna Reed was the ultimate in womanhood (and I hate to burst your bubble but that perky happy always perfect housewife thing she did was an ACT. She was probably a really sweet lady but she was also an actress. Nobody could be Donna Reed in real life, not even Donna Reed) OR you are someone who has a cruel brain that convinces you the only way to clean something is to torture your body. (modern life has given us so many advances, please give them a try)
But for all that is holy in this world, if you love your beautiful wood floor, DO NOT use Murphy’s Oil Soap (or any oil based soap) to clean it!! EVER.
(if you still are skeptical, peruse the authorities: Flooring companies or ask the experts and consumers)
BONUS TIP: NEVER USE: Swiffer (wet-jet spray)
Swiffer is an evil evil thing and must never be used.
I have used a lot of cleaning products during my time. I’ve learned a lot about the physics and chemistry of cleaning. To this day, I do not understand what Swiffer’s wet-jet spray is. Is it a solvent? Is it a soap? Is it a detergent? Is it some combination?
Its’ impossible to tell because it has every bad quality of every one of those things and none of the good. I’ve seen floors that have been wet-jetted beyond recognition. Globbed on, nearly transparent swirls that have clear swipe marks and still contain bits of dirt and detritus. I have gotten on my knees and actually tried to figure out what in blazes goes on when this hellacious compound is applied as directed. I have not made any discoveries of note. All I can do is guess. Therefore, I am certain wet-jet spray is made of shellac, acid and probably the ground up tails of kittens. It leaves a bizarre sort-of shiny glaze wherever it goes. That shiny glaze can build up with only three applications (depending on how evenly you spread it) but it can also leave a murky dull coating that contains fur and dirt and old food that you swear you never ate and it will do both at the same time.
I have never seen a floor that was actually cleaned by using a wet-jet spray device. Never. I’ve spent hours stripping that ghastly chemical soup off of a perfectly nice floor using only dishwashing detergent. I don’t know what effect wet-jet spray has on the floor over time and honestly I don’t want to know. I only know that the madness must stop. Don’t use it. Ever. On anything. Just don’t. Now that you know how to keep your wood floor clean, beautiful AND safe, you can go forth and Swiffer no more, my friend.
...
Visit Smibbo for more cleaning tips and stories that will make your life easier and more enjoyable!
...
What not to use:
Murphy’s Oil Soap
Do not use Murphy’s on your hardwood floors or your wood furniture. Just don’t. If you are confused as to why, just look at the label. This is soap, made from oil. Oil that does not mix entirely with water (because its in soap, not detergent or solvent) So whenever you use soap (and I’ve ranted against soap use in the shower/bath) you leave behind a kind of weird sort of oily residue that may or may not also contain dirt, depending on how exactly you mixed your solution. Soap does not actually strip oil very well. It will dissolve some fats, especially fats that have been contaminated with dirt but overall, soap is a very ineffective and inefficient cleaner for most surfaces. Oil based soap even more so. (by the way, Dr Bronners is a soap. It’s an oil-based soap but because of other ingredients, its actually more effective at cleaning than most oil-based soaps. but that’s not saying a whole lot)
Wood is a natural surface but in the vast majority of cases, wood isn’t in its natural state when it is a household object of any use. Wood is almost always coated in either paint or some type of varnish/urethane. The coating of wood protects the wood from superficial damage over time from sun, humidity and dirt. So when you are cleaning your floors or your furniture or bookshelves you are usually not cleaning wood. You are cleaning urethane or paint. If you use soap, especially an oil-based soap, you are leaving a residue on the surface that might still contain particles of dirt.
Now, what do you think happens over time as you use oil-based soap? It builds up. On your shiny urethane or painted surface. It builds up with oil and often smears of dirt too. Because, really, oil and water only mix so well, and most of the time people use too much soap anyway. The reason there are directions for mixing things like Murphy’s is because the soap needs to attach to water in order to do its job and then leave. If there is too much soap, there will not be enough water to carry the excess soap away. Soap already leaves a bit of oil behind anyway but when you do not mix it properly (and it must be mixed in blazing hot water to really work) you not only leave oil behind, you leave soap too. Sticky, sticky soap.
Obviously, if you use too much water, you will not get the dirt to vacate the premises and you are more or less wasting soap and putting water on your nice wood floor. Not good. So if you ARE using Murphys or Dr Bronners or any other soap-based cleaner, always be sure to mix it exactly according to directions (I usually skimp a tad on the soap anyway) but the only time you should be using soap-based cleaners for your house is if you need to scrub stone, brick or certain kinds of tile.
