The Christmas Play

Once upon a time, about six weeks ago, my husband sent me an email about a cute community play that could use a few extra young girls. My kids love acting, and they rarely get to do it. This was a free experience, and not too time-consuming (just one practice a week, for two hours).

Enter the worst parenting decision of my life.

It's not that the play is bad, or that it's run badly or that anything, actually, is bad. It's just a horrible fit for us. As dramatic as my kids are, they are not trained in the way of acting, and they're still at an age where structure and order is very important for their sense of peace and well-being.

And you cannot expect a group of lovely volunteers who do this in their very limited downtime to be able to provide that kind of structure and order. With just two hours a week to practice, and a dozen kids trying to hammer down their lines and costumes and props and cues in that time, unexpected messes are bound to crop up.

It's been an excellent crash course in learning to go with the flow, but it's not a course my kids have been able to pass.

And it's my fault. I know that should a chair be moved two inches from where it is "supposed to be" my children may have a problem with that. I know that if someone accidentally skips their lines, they may have a problem with that. I know that they have trouble existing in the same small space together for any length of time (ask my womb), without starting to fight to the death because they are just so sick of sharing every damn thing.

I knew all this. And I also knew that signing us up meant we couldn't pull out without putting the hard work of others in jeopardy, as they would be counting on us to be able to do our part. I knew this. And I signed us up anyway.

We've had some tantrums. We've had some rehearsals where I've had to drag one screaming twin outside, and some where we've left clothing behind because, dang it, it just got lost and we had to leave now or we risked tearing the whole theatre down with our seven-year-old angst. One of them had to go home wearing one sneaker this week. (The other has since been found, thankfully).

We've had arguments over the Christmas tree changing position, emergency wardrobe malfunctions, and line bumbling. We've had a dead pig thrown on our feet accidentally, causing panic and mayhem.

We've had hours-long rehearsals every day this week over the time when usually the girls would be eating dinner and after their long day at school. Exhausted and starving, how could I expect them to keep it together?

Tonight, however, is the big night. Opening night. The night where my kids will say their lines, and sing their songs, and hopefully go with the flow. Will it be the worst ever? Will we ruin Christmas?

I simply don't know.

But I do know that my girls have memorized the hell out of Carol of the Bells and Good King Wencheslas, so we've got to give it a go.

And no matter what happens, I'm proud of us all for trying.

Dating while married with kids

My husband and I rarely get a chance to go out. We moved to a new town five years ago, now, and in that time, we've made friends, but having little kids puts a cramp in the social calendar. It is extremely rare that our schedule coincides with that of our friends, given everyone has babies of different ages, or are working on dissertations, or are travelling, etc. So, when we do get a chance to go out, it's usually solo. Which is great, as we happen to really like each other's company, however, when you take a couple dynamic that has existed in a bubble for five years, and will resume existing in that bubble for the foreseeable future directly after venturing out into society for 3-5 hours, you end up with a very lackluster evening.

Couples with children are usually not usuals at any one establishment. As such, they cannot wander into a restaurant, bar or coffee shop and run into acquaintances or even people they've ever seen before and possibly have reason to converse. Unlike people traveling in larger groups, or oppositely out on their own, engaging socially with people who already have a pattern in place looks out of place. The cadence of conversation is slightly off. If already social couples, groups and singles are like ropes swinging toward and away from each other as they go from place to place, meet new people, and say hello to old friends and acquaintances they at least know a bit about, an isolated couple is like a ring: any attempt to engage with others bounces off the boundaries of the dynamic already present within the couple alone.

And without having any set plan, conversation is limited to what is going on directly around you, which runs out quickly, no matter how many observations you make. As a solid couple, you already know about the other person, and any other conversations could just as easily be made at home, in a more natural way.

It's not that couples don't want to be social. It's more that it's incredibly difficult to do so naturally. I know a lot of people will disagree and think about how easy it is for them to go out with their partner, and easily float from situation to situation, finding ways to be invited and inviting wherever they go. But I equally know that that doesn't happen for everyone and a lot of couples look at themselves and wonder why. I'm putting forward that it's not you, the couple, but the way in which modern life has secluded families. Extended families no longer live in the same location. Neighborhood communities are getting increasingly rare. Friendships are complicated, and people just aren't free at the same times.

