How much slut-shaming can we fit into a day -- Guest post

Slut-shaming is the act of shaming someone for being -- or even just appearing to be -- sexual. It is used to control the behavior of women and girls by criticizing or demeaning them any time they don't conform to the rigid expectations of our sexist society. Some incidents are pretty straightforward. If someone yells "slut" to me from their car as I walk down the street in a short skirt, almost anyone would agree that I was just slut-shamed. However, sex-negativity and misogyny are so ingrained in our culture, that more subtle acts of slut-shaming occur every day (sometimes all day long) without anyone even realizing. A lot of people might not notice (or care) when this kind of slut-shaming takes place right in front of their own eyes.

I consider myself a sex-positive feminist, so I might be slightly more tuned in to slut-shaming than the average person -- I did run a blog called "Evil Slutopia" for seven years -- but I never really thought about exactly how often I experienced (or witnessed) slut-shaming on a daily basis. So I decided to do an experiment and document every incident that I experienced or witnessed, no matter how subtle, within a 48-hour period of time.

This is what happened...

Day 1

-- I start my day by flipping through radio stations. I almost immediately hear a conversation about women who cheat. The term "nymphomaniacs" is used.

-- I post a photo of myself in a Facebook group for fashion critique. One woman describes my outfit as “very street walker.”

-- As I scroll through the other submissions, I notice more than one woman asking the same kind of question: "Too much boobs?" "Are my boobs too big for this?" "Is this too low cut?" "Do I need to wear a cami under this top?" Most of the responses are encouraging, but it still makes me wonder why this question keeps coming up.

-- As if she psychically knows I am reading about low-cut tops, my mother refers to the shirt I'm currently wearing as being too revealing. Cleavage is my favorite accessory.

-- While listening to Paramore, "Misery Business" comes on and I catch the line "once a whore you’re nothing more, I’m sorry that’ll never change." Boo.

-- Chatting with a guy friend online, the conversation turns to dating and he says, "you’re not that picky. Well… you’re not picky with who you hook up with. Maybe you are with who you date."

-- My daughter tells me about a lesson from her English class this week. The teacher gave everyone a list of twelve people with descriptions and said they can only fit seven in a life boat... who do you take? (Context: They’re reading Lord of the Flies.) One of the people that was dismissed by her group was a 23-year-old cocktail waitress who had worked as a prostitute in the past. My daughter says the conversation went something like this...

Classmate: We don’t want her.
Daughter: Why not?
Classmate: She’s a prostitute.
Daughter: Who cares? We need some women so they can reproduce.
Classmate: She only has a ninth grade education.
Daughter: We only have a ninth grade education.
Classmate: Yeah but we're not prostitutes.
Daughter: <Eye roll>

-- Scrolling through Facebook, I see that one of my friends has posted something about "Hookers for the Handicapped," a program in the Netherlands that provides citizens with disabilities with money from the government to pay for sexual services. I’m not sure if this is a real thing, but the first comment on his post is "I hope they don’t get herpes."

-- I read a blog post about RealDolls (anatomically-correct, rubber women). The author mocks the people who buy them and says, "I fear only what this says of our humanity." Wow. A little heavy-handed for sex dolls, don't you think?

-- I go to a party with friends and the topic of sex comes up, as it usually does. I am especially vocal on the topic, as I usually am. While I'm talking, I catch a glimpse of an eye roll in my direction from another party guest who has overheard our conversation (although I can’t prove it was necessarily aimed at what I was saying).

-- I flirt with a cute guy friend at the party and someone mistakenly refers to us as a "couple." We both correct him that we're not a couple, but later when he catches us kissing he suggests we were lying when we said we weren't a couple. He seems confused by the idea that you can casually make out with someone without trying to date them.

Day 2

-- I make a conscious effort to hide a hickey from the night before and then wonder if I’ve actually just slut-shamed myself.

-- A guy I sort of know shares a photo on Facebook from an anti-feminist page. It is of women at a Slut Walk protest screaming at a man who exposed his penis to them. The caption is “Feminism. Because street harassment should be illegal.” Sigh.

-- My daughter tells me that her father said earlier that he didn't approve of the outfit she wore today. He said she needed to button her shirt farther up. (She's wearing a button down with a tank top under it that isn't even that low cut.)

-- I feel like watching some bad TV on Demand, so I turn on Two Broke Girls (CBS). The character Max makes a comment about her boobs. My mother, passing through, says "this role is beneath her." I ask, "why, because she said boobs?" but she doesn't elaborate. Max makes a ton of sexual comments and aggressive advances towards a cute waiter, while Caroline slut-shames her repeatedly. I don't get to see how it ends because I have to turn it off when they make a "Precious" fat joke.

-- I switch to Your Family or Mine (TBS), a new show that is about... I don't know... a family? "Only strippers should dress like strippers." Pass.

-- I consider trying reality TV instead, so I put on Little Family (Lifetime), a spin-off of Little Women LA. Pregnant Terra and her boyfriend Joe are looking at baby clothes, when she shows him a baby bikini. He questions why she's trying to make the baby "sexy." Ugh. Before I can even grab the remote, he says, "I don't know what Terra was thinking. A baby has nothing to do with a bikini and she'll be wearing turtlenecks 'til she's 18."

-- I decide I'm not going to stop looking until I find at least one show that doesn't slut-shame. I try Finding Carter (MTV), a show that I sometimes watch with my daughter. Fraternal twins Carter and Taylor are shopping for dresses for a party...

Taylor: Carter thinks that I should slut it up.
Dad: Carter’s wrong. Very wrong.

-- I figure Last Man on Earth (Fox) is probably safe because there are almost no characters on the show at all to slut-shame. I was wrong...

Carol: Why would there be any hard feelings? All you did was make a series of quick slut-based decisions about sharing your body with a man you hardly knew.
Gail: Carol, you know we would never have done that stuff if we’d known Phil was married.
Carol: Of course. I don’t hold it against you. You had no idea. And you’re not even from here. In this country we tend to do a little bit of research before inviting a man into the land down under.

-- I finally turn on Mom (CBS). The character Bonnie is going through withdrawal as she gets sober again and imagines both a "Good Bonnie" and a "Bad Bonnie" arguing over her.

Good Bonnie: I’m the reason she reconciled with her daughter.
Bad Bonnie: I’m the reason she had a daughter.
Good Bonnie: At age 17.
Bad Bonnie: Oh yeah here comes the slut-shaming.
Good Bonnie: I’ve asked you not to use that kind of language around me.
Bad Bonnie: Slut.

They earn points for acknowledging that slut-shaming is, you know, a thing, but points deducted for the voice of reason on the subject coming from the imaginary persona that is advocating for drug use. I decide to give up on television for the day.

-- I read an article about revenge porn. The author suggests that anti-revenge porn laws might do more harm than good, but fails to give any evidence of this actually being true. (Laws against posting all nude photos are referenced, but that's not exactly the same thing.)

--Another article about yet another pharmacy that refused to sell a woman birth control pills because of their "morals." I can't even bring myself to read it.

