Nanny Nook - On Overweight Nannies

My friend, Liz Hawksworth, takes care of the Nanny Nook for me, but she's also a prolific blogger herself over at Elizabeth Hawksworth - Writer. Her musings caught the attention of eNannySource, who interviewed her last month on overweight nannies. Liz has given me permission to reprint that extremely interesting interview here.


eNannySource: Why do you think some nannies struggle with being overweight?

Elizabeth: I believe that many nannies are overweight because there’s a fair amount of people who are overweight in this world. There are studies to show that the food we eat and the lives we lead contribute to obesity, but there are also studies that show that many people are overweight because of genetics and pre-existing conditions.


eNannySource: What do you think are some common misconceptions about overweight nannies?

Elizabeth: I feel that the misconceptions about overweight nannies fall into the misconceptions about fat people everywhere: they’re lazy, they don’t model good eating habits and they won’t be able to keep up with the physical demands of chasing after children. As is proven by the many nannies I know and have had the privilege of talking to, these misconceptions are definitely false. I feel most people who felt they couldn’t stand up to the job of nannying wouldn’t attempt to do it. I also feel that many overweight people do eat good diets and do model “nutritious” eating and behavior. And certainly, if you’re looking after children, you most definitely are not lazy!


eNannySource: Do you think being overweight has prevented you from landing a job?

Elizabeth: I do feel that being overweight has stopped some parents from hiring me, because of the aforementioned misconceptions, and because of some people’s natural prejudice towards fat people. Some parents feel that their nanny represents the family and must look a certain way. Others make snap judgments without giving an overweight nanny a chance. I have definitely seen parents shut down on me when they first meet me in person. I think it’s unfair, which is why I do my best to fight against society’s fatphobia and prejudice by writing about it on my blog and in other places.


eNannySource: What advice do you have for overweight nannies during the job search?

Elizabeth: What’s worked for me is being honest. I don’t agree with disclosing personal medical information, but I’m willing to show parents that I can keep up with the demands of the job by offering a short trial period for free so that they can observe my work. I also make up a sample “nanny day” menu for the children so that they can see that I’m knowledgeable about child nutrition and development. If they make snap judgments about me, I tell myself I wouldn’t have fit in with that family anyway, and that it’s for the best. I refuse to take it personally. I have always found families that respect me as a person and as a nanny. Not everyone will be judgmental.


eNannySource: As a role model to the children, how do you advocate healthy eating?

Elizabeth: Food, to me, has been a subject fraught with stress and worry. Growing up as a thin child and then “filling out” in my teens and early 20s, I used food as a way to combat stress and feel better. This is not something I want the children in my care to do. I make healthy snacks and meals for the children in my care. I let them see me eating fruits and vegetables. We talk about how food provides the building blocks to growing up strong and healthy. I talk to them about finding trusted adults to talk to about their own worries and stress, and I try to be a person that they can speak to. I follow parents’ leads when it comes to food and healthy eating, as well. What’s most important, though, is that I tell kids in my care (of course, with parents’ blessing) that it’s okay to have treats like soda or McDonald’s sometimes. It’s just not healthy to eat those things all the time.


eNannySource: What do you have to say to parents who are concerned about hiring an overweight nanny?

Elizabeth: I’d ask them to give overweight nannies a chance. Ask for a trial period. Watch how they interact with your children and how they advocate healthy eating and habits. Don’t make snap judgments about a nanny’s appearance. Don’t ask for medical records or make cutting remarks about exercising or the food the nanny eats. Be respectful. If you feel it’s not working out, then find someone who will fit better with your family – but don’t assume it won’t work out upon first meeting an overweight nanny. Let her show you who she really is.


eNannySource: What makes you so passionate about this topic?

Elizabeth: I’m passionate about this topic because I’m an overweight woman who has dealt with a lot of fatphobia and prejudice. I’ve also seen how society treats people who are overweight. I want the truth to come out about overweight people – many of them are happy and follow healthy living principles. Many are completely healthy, with no health problems. Fat doesn’t mean they’re lazy, unable to work or addicted to McDonald’s. I feel I can’t stand by and watch this prejudice keep happening. I also apply this to other injustices and prejudices I see in the world. As a writer, my words have the ability to move people. I remember that I have that gift and try to use it for good.


eNannySource: Tell us about your childcare background.

Elizabeth: I’ve been in the childcare business for 17 years and have been a nanny, part-time and full-time, for over 10 years. I currently work part-time with four families in the Toronto area and specialize in the care of infants and toddlers. I love children and count myself lucky that I get to do the things I love, including writing and caring for children, every day.



Catch the original on enannysource.



 

Nanny Nook - Writing with Children

Today, resident nanny Elizabeth Hawksworth gives tips on how to write when you've got children underfoot.

...
It’s a Tuesday afternoon and Glo-Worm has finally gone down for her nap after an hour of her screaming and me rocking her, trying to get her calm enough to relax and go to sleep. Why is it that babies always fight sleep, especially when you have a deadline? I slide my laptop closer to me on the oaken tabletop and pray that the squeak of the antique dining room chair can’t be heard a flight above in a certain baby’s room, or that the sound of the keys isn’t as deafening as it seems to me. And I write, losing myself in the moment . . . until fifteen minutes later, I hear the unwelcome sound of a baby’s cry.

Why, why, why?

I’m a writer, but I’m also a nanny, and this is simply a snapshot of a day in my life when I’m working fulltime with children. It’s the best job in the world, and it’s also the worst job in the world, some days, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. For every naptime where the baby wakes up multiple times in an hour, I have days of cuddles, smiles, and fun. And while it can be frustrating, I love getting to play all day and watch kids learn. Glo-Worm was my full-time job last summer and I still think back on my time with her with a smile.