The next time we organize a date night out, I'll do more planning beforehand. If we went to see a show or an exhibit or play or something, then we could do dinner and drinks and talk about the experience we just shared. We still most likely won't be branching out into social revelry, but even that is more likely, as we could talk to others about a shared experience for all of us. We wouldn't be rooting around in the dark, trying to strike a conversation out of nowhere about nothing simply because we remember how we used to do it all those years ago, and how easy and fluid it was.

It's good to get out of the house. It's better to do so with a plan.

I am not Father Time

"Hurry up! We've only got 10 minutes!"

"YOU'RE SO MEAN."

This scenario plays out in my house at least three and probably closer to 17 times a day.

While I appreciate the unadulterated power the girls have bestowed upon me, the assumption that the sun rises and sets at my command, I simply do not have control over how fast the Earth spins on its axis--believe me, kids, I wish I did.

Yet, somehow, no matter how many calm sit-downs we have about this where I explain that time moves independently from my personal will and obvious crusade to ruin their lives, they cannot separate the unyielding hands of the clock from my person.

So, on top of having to do the dishes five times a day and make the food and generally take care of these two little things I helped create, hoping to God that in spite of me they end up being good people, I also get to be responsible for the fact that time isn't stretchable.

Awesome.

And to foil my nefarious undertakings, in my house the phrase 'hurry up' now means 'go at an exaggeratedly slow pace while glaring belligerently at mommy because she can go eff herself with her making time go extra fast bullshit.'

Which is frustrating as hell.

Over the past few months, I have made a concentrated effort not to yell at them when this happens. I admit, when this first became an issue, I lost it a few times because how could my intelligent, literate, amazingly quick six year olds not understand the simple concept of minutes always being the same length regardless of our intent?

But apparently they cannot grasp it.

I am sorry to say that the only improvement my not losing my shit at them when they slow down after I tell them to hurry up is that we're not all screaming at each other in a Tasmanian devil paradise as we bust through the front door to get where we're going.

So, while it has slightly improved morale, it has had no effect on our arrival time.

And, yes, I have talked to them multiple times about how "hurry up" is not a moral judgment on their character, and has actually nothing to do with them. That we are all on the same team. That it's me helping them. We've tried other ways to say hurry up. The countdown only makes it worse. Looking at the clock pisses them off. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, sung in the way of Little John used to work 18 months ago, but the novelty wore off and now it just gets an eye roll or perhaps a nostalgic giggle.

I need to figure out why this is so hard. It's one of those super-simple-for-grown-ups concepts that we all just take for granted. Time moves. It moves at the same pace day in and day out and is completely out of our control. It's so natural a concept that we never think about it.

Until a six year old is stomping around in slow motion just to show you what you can do with your stupid time model.

Then all bets are off, and it looks like you'll be getting a late pass.

Rehoming the Shoes

It was my birthday the other week, and one of my daughters bought me what she considers to be the end-all, be-all of shoes.

And I mean, she's right on. They are glorious. But seriously. She's basically in love with them.

This made what should have been a joyous occasion one fraught with tension and tears, as I tried, like the step-sisters, to shove my big old mammoth man feet into the size eights she'd bought me.

I'm a size nine.

Of course, right after that we went on vacation, so today was the first day we were able to go back to the store to get the next size up.

Only not. Of course not.

They didn't have any nines. Okay, no problem. There's a lip quiver, but, don't worry, baby, they'll just order them and we'll pick them up later.

Nope.

Apparently, there is not one pair of orange peep toe heels in a size nine on the planet Earth. And they're never going to make any again, either.

This went over just about as well as you would imagine.

After crying some quiet, actually heartbreaking tears about this matter of greatest importance, Dulce grabbed the orange peep toe off the display rack. She cradled it like a baby.

"I picked again, Mommy!" She was very proud of herself. "This one! See! I found it!"

When I explained to her that it still wasn't my size, she went around to every person in the store and asked them if they  had a size nine of the magic orange shoe.

No dice.

She had to come to grips with the fact that she had to pick another shoe.

But before she did, she went around the whole store again, this time trying to find a home for her beloved shoes.