-- Just before bed, I get a notification from an online dating app. It's someone way out of my age range, so I politely decline. He responds by calling me a whore. Thanks and goodnight.

So what did I learn? Nothing I didn't already know: Slut-shaming is all around us, all the time.

Now to be fair, not all of these incidents were blatant examples of intentional slut-shaming. Some of it cannot be mistaken (like being outright called a "whore"), but some may not have been slut-shaming at all (like the eye roll during my conversation) and others were, but only indirectly so. A lot of the slut-shaming we experience (or inflict) every day is probably unintentional, but it still does damage. For example, mocking someone for buying a sex doll may not be textbook slut-shaming, but criticizing someone's sexual behavior sends the message that there is such a thing as "too much" or "too weird" when it comes to sexuality. It perpetuates the idea that some kinds of sexuality need to be policed or controlled, and when that belief exists, it is usually women that end up bearing the brunt of it.

Slut-shaming contributes to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts in girls and women. It also reinforces rape culture, through misogyny, victim-blaming and rape apologism (e.g., "you can't rape a slut"). One little comment on a stupid television show might not make or break a person, but when it's the eleventh or so experience of the day... who knows how deeply ingrained these "anti-slut" messages can really get? I'm not saying that someone is a bad person if he or she accidentally slips up now and then, but we can all be more conscious of it.



...

Abby Rose Dalto is a freelance writer, editor and social media consultant. She is also a single mother and a sex-positive feminist. Abby was Co-Founder of ESC Forever Media and Co-Founder/Executive Editor of the blog Evil Slutopia, where she wrote under the pseudonym "Lilith." She is the author of two books, Create Your Own Sand Mandala: For Meditation, Healing and Prayer and Create Your Own Power Jewelry, as well as numerous articles on a variety of subjects. She holds a B.A. in Women's Studies with concentration in Creative Writing and Literature. Visit her online at www.abbyrosedalto.com.

#AllMenCan LISTEN (on Policy Mic's Apparent Unravelling)

I'd like to start this diatribe with the realization that in posting this (assuming they read it) I'm totally blowing my chances of ever working for Policy Mic in the future. Which peeves me because at some point I'd have really liked to write for them. But, alas, it must be done.

After becoming embroiled in a mild skirmish on Twitter which they didn't really respond to, today, they published this piece on women's rights:

37 Men Show Us What Real Men's Activists Look Like

Where to begin?

First of all, can I just say I am so relieved to have 37 men telling me what they think about women. The pushback wasn't complete without an article highlighting men, guys.

Secondly, it's staged.

EIGHTEEN of the 37 pictures were taken in the same room. Since Policy Mic didn't remark on this, I can only assume they gathered their male employees in the cafeteria or something, and had them hold up signs so they could complete this assignment. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe it was another company who decided to do a project on it. But if that is the case, the project should be recognized, don't you think?

Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about.

Times that by 18. Call me cynical, but the message doesn't have the same impact when it feels like we are being tricked into thinking these were random calls to internet activism by men propelled by their own volition.

I mean, check this out. In 17 and 18, there is the same man in the same plaid shirt in the background (that guy is actually in the background of 15 and 16, too. Same pose. Everything.)

Also, 26 and 37 are the same picture.

Oh. Looks like they fixed that, now. ^^

Let's take a look at some of the signs, shall we?

4) Alpha males, huh?

5) "It takes strong women to give us the strength to know better." This is in regards to hitting women. I do not appreciate the implication that in order not to be hit I need to be a strong enough woman to teach a man not to do that.

8) "MRAs don't speak for me." ... Not all men.

10) "Because I'm a man and I will never hurt you." Not. All. Men.

21) "My masculinity doesn't include misogyny." NOT ALL MEN.

34) Wielding is spelled wrong, but more importantly, it's a sign indicating that the reason men should be involved is that their own safety is at stake. Which might be true. But isn't really what the conversation is about right now.

Also important to know that the man in #34 is a writer for Policy Mic. Which they didn't mention.

UPDATE: courtesy Brooke Binkowski, San Diego reporter.
#1 - PolicyMic founder Jake Horowitz
#9 - PolicyMic sports editor Bryan Graham
#12 - PolicyMic social media editor Jared Keller
#18 - PolicyMic editor Michael McCutcheon (and this shows that the room which is featured in half the photos is a PolicyMic room or somehow connected to PolicyMic).
#34 - PolicyMic contributor Charles Clymer

(Again, nothing wrong with that, but it needs to be noted in the article, guys).

37) "If there weren't women, there would be no men." Oh. Well. Um, thanks for that brand new information?

In the middle of this article, they ask us to use the #allmencan hashtag to make our voices known about what men can do.

I've said this many, many, many times before, but I'll say it again.

All men can LISTEN.

And if they were listening, well, maybe we wouldn't feel the need to post articles with them talking over us so much.




 

16 Steps to Every Argument a Man Has with a Woman Online

Now, I know what you are thinking. Every argument is different. The players involved are different. The content and context are different. There's no way this piece can be indicative of a general reality.

Only it is.

I am going to use a specific argument to flesh out my points, but that's only because this particular argument went on for 1,000 comments and covered every single base. Usually, only a few of these show up at the same time. But in this case, we got a bingo, and that needs to be recognized. In fact, I've even left off a few, due to length.

1) A condescending comment from a man to a woman, meant to be a "compliment". Usually this occurs when a thread is already in session. This time, the man had the guts to go to this woman's page, and post it with no prompting at all.

Let's take a moment to go through this before we get into our next steps:

a) You were using your radio voice again.

This implies it's an issue that's been spoken about between two people before, with the receiver acknowledging the advice and vowing to make a change. That isn't the case. This person hardly knows this woman, and they had not spoken about her voice before. (Which also happens to be...her voice. Not some random act for you to find "cute.")

b) Very cute, but no offense

Any time you see the words "no offense" that is a guarantee whatever comes next is about to be offensive. If you find yourself using that phrase, stop. Do not speak on.

c) Exude the confidence I know you have. Be proud of the 30-year-old professional that you are. Who knows, maybe you can be the anchor someday. I look forward to seeing that.

This implies she's not proud of herself and doesn't have confidence. This woman is a hard-hitting, no-nonsense reporter and has been so for decades. She doesn't want to be an anchor, either. Surprise! Not everyone does! (She's also not 30, lol). This basically says turn into my vision of your goal for yourself so I can get behind this. And...no.

d) Good luck doll.

GOOD LUCK DOLL.

Okay, back to our steps:

2) Understandable backlash from people who see the offensive comment:

"Just saw your post here on _______'s Facebook page. You were using that douchey, neckbeardy tone again. Very cute, but no offense, you sound like a 45-year-old asshat. Exude the intelligence I know you must have since you're friends with ________. Be proud of the 30-year-old professional she already is. Who knows? Maybe you could actually turn into a supportive and good friend. I look forward to seeing that. Then I can say, "I saw you that one time when." Good luck, bro."

