Inspirations for Writing - Guest Post

Today, I have author and superstar Elizabeth Hawksworth who has been gracious enough to talk about some of her inspirations for one of my favorite books, "Lake Effect."

They say you shouldn’t live in the past, but it’s from the past that I’ve gotten my inspiration as a writer. I’ve written at length about my inspirations for my second book, “Lake Effect: Voices of Toronto’s History”, but when Darlena asked me to write about them again, I struggled to formulate a post that was different from anything I’ve written before. And so this post isn’t about my inspirations so much as it’s about the reason why I felt like I had to tell the stories of Toronto’s immigrants. It’s more than just historical fiction. It’s a way to give back to the city and the immigrant stories that have shaped me and my life today.

“Lake Effect” comprises about fifteen “vignettes”, or “short short stories”, as I like to call them. When I started to write the pieces for this book, I didn’t have a set word count or outline that I was following for each story. I just wrote the story from the beginning to the end. So, some stories are a few pages, whereas others are chapter-length or longer. How long the story ended up being depended almost entirely on how much the character wanted to tell about his or her own life. That sounds stupid, but everyone has a different story to tell. Each of my characters, unless otherwise noted, are fictional – but they represent real people in this city. Some are more loquacious and educated than others. All have a message.

Because Toronto is a multicultural city, one of my main reasons for writing the story was to stray away from the usual historical account from a white, rich man that peppers our archives and history books. One of my characters is a black woman who works in Massey Hall. Another is an Asian woman who’s an architect. I, myself, am Native (1/4 Chippewa). I told stories from people who were born here and people who immigrated here. I focused especially on the Irish immigration push in the late 1700s, because the Irish, almost more than any other group, helped to shape Toronto’s early years as a city.

Each story was not necessarily the one I set out to tell. I had a story about Casa Loma, perhaps Toronto’s most famous historical residence. It never came together, and so it was left out of the book. I had another story about the “forest school” of High Park, an outdoor summer school for kids who lived in poverty during the First and Second World Wars. That, too, never materialized. It was then that I realized that I wasn’t the one picking which stories got told, necessarily. I was telling the stories of people who didn’t have a voice to tell them.

Collecting the information to set the stage for the hardworking people in each vignette was a two-year endeavour. I looked at the Toronto Archives, at many old pictures in the libraries around the city, and read countless first person accounts of what it was like to live in Toronto during the wars, and during the Industrial Revolution. I studied articles, books, and novels. I went for countless walks around the city, trying to imagine the old buildings before me in different settings, how things would look when the highest building in Toronto was St. James Cathedral. I learned a lot about the people I wanted to write about, but more than that, I learned about myself and what I wanted to convey with these stories.

The message of human survival is a big theme in “Lake Effect”. The lake effect, itself, is a strong weather phenomenon that can bring gentle winds and warm weather to the city, or can usher in wild blizzards, ice storms, and water damage. I wanted to show, both through my own experiences and through the experiences of the denizens of this city, that we survive anything the lake effect throws at us, be it hard times or good. We are survivors. It’s not only the Toronto spirit coming through, it’s the Canadian spirit. We are more than our situations. We are people who strive for better.

And so from a Jewish girl living in the Ward to an Irish mother losing her husband on the beaches of Lake Ontario, the book isn’t just about Toronto’s history. It’s about relatable themes and feelings, and the reminder that while those people are now dead, their legacy isn’t. We see their mark on every city daily as we go about our lives. We see it, and we live it.

You can find“Lake Effect” in both Kindle and paperback on Amazon.

And make sure you visit Liz's own blog, where she writes about writing, feminism, nannying and more.

 

Book Review - The Lake Effect

Sometimes, you read a piece of literature so moving, so powerful, that your mood is swayed and your thoughts are altered. The world seems a little bigger. History seems a little richer. Your life doesn't seem all that bad, and maybe not as meaningless as you thought.

This is what Lake Effect did for me the first time I read it. Each harrowing tale reaffirmed the importance of just one person, usually a person who felt completely helpless and drowned in sorrow during their living years.

