Rasputin pwns the twins

Thought I'd pop in a movie for my poor, sick kids, so I could clean the kitchen and write this blog.

Wrong. Instead, this happened:


"Mom, is the bat a good guy?"

"He doesn't seem to hate Anastasia, he must be good?"

"How can Rasputin tear his whole body apart?"

"How is he bad?"

"If he can't die, like in the beginning, mom, how come he can die at the end?"

"How can bats come out of his body? I just want you to tell me why? And what is selling your soul? And who is the devil? If Anastasia's grandmother killed him, then how could he sell his soul?"

"What even is a soul? Is hell bad? Where is his blood? Is Rasputin an alien?"

"Why does he hate Anastasia? I don't understand. He looks like a person. Are you telling me he's not a person? Why does he still look like a person then? WHY DOE HIS BODY KEEP COMING APART? Mom. MOM."

"If he's already dead, how can he die again? Is he dead? Is he a zombie? The bad guy, well, is everything broken? His mustache, his lips, his eyes, even his butt?"

"Why would the devil want souls? I don't think the devil is in this movie? Do I have a soul? Can I sell it?"

"Why is the bad guy trying to kill Anastasia? He should be trying to kill the grandma."

"Why is that boy sad now? Why is he scared about Anastasia being a princess?"

"Now she's wearing dresses all the time. When is she going to be in shirt and pants again? Do princesses always wear dresses? Can I wear whatever I want all the time, too? Why aren't I a princess, mommy?"
...

Guess I'll go do the dishes and tidy up instead.





 

Preschool Pointers - 42: Hear the Real Question

Problem:

You've said something, and your kids won't let it go. "What did you say?" they ask. "What did you say?" You repeat yourself to no avail. They get frustrated, and so do you. Are they deaf? Aside from the obvious answer, which is yes. No. They're not. They're just not understanding the concept behind what you have said.

Sometimes they'll give you a clue, and ask specifically what a particular word means. But even then frustration can occur. It frequently goes like this:

"Mama, why is that guy on the roof?"
"He's cleaning the gutters."
"What's a gutters?"
"They're like opened pipes that catch the rain and divert it to the ground safely."
"What's divert?"
"They make a path for the water to go through."
"How?"
"When the rain comes down, it slides down the roof, and collects in the gutters, the open pipes, and then flows down to the ground."
"Why?"
"...I don't know."
"What don't you know? Why don't you know that?"
"I don't know."
"But why, mommy? And also, what does open pipe mean?"
"Well, that's not really what they are at all, it's just--Ugh, I can't."
...
"But why?"

So, what do you do?


Solution:

For the first scenario, try to find the question behind the question. It's not that they didn't hear you (at least not after the second time). So what is it they are trying to understand. Try to answer the question they didn't ask. Not changing your answer to find something acceptable to them (which I sometimes do, by accident), but changing your words so that they might understand them more easily. They'll appreciate consistent content but more easily digestible explanations.

For the second scenario, do not give up.

They will absolutely ask you questions until you are dizzy and you don't know what you are talking about. Don't worry about it. We can't know everything, and I've found that my kids' crazy questions can open up new knowledge for me, or change my way of thinking, even, by forcing me to examine the reasons behind why I think certain things work the way they do.

Keep answering them. It lets them know their questions are important, that they are important. It keeps their curiosity alive. When you get to a place where you really don't know the answer, look it up. If you can't at that moment, assure your kids you will, and follow up with them.

Don't brush these learning opportunities aside. Yes, they can be annoying, but the longterm outcomes are worth it.



 

Toddler Tricks - 88: Stop Talking

Problem: You're talking again. And again and again and again. It's not your fault. You've been programmed. You know that why you answer one question, another is coming, and then another, and another after that. You've done this dance so many times that you can even anticipate the odd tangents your child's questions will take. So you just cut them off at the pass. However, the more you talk, the more the kids have as fodder to take issue with. The more you talk, the more likely you are to incur the illogical toddler wrath of doom. And the more you talk, the less likely it is that you'll know which one of your ridiculous statements set them off.

As an example, yesterday, Natalina asked me if we were going outside.

