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Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Filing for Divorce? 7 Things You Need to Know - s post

Made the decision to file for divorce? Or perhaps you have been separated for some time, and you're now ready to make it official?

Before going further, here are 7 things experts want you to know before you begin the process.

1. Spousal support is not guaranteed.

According to Miller & Steiert, divorce lawyers in Denver, “Maintenance, also known as spousal support, isn't part of every divorce case. When considering maintenance awards, the court will look at the finances of both spouses, what time is needed for that spouse to get an education or training that will help him or her get an appropriate job, and how the couple lived during the marriage. The physical age, health and emotional condition of the spouse seeking support is also considered, along with the length of the marriage. Spousal support is not meant to be permanent; it's a short-term net so the receiving spouse can get back on his or her feet post-divorce.”

2. Lawyers are not financial advisers.

Experts over at suggest that you hire and consult a financial adviser if you are considering a divorce. They warn it could be the difference between financial stability and financial disaster. Unfortunately, many people ask for advice when it is too late. That is, after the papers have been signed. But the time to do it is when negotiations are still open. Also, while lawyers can give you legal counsel, they are not financial advisers, and shouldn't be looked on as such.

3. Living on one income will require financial adjustments.

Up till now, you have likely been living off two incomes. With two incomes, you could afford a couple vacations a year and less mindfulness about small purchases made on the fly. On a single budget, things will look and feel different for you. You will need to adjust accordingly so that you don't overspend in the months immediately following your separation.

4. Parenting plans help smooth out rough spots.

Have children? Establishing a parenting plan as soon as possible will help you both have a clear idea of what is expected of each. Many snags can be ironed out beforehand by agreeing up front on the following:

Ÿ   how the child divides time between each parent
Ÿ   how information relating to school and other factors is shared between parents
Ÿ   how decisions are made regarding the child's health
Ÿ   how parenting decisions are made regarding other aspects of the child's life

5. Divorce doesn't erase all your problems.

Were you expecting a happily ever after once you got that problem partner out of your life? Unfortunately, life does not often work out according to our fantasies. If children are involved, you will likely still be in contact with your ex-partner to discuss parenting issues. And even if you have no children, you will need time to heal from the emotional stress of a difficult relationship. Few lives are entirely free of problems. But choosing your battles and understanding what steps to take to solve them is half the battle won.

6. Be prepared for lots of emotions.

Regardless of who initiated the split, a divorce often comes with feelings of sadness, grief, loss, and anxiety. Depression is also common for those going through a separation. Knowing that these feelings are natural to those in your situation can help you weather the storm. As you learn to let go of your previous relationship and the baggage that comes with it, you may be hit with guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Have a trusted friend or family member on speed dial. Keeping a brave face is okay for certain situations, but also know when asking for help is the right thing to do.

7. Counseling and therapy help.

Having the support of family and friends is invaluable for your emotional recovery. However, getting professional counseling is a step that can make sure that you do not strain your close relationships.

Certain professional counselors and therapists specialize in helping people work through a divorce. And can give you specific counsel and advice for your situation. Having an outside party, one who is not closely connected to your personal life, give you their perspective can be invaluable. If you are unsure if professional help is right for you, try out one session. Often, individuals make exponential progress in many areas of their life through seeing a therapist. And counseling can be a springboard for growth in areas that have remained stagnant for a long time.

Friday, January 12, 2018

7 Strategies to Resolving Your Child Custody Issues Amicably - s post

Child custody is a challenging part of the divorce process as you need to shuffle children from house to house, coordinate schedules and divide the holidays fairly. It can be even more difficult if you’re ending a marriage on bad terms. But based on studies, shared custody works the best when each parent cooperates and shows respect for their ex-partner. The following are 7 strategies to resolving your child custody issues amicably.

Don’t Speak Ill of Your Ex

Statistics find that 50 percent of marriages will probably end in divorce. While that may be a sobering statement, there are ways you can learn to live with divorce. If a 50/50 parenting schedule is what you’re aiming for, the best start you can make is to not speak ill of your partner. They may have done things that warranted the failed marriage such as lie or cheat. But don’t want to make your children suffer. Your child could act out when they hear you speak ill of their parent. Instead, keep the feelings to yourself. If you need to vent, trying bending the ear of a friend, therapist or counselor to help you through your troubled thoughts.

Work with the Experts

There are numerous benefits to working with the professionals. According to Harshberger Law Firm LLC, their trusted team of experts will be able to fight for your child’s best interest because they are familiar with the laws. Their negotiating skills can also prove helpful when you’re emotionally drained from the uphill battle of dealing with an ex-spouse. If money is owed, your attorney will also be able to ensure that you get a sufficient and fair amount of spousal support. If you have questions simply click for your free consultation.

Custody is All About the Children

Divorce may cause you to focus solely on your own needs. But when it comes to deciding on custody issues, it’s all about the children. Parents need to remember that both parties still need to do their duties raising the kids. If both parents are amicable in their efforts, the children have a better chance of coming out of the situation with less problems and animosity. After all, wouldn’t you like to give your child the best gift of growing up loved no matter where they reside?

Take a Hard Look at Your Schedule

Parents entering a divorce may want to make their ex suffer by asking for sole custody. But unless there is a real issue, you need to take a hard look at your schedule. If you travel for work or are busy taking care of an aging parent, sharing custody can prove helpful by allowing you time to handle other matters. It’s important to check your emotions at the door and negotiate custody based on facts and what’s best for the kids. If you’re unsure about putting together a calendar, there are sample custody schedules on the Internet that can help you.

