It's Not You

Okay, so when it comes to your kids in the overall scheme of things, as they develop their personalities over time, it is you. It's mostly you. Their habits, responses and actions will take flight from the base of your example, barring extenuating circumstances. As a parent, it's your job to ensure that your kids are equipped to handle the problems of the world around them in as healthy a way as possible. This is no small task. No pressure.

That being said, their day-to-day shenanigans are not always your fault, so stop beating yourself up. Continue with an even hand at the tiller and as much compassion and consistency as you can muster through both the good and bad times, but don't think you've failed if your kids don't respond accordingly. If they're my kids' age, it's par for the course, and it's not your fault. Okay, okay, maybe that's just what I'm telling myself.

Anyway, this comes from watching my twins on the daily and constantly feeling like I'm letting them down, like I'm not engaging them enough, like they're usually upset because I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm raising hellions, and they deserve better.

Usually, my kids will be good - really, really good - for a period of weeks or even months. When that happens, I feel like I'm on top of the world, like whatever issues I had, I clearly thought around and made up for with my awesome parenting prowess.

No sooner than I'm feeling somewhat better about myself as a parent, do things go straight in the toilet. The tantrums start up again, the arguing, the fighting, the disobedience. And it continues. And it continues. And I start to worry. What have I done wrong now? How are my actions causing this? Where is my parenting handbook that will teach me how to make my children happy?

These phases last usually two weeks or so, and they erase the memory of the good times. Or, if I'm lucky, a faint memory remains, only to be tinted by the in-my-face fact that that was then, and this is now. I try to think back. What did I change? The answer is nothing. I didn't do a thing differently, other than adjust to their quickly developing natures.

The bad times always last just a day or two longer than I think I can bear. I'm always sure if it goes on for another day, it will be the end of me. And then it goes on for another day, and I somehow survive, only to think the same thing about the next day.

And then, like a switch, it changes. My sweet, well-behaved, laughing, playing, creative, funny, intelligent children come back.

We're on day two of the good times. I hope it lasts forever, but I have my doubts. I will, though, most certainly try to remember all the other times this cycle has happened in this house, and I will try to grit my teeth through the bad times, be consistent, and carry on until the good comes back again.

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Tales of an Unlikely Mother is on Babble.com. We're number 14, just scroll down and click on the thumbs up!

Things Should Cost What They Cost

I can't coupon. I'm too stupid to coupon. It's true. Any time I try to save myself some money - be it by using discount codes or signing up for junk mail to get a special deal - I mess it up, end up paying at least full price, and wasting hours of my time. Then I get the glorious after-effects, which usually involve five emails a day trying to entice me to buy more crap I don't need for prices I won't get.

I even managed to mess up Groupon. Somehow I signed up for Orlando Groupon. I don't live in Orlando. Not to mention, I never even bought anything through them, meaning I'm getting their deals (ie. junk mail) in my box three or four times a day and I never even saved 90 percent on anything ever.

I tried to get reward points through Southwest when I bought tickets to Connecticut. But I didn't feel like I got enough of them for the major purchase I made (four tickets.) So I went back and ordered them all separately, thinking if I used my name on each separate purchase, I would get points for each one. Nope. You only get points on purchases made with your information for yourself. Now, had I read the instructions thoroughly, I probably would have seen something somewhere about that. But I didn't. So, now I have four different itinerary numbers, four different tickets, I had to sign off on my kids because they can't "fly alone." The whole thing took me an extra ninety minutes to coordinate.

I can't coupon.

It is most likely because of this that I feel things should cost what they cost. If something costs X amount of dollars to make with material and labor, and you need to make Y percentage of profit to keep your business afloat, then the combination of X and Y should be what that item costs the consumer.

I don't want to play games with you. I don't want to clip little slips of paper, scour the internet for codes, go through manufacturer deals, store deals and outside party deals to pay for your item. To pay what your item should have cost in the first place.

And you're right. Sometimes you'll give out Coke for 3 cents a bottle, or mustard for a nickel and those products do cost more to make. But I don't care about that. In fact, I would ask that you just not do that because the reason you are able to pull stunts like that is because you've been overcharging me for other products for years and you have enough padding to gimmick it up. Just charge me what it cost you to create the product plus what you need for profit margin and I will buy what I need, okay?

This is in no way bashing those who can and do use coupons regularly. It's not against the extreme couponers who get a million items and the store pays them. That's great. This is the way the world is, and you have cashed in.

But for those of us (and maybe it's just me) too impatient and too stupid to figure out the savings schemes, sign up for the right deals, and win the right contests, can things just cost what they cost?