In any case, stop using Murphy’s or ANY oil soap for your finished wood. IF you have bare wood and are interested in oiling or waxing it, Murphys can possibly clean it a bit between stripping sessions but its not really necessary then either.
What you should use instead:
To clean a hardwood floor, figure out if you have pre-formed laminate sub flooring or just urethaned wood. Pre-formed laminate can only be cleaned by solvent-based cleaners. Windex, Clean-up, even very watered down automatic dishwashing detergent will do the trick. But really all you need is some vinegar and water. Laminate floor doesn’t realy get a lot of dirt embedded in it. Because it doesn’t get pits and micro-cracks like urethane does, dirt mostly vacuums away. Anything left behind can be wiped with a soft cloth and some glass or all-purpose surface cleaner. Or, vinegar and water.
A solvent based cleaner will NOT build up and it will NOT dull over time. Unless you are really grinding stuff into your floor, whacking it with metal objects (don’t laugh, I know people who practice their throwing star technique over their laminate flooring… or sword fights) or deliberately scoring it with a key, there’s no reason to believe you need anything more than a basic wipe down of your floor. If you HAVE used an oil-based cleaner, I’m sure you noticed the dulling that resulted. If you are one of the unlucky people who learned all this the hard way there is nothing to be done except go to HD and buy some laminate floor stripper and redo the finish. You’ll end up spending a pretty penny (stripper, cleaner, refinisher) but once you do it, you should be golden for a while. And I know you won’t make that mistake again. Learn from this my friends; learn.
Now, if you have a urethaned floor, you can also use solvent based cleaners to avoid the build up and dulling. However, urethane decomposes over time and ends up with cracks and pits and peeling which means things can get under the urethane and possibly in the wood itself. That is to say, urethaned wood can, over time, be progressively harder to keep clean. That’s when you might want to OCCASIONALLY use a detergent to clean it. You can even scrub it. However, HOWEVER, the problem is that any water you put on the floor will actually speed the degradation of the urethane. The longer the water is on the floor the more it will compromise the urethane. So if you’ve really got some serious dirt to battle, I still recommend avoiding detergent until you know for sure that nothing else will get it out. You can try dry cleaners like borax or baking soda. Sprinkle it on, rub it in a bit then sweep and vacuum it out. Wipe with a DAMP cloth then immediately dry. You can try solvent-based cleaners without any water – glass cleaner, counter cleaners, anything that smells like petrol. Just be sure to wipe it dry.
IF YOU MUST mop your urethaned floor, then be assiduous. Make sure your detergent solution is properly mixed (although the less detergent, the better) and that you are wiping all the excess water off in a timely fashion. This is tedious and back-breaking labor. If you insist on doing it this way, you are probably one of those stubborn old-fashioned people who thinks Donna Reed was the ultimate in womanhood (and I hate to burst your bubble but that perky happy always perfect housewife thing she did was an ACT. She was probably a really sweet lady but she was also an actress. Nobody could be Donna Reed in real life, not even Donna Reed) OR you are someone who has a cruel brain that convinces you the only way to clean something is to torture your body. (modern life has given us so many advances, please give them a try)
But for all that is holy in this world, if you love your beautiful wood floor, DO NOT use Murphy’s Oil Soap (or any oil based soap) to clean it!! EVER.
(if you still are skeptical, peruse the authorities: Flooring companies or ask the experts and consumers)
BONUS TIP: NEVER USE: Swiffer (wet-jet spray)
Swiffer is an evil evil thing and must never be used.
I have used a lot of cleaning products during my time. I’ve learned a lot about the physics and chemistry of cleaning. To this day, I do not understand what Swiffer’s wet-jet spray is. Is it a solvent? Is it a soap? Is it a detergent? Is it some combination?
Its’ impossible to tell because it has every bad quality of every one of those things and none of the good. I’ve seen floors that have been wet-jetted beyond recognition. Globbed on, nearly transparent swirls that have clear swipe marks and still contain bits of dirt and detritus. I have gotten on my knees and actually tried to figure out what in blazes goes on when this hellacious compound is applied as directed. I have not made any discoveries of note. All I can do is guess. Therefore, I am certain wet-jet spray is made of shellac, acid and probably the ground up tails of kittens. It leaves a bizarre sort-of shiny glaze wherever it goes. That shiny glaze can build up with only three applications (depending on how evenly you spread it) but it can also leave a murky dull coating that contains fur and dirt and old food that you swear you never ate and it will do both at the same time.