3) Bystanders completely baffled at aim of original comment and attempted deconstruction:

Q - I can't even get my head around his motivation. Hitting on you by "negging"? Honest but assholish attempt at advice? He secretly hates you and has been biding his time for an opening to be mean? 

A - "This woman will appreciate that I see the potential she has, and that I am treating her almost like a real person because I'm asking her to be a person that commands respect, while at the same time, I am expressing fondness and familiarity toward her with my cutesy taglines that degrade her into exactly what I just told her she ought not be. In this way, I show her that her intellect is worth something, but also that I am not immune to her 19yo femininely wiles. Then maybe she'll be so grateful, she'll take my advice, act as I've advised with everyone, except me. With me she'll be soft and child-like, just like a woman should. I am very complex."

4) The original commenter says "I wasn't talking to you." (even though the comment is open for all to see, and not a PM).

I really was just trying to help. I'm sorry for offending you. But since ______ herself hasn't flamed me, I'm going to assume that she accepted my constructive criticism. Notice that she didn't "like" any of your comments?

5) Professional accolades and accomplishments that mean nothing are trotted out.

In this case, our man is an architect and we can thank him for many beautiful buildings. This obviously entitles him to give shitty advice in regards to news broadcasting. He knows things, guys.

6) The person he is talking to says something. Anything.

In this case, it's kickass. I mean, boom.

7) Bye, Felicia.

That should end our story, but alas.

8) Women who have been watching the thread understandably rejoice.

8) The White Knight. Some other dudebro comes around a bit later, feeling the urge to tell the women who were insulted how wrong and mean they are.

I found the thread rather depressing myself. ______'s response was detailed, on point, and said everything she wanted to say. Almost everything else just reinforces my conviction that FB is like the worst aspects of high school.

9) Dogpile and Bullying are invoked. (Remember, this man comes into this space, which was clearly dying down, to take ownership of it and make it all about him.)

what you seem to be saying is that this is a venue where you can be rude and bullying without consequences. _________'s response was a textbook case of taking the high road, and would be perfectly appropriate delivered to someone's face, not to mention a spot on, devestating rebuke to condescending assholism. About half the comments here are just textbook gang-bullying by people who probably think of themselves as decent human beings in real life. 

I've been on the bottom of these kind of dog piles, and it's no fun. The really disturbing part is seeing people who probably think of themselves as progressive resorting to bullying tactics I associate with the extreme right, like "feminizing" one's opponent by insinuating he's some kind of sissy ("did we get our wittle fee fees hurt" etc.) and a group of individuals ganging up on someone who has expressed the "wrong' opinion. It's like the mean girls club in high school.

11) Mansplaining.

If I may offer a bit of advice (yeah, I know, mansplaining") but why give a shit about being labelled a "bitch"? The men who hang that on you are assholes whose respect you don't need, and the rest of us understand that you have to drop a hammer on these twerps or they just waste everybody's time. 

It's a difficult line to walk. It's hard for me too, and the sad truth is there are plenty of men out there who don't like being "bossed around" by a women. But hey, fuck them, you know? That's their problem, not yours.

Oh my God, we were so wrong about you. You totally "get" it. You even know you're mansplaining. Thank you so much for validating our lives, and yet again telling us how we can behave. We have never seen this before.

12) Watch your tone, ladies. (I'm Darlena, so one less black mark I have to amateurishly make in paint.) Annnnyway, maybe we would get what we wanted out of our communications with men if we were just nicer. Thanks for letting us know what your idea of a discussion is. We will try to behave better and adhere to your ideal discussion.

13) Concern Trolling. They're just looking out for our best interests. As men, they can help us win this world. If we'd only let them share their valuable and relevant experiences.

Concern trolling. I'm pretty sure you knew what was going to happen if you came into this thread AS A MAN and tried to school us all, yet you decided to do it anyway. I have absolutely no doubt that you are here without any attempt at respect, and seek only to piss us all off so that you can get off to it.

14) Pre-conceived notions / Not all men. Then, inevitably, women standing up for themselves against mansplaining get the 'you don't even know me' line, sometimes plied with 'not all men are like what you say we are!' Okay, that's true. Not all men are like that. But you are.

15) The follow up. Then the conversation usually goes like this:

Woman: "I just don't understand why this even has to happen. A condescending, sexist as fuck post was made. From very early on it was very clear this post was not okay. But instead of any apology, or even at attempt at self reflection, an attempt to listen to any of us, it's just flailing and whining that we're mean bitches. I'm so sick of this shit."

White Knight: "what you seem to be saying is that I should just fuck off, butt out, and slink back into my hole. That I have no right to join this discussion in anyway unless my contribution consists of "yeahyourite." Cool. Enjoy your epistemic closure. Who died annd made you king of this thread"

16) You people.

Woman: He's acting like we did this to HIM. He's the one who came into this post to shit stir it all up again just because he clearly enjoys putting women in our place and finger wagging at us.

White Knight: If the tables were turned, I would not participate in the bullying, mob behaviour. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

This is normally where I'd write a witty conclusion, but Julia wrote one for me, right on that thread, so I'll leave you with this, the point of the deconstruction.


"Women are allowed to support each other. We're allowed to get annoyed or pissed off at men who constantly belittle our efforts, our work, our choices, at men who only want to comment on our physical attributes instead of, quite literally, ANYTHING ELSE we happen to do. Hence the anger at the original post. Which is still one of the shittiest negging posts I've read in a long, long time.

We're allowed to respond however we want. It doesn't make us stupid, or not worth being listened to, or not worthy of being right. Our response does not make it okay for you to hop into the post, insult all of us willy nilly at once, then act surprised when we respond.

Fucking goddamn ridiculous.

You've tried to police women for how we respond to sexism with more sexism. You've derailed the conversation completely with your own intense need to finger wag at women.

You have NO BUSINESS telling women how we should or should not respond to asshole men. We live this life every single fucking day and we have every single right to get pissed off if we want to. Just because YOU don't like our tone does not mean our message and our points are invalidated, no matter how hard you're trying to invalidate them and pretend they aren't important because of the words chosen to express ourselves.

You have talked over women, you have talked down to us. You have tried to mansplain how we should respond to situations that are, quite frankly, none of your fucking business.

You call us bullies, a mob. And yet you're perfectly content to try to bully us into being silent, to bully us into responding how you see fit. You are doing the exact same shit you claim we are, when you're the one who jumped into this thread for no reason only than to be a condescending asshole.

In short: go fuck yourself."

So, if you are a man, thinking about engaging in a debate with a woman about how society treats her...

DON'T.






   

Dying and Rising - Abortion and Easter: Contributor Post

Today I am blessed to have an extremely personal post by good friend and thealogian K. A. Her bravery and strength in sharing her story so that others may not feel so alone is inspiring. I am so lucky to be able to consider this woman a friend. Remember, people in all walks of life have had abortions, and each one must deal with it in her own way. And each one needs support.

...


