Nicole Arbour: Jenna Marbles wants her delivery back

So, I've stayed away from that Canadian Youtube comedian who months ago decided to be really edgy (as in not edgy at all) and pick on women daring to post photos of themselves in a way they find attractive, and just recently decided to go so much edgier (as in not even close to edgy) and pick on fat people.

Because it's stupid and boring and I didn't want to write about it. So, I'm not going to. I shared a great response by Lindy West, and an awesome video response by Melanie Greeke, and I'd hoped that would be the end of it.

But alas.

I cannot stand by while everyone talks about Nicole Arbour, and no one talks about how she completely lifted her entire persona from Jenna Marbles. She is literally a much worse version of one of the first woman Youtube comedians. Why is no one talking about that? You can't just steal a person's entire Internet persona, sap it of anything that was funny, and make it mean and lacking in intelligence without facing some kind of consequence. Or can you?

Think about it. The quick edits where she is one one side of the screen then the other? The makeup? The way she edits as if she's having a conversation with herself as a group? The voices to indicate other partners in the conversation of one? The intersection of movement and straight monologue?

Hell, what about her pronunciation? Her cadence? Last time I checked, only one of them was from Boston. The way she does little asides in different tones. Her body movements? Heck, her very eye movements. Her whole facial repertoire.

She is copying Jenna Marbles right down to the molecular level.

Except she doesn't actually have Marbles' secret, which is to include yourself in the bit.

Funny: "If you're ugly like me, have no fear, there are steps you can take to be good-looking, kinda."

Not funny: "They complain, and they smell like sausages. . .Crisco was coming out of their pores."

Funny: "Now it's time for your eye makeup. I like to use black because it says, 'I'm a whore.' The goal is to make yourself look nothing like yourself.

Not funny: "I actually took his fat, and I pushed it back into his seat, and I held it in place."

In Arbour's version of comedy, she is the hilarious, ill-fated hero. In Marbles' version of comedy, she is the object of which she is making fun. Huge difference.

I'm not going to talk about the similarities or differences anymore because there is nothing left to say. Click on these two youtube videos. See for yourself. It is insane how similar the delivery is. And how different the content is based on where it's projected.







There are other Marbles' videos that are even more in line with Arbour's delivery, but I don't feel like finding them. Maybe the one where she talks about female athletes and their boobs. I don't know. Don't really care.

The important thing is: Not only is Nicole Arbour offensive, petty and not funny, she's also a damn copycat.

I can make a not funny video in Jenna Marbles' style, too. Maybe I will someday soon.

Backseat parenting at its worst

This video has been going around and it's very popular, having been viewed nearly 10 million times at this point.

It is the private moment of a boy who looks to be about nine years old, totally freaking the fuck out.

His seatbelt is off, he's screaming and kicking, repeating "I don't want to go". Meanwhile, his mother is driving on, as calmly as they can. It sounds, in the video, as if she says at one point that they are going to therapy.

The video itself is a mess, an affront to individual privacy of a family, or more a child (since the passenger in the vehicle recorded it, and then the mother laughs about it being uploaded...which it then was).

On one level, I understand the taking of the video. My kids can freak out like that (although not often, thank God). But I've had them throw themselves off doctor's cots and split their knees open in a clinic setting while screaming their heads off in a tantrum. I've had to cancel Halloween. I certainly am no stranger to getting my back kicked in when my children are at their worst and we're driving somewhere. They are always strapped in, though. I will stop the damn car and yell at them until they buckle those belts back up. But can I judge someone else for not doing that? Maybe she just couldn't anymore. I don't know her life. My kids once OPENED the door as we were driving, and when I locked them again, they unlocked them to attempt to do it again before they used the brains in their heads and freaking stopped that nonsense.

The point is, I consider my kids to be neurotypical if incredibly spirited. I might be wrong. Time will tell, but as far as being able to function on a daily basis, they do just fine. But they can throw a tantrum like the one in this video at the drop of a hat.

Would I want 10 million internet strangers telling me to spank, whup, or crack my kids' asses? Nope. Would I want them talking about what a horrible parent I was and what a merciless brat I'd raised? Nope. Would I want to be the catalyst for 10 million huge jerks to wax poetic about how they were raised...on the end of a wooden spoon? Definitely not.

This mother was not setting herself for a crash course in internet troll parenting, and yet, with the video uploaded and shared, what else could have possibly happened? That is a family at its lowest moment. And so, the child aside, I would beg everyone just sit the fuck down. Not your monkey. Not your circus.

Now let's get to the main point of this post, though, and that is that this child's privacy has been violated for life. What was a 10-minute lapse of judgement on his part (assuming he is neurotypical), or a flare up of a condition over which he has no control, is now an unending stream of video which will follow him when he's 12, 16, 25, 50. That video is forever. And so are the comments ridiculing him, mocking him, and criticizing him. Is that an appropriate punishment for his behavior?

No.

Is that an appropriate punishment for ANY behavior?

No.

So a couple take-home messages here:

To the parents of that child: Never, ever, ever upload videos like that of your children. You never know what is going to go viral. So many times only your closest friends and confidantes take a look, but then there are times like this, when the internet catches on and spreads it around as if it were not your living, breathing child on the screen. As if it were not your parenting choices on display in public. As if you were two-dimensional, fictional creatures. But you are not, and he is not. Think twice.

To the internet commenters: Shut up. You don't know their life. Yes, that belt absolutely should have been strapped. Any other comment you have about beating children or what a brat the child is? Save it. You do not know what is going on there. You don't know what that child or those parents are actually dealing with. You've seen 90 seconds of someone's worst. If you really have to feel superior about that, you are a small, sad person.

