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Friday, July 1, 2016

Children break things

In 2008, my husband and I bought a vase.

We had just moved into our first legitimate home together. Everything was brand new to us. The place seemed huge. It was just the two of us. We were waiting for our kids to arrive.

Actually, I bought a vase.

I'm not great at home decor, and by that I mean I suck at it. I do not have refined tastes, and I don't know the difference between an original indy artist's painting and a print bought at a thrift store. But I was trying.

So, I bought this huge shiny brownish vase. From Marshall's. For $20.

And I loved it.

Soon after its arrival on our fireplace, my husband looked at it and said, 'why is there an empty vase here?'

And I was like, um, 'IT'S DECORATION, DUH."

"No, no. You can't have a vase without something in it."

"Um, yes you can. I'm pretty sure Pottery Barn does this shit all the time." (I'm paraphrasing, here. Eight years ago, I wouldn't have said this. I would have meekly smiled and nodded. But I'd say it TODAY, and so let's just pretend that's what I said. Because I definitely thought it.)

But an empty vase would not suffice. A few days later, my husband came home with some forest-green fake leaves. I don't even know where they were from, but they smelled like the inside of JoAnn's or Michaels or The Christmas Tree Shop.

Whatever, we are high class, okay?

We stuck the leaves in the vase, and voila. Before we'd even hung our (by which I mean my husband's) paintings on the wall, we had an accent piece to die for.

It went supremely well with my pregnant belly and my impeccably clean, before-kids carpeting.

That vase stuck with us throughout the years. It saw the layoff, the move to Florida, a condo and then our rented house (because lol if we're going to buy again after the housing collapse that we felt the brunt of).

It saw my kids as infants, toddlers, little kids, and finally, the big kids they are today. It's been a steady friend and companion. One of the first things my husband and I ever bought together (the couches you see in the picture being the first. ... Do you see that white couch? WHAT FOOLS WE WERE.)

Three moves, three jobs, and a family later, that vase stood tall, guarding the fireplaces of our abodes.

Until the other day.

I don't know how many times I've said/shouted/screamed 'no running in the house', but I'm pretty sure the dog doesn't want to eat glass. Anyway, I may as well have said it 0 times because apparently running in the house is still and will forever be a thing here.

And when you catch them in the act, they do that awkward quick conversion to super-fast walking. loooool, okay, kids, you fooled me.

The girls, to their credit, were distraught about breaking this vase. I didn't even yell at them. It turns out, they feel way worse about doing something by accident than when they are purposefully being turds. They feel the way I want them to feel when I've chastised them for being rude or mean. Only they just accidentally broke something. Life isn't fair, y'all.

I shooed them outside and set to work cleaning this mammoth mess. (I got the dog new food and washed his bowl. Don't worry. He won't be killed TODAY.)

I brought the shards out to the garbage, and when I came back in, my girls had given me the gift of a new vase for my husband's hilariously colored leaves.


This happened two days ago, and their "vase" is still there in front of the door with the leaves in it.

Not because I'm sentimental and touched (although I am), but more because I'm the kind of mom who looks at things on the floor and long can this stay here before something bad happens?

I'll let you know.

For now, enjoy our decor as you sip some coffee from a stained mug and marvel at our bean-bag filled, princess placemat having, high-living, jet-setting lifestyle.

Monday, June 27, 2016

How to make s'more cookies EPIC FAIL

Perhaps the best part of this video is my child mimicking me, unbeknown to me, through the whole beginning. Thanks, babe.


Monday, June 13, 2016

You are not a well-regulated militia

The Second Amendment reads: "A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

Passed by Congress in 1789, and ratified in 1791, it is clear that this amendment was put into place well before the average citizen had access to automatic weapons. The point, in fact, of the Second Amendment was to restrict Congress from being able to legislate away a state's right to self-defense.

But I don't see any states organizing state armies to defend themselves.

Over the past couple of hundred years, and especially after the Civil War, the United States has melded into a unified country. States utilize all of their rights and legislate in different ways, but with no other constitutional wording do private individuals within any states use the document for their own private ends. They are held by the laws at the state and federal level. We need gun laws at the state and federal level.

The main push of this amendment was to allow peoples who may be oppressed by those in power to defend themselves against such marginalization.

We are using it to do the very opposite. People are using the Second Amendment, something there to boost up the underprivileged, as a way to keep the underprivileged in check.

People are using an amendment that was suppose to promote equality to kill those who try to live equally. We see mass shootings on school campuses from the elementary level to the university level. We see mass shootings in churches where the main population is black. We see mass shootings of women when a man has been spurned. We just saw our largest mass shooting ever, in a club meant as a safe haven for our LGBTQ community in Orlando on their Latin night. It was a hate crime, plain and simple.

We see mass shootings of peoples who are already oppressed by the institution by people who are protected by that institution in various ways.

In 1939, the Supreme Court verified the intent of the Second Amendment as an issue of collective rights. They said in The United States v. Miller that Congress could regulate firearms (in this case, a sawed-off shotgun) that did not have "some reasonable relationship to the preservation or efficiency of a well-regulated militia."

This reading of the Constitution remained in place until 2008.

Let me say it again for those people in the back:

The reading of the Constitution that allowed for Congress to regulate sale of some firearms remained in place until 2008.

So, please, don't act like our country has been giving you AK-47s for 50 years.

You all only just got this right, and look what you've managed to do with it.

In The District of Columbia v. Heller, Heller argued the D.C. handgun ban that had been in place for 32 years.

In a 5-4 split decision, the Court decided on an individual right to bear arms. The Court followed that up in 2010 with another 5-4 decision in favor of getting rid of handgun bans, this time in Chicago.

This wild west of guns is new, and it is wrong. And it would not take much to overturn these precedents. The gun lobby is strong, the NRA is strong. There are many politicians who support and profit from these groups. Here are the ones who banned background checks for the purchase of firearms.

Other politicians have introduced hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills over the past couple of years. We must see them. This is not an Islam v west shooting. This was a hate crime against a very vulnerable population already, and the Christian right is just as much to blame as anyone else. No, they are more to blame. They dehumanize those who simply wish to exist, to survive. And that dehumanization along with our lax gun laws pave the way for hate to shoot down scores of people just because.

Just. Because.

Where is the freedom in that? The freedom of more than 100 dead and injured doesn't outweigh the freedom of one person?

The Declaration of Independence states that the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are unalienable. The Bill of Rights (the first ten amendments, of which, obviously, the second is one) are meant to maintain these rights.

It is failing. It has failed. It stands in the way of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It stands in the way of life.

It ends life.

Over and over again.


You are not a well-regulated militia.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Make Watermelon Jello -- Fail Kitchen

"What are we going to do? I need to know how I'm going to get that to stay flat in the fridge when it is not flat."


Saturday, June 4, 2016

No Bake Eclair Cake--Fail Kitchen

"I mean, it's cool whip. It can't go bad. It's nothing but chemicals."



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