My name is Kate. I'm a woman of deep, life-long faith. And a number of years ago, I aborted a wanted baby.

I was in relationship with a man I loved deeply, but our relationship was not known to others. If our pregnancy had been discovered, we (or, at least, I) perceived that we would lose support as a family from all those who then supported us as individuals, and we wouldn't be able to make a life together, much less support our child. The decision was ultimately mine. He was there when I took the pill.

A couple of weeks later, our relationship ended. In the midst of grieving the loss of that relationship, I lost sight of my grief for the tiny fetus that would have become our first-born child.

Now, all these years later, I am the mother of two amazing daughters; I am also the wife of the best man I know. My life is beautiful and full. And I'm finally giving myself permission to grieve my first pregnancy, the pregnancy that became my first abortion.

To my surprise and consternation, I've had a difficult time figuring out how to grieve it. Once I decided to allow myself to grieve, I intentionally tried to access my grief for over a day. Nothing came. I read a book called A Solitary Sorrow in which a therapist discussed her encounters with women who had had abortions. As I read the therapist's stories and considered my own, thousands of thoughts flooded my mind, but I couldn't access any emotional content.

I had already shared the story of my abortion with those closest to me long ago, so I decided to shared my story with several additional trusted friends. When one of them--the one from whom I most feared judgment--replied with compassion, my heart broke open. I ran to my husband and sobbed on his chest, a tidal wave of long-hidden grief bursting the dam in my heart.

In the United States, abortion is often heatedly discussed, but actual abortions--the abortions chosen by women all around us--are almost never discussed. To have had an abortion is an enormous taboo, and that impacts the self-perceptions of those who have abortions. The woman who has an abortion will often either perceive herself as a terrible, hypocritical sinner, or she'll tell herself that she's not supposed to feel any attachment to the tissue that grew in her womb.

I am pro-choice and completely support the right of all women to choose whether or not to continue a pregnancy for the reasons she holds close to her heart, but I now also have the profound and personal realization that women who choose abortion need to be supported in their right to grieve that choice. The decision to choose abortion is rarely a neutral matter, and often it isn't the most desired outcome of a pregnancy, but when it is chosen it is almost always perceived as the best possible choice among the choices that are available. That makes for a lot of messy feelings, all hidden behind the rage of society's abortion debates.

I am one woman among many who has experienced abortion, and sharing the story of my abortion publicly here and now is terrifying. Even though I already experience deep support from some, I expect judgment and hatred from others. I expect to be disowned and cast out by at least some in my life who would otherwise keep me close. Beyond those I know personally, I expect strangers to point fingers, to call me a baby-killer and a whore and an evil woman, and even to threaten me for daring to speak up.

As I seek to answer my vocation as a future minister, however, I feel compelled to risk all of this. As a woman who buried her grief for years and discovered, after sharing it, that she is still loved, I can no longer justify cloaking myself in timidity and fear while other women still bear the burden of their grief alone (many in far more oppressive circumstances than mine). If I had known even one woman like myself--a woman of faith who chose abortion and dared to share her tale later so that others might be able to face their own stories--I might have been able to grieve and begin to heal far sooner.

I invite any woman who has had an abortion to consider letting her grief rise up and to share her story with someone she trusts. And for those women who can't think of anyone to tell, consider sharing it confidentially with someone who will listen to your story without judgment. If you are someone to whom one of these grieving women shares her story, I invite you to release all your expectations of how she should feel or how she should have acted and listen instead with all the tenderness and compassion you hold within you.

As a Christian, I experience on this Easter day the strange, radical truth that tombs aren't necessarily destined to remain closed. Perhaps, if we who have experienced abortion allow our grief to rise up, we will visit the tomb one day only to find it empty--and we'll realize that what was dead was made to be raised to new, undying life in us, just like Jesus was raised up from death in the midst of those who loved him.

 

Real Men of Feminism

After the "most notorious American male feminist" stepped down the other day (and then didn't, but definitely did after that) there's been a lot of talk about men feminists (like there ever isn't, am I right?). I'd like to take this moment, however, to turn the spotlight away from the preachy, narcissistic men of the feminist writing spaces and celebrate the real men of feminism. Oh, they're there. They're right here, in fact.

That is Billy Joe Cain, standing with his 14-year-old daughter who wins the award for best sign ever in the history of signs.

Before we move on, let's all get the meaning of this sign clear.

Jesus is not a dick (meaning, cleverly in this case, jerk, douche, asshole, ballseam, term du jour, and also penis).

So keep him out of my vagina (meaning religion has no place dictating a woman's rights to her and continuing beautifully with the little metaphor).

Got it? Okay.

As the pro-lifers came out in droves to attack this young girl, her father stood resolutely by her side. He did not once lose his cool with these monsters who called his daughter a whore, called him a pimp, called her a slut...well, here, read yourself. (And PS - these all came from this post, which you should all read immediately)

This was just one of dozens of calls to physically assault this child for her impertinent sign-holding. And throughout all of these awful, horrible, disgusting threats, her father was able to not end the twitter users' lives. How, I'll never know.

Billy Joe Cain makes the excellent point that holding a sign that says Jesus isn't a dick so keep him out of my vagina is not equal to holding a sign saying I'm having sex at 14 years old.

These two things are not the same.

He doesn't come out swinging, like, how dare you insinuate my sweet pea is having sex with people! He doesn't scramble to re-explain their actions in a this sign has nothing to do with my daughter; she's not having sex! manner. He does not put pressure on her one way or the other. He does not insert his feelings as a man, or as a father into her fight. He does not weigh in on her sexual activity except to ask others not to in a completely benign and calm way.

He stands with her, not for her, and patiently points out the obvious. Even after people too dumb to type words call her a gardening tool.

He gives no air-time to the utterly insulting ridiculousness aimed at both him and a 14-year-old child. He rightly knows that these people will never get the point. He instead spends his energy building up his daughter and her beliefs, protecting her rights and her body.

I mean, seriously, I would be flipping tables in rage right now. Billy Joe Cain? Rides it out. There is no hope for these people. Fanning their flames would only bring hardship on his daughter. They gave their message. They're allowing "discourse". They take their (awesome) sign and go home, leaving the world a better place.

Again, he is simple and directly to the point, cutting through all the garbage. I also do not understand why they are calling his daughter a whore.

Billy Joe Cain goes on to say briefly that his daughter had every right to hold that sign as 14 year olds can and do get pregnant and need to know they have a choice about their own bodies.

And then, you know what? He marches on. He doesn't dwell on his daughter. More importantly, he does not dwell on himself and the good he is doing for the feminist movement.

Instead, he continues to quietly fight the fight. This is his twitter, as of the writing of this post:

This is a man women can call their ally. This is a true male feminist. There's nothing about him anywhere on his feed. There's nothing there showing women how to do feminism correctly. There's no talk of feminism at all.

There is simply a man fighting for the rights of his daughter and her female friends and women at large through education and the works of others.

Billy Joe Cain. A true male feminist.

...