Tackling issues like immigration, feminism and love, Elizabeth Hawksworth jumps in feet first with these short historical works. Many deal with the plight of the Irish immigrants, and the stories span centuries, richly covering an overall historic goldmine through vignettes that will leave you breathless...some will even leave you horrified.

But empowered. Each story, no matter how dark, speaks to the efficacy of human nature, the persistence of the mind and heart over any adversary. And when the characters don't make it, you know that someone did. That time is over, and we can learn from it, we should learn from it.

Hauntingly beautiful, this book of vignettes from Toronto will deepen your appreciation of life, and deepen your life in general. And since the stories are short, it's a perfect read for a mom during naptime, too.

I can't recommend it enough, to be honest.

Go check it out for yourself...

 

Nanny Nook - Writing with Children

Today, resident nanny Elizabeth Hawksworth gives tips on how to write when you've got children underfoot.

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It’s a Tuesday afternoon and Glo-Worm has finally gone down for her nap after an hour of her screaming and me rocking her, trying to get her calm enough to relax and go to sleep. Why is it that babies always fight sleep, especially when you have a deadline? I slide my laptop closer to me on the oaken tabletop and pray that the squeak of the antique dining room chair can’t be heard a flight above in a certain baby’s room, or that the sound of the keys isn’t as deafening as it seems to me. And I write, losing myself in the moment . . . until fifteen minutes later, I hear the unwelcome sound of a baby’s cry.

Why, why, why?

I’m a writer, but I’m also a nanny, and this is simply a snapshot of a day in my life when I’m working fulltime with children. It’s the best job in the world, and it’s also the worst job in the world, some days, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. For every naptime where the baby wakes up multiple times in an hour, I have days of cuddles, smiles, and fun. And while it can be frustrating, I love getting to play all day and watch kids learn. Glo-Worm was my full-time job last summer and I still think back on my time with her with a smile.

But working with kids does make it hard to get writing done. On a whim last year, my friend Anne from
The Belle Jar Blog convinced me to resurrect my old nanny blog that I’d made for the parents of my charges, as a way to keep them abreast of the things their kids were doing and learning with me. It was a blog read by maybe six people, but it was greatly appreciated and I found I had a niche in offering my advice and experiences as a child care worker. I started blogging every day during Glo-Worm’s naptimes (with her parents’ permission – I never attempt to freelance or write without the permission of the parents I work for) and found that I was developing quite a following. Suddenly, my little blogging hobby was something I wanted to spend more time on – and juggling writing with my day job got hard.

When writing with kids around, it’s hard not to resent it when you expect a certain time during the day to be completely yours. Naptime is my break as a nanny, and I got used to scribbling down posts and stories for my writing contest within the bare hour or so that Glo-Worm’s naptime afforded me.

However, my day job WAS nannying – and therefore, Glo-Worm came first. I started when she was 11 months old and continued until she was nearly 17 months old, and her sleep was something that was ever-changing and required my full attention.

There were times I hit post on Wordpress, even though I wasn’t happy with the post, because I had a deadline to get a guest blog up. I’d edit quickly and feverishly with a baby on my hip, trying to juggle a bottle or a toy while skimming over my posts. Many of my early blog posts from that time are probably riddled with mistakes or errors that I just didn’t have time to get back to. Teething, hunger, or just a persnickety baby meant that I needed to focus 100% on Glo-Worm.

There were times that I finished a blog post with a sleeping baby on my chest, or when I was bottlefeeding Glo-Worm just before her nap. Could the post have waited? Sure, but I didn’t want to wait!

Writers who are also mothers or primary caregivers of children become great multi-taskers – and I have known many who have breastfed and wrote, or baby-worn and wrote, or even played board games and wrote! It’s not ideal, but in a day where time seems to slip by without you even realizing it’s flying, you take your opportunities where you can, even if it means multi-tasking. I was always responding to the baby’s needs first, but if she wouldn’t nap on her own that day, I still needed to eat and take downtime, even if it meant holding her in my arms to sleep!

Where my life differs from a full-time parent is that I get to go home at night. A lot of my writing took place when I was exhausted and could barely see the screen. My ears would be ringing with Glo-Worm’s angry screams, my arms would be aching, but I still needed to write, because I had to release tension and creativity in order to be able to relax. I think it helps me to be a better nanny when I’m able to take time to release frustration and anger and sadness in my words. I was able to let go of the frustrations of a teething or sick baby and return fresh in the morning, ready to give my all to Glo-Worm once again.