"Wouldn't you like to buy these shoes?" she asked every single person there individually. "I'm sure they must have them in your size."

She had no success. Apparently all the fervent orange-shoe buyers had already made their purchases.

Eventually, after soothing her for a long while, and then soothing my other daughter who'd gotten upset that "it's all about Dulce" and who also now wanted to pick out shoes for me, we were able to decide on a new pair.

I'm wearing them today, even though they are very high and very blue.

Here's to not breaking my ankle. Here's to hoping Dulce's orange display shoes found a good home.






 

The Conversation at the Post Office

I don't often have time to go on wacky adventures with my kids anymore. We're all busy, unlike the lazy and horrific days of yore when I had to spend all day walking them two miles to the library and two miles back because they were babies and I didn't have a car, or a life, or any friends. So, if you were wondering why I hadn't posted any adventures, lately, that is (thankfully) why.

Anyway, that ended today when we went to mail out our Valentines.

But it's February 24th, you say. Why on Earth are you sending out Valentines now?

Answer: I made the tragic mistake of putting one flat lollipop in each envelope.

Before February 14th, we all piled in the car and went to the postal shop right near our house. The crusty postal worker there (who has known me for four years now, and still can hardly crack a smile most days) told us they were too thick to be considered regular mail, and we'd need an extra 20-cent stamp on each.

But they didn't have any 20-cent stamps and they weren't scheduled to get any in apparently ever. So I took my Vcards back (haha), and kept them in my car for two weeks, like any normal person would do.

Today, however, I had to go to the bank anyway, so I thought, 'let's find that elusive real post office and mail these suckers.'

Mistake.

First of all, I looked online, and the first link I tried for an address sent me via GPS to a Dairy Queen. Awesome.

The second link I pick gave me a real post office, but it was all the way across town. I spent an hour trying to get to a post office. With my tired, just-got-out-of-school-and-haven't-eaten-yet kids. They performed admirably under the stress.

When we finally got there, there were a lot of empty spaces in the front, so I looped around to get to one...and found myself behind the longest stream of cars ever (which appeared out of nowhere!). By the time we snuck in, all the empty front spots were taken. I took a spot in the back. And we got in the loooong line. Right behind a police officer. Which is where our story really begins.

For a while, the girls amuse themselves with just me, but soon enough they tire of that and begin taking in the world around them. Almost immediately, Dulce asks: "Mama, is that a--"

"Yes, it is." I cut her off. I knew what she was going to say. "That's a police officer."

Not willing to be foiled, however, she pushes forward. "Is that a cop?"

Grimace. "Yes, but it's more polite to call them police officers." (At this point, he's staring at us.) I continue. "You can also talk to him, you know. He's standing right there. It's rude to talk about people loudly who are right in front of you." He nods in a kind and goofy way. (Thank God.)

Dulce is not going to let this go. "I thought they were called cops."

I just shake my head.

We spend a few blessed minutes in silence before Dulce gets braver. She walks closer to him. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" he answers.

"What's that on your belt?" And we go through all the radios and guns and tools he's got on his belt. And I have to sternly say, DO NOT TOUCH THAT GUN to them in a post office. Grand.

Then Natalina gets involved. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?"

"Is jail real?"

(Remember there are like 50 people in line. All of them are laughing at this point.)

"Yes," he says. "So make sure you never go there."

She nods seriously, and takes a few moments to contemplate her future decisions. Then...

"Excuse me?"

"Yes."

"Are you in charge of jail?"

"No, I just take people to jail."

"You took someone to jail?"

"Yes."

"What was his name?"

"I don't remember. There have been a lot of them."

Her eyes widen.

"Why do you keep putting people in jail? You look nice."

Then it was the officer's turn up at the counter, and he made his exit.

I called out thank you to him, and wondered if I should tell him he got off easy. The other night the girls had asked a man with long hair and a bit of a belly if he was going to have a baby.

Five is a loud age, guys.



 

Kindergarten Kids - What to Do When Your Kids are King of That Awkward Moment

Problem: 

My kids are loud. And curious. And not particularly sensitive. Nor do they give a shit about decorum, politeness or how the world even works. Most of the time, it's like they don't even go here, seriously.