And for another truly wonderful take on this story from the Christian / religious perspective, head over to Corn Dog Mama. She's brilliant, as always with her latest post, "Vaginas, Jesus and Slut Shaming."


 

Ladies: Hugo Schwyzer's Life Is Not Your Fault

Have you heard about Hugo Schwyzer taking a break from the feminist internet? If you're anyone who has eyes, you've read about it. He made sure of it. He posted on his own blog about it, gave an interview immediately with New York Magazine about it, and his pals over at The Atlantic did a nice little tribute, too.

Hugo Schwyzer is not one to go gentle into that good night.

He's leaving, and he wants you all to know that it's because you're such meanie heads. Yes, you. Posting your snarky tweets about his freelance gigs, commenting your agitated words underneath his writing. Can't a man speak for women and just be left alone?

He also mentions his fragile mental health and his marital problems, most likely stemming from his recent affair (with someone super important in feminist circles, guys. But, shh! Don't be interested in that. But if you hear about who he banged, don't be surprised. Tee hee.) as reasons for his departure.

I'd like to take these issues one by one, and explain to you that Hugo Schwyzer's life is not your fault, regardless of what he implies.

First, though, let's get through the most important point: This is not about whether or not men can be feminist leaders, or outspoken in feminist spaces.

This is not about whether or not men can be feminist leaders, or outspoken in feminist spaces.

It's not about that.

Don't get confused. Everyone seems to get confused. For the purpose of this piece, I am fully on the side of men being able to speak out on feminist issues if they so choose. I do not want to debate the intricacies of men leading women in their own movement right now. Because it's not about that.

This is about personal responsibility and accountability, and honestly, about personality, full stop.

Don't cloud the issue or make it more important than it is by including the overarching theme of men in women's spaces. This is about Hugo Schwyzer in women's spaces, and whether or not he personally should be looked at as a leading male voice in the feminist movement. It doesn't have to do with what he is (a man). It has to do with what he does.

Okay, let's start with his personal goodbye letter, shall we?

His first sentence casts blame on the online world for his departure. "The toxicity of take-down culture is exhausting and dispiriting. The cheapest and easiest tweets and articles to compose are snarky and clever dismantlings of what someone else has worked hard to create. The defenders of this culture of fierceness call it intellectual honesty, but it is an honesty too often edged in cruelty."

You know what the problem is? It's that the snarky tweeters aren't thinking about what happens on the other end of their writing. Much like Schwyzer didn't think about the consequences of his essay coming out as a character in a murder-suicide plot to those who were working with him at the time. Funding was lost, reputations out the window, as these people who spent long, hard hours erecting safe spaces for women (like Scarlateen, for example) became aware of a violent past that had been previously and deviously hidden from them standing by them, holding their hands. That's what honesty edged in cruelty looks like.

However, in his NY Mag interview, Schwyzer has apparently forgotten the comfort he called for, saying, "There is this false notion in feminism that the Internet is supposed to be a safe space. There's this confusion of the therapeutic and the public space. Is the Internet a safe space? No."

Bingo. This is not your safe space. When you write something publicly, you open yourself up to criticism. Period. I expect to be criticized for this piece. I'm not going to whine about it, though. Because I understand that the internet is not a safe space. Not like, say, my therapist's office or my local women's center (thanks, by the way, for helping me find my woman safe spaces, Hugo.)

Here's another issue with that: While the internet itself is not a safe space, there are safe spaces within the internet. There are women who band together in more private groupings to discuss issues pertinent to them without expecting to be attacked or exposed. We need to keep those distinctions drawn.

And since the interview for NY Mag is definitely not a safe space, let's take a look at this gem:

"If you look at the men who are writing about feminism, they toe the line very carefully. It's almost like they take their cues from the women around them."

Huzzah! This is exactly as it should be, as the oppressed group is probably the group that knows what's going on. But, please, continue.

"Men are afraid of women's anger. It's very hard for men to stand up to women's anger."

And this is where I officially lost it. Do I even exist in the same universe as Hugo Schwyzer? In what realm of reality is that even close to a true statement? Honestly, I can't, because reasons, so I won't. But wow. For someone who has marked a prolific and successful career in women's studies and feminism, this unveils a huge problem in feminism today. When even the most entrenched of advocates go the "you women are too angry" route, it blatantly emphasizes how very easy it is to miss the point.

The point being twofold. 1) Women have very good reason to be angry, if they even are. 2) It's not about you, dude. Feminism is not about Hugo Schwyzer. It just isn't. And had he backed away in a respectable manner, having realized that maybe it wasn't his words on the matter or his position in the space that was the issue but instead his insatiable need to self-aggrandize, well, then, I wouldn't be writing this piece. But instead, he chose the most vocal of ways to exit the stage. And I take issue with that.

This is not a movie in which Hugo Schwyzer is the leading actor. Everything about this man is showy. Who is paying attention to him? Who is tweeting about him? Who is publishing him (or not)?

What happened to the content of the writing? That's what's important here, the messages being sent, not the producer of those messages.

And it's important to note that I like Schwyzer's writing. But no matter how many times people confuse the two, his talents are not himself.

You can be a man in feminism. You can be a man who slept with his students in feminism. You can be a man who cheated on his wife in feminism. You can be a man who was addicted to drugs and alcohol and be in feminism. You can be a man who once tried to murder his girlfriend and be in feminism. You can be a man who uses all of these experiences as freelance fodder and be in feminism.

I firmly believe in all of those statements.

But you cannot be a man who slept with his students, cheated on his wife, was addicted to drugs and alcohol, tried to murder his girlfriend, and used all those things as freelance fodder, who also cannot extrapolate himself from the feminist messages, which, by virtue of their nature call for the spotlight to be on women and their issues, not on Hugo Schwyzer.

There is nothing meek here, nothing apologetic, and nothing learned. The educational value of writing through "the lens of his experiences" is tarnished by his self-centered ambition.

When you use a message to further your own self, and your own ambitions, regardless of whom it hurts (those people usually being women), you are not a feminist leader. When you further come at your critics by muddying the issues and making their reasonable dissent about you being a man, and not your actions as that man, you are not even an advocate anymore.

Schwyzer is "sad and hurt by a culture in which what we say online is policed by clever cynicism masquerading as progressive outrage."

I am sad and hurt that my clever cynicism is looked at as something that is not deserved. I'm sad and hurt that women cannot be outraged at actions without being told they're too angry and they should take it to their local women's shelters. I'm sad and hurt that in an age where we need to be talking about the feminist movement in terms of where we go from here, and when we especially need to make the new battles of women known (such as rape-culture, slut-shaming, etc. -- see, I also took Feminism 101, HS) we're stuck writing essays about men who are leaving the feminist space because we're all too mean. I'm sad and hurt that yet again it comes back to the men.

But I didn't spend my whole post on that. Because feminism is not about me. And it's certainly not about Hugo Schwyzer.