There are many ways to juggle writing and children. I love both of my jobs (and my new one, as a social media specialist!), and one often inspires another. I love telling stories to children or taking inspiration from their learning and growth. I’m lucky that I get to pursue all of my interests and passions – even if it means that they take place at the same time.




 

Nanny Nook: How Do You Deal with Out-of-Control Children?

Writer and nanny, Elizabeth Hawksworth, gives some sage advice for nannies and parents alike when dealing with a complete meltdown.

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It really is one of my worst nightmares – dealing with a child who is 100% completely out of control. Oh, tantrums are par for the course with nannying, but when the child has completely lost it? It can be daunting.

For one, there’s so much emotion in that one little body. It’s hard to watch and it’s hard to deal with, because as a nanny, I’m in this because I love kids. Seeing a kid that upset is really upsetting to me, too. I feel the utter desperation and frustration, and sometimes, I’m at a momentary loss as to how to help. How do you rein in emotion that strong?

For another, sometimes they’re that upset because the situation can never feasibly go their way. Either it’s too dangerous, it’s just out of the question, or they’re acting inappropriately and need to be gently corrected. When someone is that upset, they’re not willing to listen to what you have to say. Any well-meaning advice you have is not going to be heard. So what do you do?

I take time. It’s not a time out. I’m not punishing them. We’re just taking time. We stop what we’re doing, sit down if the child wants to sit, hug if the child wants to hug, and just let the storm play itself out. I’ve done this in the middle of the grocery store, at the park, on a walk, and before naptime. Most of the time, the child’s screaming, crying, kicking and hitting subsides quickly when they know I’m just not going to react at all. The silence makes the behaviour seem strange, I think, and it tends to stop sooner than if I cajoled, pleaded and begged them to stop.

After the child is calmer, I ask them if they want to talk about it now or later. Clearly, this method doesn’t work with young toddlers or babies (in that case, I name their emotions and why they’re upset, and give them a lot of hugs and cuddles), but for older kids, giving them the option to address the behaviour allows them to feel more in control. We will be talking about it, but they can choose when. Right now, we’re just working on calming down.

Most children are able to articulate later why they get so upset. They either feel that I wasn’t listening, that I didn’t care, or that I wasn’t going to entertain the option of giving them what they want. All of these reasons may be true – nannies make mistakes and I have been known to try to hurry children along, not listen to what they want to tell me, or not really care that they want ice cream or a toy at the store or what have you. In that case, I apologize. Whether or not I would have given them what they want is beside the point – it’s about giving them the respect that I expect from them. I expect them to listen to me, so I need to return the favour. The tantrum may have still happened, but the child likely would not have felt I was being uncaring or unfair, which is often why anyone gets out of control. We all want to be heard.

How do you deal with children who are out of control? What tips would you give if asked?








 

Abercrombie and Fitch Kerfuffle Blog Share

After the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch came out with his less-than-savory remarks about their advertising techniques and sizings, there have been a multitude of intelligent, well-thought-out blog posts and articles address the situation.

Two of our bloggers have taken on completely different areas of the issue, and what they've come up with is pure gold.

First Elizabeth Hawksworth writes "Dear Mike Jeffries, The "Abercrombie Kids I Knew Wouldn't Call You Cool" stating:

"The popular kids I knew weren't interested in perpetuating stereotypes. The kids I knew weren't friends, but they were friendly. They stood up for kids who got teased, and they fought for equality. There were kids who did care about exclusivity and putting others down, but they were few and far between when I was in high school. So, out of a huge population of high school students, you've got maybe five percent interested in the marketing strategy you're coming out with. What about the other 95 percent?"

Meanwhile, Monika from Aias.ca talks about the campaign to give your Abercrombie wear to those in need in her piece, Giving Abercrombie and Fitch Clothes to the Homeless Is Not Inspiring; It's Insulting.