Any time they see something different in any way lately, they've been quick (and loud) to point it out. Either they'll ask a question:

"Mama, why does that mama have such fat legs? You don't have fat legs."

Or they'll make a statement:

"I don't want to sit there, mama. That man looks scary." (It was a woman.)

Then, of course, I mean, what do you do? The subjects of the observation, whether it was shouted or whispered (you know the whisper of a five year old...you can hear it across the room, and, honestly, that almost seems more rude, because in the whispering case, it's as if they know they shouldn't say something, but they do anyway)... Anyway, the subjects of the observations have no obligation to laugh it off, and I really can't blame them for the dirty looks thrown my way. If some jerk kid said something like that about me, I'd be casting dirty looks too.

It's uncomfortable because as much as I want to talk to the subject about it, apologize for my child's accidental rudeness and use it as a teachable moment to show off how enlightened and awesome I actually am, none of that is called for, nor would it be appreciated. They don't owe me explanation time, and they certainly don't owe me buddy-buddy, kids-will-be-kids bonding moments.

Solution:

These untimely observations, of course, fly in the face of who I am, and what I'm trying to teach them. I continually talk to them about how all people are different and each one is lovely, that looks mean nothing, that it's better to be kind, understanding and helpful than to be pretty, thin or feminine.

Right now, for some reason, they're basically loling at me over this. I don't get it, but I believe (hope) that if I keep at it, they'll get the message that this is serious and important to their world outlook.

In terms of what to do right there in the moment? It's tough.

Gauge your insultee. How pissed are they? (The girls once made a really big deal out of a Muslim woman wearing full hajib, and when I looked over, mortified, I could see in her eyes that she was down to play. So in that instance, I was able to do a teachable moment type thing, and she played along and helped. By the end of our dinner, the girls had decided she was prettier and nicer than me, and maybe she could be their mom. This, of course, is a best case scenario).

In contrast, the woman waiting at the Olive Garden to whom the girls referred as a scary man completely and pointedly ignored us. I felt incredibly bad, but I explained to them in a quiet tone, although I'm sure she could still hear me, if she were caring to listen to me try to handle my brood, that she was a woman and all people looked different, and that was okay and wonderful.

In cases like that, try to discourage follow up questions. Talk to your kids about it more extensively at a later time. Remember, those on the other end sometimes do not want to be your teaching tool. They just want to live their lives.

The fat-legs commentee, on the other hand, shot me a really dirty look, and I cannot blame her in the slightest. If this happens, for goodness sake, apologize! Don't get long winded in trying to explain the question or behavior. They don't care. Honestly. That's just hot air to make you feel better. Apologize straight up, and tell the person you're working on it. Sometimes I take a jab at my own kids because I'm their mom and I can, and I'll say something like, "I am really sorry. We are working to make them into human beings. Progress has been slow." But, again, don't crack a joke if the person is super pissed. They don't have to listen to your bad attempts at humor as you try to lighten the situation.

Sometimes, you just shouldn't make light of things, you know?

Anyway, what I would recommend not  doing is scolding your child harshly in the face of such an observation. For the most part, at least in the case of my kids, they are not doing it out of meanness or bullying. They're just trying to suss out the world.

And, honestly, "we don't say things like that" sounds an awful lot like "we don't say things like that in public" to both your child and the person they've just insulted.

Good luck, Captain Awkward. I know we'll all need it.





 

Moment of the Week - 147: Running Away to the Circus

I am lucky enough to have a fabulous writer friend who owns a circus in real life. No, really. This is true.

I know, right? And not only does she own a circus, eat fire and fly on silks and hoops as an amazing acrobat, she also beat me in a writing contest! I couldn't ask for a cooler friend, is what I'm saying. And that said, yesterday she let my kids play on her equipment.

What? Luckiest kids ever is what.

They had the best time. We went to a show her camp (called Starfish Circus, check them out) put on. 55 kids learned basic tricks in five days and put on a show! The girls loooooooved it. They were enthralled. I hope she makes her way up to my town so I can sign the girls up for it, for real.

Allison also performs around the United States with her adult flyers, called Aerial Angels. They put on workshops and teach private lessons, too. Seriously, look them up!