**If you'd like to know more about why you just had to read all that, click here.
 

Six Outrageous Things about Texas That Have Nothing to Do With Women's Rights

Recently, Texas has done some unbelievable things--changed the space-time continuum, made rape kits into abortions, got out of voting fraud (but wasn't so lenient on these poor senior citizens), and managed to turn tampons into feces and urine...all before stripping the state of the majority of their abortion clinics, prompting the lovely Erick Erickson to encourage ladies to use coat hangers instead.

And with all this hullabaloo surrounding SB5 and then SB1,  people continually seem surprised that these over-the-top political maneuvers and backward logical stretches could happen in real life. To which we have to say, well, guys, it's Texas.

Let's not forget all of the other completely sane and rational moves the state has made.

1) They tried to secede.

And unlike the other states' little, laughable petitions, they got more than 100,000 signatures and sent that shit off to the White House.

But Obama told them "no".

Shame, really.

2) Creationism

No, seriously. Texas is solely responsible for almost half of America believing that the Earth is 10,000 years old. (Well, the Bible helps a little, but, honestly, even half of the people reading the Bible as, well, gospel, believe in a mix of Creationism and evolution.)

Here's how it works. Texas is the nation's largest textbook distributor. Come on, we all remember Texas McGraw Hill, right? So, once every ten years, the Texas Board of Education revises its standards for teaching and textbooks. This board is crazy politicized and is made up of only 15 people. In fact, the chairman, Don McLeroy, served for only a short time on his local board before moving up to the big stuff. He is an unapologetic Young Earth Creationist. Awesome.

For all you people mired in reality and science out there, Young Earth Creationists believe the following (according to their website):

"The book of Genesis should be taken as a literal account of the pre- and early history of the earth. The creation week is taken at face value: consecutive 24-hour periods adding up to six calendar days. Allowing for gaps in Old Testament genealogies, this means that universe was created between 10,000 and 20,000 years ago. YECs also hold that geological data, including the fossil record, should be understood in light of the worldwide flood depicted in the account of Noah and the ark."

And this is important enough to repeat: Texas only revises its curriculum once a decade. So, basically, it has control over entire generations of American learners. How is this possible, you ask?

"Texas is one of the nation's largest textbook markets because it is one of the few where the state decides what books schools can buy rather than leaving it up to local districts, which means publishers that get their books approved can count on millions of dollars in sales. Further, publishers craft their standard textbooks based on the requirements of the biggest buyers. As a result, the Texas board has the power to shape the textbooks that children around the country read for years to come." -- PBS

So, yeah, Texas, fighting science in the school systems around the nation.

For Teresa

3) They kill people.

Despite their intense love for life--be it right after conception, or during the embryonic stage, or perhaps as it grows into a fetus (but rarely, of course, after it leaves the womb)--they've just executed their 500th person.

52-year-old Kimberly LaGayle McCarthy died by lethal injection in January 2013 after being convicted of killing her neighbor in 1997.

4) They shoot animals with laser guns...while jogging.

Thank goodness Governor Rick Perry carries his trusty handgun with laser accessory attached when he goes out for a run. Otherwise, how would he be able to shoot coyotes out there in the Texas wilderness?

You see? Right there. A shining example of how very necessary our second-amendment rights are. 

But that is a cute puppy, though, right?

5) They totally ignore their poverty rate.

While Gov. Rick Perry brags about the falling unemployment numbers and the new job creations, he unfailingly forgets to mention that 18 percent of Texans are living in poverty. Actually, it's more like he's just ignoring it, as there has been little-to-no legislation aimed at dealing with the problem.

With all the money and jobs coming into the state, how can so many suffer poverty?

"The two biggest predictors of poverty are poor education and chronic health problems. Only about 80 percent of Texans have a high school diploma, the second lowest in the country, and Texas has the highest number of uninsured citizens," states KXAN.

I'd make a creationism joke here, but I just can't find poverty and lack of reliable education and opportunities funny.

6) They force their own legislators out of the state.

Years before Sen. Wendy Davis stood for more than 11 hours in a one-woman filibuster to stop the most over-arching abortion regulations the nation has seen in decades, Texas was running its democrats out on a rail, almost literally.

In 2003, 50 state representatives fled to Oklahoma and chilled there for as long as it took to block a redistricting bill that would have lost them at least five seats in Congress.

"Political observers say the redistricting plan before the House could mean a shift of up to five seats to the Republicans, giving them a 20-12 edge over Democrats in the Texas congressional delegation and better odds of keeping control of Congress." --CNN 

You tricky Texas republicans, you. Bet you didn't count on the amazing, vanishing democrats!

So, as you can see, women's rights take up just a small percentage of the shenanigans Texas is capable of.

Remember the Alamo, right, guys?

How to Be a Housewife and a Feminist at the Same Time

I am a housewife. Well, I have a set of four-year-old twins, so, technically, that makes me a stay-at-home mom. And I do a lot freelance for pennies from my comfy orange couch in the living room, which I suppose makes me a work-at-home mom. I also go to grad school, so I guess I, instead, could define myself as a student. A studentlike, work-while-staying-at-home mom who cooks and cleans.

To some, this immediately disqualifies me from housewifery. Oh, they say, yes, you can still be a feminist. You’ve earned it. To which I reply that I didn’t know feminism was something to be earned. You see, much like my definition of myself above, feminism is confused about what it really is, what it actually does and how to prioritize. But that’s another topic for another day. For the purposes of this article, I am a housewife. I cook all the food, clean all the things, and do all the childcare with a smile. I am a housewife. I am also a feminist. Now, there are many who don’t believe this is possible. They look at a woman staying at home with her children (perhaps she’s even taken her husband’s name) and they point. And they yell.

Your choice to stay home apparently affects the cause in such a way that you are singlehandedly unraveling it from the inside. As you go on the defensive and begin to wonder if maybe your decision to take care of your kids and house for no money is truly to blame for the income gap and lack of women’s rights in health care, you must know this: you are not the problem.

The problem is within the movement itself. When we moved on from the second-wave of feminism, the post-modernists have rightfully included personal choice in the crusade. It is the next logical step, and someday it will be looked at as a turning point. Unfortunately, that day is not today. Why would women choose to give up the power other women have worked so hard to give them? The answer is because other women have worked to give us that choice.

Now, I’m a firm believer that anyone who wants equality for women is a feminist. So, in my book, you’re most likely already in, just by existing. However, if you’re looking to be a little more active, here are some simple things you can do to be both a housewife and a feminist.

1) Be on board with your station in life. At first I wanted to say choose it and be comfortable in your choice, but the truth is, many people don’t choose to be a housewife. Staying at home is chosen for some in the same way that say, being poor or having twins is chosen (raises hand). It’s just something that happens, that makes the most sense at the time, that cannot be worked around. And if that’s the case, own it. Understand that while you may not be actively choosing to stay home, you are actively choosing to do what makes the most sense in your life. Your happiness counts for a lot; it’s a large part of the post-modern feminist movement.