"Yesterday I noticed a video going viral on social networking. In the video, a man is giving Abercrombie and Fitch clothes from local thrift shops to homeless people in an effort to "insult" the Abercrombie and Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries because of his fat phobic and tasteless comments about not wanting "uncool" or "fat" people to wear the brand.

I honestly can't think of anything more classist and insulting than this. Basically, what this act is suggesting is that homeless people are so disgusting, untouchable, and "the lowest of the low" that anything they represent or wear is to be considered a horrible insult to that brand. It's fantastic to help the homeless, but if you are just exploiting their misfortune by trying to make a political statement, that's just plain...mean."

To read more about what either of these two women have to say, check out their blogs!

Elizabeth Hawksworth - Writer
Aias.ca




 

This Feminist's Box

Look, feminism is a squidgy topic these days. Now that we can vote and own property and work and stuff, what's the problem, amirite? Do we really need to keep "making people aware" of the stereotypes perpetuated and marginalization of women in modern society? Doesn't everyone already know? And if they do know, doesn't that make it individual choice? And if women are choosing to live in certain ways and enjoy certain things, isn't that what the main push of first and second wave feminism was about anyway? Haven't we won?

Yes and no.

I mean, we really do have a bigger box, and it is a lot cozier in here now that we've been allowed to decorate (see what I did there?), and it would be kind of nice to just stretch out in here and bask in how far we've come. We deserve a break from all this struggling and fighting, and gosh darn it, we just aren't even likable anymore. Why isn't anyone ever grateful?

Because how far we've come isn't far enough. Because not only are things still incredibly weighted toward men (white men in particular), but the general population believes that they are not. Which, really, makes the problem worse than it was before because you cannot fight a problem people who should be on your side (I mean, all people really, but it's worse when you're like, but, guys, come on! This is you we're talking about / fighting for here!) refuse to acknowledge exists.

And just to clear some things up, it's not about wanting things made easier for us. It's about wanting the structural set in our society made equal. We don't want special programs and rights and passages and treatment. We don't want an equal ending point, meaning, we don't expect that being a woman should make it easier for us to succeed as we go through like. We want an equal starting point. Meaning we'd simply like not to have to claw and fight and spend years just getting to the point where men are born. That is what privilege is. It's not a bad thing, you needn't feel personally bad about it if you were born into it. But is is what it is, and we're not trying to drag anyone down so much as we're trying to climb up the patriarchy. Don't be scared, seriously. Us gaining equality does not diminish your life, I promise.

Anyway,  I could write pages on this and bore you to tears, so instead, I'm just going to point out a few specific ways in which women do not start (or end, but remember, the important piece here is start) on the same footing as men. As a group. Not talking individuals. But as a sector of society. In these ways, women are not equal to men, do not have the same opportunities as men, must work harder than men to achieve recognition or rights. Here we go, then.

Here is my feminist's box (get it?). I'm just going to go through each wall of it point by point. In this world and society where "feminism has basically already won guys, come on" we still deal with:

- Unequal pay: Women get paid 77 cents to every dollar a man makes. The equal pay legislation was shot down by our government this year. Awesome. Thanks, guys.

- Corporate absence: Women only account for 12 CEO positions in the Fortune 500 companies. Women make up 2.6 percent of corporal officers in these companies.

- Violence: one in three women will experience some form of violence, including rape and assault, and women are 10 times more likely to be victimized by intimate partners than men.

- Grooming requirements: Hair, makeup and style are considered mandatory to rise in the workforce or in society. When women don't 'groom' properly, their lack of care is blamed for their lack of success.

- Political absence: Only 20 percent of the U.S. senate is made up of women and only 12 percent of governors in the United States.

- Absence in the arts: Only 3 percent of artists highlighted in the MET's modern art section are women.

- Failure language: Failure is consistently feminized. People whining are bitches, or c*nts...if you are afraid you are a pussy...people are douches or twats...all of these represent weakness and something to be ridiculed, failure. And all of them refer to women.

- Property ownership: Worldwide, women own only 10 percent of all property (I cannot find a U.S. statistic. Sorry about that. Understand that this guy is apples and oranges with the rest of the examples.)

- Literature: Novelist Elizabeth Jane Howard says "instead of allowing women to succeed on their own merits the world of male critics and editors scratch each other's backs." Do you know who Elizabeth Jane Howard is? Point.