 

Why the Museum Is Important - Guest Post

Since summer can leave us with days of open boredom, Sascha Fernandez, who blogs over at The Smart Little Girl's Guide to Summer, gives some great ways to make museums fun and interesting during the dog days.

...

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time. ~Thomas Merton

 

Shhh...I took a picture of Maddie and John Schoenherr's Sandworms of Dune, 1977

Our first adventure for the 2013 summer Camp Mommy extravaganza is our local museum. Our museum does its best to get the best exhibits it can and over the last few years has exceeded expectations.  Last year Maddie and I spent our time viewing some of the most incredible science fiction/fantasy paintings ever created.  Included in the exhibit were images and sculptures by H.R. Geiger, one of the paintings upon which the original cover of Dune was based, at least five Tolkien inspired works, and many Boris Viejo pieces.  There was concept art, costumes, and other tremendously large sculptures. Some of them were so life-like I had to stop Maddie (and myself) from touching  (and I’ll tell you a little secret..I snapped a few pictures.  Shhhhh). Though not a part of the science fiction exhibit, the Allentown Art Museum also had a Victorian Mourning exhibit around that time.  Though small in size, the pieces included historic mourning garb, mourning jewelry, hair art, and modern jewelry interpretations of Victorian mourning culture.

This summer The Allentown Art Museum is hosting a collection of the works of Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.  Not only is this Maddie’s first exposure to the historic fine art of Europe, it’s one of mine as well. I’m glad her first exposure is so early and a painter I love and understand and can translate to Maddie.  The only other major art exhibit I ever saw was Marcel Duchamp when I was about 5 or 6.  I had no idea why there was a toilet inside a museum, and I couldn’t figure out how a big piece of broken glass with bunch of triangles, circles, and lines could be a bride (and I had no idea what bachelors were and why they were making her naked).  I kind of still don’t…and I took a fine arts class in college. 

Wait, what? Marcel Duchamp, Fountain (1917)

 My step-father was an artist who, unfortunately, never took the time to explain to me the art he loved, or help me appreciate what I saw. Perhaps I would have loved Duchamp. All these years later I believe he felt one should simply instinctively understand and be Zen about viewing a piece of art, and while I agree with that fundamentally and am a firm believer that the first emotion you feel in regard to any piece of art is the one you take with you forever, I also believe guidance is necessary, especially for a small child. Duchamp confused and frustrated me, and though I have learned about him since, and come to appreciate his talent and vision, I will never truly love him, taking those initial feelings of frustration with me as well as the internal “ugh” I hear myself say when someone mentions him. Had my step-father taken the time to crouch down next to me and explain the toilet in the museum (or simply the vision of the conceptual/Dadaism movements) I might have had a very different first experience.

So what does Duchamp mean to me all these years later?  What does it mean for my daughter? I think my younger child’s first exposure to art should be something I can explain. I don’t mean interpret, as that is up to the individual and you must encourage that, but give background information on, and help her understand the vision behind the piece itself.  Either that, or find artwork that we can learn about together.  I have a passion for the Belle Époque and the Fin de siècle so this Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit has me giddy with excitement.  I took a book on Toulouse-Lautrec out from the library and we sat together and looked at his paintings.  She saw a picture of him and asked about his legs. When I told her what happened to him she said, "well, I guess it didn't hurt his painting."  Even there we see a lesson in tolerance and understanding.

You have one activity to do before you go to the museum.  You have to give your child a basic understanding of the idea of different styles.  Several years ago my boyfriend's son came home with a project he did in art class.  Most schools are doing away with art classes unfortunately, so it falls to you to teach appreciation.  Below is a copy of his project.  The best way to do this is to choose eight different painters.  Fold a regular piece of unlined drawing paper so you have eight boxes.  Put the name of one painter in each box.  Show your child one piece of work by that painter, discuss what it looks like, and have your child do a small scale, simple reproduction.  If you discuss Jackson Pollack, have your child use markers of many colors and draw dots all over the inside of the box.  Below is a list of 10 artists and one piece of representative art. You can look up all these pieces on the internet.  Don't worry if your child can't draw a real person if you talk about Rafael...stick figures with wings works!