But working with kids does make it hard to get writing done. On a whim last year, my friend Anne from
The Belle Jar Blog convinced me to resurrect my old nanny blog that I’d made for the parents of my charges, as a way to keep them abreast of the things their kids were doing and learning with me. It was a blog read by maybe six people, but it was greatly appreciated and I found I had a niche in offering my advice and experiences as a child care worker. I started blogging every day during Glo-Worm’s naptimes (with her parents’ permission – I never attempt to freelance or write without the permission of the parents I work for) and found that I was developing quite a following. Suddenly, my little blogging hobby was something I wanted to spend more time on – and juggling writing with my day job got hard.

When writing with kids around, it’s hard not to resent it when you expect a certain time during the day to be completely yours. Naptime is my break as a nanny, and I got used to scribbling down posts and stories for my writing contest within the bare hour or so that Glo-Worm’s naptime afforded me.

However, my day job WAS nannying – and therefore, Glo-Worm came first. I started when she was 11 months old and continued until she was nearly 17 months old, and her sleep was something that was ever-changing and required my full attention.

There were times I hit post on Wordpress, even though I wasn’t happy with the post, because I had a deadline to get a guest blog up. I’d edit quickly and feverishly with a baby on my hip, trying to juggle a bottle or a toy while skimming over my posts. Many of my early blog posts from that time are probably riddled with mistakes or errors that I just didn’t have time to get back to. Teething, hunger, or just a persnickety baby meant that I needed to focus 100% on Glo-Worm.

There were times that I finished a blog post with a sleeping baby on my chest, or when I was bottlefeeding Glo-Worm just before her nap. Could the post have waited? Sure, but I didn’t want to wait!

Writers who are also mothers or primary caregivers of children become great multi-taskers – and I have known many who have breastfed and wrote, or baby-worn and wrote, or even played board games and wrote! It’s not ideal, but in a day where time seems to slip by without you even realizing it’s flying, you take your opportunities where you can, even if it means multi-tasking. I was always responding to the baby’s needs first, but if she wouldn’t nap on her own that day, I still needed to eat and take downtime, even if it meant holding her in my arms to sleep!

Where my life differs from a full-time parent is that I get to go home at night. A lot of my writing took place when I was exhausted and could barely see the screen. My ears would be ringing with Glo-Worm’s angry screams, my arms would be aching, but I still needed to write, because I had to release tension and creativity in order to be able to relax. I think it helps me to be a better nanny when I’m able to take time to release frustration and anger and sadness in my words. I was able to let go of the frustrations of a teething or sick baby and return fresh in the morning, ready to give my all to Glo-Worm once again.

There are many ways to juggle writing and children. I love both of my jobs (and my new one, as a social media specialist!), and one often inspires another. I love telling stories to children or taking inspiration from their learning and growth. I’m lucky that I get to pursue all of my interests and passions – even if it means that they take place at the same time.




 

Nanny Nook: How Do You Deal with Out-of-Control Children?

Writer and nanny, Elizabeth Hawksworth, gives some sage advice for nannies and parents alike when dealing with a complete meltdown.

...


It really is one of my worst nightmares – dealing with a child who is 100% completely out of control. Oh, tantrums are par for the course with nannying, but when the child has completely lost it? It can be daunting.

For one, there’s so much emotion in that one little body. It’s hard to watch and it’s hard to deal with, because as a nanny, I’m in this because I love kids. Seeing a kid that upset is really upsetting to me, too. I feel the utter desperation and frustration, and sometimes, I’m at a momentary loss as to how to help. How do you rein in emotion that strong?

For another, sometimes they’re that upset because the situation can never feasibly go their way. Either it’s too dangerous, it’s just out of the question, or they’re acting inappropriately and need to be gently corrected. When someone is that upset, they’re not willing to listen to what you have to say. Any well-meaning advice you have is not going to be heard. So what do you do?

I take time. It’s not a time out. I’m not punishing them. We’re just taking time. We stop what we’re doing, sit down if the child wants to sit, hug if the child wants to hug, and just let the storm play itself out. I’ve done this in the middle of the grocery store, at the park, on a walk, and before naptime. Most of the time, the child’s screaming, crying, kicking and hitting subsides quickly when they know I’m just not going to react at all. The silence makes the behaviour seem strange, I think, and it tends to stop sooner than if I cajoled, pleaded and begged them to stop.

After the child is calmer, I ask them if they want to talk about it now or later. Clearly, this method doesn’t work with young toddlers or babies (in that case, I name their emotions and why they’re upset, and give them a lot of hugs and cuddles), but for older kids, giving them the option to address the behaviour allows them to feel more in control. We will be talking about it, but they can choose when. Right now, we’re just working on calming down.

Most children are able to articulate later why they get so upset. They either feel that I wasn’t listening, that I didn’t care, or that I wasn’t going to entertain the option of giving them what they want. All of these reasons may be true – nannies make mistakes and I have been known to try to hurry children along, not listen to what they want to tell me, or not really care that they want ice cream or a toy at the store or what have you. In that case, I apologize. Whether or not I would have given them what they want is beside the point – it’s about giving them the respect that I expect from them. I expect them to listen to me, so I need to return the favour. The tantrum may have still happened, but the child likely would not have felt I was being uncaring or unfair, which is often why anyone gets out of control. We all want to be heard.

How do you deal with children who are out of control? What tips would you give if asked?