- Reproductive control: the people in charge of this country (which shown above are men) have control over whether or not women have rights to choice and birth control.

- Childcare inequality: Women are still held to be the main ones responsible for children. They are not, in this country, given automatic paid maternity leave.

- Healthcare access: Women's privacy is in danger when it comes to who can access their healthcare records and why, particularly pertaining to the aforementioned reproductive choices.

...

And yet, all of these things are not where the main problem lies. The main problem is that you (and if not you, then someone you know) read through this list not nodding along, but shaking your head. If they only worked harder, or asked for more money, or loved their children, or shaved their legs, this wouldn't happen to them, you think.

That's the problem. That's why we can never be content in a box.


For more amazing stories on what feminism means to these incredible individuals, check these out:

Feminism: Nobody told me how, by Smibbo:  "I saw boys who were teased for being “like a girl”

I saw girls who were shunned for being “too bossy”. I saw the way the rest of the world, outside of my happy-hippy sheltered life really thought. So even though I was brought up to BE a feminist and feminism runs through me effortlessly and without thought, I came to understand why there was a need for such thought, such effort, such …push."

Equal, by Pollychromatic:  "Feminism is a statement that women are equal to men, and to correct inequality where it exists. Both my daughter and my son deserve such a future."

I Was Born a Feminist, by Elizabeth Hawksworth: "Feminism is about equality. I was born a feminist.

Children are born not knowing the difference between women and men, black and white, straight and gay. Children are born knowing that their neighbour is their neighbour, that everyone can be a friend, and that everyone deserves a cookie when the plate is passed around. Children are taught the differences in society. Children are given cues to follow. But when they are born – all children know is that the people around them are people."

A Bit About Feminism, by Corndog Mama: "In this moment, I have a partner who recognizes that I'm bearing a heavy load, and he's looked for a way to make it lighter. In this moment, I am conscious that I don't have to be everything for everyone: I only need to be me, calm and reflective for my sake and that of my unborn child's."

Feminism in my Life, by Accidentally Mommy: "As a rebellious teenager, I defined feminism as being able to run around and do what I wished, date however many men I wanted, and have my world on a plate with no social repercussions. I bought myself birth control, and I worked a job where my co-workers were predominantly male. The misogynists I knew called me an undisciplined slut. I disagreed. I still disagree."

Feminism Defined: The Lowest Common Denominator, by Fine and Fair:  "Alright then. So what's the lowest common denominator? Do all feminists hate men? No. Are all feminists lesbians? No. Are all feminists hairy legged, makeup abstaining loudmouths? No. (But some really cool ones are!) Do all feminists believe that every woman should work and that stay-at-home moms are setting the movement back? Certainly not. Do all feminists believe that women share equal status as human beings and should have the same rights and opportunities as men?"

Each of these pieces is as amazing as the woman who wrote it.




Sources for this (my) piece:

http://www.nsf.gov/statistics/infbrief/nsf08308/

http://www.urbanministry.org/sexism-and-gender-discrimination-statistics

http://math.berkeley.edu/~kirby/sexism.html

http://www.vidaweb.org/the-count-2010

http://library.thinkquest.org/C006274/fem/stats.html

 

Regarding Nannies - Contributor Post

Today, I've got a guest post from writer Elizabeth Hawksworth, who also nannies and cares for children on the regular. It's great see another side of this parenting thing.

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I’ve looked after a lot of children over the years, and never am I so sure about attachment than when I go back to children I’ve been really close to. It’s hard when you leave a child you’ve been really close to. I’ve done a lot of leaving, but I’ve also done a lot of coming back, and I think the relationships I have with children have been forged more strongly when I get to come back to the kids I had such a great closeness with.

This weekend, I was with one of my favourite charges, Glo-Worm, a very bright and sweet 21-month-old. I was her full-time nanny last year for a few months, and we became very close. She was initially distrustful and strange with me at first. It’s been almost four months since I’ve seen her, and toddlers have short memories. But soon after a warm-up period, she was cuddling in close, engaging with me, and enjoying every moment together the way we always did. It made me think about the ways I know children love me and are attached to me. I’m going to share a few with you.