I have never seen a floor that was actually cleaned by using a wet-jet spray device. Never. I’ve spent hours stripping that ghastly chemical soup off of a perfectly nice floor using only dishwashing detergent. I don’t know what effect wet-jet spray has on the floor over time and honestly I don’t want to know. I only know that the madness must stop. Don’t use it. Ever. On anything. Just don’t. Now that you know how to keep your wood floor clean, beautiful AND safe, you can go forth and Swiffer no more, my friend.
...
Visit Smibbo for more cleaning tips and stories that will make your life easier and more enjoyable!
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Double Trouble in Surrogacy -- Guest Post
Today, Rhy from Welcoming a Heartbeat is here to talk about one particular bump on her path to surrogacy pregnancy and birth. They're having twins, and I know, honestly, exactly what she means. I've totally been there.
...
Multiple birth is a side effect of IVF and ART, it's not a goal. We knew that by agreeing to transfer two embryos, we were risking our surrogate getting pregnant with twins. It was a risk we felt compelled to take. After three years of trying, and after experiencing everything from failed cycles to surrogacy fraud, it was one of the few things we could do to increase our chances of actually taking home a baby.
When Kim called to tell me our surrogate was pregnant, I was so excited I could hardly breathe. Seeing the results of the beta hcg test made it clear that twins were a possibility. It was confirmed by ultrasound two weeks later.
We're thrilled. We feel blessed. And the next person who squeals "OMG TWINS ARE SOOOO CYUUUUUUUTE" is going to get a slap upside their damn fool heads.
Having twins didn't double my worry for our surrogate and our babies…. it increased it by a factor of ten.
A twin pregnancy catapulted our surrogate from low to high risk. Women who are pregnant with twins are more likely to experience hyperemesis gravid arum, gestational diabetes, and pre-eclampsia. Almost sixty percent of twins are delivered prematurely, and can experience life time complications from their low birth weight and preterm birth.
Drew and I are intimately familiar with the reality of caring for a medically fragile child. We know that no matter what happens we will be able to care for our children. We're confident that our surrogate and doctor are going to do everything possible to care for our babies to give them the absolute best chance for a healthy start.
Still. Twins are scary.
When a couple on Babble wrote about being "pissed" and "terrified" at the thought of having twins, I was one of the people who thought, "Cry me a river, you ungrateful jerks."
That was before I was in their shoes.
Don't get me wrong. both of my babies are very much loved and wanted. I'm thrilled that after years of pain and heartbreak, we're finally pregnant. I am overjoyed in fact.
But that joy is tempered by the sobering reality that twins are higher risk on every level. I'm terrified that my babies will be born too soon and too small. I worry about intrauterine growth retardation, lung maturity, placental abruption, prematurity, brain bleeds, cerebral palsy, and neurodevelopmental issues.
Loving my babies doesn't mean pretending that this is going to be easy. In fact, it's because I love them so much that I'm so worried.
I believe strongly in responding quickly to my baby's needs. I'm going to do my absolute best to continue to do that. We're fortunate to have lots of friends and family to help, but at two in the morning there will be one of me and two of them. Remembering the sleep deprivation of the newborn stage and multiplying it by two has me wondering just how much caffeine one person can drink before overdosing. Yesterday, while sorting laundry it hit me it's not double the laundry, it's probably tripling laundry when you count me needing to change clothes after being vomited on by two instead of one. As I buckled Q into his carseat this morning, that not only will I be buckling three kids into carseats this winter, I'll need to figure out how to do the grocery shopping with two infants and a six year old who still rides in the cart. (I wonder if the store would let me hitch a cart to one of their electric chair things?)
There may be some things that we won't be able to afford to do for two. I feel guilty they will have to share me with one another from their very first breath. I worry that people may stereotype one of them as the "good twin" and the other as the "bad twin."
When I had my first child almost thirty years ago, being a good parent meant that you kept them reasonably clean, well fed and relatively well behaved. Now it seems like parenting is an extreme sport where anything less than perfection is failure.
There are plenty of things for me to be anxious over in the next few months. Most of them are things I can't control. I can't control whether our surrogate develops complications or when the twins are born.
What I can do is accept the fact that parenting doesn't have to be a pass fail proposition. Maybe the twins will do just fine with a high mileage, slightly frazzled mom who is a little neurotic. Rather than shooting for "bestest mommy ever" I'll go for the more achievable and infinitely less stressful, "good enough mom who loves you all the same."
...
Don't forget to visit Welcoming a Heartbeat for more on this incredible journey.