I really feel that things should cost what they cost.


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Please consider voting for me here! And if you really love me...Babble is the most important ranking to me, and I'd love you forever.  xxoo

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Moment of the Week - 44: Gone Fishin'

For four dollars you can buy hours of twin fun and twin fights. My husband teaches them to fish for the first time.

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Please consider voting for me here! And if you really love me...Babble is the most important ranking to me, and I'd love you forever.  xxoo

Tales of an Unlikely Mother is on Babble.com. We're number 14, just scroll down and click on the thumbs up!

Toddler Tricks - 44: Toddler Portions

Ways to Trick your Baby:

Problem: Your child sees some food that she wants. Or, rather, your child sees some food that she thinks she wants. She really only wants one bite of it, if that. Then she wants the next one, and the next one, and the next one. All for just one bite, of course.

Solution: Make the portions baby-sized. Cut the food into one-bite pieces. That way, even if your child takes just a small bite of the bite, there's less waste. I find my kids will take a bite and want the next one. I'll tell them to finish what they have first. With the small portion, that seems easy to do, so they finish it. If the piece they have left is too big, they'll carry it around because they want to finish it for the next one, but they never quite get around to eating it. If I'm not super-vigilant, I'll find it a few days later behind the TV or something.


Ways Your Baby Tricks You:

Problem: Your child doesn't want her food cut. She wants the whole thing.

Solution: Don't let her see you cut it. If she complains about the pre-cut portions, tell her that's how this particular batch of that foodstuff came. Or, tell her she has to eat the cut pieces and then you'll give her a big one. We ate half a container of strawberries this morning, mostly in halves. The last strawberry the twins ate was whole. And they ate the whole thing. Usually, they'll take one bite out of one strawberry and call it a day. The rest is too much for them before they get back to that super-sweet, coveted first bite, so they can never get themselves through it. By the time I gave them a full strawberry, they saw it as a reward for eating their fruit, and ate the whole thing, too.

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Please consider voting for me here! And if you really love me...Babble is the most important ranking to me, and I'd love you forever.  xxoo

Tales of an Unlikely Mother is on Babble.com. We're number 14, just scroll down and click on the thumbs up!

SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

"Hi, honey! I'm thinking meatloaf or burgers for dinner. What would you like?"

"Um, meatloaf. Do we have the cheese?"

"YES. WE HAVE THE CHEESE. I'LL MAKE IT WITH THE CHEESE."

"OKAY. GREAT. I'M GOING TO GO FOR A RUN WHILE IT COOKS."

"SOUNDS GOOD. SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT DONE WHEN YOU GET BACK."

"PERFECT. HAD A GOOD DAY AT WORK TODAY."

"OH YEAH?"

"YES. SO AND SO IS REALLY FUNNY."

"WHAT'D HE SAY?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN THEY GO TO BED."

I don't know if this happens to you, but in this house, adult conversation is severely frowned upon by those shorter than four feet. They'll be off, playing on their own, perfectly happy...so long as my husband and I are not talking to each other. The moment they notice us interacting in a way that doesn't involve them, the background noise slowly beginsto crescendo. We don't even notice until it's too late. Suddenly, we're screaming at each other about our days, or small observations we've had. Yelling at the top of our lungs to hear each other over the din. It's only after we've been doing this for a sentence or so that we realize what's going on and can the conversation.

The way the children do this is brilliant. Usually they don't even come over to cling to us. They do it from afar.

"Blardee blah doo blo doo wop bleeder blah," slowly turns to "BLIEDER BLUEDY LALALALAALALA, ELMO'S WORLD," slowly turns to "I'm PWINCESS MAMA. MAMA. MAAAAMA! DADA? DADDY? I'M PWINCESS!"

It seems that children's egos (at least my children's egos) cannot yet handle even a moment that does not revolve around them. Rather, they can't handle any togetherness that doesn't involve them. If I'm cleaning or cooking, for the most part they're fine. It's only when my husband and I try to talk. And it's only when we're talking about things that are not the babies. As long as the conversation revolves around cute or bad things the twins did today, they leave us alone to our chit chat.

Any other form of conversation, though, and they subversively grow louder and plead for attention until we finally give up.

You win for now, babies. Until I can figure out a way around this, or you figure out that you are not the only ones in this house.


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Please consider voting for me here! And if you really love me...Babble is the most important ranking to me, and I'd love you forever.  xxoo

Tales of an Unlikely Mother is on Babble.com. We're number 14, just scroll down and click on the thumbs up!