Assess the Needs of Your Kids

You want to take your child’s age and schedule into account when determining fair child custody arrangements. Children who are infants and toddlers may find it too difficult to be shuffled back and forth. As your child gets older, you may be able to determine a more suitable arrangement such as every other weekend. If your kids are in school, you may also want to keep them with one parent during the week and every other weekend with the other.

Find a Respectful Way to Communicate

To ensure that your joint custody agreement works, you need to find a respectful way to communicate with your ex. Never tell your kids to relay messages back and forth. Instead, work out the problems amongst yourselves in-person. If you find it unbearable to see your ex, phone calls or a text can also prove helpful. If you can’t see eye-to-eye on an issue, you may need assistance. A mediator or attorney can help keep things on track if your ex decides to ignore the custody agreement.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Parenting can be challenging on its own. Add a divorce, and you may have an even more difficult situation to deal with. You can reduce your number of battles with an ex by keeping the lines of communication open. If disagreements happen along the way, decide if the conflict is worth getting upset over. Things such as vacations, holidays, child rules and schools are all important decisions to discuss. Unless your child has a medical issue that is being ignored or they’re in danger, try to keep the dissension out of the courts.

When you’re going through a divorce, implementing the best child custody arrangements can be one of the most critical steps to smart parenting. Although you may want to do everything you can to punish your ex-spouse for the upheaval, putting the above strategies into play can provide a stable and healthy environment for your kids.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Learning to Live with Divorce - s post

We all know the statistics by now: close to 50% of marriages in America will end in divorce at some point. While this is a sobering statistic, it doesn’t mean divorce has to be some soul-crushing tragedy, only to be relieved by bottles of merlot and Sunday empowerment brunches. Plenty of people have been through divorce, and learned to continue with their lives afterwards.

It’s tough. It’s messy, but divorce can be the spark that pushes you to become happier, stronger, and more self-sufficient. A person who breaks off their relationship effectively, and proceeds to move on afterwards, has the best chance of succeeding in their new life.

Breaking Off

A divorce should be a clean slate. It should give you the opportunity to forge new paths and take your life in a different direction. However, that can be difficult to do if you haven’t properly broken off emotional and legal attachments. Severing ties is the first step in learning to live with divorce.

The legal decisions, and the consequences of them, can be the most explosive and painstaking part of a divorce. Deciding who gets what, how much, and for how long, can be messy. Mix in the painful, fresh emotions you’ll be experiencing, with money and children, and you have a volatile combination. The best thing you can do for yourself is hire a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce attorney can prepare an alimony arrangement, help decide property division, and also provide mediation and arbitration. In cases where child custody and support is being contested, having a divorce attorney is absolutely necessary.

Hiring a divorce attorney that can get the best results for you is paramount to your emotional well-being. You don’t want to feel short-changed by your ex-partner. You don’t want to let grievances linger on. As emotionally-charged as divorce proceedings can get, having a quality divorce attorney will make sure you are moving on from your divorce without any legal hang-ups.

In order to establish yourself after your divorce, you will also need to sever your emotional ties to your ex-partner. Unfortunately, not every divorce ends on amicable terms; not every divorce is wanted by both partners. Regardless, hanging on to a relationship that is over is not healthy behavior, whether it’s your spouse, friend, or family member.

Every person is different. Some people find it easy to break off relationships. They can simply remove a person from their thought processes through sheer will, and poof! They are gone. Others may need to erect effigies of their ex-partners; old piles of clothes, photographs, and cheesy mementos formed into a vaguely human mass, and burnt in some kind of pagan cleansing ritual. I am not here to say one way is better than the other, I am just saying you have to make an effort. Don’t get stuck. Do what you need to do to separate yourself from that relationship. It will never go away entirely, but at some point you should be able to look back on it with an objective distance.

Moving On

Moving on goes hand-in-hand with severing your emotional ties. The process of distancing yourself from your old way of being, of learning to enjoy yourself, and discovering new facets of life will help place your old relationship in context. 

This can also mean different things for different people. Asking questions of yourself in the aftermath of a divorce can shed light on who you are, who you want to be, and what you think will make you happy. In some respects, it is similar to leaving your home for the first time when you were a teenager, off to work or college. The important thing is to keep an open mind and trust in yourself.

Changing careers, picking up new hobbies, traveling, and making new friends can all be extremely rewarding for people who find more time on their hands after a divorce. Forging new romantic relationships and allowing yourself the freedom to explore new love, without guilt or restriction, can also be key to moving forward in life. You want to surround yourself with positive people and experiences as much as you can.

However, not everyone can live out their Eat, Pray, Love fantasies following a divorce. Divorcees with children more often than not have extra responsibilities they must fulfill. Taking care of your family as a single parent is one of the most challenging obstacles life can throw at you.

It is easy to push your emotions and needs aside and focus on being the best parent you can be for your children, but if you aren’t happy, chances are it is rubbing off on the people around you. Be present and appreciate the moments you have with your children. Spend extra time with cousins, parents or siblings. Work hard, but be grateful for what you still have. Do things you enjoy, like taking an evening walk or having a good cup of coffee, even if it’s only for a few minutes a day. Most importantly, remember that your happiness depends on you and you only.

Don’t let divorce dictate your life for you. Take advantage of the unique opportunities it gives, even if it only seems like a silver lining at first. 


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