2) Talk to people. I’m online a lot for my livelihood (if you count the nickel I made last week as a livelihood). Being who you are and reaching out to others in simple interactions through Facebook, the phone, or internet forums can make a greater impact than you know. I’ve found that more people change their minds about their ingrained viewpoints through gentle repetitive messages from someone they like and respect than they do when they’re shouted at intensely by feminist publications and groups.

3) Keep an eye on those publications and groups just mentioned. Being a homemaking feminist catches a person in the middle of a crossfire. As much as you can educate your friends, family and internet strangers about their unwitting submission to the patriarchal society and ideology, you can also teach your feminist leaders to re-evaluate their definition of woman strength and equality. You’re working the cause from both ends. You’re pretty much super-valuable. Believe it.

4) Do things you want to do. The reason I’m a student and an editor and a freelancer and a novelist is because I want to be. You don’t have to fit into the 1950s’ role for the housewife title anymore. On the other hand, if you are fulfilled by caring for your kids and keeping your house clean, there is nothing wrong with that. The point is, we need to stop beating ourselves up, and start taking whatever steps we can to make ourselves happy. We are women, too, after all. And if the point is empowerment for women, well, may as well start with the one you love best (hint: that’s you).

5) Talk to your children, if you have them. The most powerful way to send a message forth is into future generations. Misogyny, sexism, rape culture, and the patriarchal ideology are woven into our language, our backgrounds and everything we do. Kind, consistent words from you about others will give your children a framework of compassion and understanding. Standing up for yourself and your fellow women will show them strength and perseverance coming from the one they trust the most. Believing in them will give them the self-confidence to follow through with their ideas when the world would rather laugh at them. Correcting the seemingly minor infringements on woman equality in language, advertising, and media will give them a balanced view of the world and show them the importance of agenda setting before they’re even old enough to understand the phenomenon.

As a homemaker, stay-at-home mom or whatever you want to call yourself, you are important. You are important to yourself, to your fellow women and to the movement. You fill a unique role, personalizing the crossroads at which feminism finds itself. You prove each day how individual choice can work within the unified front of the wave instead of against it. You can be a housewife and a feminist at the same time. It’s a big job, but you can do it.




 

How to Unmask an MRA in Ten Easy Steps

In this new online world where voices of marginalized groups finally get somewhat of a chance to make themselves heard, the viewpoints that go against the dominant ideology challenge and make uncomfortable those sitting in a place of privilege. And oftentimes turn them into right assholes...or rather unveil them for what they really are. Getting the all the "buts" out of the way (I'm not racist, but; I believe in equality for women, but) is easier than ever before, and feminism seems to have the uncanny ability to strip bare these shallow repetitions of the status quo as never seen before.

I have for you an example of a men's rights activist and general ahole lurking around in regular person's clothing, who was taken to task and soon revealed his true trollish colors. It happened on my Facebook feed just a few days ago, and it's not alone. I see these exchanges almost every day in one form or another.

Without further ado, let's talk about how to unmask a jerk in just ten steps.

1) Post an article about something reasonable that forwards the perception of a marginalized group fighting for equal rights. In this case it was this Jezebel article entitled "If Your Boyfriend Thinks Your Vagina Is Repulsive, Break Up With Him."

2) Field some supportive comments from people who agree with the viewpoint. This forms "a base" against which some will invariably feel they need to take a stand. (Names are taken out because while this is reposted with the original poster's permission, it was friends only.)

• SUPPORTER1 I have been fascinated by the many different vaginas I have seen and experienced

  May 17 at 6:26pm · Like · 1
• SUPPORTER 2 Why would guys act like they are disgusting and then want to use them? I think guys can be sad sad little creatures some times!

  May 17 at 6:46pm · Like · 2
• SUPPORTER 3 If they're grossed out by vaginas, don't have sex!!  ok, in all seriousness, this is very immature of guys. I don't get grossed out by uncircumcised penises. And I especially get angry when guys ask stuff like " does your vagina stink? If so I won't go down there." I always respond with. " no, you dipshit. There's this great invention called a shower, and clearly I use it. And that's fine if you already want to carry negative thoughts about my vagina because you're not going anywhere near it." oh, how they back paddle as if they were in a canoe back paddling race and it's an Olympic sport. Too late! You failed the maturity litmus test!

  May 17 at 8:51pm via mobile · Like · 4

2) Allow a dissenter to take up arms and do not engage right away, instead stand your ground. Watch misandry turn into "mis-kevin-dry."

• DISSENTER What the actual fuck!!?? 
  This is getting out of hand

  May 17 at 8:52pm via mobile · Like
• ORIGINAL POSTER So look at someone else's facebook?

  May 17 at 8:59pm via mobile · Like · 1
• DISSENTER Well it all keeps coming up on my feed. You're a good friend, but I don't want to keep reading how much of a fucking horrible person I am just because I'm a guy.

  May 17 at 9:06pm via mobile · Like
• ORIGINAL POSTER If you think this article or anything else that I'm posting is bashing on men simply because they're men, then you clearly aren't putting that much effort into reading them. I'm a feminist, not a man hater. If you dislike it you can always hide my posts, but I'm not going to censor what I share based on whether or not you want to see it.

  May 17 at 9:08pm via mobile · Like · 3
• DISSENTER I don't expect you too. But I would expect you to be objective

  May 17 at 10:17pm via mobile · Like

3) Watch in awe as the dissenter posts links, quotes, articles or other "information" backing up his or her stance to prove you wrong about yourself. In this particular case, he happened to have a notebook full of wondrous out-of-context nonsense.

DISSENTER “I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honourable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them.” – Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor

“To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he’s a machine, a walking dildo.” -– Valerie Solanas

“I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.” — Andrea Dworkin

“Rape is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear” — Susan Brownmiller

“The more famous and powerful I get the more power I have to hurt men.” — Sharon Stone

“In a patriarchal society, all heterosexual intercourse is rape because women, as a group, are not strong enough to give meaningful consent.” — Catherine MacKinnon

“The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race.” — Sally Miller Gearhart

“Men who are unjustly accused of rape can sometimes gain from the experience.” – Catherine Comins
“All men are rapists and that’s all they are” — Marilyn French

“Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release.” — Germaine Greer.

I give you feminism at its finest. Not to mention the cases of feminists beating male children at daycare centres simply because they are male. Or the one that smeared a babies dirty nappy all over its face simply because it was a boy. 
What a wonderful group of people, huh?

Impressive, no?

4) Gently (or not so gently) correct this strawman, and bring the dissenter back to the point he was originally trying to make (in this case that feminists hate him personally, apparently). Show him again the point and where he's missing it.

• SUPPORTER 2 I don't see anything about this article bashing men simply because they are men. It's addressing a very real issue present in dating, relationships, and marriage that some men view female genitals as gross, yet expect sex and expect women to pleasure them. It has way more to do with maturity issues and irony. There's nothing about this article saying ALL men are like this, nothing. There are some, absolutely. And I think it's perfectly fair to say if a guy is grossed out by a woman's vagina then she has every right to leave the relationship. I mean, c'mon. I would be an asshole if I told a guy to get a circumcision because his foreskin grossed me out..... are you assuming here that all feminists smear poop in boys' faces? C'mon, seriously dude. You're asking her to not bash all men. But aren't you kinda calling the kettle black by making statements such as "what a wonderful group of people, huh?"