1. They want to be near me all the time: most children I know show their love in touch – they want to hug or kiss you, hold your hand, sit on your lap, or even just be pressed up close against me. I had a little boy who wanted to just always hold onto my skirt or the pocket of my jeans. Now, 19-month Diva and Footballer are two of my charges who show their love in touch – Footballer especially. He needs to be on my lap, his strong arms around my neck, and burying his face in my hair, or giving me open-mouthed kisses (we still haven’t managed to teach him that this is inappropriate, haha!). Diva is just happy to be sitting on my hip while I prepare bottles or food for the kids. It’s nice to have them close, even if I am someone who gets touched out a lot – it shows that they’re comfortable with me and want me around.

2. “I need to show you!”: Kids who want me around want to show me special things. I’ve had grand tours of their homes, intricate discussions on their favourite toys, or been presented with “gifts” of their favourite snack or a special drawing they made just for me. Often when I get in the door, the first thing I’m greeted with is, “Look, L! I need to show you this!” It’s sweet, and makes me feel very special that the children want to share these things with me.

3. They don’t want me to go home: Glo-Worm was my most recent charge, who, I think, would have been quite happy if I’d just moved into her house with her! She never wanted me to leave, and would hop into my arms upon arrival and cry when I left the house at night. Attachment really shows in this way, and though it can be awkward with the parents, I am glad that the child is showing attachment to me, because it means that the child trusts and loves me. I think that also gives parents a bit of reassurance that their child is fine to be left alone with me, even if it’s a bit sad that the child is crying heartbrokenly that I’m leaving!

4. They talk about me positively when I’m not there: I’ve had many a parent pass me on the street and laugh, telling me that their child couldn’t stop talking about the last time that I babysat or the activities we’d done the last time I was over. That’s good, because it means I made a good impression on the child! My favourite part is when the parents ask me when I can come back next, because the child is clamouring for me!

5. The child is not afraid to tell me secrets or come to me when he or she is upset: This is the biggest indicator that a child loves and trusts me. A child who is closemouthed about everything when I’m around is a child who doesn’t trust me. A child who is willing to tell me secrets, hopes and fears is a child that knows that I’m there for him or her. I’ve been the lucky recipient of many stories, secrets, fears and hopes from children, and every time, I feel honoured that they have chosen me as a confidant. It’s what I hope for whenever I come on with a new family, and it’s a reward that is very, very sweet and amazing to me.

I say all the time that I don’t just look after children for the money. If I did, I think it’d be a very unfulfilling, inappropriate job for me. I love the families and children I meet. I have had times where children haven’t liked me, but they’re few and far between. I am honoured to do the job I do, and to earn the love of children. It makes me feel as if I have a purpose, and it definitely makes me feel like I’m in the right profession.

What ways do children show they love you as a caregiver? How do you deal with it when children don’t remember you? Sound off in the comments!






 

Book Review - Break for Beauty, Elizabeth Hawksworth

OKAY, FIRST: GO VOTE.

Done? Okay, good. Now read this.

If given the choice between poetry and prose, I gravitate toward the latter every time. It's not that poetry isn't amazing in its own right; I'm just one of those people who needs the words to surround me, build a picture, not with emotion and feeling, but with text.  I feel prose more than I do poetry.

That is not the case with Break for Beauty by Elizabeth Hawksworth.

"What does a journey through 10 years of becoming a writer look like? Elizabeth Hawksworth takes her readers through a varied and unique collection of poetry and essays about different parts of her life. Exploring religion, mental illness, self-discovery and other themes, this book emulates different poetry styles and word-painting to introduce readers to herself and her love of poetry."


I picked it up, expecting the whole thing to go over my head and leave me cold. Instead, an intense and emotional narrative enveloped me.

Perfectly chosen pieces flow into each other as easily as each artistically chosen word beats meaning and life onto the page.

Here you will find raw and base emotion dissected into intelligent ideas and original thought.

The tortured pen paves the way for reader breakthroughs with each phrase.

And the upswing of poetry is that it's perfect for people who can't commit themselves to reading for long stretches of time, like moms and business people.

If you've got a few spare moments, you've got time to Break for Beauty.