Aidan B. School art project (about 2010 or so)

Definitions of Artistic Movements

The best online dictionary of artistic movements is found at Art History on About.com.  Most of the definitions here are amalgamates of Art.com and Wiki entries.

Impressionism: 19th century art movement centralized in Paris. Characteristics include relatively small, thin, yet visible brush strokes, open composition, emphasis on accurate depiction of light in its changing qualities (often accentuating the effects of the passage of time), ordinary subject matter, inclusion of movement as a crucial element of human perception and experience, and unusual visual angles.
Post-impressionism: Originated in the early 20th century. Post-Impressionists extended Impressionism while rejecting its limitations: they continued using vivid colours, thick application of paint, distinctive brush strokes, and real-life subject matter, but they were more inclined to emphasize geometric forms, to distort form for expressive effect, and to use unnatural or arbitrary colour.
 
Pre-Rafaelite: Middle to late 19th century British movement that rejected the mechanical religious works of the Renaissance. These painters returned to the subjects of myth and legend, and rejected art that was seemingly done by rote and convention.

Dadaism: (Ahhh! Marcel Duchamp!)  An artistic moment in the early 20th century that valued nihilism, nonsense, and travesty.  It rejected conventional art.

Cubism: A movement of art that originated in 1907 and is still practiced today. Cubism has several key components: geometricity, a simplication of figures and objects into geometrical components and planes that may or may not add up to the whole figure or object known in the natural world, conceptual reality instead of perceptional reality, distortion of reality, the overlapping of planes, multiple views of the subject matter.  Seems like a difficult concept, but when you view a Picasso,  you'll get it.

Futurism:  From Italy around the same time Cubism was developing. A style of art that embraced mechanism and industrialsim.

Surrealism: Also an early 20th century movement. Surrealism valued the insights and subconscious realities highlighted by Freud.  It included ideas of strong emotions, emotional repression, mystical ideas, ambiguity, and the ideas of chance and spontaneity.

Contemporary: Art from the 1960's or 70's up until this very minute. Contemporary art can involve all previous art styles and most often addresses contemporary issues such as AIDS, poverty, multiculturalism, globalization, and gender issues.  Contemporary art has often been attacked as pointless scribbles that could  have been made by someone's 3 year olds; however, this is not the case.  This kind of art is planned and constructed with vision and the desire to share feelings, images, and ideas just like any other piece of art.


10 Artists and Their Most Famous Works (my opinion anyway!) 

Mona Lisa, Leonardo da Vinci, 1509 (Renaissance)

Starry Night, Vincent Van Gogh, 1889 (Post-impressionism)

Number 8, Jackson Pollack, 1949 (Abstract Impressionsim)

The Scream, Edvard Munch, 1893 (Expressionist)

Water Lilies Clouds, Claude Monet, one of 250 Water Lily paintings (Impressionsim)

The Persistence of Memory, Salvador Dali, 1931 (Surrealism)

The Kiss, Gustav Klimt, 1908 (Symbolist)

Two Dancers On the Stage, Edgar Degas, 1874 (Impressionism and Realism)

Girl With a Pearl Earring, Jan Vermeer, 1665 (Baroque)

Woman in a Hat with Pompoms and a Printed Shirt, Pablo Picasso, 1962 (Cubism)

Should I go into "why art is important" or do you know that already?  I think you know that already.  If you believe art is important you must do what you can to make it interesting and fun.  You must do what you can to prevent the eye rolls and sighs when your child has a school trip or is going with you to the museum.  The only way to achieve this is to be excited right along with them, even if you don't like the museum very much yourself.  There are a lot of questions you can ask your child while viewing paintings or sculptures that will increase your child's interaction and instinctual understanding of art.  It might help you as well.  There is nothing more wasteful than going to a museum, viewing works of art, and leaving with no more enlightenment within you than there was when you walked in. The only way to combat that is to TALK about what you see (quietly of course...proper manners in museums is another important lesson). Talk, talk, talk.  Talk at the museum, talk on the way home, talk when you get home.  

Ten Questions to Ask Your Kids About Art

(courtesy of Project Muse)

1. Look carefully at the work of art in front of you. What colors do you see in it? Take turns listing the specific colors that y ou see (for example: "I see red." "I see purple.") 

