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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Fail Kitchen - How to make creepy apple grins

This one is a great family craft if you're up for it.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Only child versus the twin

Yesterday, I took my daughter on our first alone day together (we've done one other alone day, but I had the other twin).

We went to the library where it was 'family board game day' (not recommended, I was disappointed in this event.)

Anyway, she and I were playing happily this I Spy game, helping each other and generally bonding when Only Child came over.

Only Child had the demeanor of almost every only child I've ever met. She was sweet, cute, happy to be alive, utterly intrusive and slightly irritating. This is not her fault. She is alone ALL THE TIME and just wants to play with another little kid for cripes sake.

Dulce, however, was having none of it.

As a twin, she NEVER gets her mommy alone. This was, without exaggeration, the first time we've ever had one-on-one time together. She WANTED it. Needed it.

She was not rude, and neither was I, but it was super uncomfortable having to continually redirect Only Child away from us. Under normal circumstances, I'd have made my kids play with her.

When we explained Dulce was a twin and this was our special time together, Only Child (being only 7), kind of understood, but her understanding was not enough to overcome her desperate desire to have a playdate (or even a makeshift family...her mom was travelling in New York, she told me). She kept popping up, trying to play, and I tried to make room for her, best I could, gently trying to convince Dulce to play with her.

Finally, Dulce looked at her and said, "this is my special day with my mom. I never get one because of my twin sister. You're nice, but we don't want to play with you right now."

Only Child: You're lucky! I don't have anyone to play with ever. In fact, hardly anyone talks to me. I have to come to the library because Grandma needs her books. But I have to stay over here while she gets them. I'm really lonely. Hey! Let's play this Elmo game together, it looks really fun.

Dulce: headdesk.

We eventually left to go make our own cupcakes, but I still feel bad for the girl. And while Dulce says all the time that she wants to be an only child, I don't think she really means it.

I mean, at the grocery store we had to buy a flower for Natalina, and a lollipop for Natalina, and we had to decorate a cupcake for Natalina, the way Dulce thought Natalina would like it.

And as soon as we got home, Dulce looked around and said, "I wish Natalina were here!" Then caught herself, shook her head, and said, "I mean, no I don't. I want to be an only child."

The grass. It is greener.


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Saturday, September 27, 2014

The rest of the Go the Fuck to Sleep series

Well, now that "You have to fucking eat" has come out to join its predecessor "Go the fuck to sleep", I've compiled a list of new titles I need to see from this author, asap. (Also, I'd have titled this sequel, "take a fucking bite", but same dif).

1) Put your goddamn shoes on

2) Brush your fucking teeth

3) Get in the goddamn car

4) I dare you to roll your eyes again

5) Stop fucking crying

6) This shit isn't important

7) Go fucking play

8) Stop saying my fucking name

9) Go potty before I kill you

10) Fuck you. Seriously, just fuck you (obviously the capper, for when parents have completely given up on life).

Been a great day here so far, why do you ask?


Friday, September 26, 2014

On being "that mom"

Look, I'm a Connecticut girl. New England, through and through. I'm liberal, I like Obama, I believe in sexual freedom, human rights for all, good welfare systems for those in need, legalizing marijuana, government health care and gun control.

Obviously, I'm not a good fit here.

I've learned (painfully and slowly) to keep my opinions to myself when dealing with "the moms." The moms are the group of southern women firmly entrenched in ideological ideals that run completely opposite to mine.

To give a brief image, when the girls were in preschool, and Obama won his second term, I went into the school all WE WON, GUYS! MAYBE HE'LL ACTUALLY DO SOME COOL SHIT THIS TIME.

The moms quietened. Looked at me. And literally took a full step back from me.

Lesson one.

Later that year, the moms were engaged in a discussion about winkle sticks and bathing suit areas. I, of course, piped up, as I'm wont to do. They were shocked that the girls see me naked on a regular basis, know what vagina looks like, and etc. We went a little too far in this discussion. I said, "I'd much rather my kids see sex and nudity than killing and war."

Another step back. And I had to leave right quick before we got into a gun control debate, because, let me tell you, they were ready to second-amendment my ass back to Connecticut.

Lesson two.

So, I grew quiet. Because I did not want to be labeled "that mom." You know the one. The weird one that the other moms don't let their kids visit for fear of them teaching their preciouses another point of view. I didn't want my kids to invite a friend over only to get the cold shoulder because of my beliefs.

So, fast forward.

Now, we're in first grade.

And I'm still quiet with the moms. But not with my kids. We've had several talks about how, yes, some girls marry boys, but some girls marry girls and some boys marry boys and that's okay.

Yesterday in the car, one of my kids shouted from the backseat: "Mom, Jacky says you're a liar."

Um, what?

"Yeah, I told her that girls can too marry girls and she said no they can't and that's wrong and that you're lying."


I mean, what do you do with that?

Being the passive lamb I am, I told her I was not a liar, that girls can marry girls, and she could tell her six-year-old girl to look it up and read a fucking book.

Okay, I'm paraphrasing.

But, seriously, this is a delicate issue. I'm not going to tell my kids things I don't believe, and things that are outright lies, just to fit in here. Just so they'll fit in. And I know my kid is going to go right back to her friend and tell her that her mommy says it's the law that girls can marry girls and she's not a liar.

And that girl will probably not be allowed to come to my house.

It's sad.

But maybe she will? I'd let my children go to her house because I'm confident in the beliefs I instill in them. Although if they were going to a shooting range, I'd probably say no. So maybe I'm no better than them.

The trouble will be worth it. It has to be. It is what's right. What I believe is right, anyway.



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