To the child: I am so sorry. Most likely this will get buried in the Internet archives and no one will dig it up when you're applying to colleges. Anyway, calming down would be rad, but if you can't or you just didn't that one time, no biggie. All we can do is try again, right? Tomorrow is another day, no matter what the internet says.

Moment of the Week - Most Adorable Pledge of Allegiance Ever

These two are amazing.










 

Fitness Corner - Body Combat 47 Track 3 Make U Mine

Okay, we tried a second one. This one is easier because it's punches, not kicks. If you want to look silly at home, like me, BC is the way to go!




 

Moment of the Week - 140: Baby Bicep Curls

Sometimes having small children can help in your weekly workout. LOL.






 

Moment of the Week - 138: "Reading"

Some kids can already read. Mine are interested by not quite there yet. They're working on it. For now, they "read" the pictures, and make up stories for each other.

 

Putting Delta Gamma to Sound

So, I read this article / email this afternoon, and I've been ruminating on it.

For those who didn't immediately click on it, it's a diatribe against members of a sorority who apparently are not being social enough with their partner fraternity, and boy, did the leader tell them about themselves.

Tomorrow a bunch of us are going to define what feminism means to each of us as individuals. Why? Because feminism, especially in its third wave, with all the "personal, individual choice" involved gets muddy and convoluted.

Reading this article really put some thoughts into my head about it. On the one hand, I laughed and laughed. Wow. I mean, really. Best thing I've read this week, probably. And I'm sure it's not going to affect every girl with the "internalized misogyny" (Anne Theriault, 2013) spewed all over the place. But it will affect some. And the sorority itself is cringing. Talk about "horrible PR," poor Julia's rant is sure to get her kicked out of the club (do they call them that? IDEK about sororities).

Let me copy a few choice phrases from it, and below, well, there's a video of a dramatic reading I did of the email which is NOT safe for work, and NOT safe for your kids. I have a piss-poor sorority voice, but then again, who said they all had to have high-pitched feminine voices, right? Women are women, yes?

I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. 

Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. 

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. 

Without further ado:





(PS - This was kind of fun. HAH)

Even more fun? Their hacked page.



 

Moment of the Week - 137: Princess Fairy Dance Party

The girls dancing in full costume to This Girl is on Fire. Pretty cute, these girls...

 

Ultimate Blog Party - 2013

Participating in the ever-popular Ultimate Blog Party this year (and you should, too!)

 

This year, it looks like Parenting, Illustrated with Crappy Pictures is super-involved, which gives me warm fuzzies, not only because she is hilarious, but also because she judged one of my posts to be the best of the best over at Mum's Lounge last month. Which would probably be a good place for me to start.

This blog is full of Pinterest Fails (sometimes resulting in Shiny Bacon Vaginas (Meghan Millard, 2013)).

Plate of Fail and Shame

Sometimes, I'll come up with the one brilliant phrase I'll ever have in my life and slap it on an e-card. Then that card will literally go viral, and I will throw an internet tantrum about it because He-ey! That was supposed to bring me traffic! Not you! (I hang out with a lot of four year olds. Tantruming is how I roll.) But it's also a pretty good piece on why you should always brand your stuff, no matter how big or small you are.

Yeah, that was me. Bet you didn't know it, huh?

Pee Ess - Go visit my Facebook page where I put up slightly less (but still really) hilarious stuff all the time!

Sometimes I get serious, particularly over issues like marriage equality. This piece was just accepted by Offbeat Families for re-publication. It's the story of my friends who got married and adopted their own family after fostering...all because Connecticut allows people to be people.

Every once in a while, I'll take on a big guy who will totally ignore me. This rant against Frank Bruni and his "Baffled Hymn of a Childless Bystander" was featured on BlogHer last week.



Last, but certainly not least, I'm always good for posting videos of my kids being hilarious brats whom I love dearly!



Which reminds me, I should probably run a brief introduction!

Hi, I'm Darlena. I'm a mom of four-year-old identical twin girls. Here's my family:

When I'm not blogging or parenting, I'm also a novelist, and I had two books come out last month, so if you're into romances, check out Ninette Swann! Somewhere in there I find time to go to grad school for mass communications. I'll let you know how that turns out. Oh! And here's me:

Moment of the Week - 136: Fake Phone Convo

My kid has a fake conversation with herself over breakfast, imitating phone speak excellently. haha


 



 

Moment of the Week - 134: Acrobats!

Trapeze artist teaches the girls some moves~!

 


 

Moment of the Week - 131: Heavy Slippers

Yes, she'll take dessert. But she will eat it while she rides, okay?

 

Moment of the Week - 128: So Many Ways to Tickle

So many ways to tickle...




 

Moment of the Week - 126: Kiss Attack!

I should just rename these "Carlos loves his girls." Haha.

 

Moment of the Week - 125: Ultimate Fighting

The kids are insistent on improving their street fighting skills. Daddy is a willing participant. He gets his butt handed to him, though!

 

Moment of the Week - 123: Kung Fu!

Nothing says bed time like a little Kung Fu! First Natalina, then Dulce.

 

Moment of the Week - 118: Daddy Dance Party

A miscommunication can totally ruin the ending. LOL

 

Moment of the Week - 117: Jugglers Extraordinaire!

The girls show off their juggling skills. They're...something. LOL

And here's Dulce's grand finale:

 

Moment of the Week - 109 - A Kitchen Show

Natalina puts on a show for Dulce to make her feel better. In rain boots.

Moment of the Week - 97: Wrestling!

A family wresting session of giggles.

 ___
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