"No, we can't go outside because you're still sick, and  it's kind of smoky out there, from the wildfires in North Florida, not here, so we don't have to worry about fire, but smoke travels a long, long way, and smoke can really hurt your throat and your throat is already sore from the sickness, plus your not feeling well and running around out there will probably really tire you out when you need to recover. Also, it might rain, and if it does that, you'll be wet and miserable, and we can't use our raincoats and rain boots because it's cold out there today, so it's not like in the summer time when we can jump in puddles."

First of all, I don't like talking for ten minutes. Secondly, she didn't ask me any of that, I just am so used to her doing so that I launched into it without giving her the chance. Third, why the heck am I talking about puddles by the end? Fourth, she only asked me if we could go outside again right after a finished talking. Fifth, I was actually quite lucky she didn't pick one of those fragments to tantrum about. I certainly gave her enough to work with.

Solution: Shut up.

No, seriously, your tangential answers may have sufficed in the beginning, but now they're not doing you any favors. Let your kid ask the next question. Maybe she will, or maybe she'll surprise you and accept the first answer. But not only are you talking up a storm of ridiculousness all by your lonesome, you're also stopping your child's creative process. The asking of follow-up questions, as annoying as the 80th one is, shows critical thinking on your child's part. If you circumvent that, they don't get a chance to process your answer and think through their own alternatives. Reaching out and connecting thoughts is important at this age, as is learning how to bargain and think their way out of tough situations. Don't hamper it. It's better to be quieter than to talk for 30 minutes straight.

Toddler Tricks - 51: Why Ask Why?

Problem: Your child has reached the age where everything is a question. They need to know about every menial task and action from the end result all the way back to the root of the idea. Usually this happens with "why." They can ask why, forever. There is almost nothing that stops the why. So what can you do other than invest in earplugs?

Solution: Take them seriously. Now, this is going to take place approximately a million times a day, so you won't be able to play every questioning jag out to its conclusion without most likely losing your mind, but as often as you can, answer them with the next answer, and the next answer, and the next answer. If you think of it as a game, yourself, and one that doesn't involve you down on your knees chasing them around, the whys really aren't so bad. It's sometimes fun to see where the train of thought will go. Be truthful, or as truthful as you can when you answer. They're not asking to bother you. They're asking because they want to know, and if you can give them enough attention so that they know you're taking them seriously, they'll give your answers due attention, so that when you actually get down to the nitty-gritty details, they'll usually be so astounded that they chill out and think about it for a while, giving you at least a ten minute break. Here's an example of this:

Dulce: "Why go bed, mama?"
Me: "Because it's nighttime."
Dulce: "Why nighttime?"
Me: "Because it's dark out."
Dulce: "Why dark?"
Me: "Because the sun went down."
Dulce: "Why sun go-ded down?"
Me: "Because the Earth rotates around the sun. Like this. See my finger? My fist here is the sun, and the Earth, which is this finger over here, turns on its axis, so that this side during the day faces the sun...that's the side we're on...but it keeps turning around so that eventually this side...the side we're on...no longer faces the sun and we can't see it. And without the sun, it's dark. And these little circles happen over and over again until we get back to this same spot around the sun next year. See?"
Dulce: "Oh, okay."


Problem: You really don't have the time or the patience on that particular day to go around and around with your child, no matter how enthusiastic they are. You need an alternate answer to BECAUSE so that you don't end up shouting it at them.

Solution: Let them get a few why questions out so that they don't feel like you are shutting them down right away. Then instead of saying "because" or "because I said so," answer them with a question so that they have something to think about as the game ends. This gives them power and leaves them pondering.  Here's an example.

Dulce: "Whadda dooding?"
Me: "Cleaning the kitchen."
Dulce: "Why clean the kitchen?"
Me: "Because it has to be clean before daddy gets home."
Dulce: "Why hafta clean before daddy home?"
Me: "Because we make it dirty."
Dulce: "Why make it dirty?"
Me: "Because we do all the cooking in here."
Dulce: "Why do cooking?"
Me: "So we can eat."
Dulce: "Why eat?"
Me: "So we can live."
Dulce: "Why live?"
Me: "Why not?"

End of conversation.

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