  May 17 at 10:30pm · Edited · Unlike · 7
• SUPPORTER 4 Um, what is happening.

  May 17 at 10:31pm · Like · 2
• SUPPORTER 5 where do i even start with this incredible tomfuckery. its like beautiful gem of tomfuckery

  May 17 at 10:31pm · Like · 4
• SUPPORTER 5 i said tomfuckery twice, thats how speechless i am at this BoH (TM)

  May 17 at 10:31pm · Like · 6
• Darlena Mariani Cunha Unless you've personally called a vagina that belongs to a woman you're seeing repulsive, I'm not sure how this is directed at you...

  May 17 at 10:32pm · Like · 5

Darlena Mariani Cunha Also, you're kind of being a little silly here when you list out a half dozen quotes and bring up two individual cases...so eight people total...and then call all feminists that. What a lovely group of people, you say. But isn't that what your original point was about? How people (feminists in particular) shouldn't say you personally are a bad person because you're a man? Well, I'm not a poop-smearing-on-a-baby ahole just because I'm a feminist, so it'd be rad if you took me out of that grouping. tyfyt

5) Allow a bit of a dogpile because we just went from vaginas aren't repulsive, to feminists hate men, to feminists smear feces on male babies in .2 seconds. (Or whatever large gaps in logic are taking place in your particular argument.)

• SUPPORTER 5 like what even is this bullshit, apparently its "anti men" to not want to be in a relationship with some douche who finds your genitalia repulsive? if some guy told me my cunt looked repulsive, the muffin shop would be closed SO FAST.

  May 17 at 10:39pm · Like · 6
• SUPPORTER 2 exactly!!!!! How the hell did this even become an anti men issue????

  May 17 at 10:41pm · Like · 4
• SUPPORTER 5 because feces in the face
  or something

  May 17 at 10:42pm · Unlike · 6
• SUPPORTER 2 Oh yeah, that's like my regular Saturday activity. Thanks for reminding me to go collect dirty diapers from the Wal-Mart dumpster for my Saturday slinging. *rolls eyes.*

  May 17 at 10:43pm · Like · 3
• SUPPORTER 2 Because obviously if I expect basic and mutual respect in a relationship and to be treated like a human being I MUST be a child abusing, poop smearing, feminist devil. ARE YOU SERIOUS, DUDE?!?!?!!?

  May 17 at 10:45pm · Like · 3
• SUPPORTER 5 EQUAL RIGHTS AND EQUAL PAY = poop smearing child beaters. trufax

  May 17 at 10:45pm · Like · 4

6) At this point, the dissenter will most likely bring up another specific example that has nothing to do with the actual point and try to apply it where it doesn't belong.

DISSENTER Feminists never seem to condone the wrongful actions of women and always seem to defend then. The best example of this was Andrea Yates – who drowned her 5 children in a bathtub. In 2001 the NOW president Patricia Ireland exclaimed that Yates had “Revealed America as a patriarchal society" where "women are imprisoned at home with their children.”,

7) Show him what these things he is saying look like in real life.

• SUPPORTER 6 You know what guyz, fuck it I hate men cause a man said I do! He mansplained my ass!

  May 17 at 11:00pm · Unlike · 4
• SUPPORTER 7 Tell me more, please. I can't think for myself because I have a gross baginer.

  May 17 at 11:00pm · Like · 6
• SUPPORTER 2 My baginer throws poop at babies apparently.

  May 17 at 11:01pm · Unlike · 7
• SUPPORTER 2 And drowns children......

  May 17 at 11:02pm · Unlike · 6
• SUPPORTER 7 Penises = My disgust even tho I'm hetero! I just can't look at them!!!

  May 17 at 11:02pm · Like · 2

8) Finally come around to engaging in this little argument aside from the point because the other person is just so wrong.

• SUPPORTER 2  look up what happens to baby girls in India and all over the world, and how many girls are abandoned to die of exposure simply because they are girls.

  May 17 at 11:18pm · Like · 4
• SUPPORTER 6 Like women. EVERYDAY. 
  "In the US 91% of rape victims are female and 9% are male, and 99% of rapists are male."
  Almost all rape is committed by men.

  May 17 at 11:18pm · Like · 2
• SUPPORTER 6 MRA's, go join them, embrace them, they are your people. Neckbeard 4 LYFE.

  May 17 at 11:19pm · Like · 2
• SUPPORTER 7 Or how many women are raped, assaulted, killed all over the world...Domestic abuse is always a fun topic, too, because, you know, men endure it just as much as women!

  May 17 at 11:20pm · Like · 1

9) And at this point, you've usually got him.

DISSENTER You guys should be focusing less on your daddy issues and more on becoming a good cook for your future husband (I'd say chef, but we know that's a male thing ;)). 
I mean god, one day you might have sons and they're going to grow up to be the bread-winners for yet another housewife. How are they going to ever do that if they think women are some kind of equal? 

Here's my advice; Tell your daddy's/uncles/grandfathers that you forgive them. Treat yourself, go to a spa, get your underarms shaved, put some deodorant on and a dress and go and let a nice man pay for your dinner. You'll feel much better, I promise.

10) Now, you may think he's just being facetious, so allow the discourse to continue, just to make sure.

• SUPPORTER 6 Well, if telling women their vaginas are gross works for you? You go on with your wormy little self.
  AH HAHAHAHAHA!

  May 17 at 11:26pm · Like · 1
• SUPPORTER 6 BBL, lerning 2 cook for my future hubsand.

  May 17 at 11:27pm · Like · 1
• DISSENTER I love vaginas! It's just feminist ones are a little hard to see through all the hair and shame.

  May 17 at 11:28pm via mobile · Like · 1

• DISSENTER Relax girls. Lol. By the way, is it daddy or the boyfriend paying for your internets?

  May 17 at 11:34pm via mobile · Like · 1
• SUPPORTER 7 Yes, all girls have men pay for their utilities. That makes perfect sense. NO!

  May 17 at 11:35pm · Like · 1
• DISSENTER Actually in regards to the violence against women, the statistics say that 30% of women killed are murdered by their boyfriends/husbands. 
  So... 30% of women should have just shut the fuck up?

  May 17 at 11:38pm via mobile · Like

Conclusion? End friendship.

ORIGINAL POSTER Wow. You know, I think I gave you too much credit. Way too much. I weep for your daughter. Thanks for showing me who the fuck you actually are, so I didn't spend any extra time agonizing with the decision to remove you from my friends list. Seriously, I don't know what the fuck made me think we were friends when all you ever do anymore is talk shit on my posts and stir up drama. Way to be a total and absolute tool. You give men a bad name.

And there you have it. How to out a complete jerk in ten easy steps. Look out for them on your own list.