...
Multiple birth is a side effect of IVF and ART, it's not a goal. We knew that by agreeing to transfer two embryos, we were risking our surrogate getting pregnant with twins. It was a risk we felt compelled to take. After three years of trying, and after experiencing everything from failed cycles to surrogacy fraud, it was one of the few things we could do to increase our chances of actually taking home a baby.
When Kim called to tell me our surrogate was pregnant, I was so excited I could hardly breathe. Seeing the results of the beta hcg test made it clear that twins were a possibility. It was confirmed by ultrasound two weeks later.
We're thrilled. We feel blessed. And the next person who squeals "OMG TWINS ARE SOOOO CYUUUUUUUTE" is going to get a slap upside their damn fool heads.
Having twins didn't double my worry for our surrogate and our babies…. it increased it by a factor of ten.
A twin pregnancy catapulted our surrogate from low to high risk. Women who are pregnant with twins are more likely to experience hyperemesis gravid arum, gestational diabetes, and pre-eclampsia. Almost sixty percent of twins are delivered prematurely, and can experience life time complications from their low birth weight and preterm birth.
Drew and I are intimately familiar with the reality of caring for a medically fragile child. We know that no matter what happens we will be able to care for our children. We're confident that our surrogate and doctor are going to do everything possible to care for our babies to give them the absolute best chance for a healthy start.
Still. Twins are scary.
When a couple on Babble wrote about being "pissed" and "terrified" at the thought of having twins, I was one of the people who thought, "Cry me a river, you ungrateful jerks."
That was before I was in their shoes.
Don't get me wrong. both of my babies are very much loved and wanted. I'm thrilled that after years of pain and heartbreak, we're finally pregnant. I am overjoyed in fact.
But that joy is tempered by the sobering reality that twins are higher risk on every level. I'm terrified that my babies will be born too soon and too small. I worry about intrauterine growth retardation, lung maturity, placental abruption, prematurity, brain bleeds, cerebral palsy, and neurodevelopmental issues.
Loving my babies doesn't mean pretending that this is going to be easy. In fact, it's because I love them so much that I'm so worried.
I believe strongly in responding quickly to my baby's needs. I'm going to do my absolute best to continue to do that. We're fortunate to have lots of friends and family to help, but at two in the morning there will be one of me and two of them. Remembering the sleep deprivation of the newborn stage and multiplying it by two has me wondering just how much caffeine one person can drink before overdosing. Yesterday, while sorting laundry it hit me it's not double the laundry, it's probably tripling laundry when you count me needing to change clothes after being vomited on by two instead of one. As I buckled Q into his carseat this morning, that not only will I be buckling three kids into carseats this winter, I'll need to figure out how to do the grocery shopping with two infants and a six year old who still rides in the cart. (I wonder if the store would let me hitch a cart to one of their electric chair things?)
There may be some things that we won't be able to afford to do for two. I feel guilty they will have to share me with one another from their very first breath. I worry that people may stereotype one of them as the "good twin" and the other as the "bad twin."
When I had my first child almost thirty years ago, being a good parent meant that you kept them reasonably clean, well fed and relatively well behaved. Now it seems like parenting is an extreme sport where anything less than perfection is failure.
There are plenty of things for me to be anxious over in the next few months. Most of them are things I can't control. I can't control whether our surrogate develops complications or when the twins are born.
What I can do is accept the fact that parenting doesn't have to be a pass fail proposition. Maybe the twins will do just fine with a high mileage, slightly frazzled mom who is a little neurotic. Rather than shooting for "bestest mommy ever" I'll go for the more achievable and infinitely less stressful, "good enough mom who loves you all the same."
...
Don't forget to visit Welcoming a Heartbeat for more on this incredible journey.
Wall Decals; An Innovative Gift for Loved Ones -- Guest Post
Yesterday, I visited my friend, Lisa, and found that she bought some lovely wall decals to decorate her son’s room for his 11th birthday.
When entering into her house, the first thing that caught my eyes were the huge flowers wall decal in her living room. They looked so awesome on the wall and seemed like real flowers. The beautiful color instantly lightened the whole room and gave more freshness and vitality. Then Lisa told me that they were wall art stickers, (click here) and that she also bought one for her son as a gift.
She showed me around her son’s room, where there was a lovely growth chart wall decal. It was a giraffe whose neck serves as the height indicator. The wall decal was so cute that her son loved it as a gift! And of course, now the parents can mark the growing of their son through this lovely animal decal on the wall.
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