Worn Out, but What Do You Do All Day?

I'm worn out.

There, I said it.

I'm tired.

I want to play with my kids more, but I don't have the time.

I work from home, and the deadlines pile up, deadlines for little if any money. And at every turn there's another employer beckoning for my attention, threatening to pull the plug on the relationship, wondering, 'why can't you just do this for me NOW? You're sitting at home while I'm at the office, working my ass off. Why don't you write, or edit, or research, or blog for me somewhere between your morning bath, your soap operas and bon bons and your third cup of coffee taken leisurely on the porch?'

As if my time is meaningless. As if the tasks I perform are worth less than the nothingness I get paid. As if I'm on vacation.

This is no vacation, people. This is my life. And I love it, I do, but I'm tired, and my priorities belong to my children. I know that's not going to make me successful in this world. I get it, I do. But I am stretched to my limit. I work all through nap, all through Sesame St., all through the hours after bedtime to get your assignments into you, and they get there, don't they?

Yes. They do.

And I know I'm whining, but how many other mothers feel the same pressures with different specifics? My bet is almost all of them. Having young children is not a magical playland for adults. It disrupts life as we know it, for most of us.

Just now, in fact, I had to leave this post to help my daughter use the bathroom in the middle of her nap. I took care of a tantrum, of her sister that had awoken and sang to them. It took a half hour. Will they go back to sleep? I doubt it. Nap time work time gone.

Anyway, I'm not saying to allow me to turn in shoddy work, or go past deadline, I'm just asking for a little more slack, a little less condescension. Understand that I can't show up to your business in person to interview you unless you want two three year olds tagging along. Know that email works best for me, not because I don't like you, but because no one wants to hear a tantrum on the other end of the phone, right?

And I know what you are saying. 'So, then, just quit a few of those things.'

It's hard to understand, but I just can't. I can't and I don't want to. I already feel marginalized enough in my current role. At least if I have to do 50 things for 50 different people, I'll feel as if I've done something. Anything. I can't give up. I can't admit defeat. I will not. One of these enterprises is going to get me on my feet, is going to get me back into the working world when I have to go. I must be prepared. And since I don't know which job it's going to be, I need them all. I need you, employers. Yes, I do.

And let's not forget that none of this would be possible if I didn't have a partner who understands that the house won't be immaculate, even though I'm home and should be on top of it.

Whether it's keeping a home, freelancing your time while you watch your little ones, or running back and forth to the office, wondering how your children's days are going, every parent of young kids is under enormous pressure.

Sometimes, in fact, we feel so rundown that we can't even manage a coherent blog post that's not us whining about how hard it is.

Sorry about that. I'll be back tomorrow, chipper as ever. I promise.

Recipe Monday - Pumpkin Cheesecake Bites

I got this recipe from my friend Cassie, just a few days ago. They came out so well that my husband is already talking about "the next time" I make them. Haha. Now, trust me, you can make better-looking bites than this. I was using muffin papers that were too big!

1 can pumpkin pie mix (the kind that already has spices in it)

1 can sweet condensed milk

3 eggs

1 package cream cheese (room temp)

1 cup sugar

Pinch salt

1 package ginger snaps (I used Maria biscuits and graham crackers, just a half of a quarter at the bottom of each cupcake wrapper; they rise to the top in deliciousness)

 (Oh, when I took this photo, I was going to try Oreos in some of them. But then the girls woke up and ate the Oreos.)

This makes 24.

Cream together all ingredients except the cookies.

Line cupcake tin with papers.

Drop one cookie in the bottom of each cupcake liner.

Fill with mixture.

Bake at 425f for 15 minutes then reduce oven to 350f and bake for 10 to 15 minutes or until firm.

Put them in the fridge and enjoy! (I put the cookie in only half of them, not sure which way would taste better. Go with the graham. Seriously.)

Moment of the Week - 67: Waltzing with Toddlers

My husband used to be a disco champion. He still breaks out his moves every once in a while.

Toddler Tricks - 67: Keeping the Clothes in the Dresser

Problem: You've got an inquisitive one year old and she loves to play with her clothes, meaning toss them out on the floor and laugh about it. Or you've got a mischievous two year old, always finding a way to cause trouble. Piles of clothes strewn about? No problem for her. And in my case, that one year old and two year old morphs into a headstrong three year old who wants to pick out her own clothing in the morning, but can't get the article she needs without going through every option...all clothes ending up, you guessed it, on the floor.

Solution: Well, we tried one of those plastic, childproofing devices for cabinetry. The twins broke it in less than two weeks. Snapped it in two. The one thing that has worked for us through the years is a sundress.

Yes. We "lock" the dresser using a sundress.

When I first picked this hand-me-down to use, the girls were so small, I couldn't imagine them ever fitting into it. And they've never worn it, even though by now it'd be too small for them. It's remained my steadfast companion and warrior in clothing-keeper-inner style.

Something about the give of the material when they pull on it keeps them from being able to untie the knot (so far). It's too spongy for their fingers to pry. And they can pull and pull without breaking the dress or opening the door. And the impact of the force is muffled, again by the give of the material, so that they'll not be able to tip the heavy dresser over on themselves. It's brilliant, really. It's saved me hours of refolding.

Plus, I can hear when someone perhaps wants to change her shirt. The knocking of the doors together alerts me. Then I can go in and supervise, while letting my child feel independent enough to make her own choice and do it for herself.

All I do it loop on of the straps through the back and tie it to the other strap in two regular knots. Easily clean.

Identical Clothing Only Please

That’s it. I give up. I am never buying non-identical clothing again. I don’t care if the people stare or think I’m “that mom.” Do I think it’s cute? No. I think it’s stupid. But it doesn’t matter what I think. It only matters that I’ll not be able to think at all soon, what with the fuss every morning.

How one child asking for a polka dot coat sends the other into a tailspin until she also has a polka coat is beyond me. And then the first coat isn’t good enough anymore for the original asker. No. Then the original asker needs the pink polka dot coat that goes with the white polka dot coat that you picked out for the second one. You get the coat. You think it's over.

The winner

Is it over? No, of course not.

Then the twin wearing the white polka dot coat wants the pink polka dot coat that the original is now wearing. And we don’t have two pink polka dot coats. I’m not sure when she’s going to stop screaming and come out of her room. I’m not sure I care when she does. At least the screams are muffled in there.

The reject, crumpled on the floor

Over a coat. An ugly, polka dot coat. Really, girls?