2. What do you see in the work of art in front of you? Take turns listing the objects that

you see (for example: "I see an apple." "I see a triangle.") 

3. What is going on in this work of art? Take turns mentioning whatever you see happening, no matter how small. 

4. Does anything you have noticed in this work of art so far (for example: colors, objects, or events) remind you of something in your own life? Take turns answering. 

5. Is this work of art true to life? Ho w real has the artist made things look?

6. What ideas and emotions do you think this work of art expresses? 

7. Do you have a sense of how the artist mi ght have felt when he or she made this work of art? Does it make you feel one way or another? 

8. Take a look at the other works of art displayed around this one. Do they look alike? What is similar about the way they look (for example: objects,events, feelings, the way they are made)?

What is different? 

9. What would you have called this work of art if you had made it yourself? Does the title of the work, if there is one, make sense to you? 

10. Think back on your previous observations. What have you discovered from looking at this work of art? Have you learned anything about yourself or others? Now that the game is over, ask your kids again: Do you like this work of art? Why or why not? Has your reaction to the work changed? Do you like it more or less than you did in the beginning? Why?

 

Preschool Pointers - 35: Bring Them With You

Problem:

You have some adult things to do, like bring a paper to your college campus before 6 p.m., pick up some food for dinner, or run errands. You have no one to watch the kids.


Solution:

Just do it. Just bring them. Tell them what you are doing beforehand, and how you need them to behave. At four, they should be able to do you a favor. Like behave. Haha.

Now, expect these errands to take you triple time, and know that you have to make the trip about them. It took us an hour to walk to and from my car on campus to drop off that paper. Every flower had to be smelled, every hill had to be run down, every new thing had to be explored. But I learned a lot about my campus that I didn't know before.

For the food? Just bring them. And do what you want, seriously. It was the last day of my semester, so I wanted a drink to celebrate. So I had one while we waited for the food. Now, I'm not advocating taking your kids to last call at a dive bar, but having a margarita at a family restaurant while you wait for your take-out is okay. No matter what that lady giving you the side-eye over there thinks.

There comes a point when you have to start treating your babies like big kids. And yeah, it will be hard at first as they get used to their new responsibility of having to act like an actual and reasonable human being. But practice makes perfect. So keep trying.




 

Guest Post - Five Worst Places to Bring Kids

Today I'm lucky enough to have a guest post on places NOT to take kids. Now I don't agree with all of them, I've had good and bad experiences for each. But, of course, any time you take kids out, it's a gamble.

...

Children are completely unpredictable and they can be on their worst behavior if they are taken to places they don’t like.

Department Stores At Christmas Time

Everyone is out shopping at Christmas and the department stores are full of last-minute shoppers. Kids aren't good in places where there is too much of a crowd. They can wander away and often get lost in the people. And of course, they tantrum. You might even have to stop shopping and leave the store.

Fancy White Table Cloth Restaurant

Taking children to a formal restaurant is not only bad for them but it has also proved to be a bad experience for the parents. (I haven't found this to be quite true.) Children can get upset at anything from not liking the food to not wanting to sit straight in a chair. (That's true.) The children often spill and break things, making the whole meal a disaster.

Art Gallery

Quiet places are the last place that one should take a child to. (Again, this depends.) Children are not really aware that they are in an art gallery or museum and therefore they are bored with their surroundings. (See, like here...I don't know that they're bored. More like, they're interested, but still LOUD.) They do not like to walk quietly or look without touching anything. They can get agitated and start crying or may do something that can prove to be embarrassing for the parents. 

Plane Trip

One might think that a child would be delighted to have the experience of flying in a plane but sometimes that is not the case. Children might seem excited at first but once they get on the plane they could get frightened of being so high and start crying or clinging to parents. They also might feel sick and throw up before the plane even starts. If the trip is necessary then it is vital that one prepares the child and takes all the measures to prevent any disaster that might happen. (Not to mention they'll kick their neighbor's seat, and yell a lot.)

The Market

If you are not going for toy shopping then a trip to the market is the last thing that a child would want to do. While the adults looks for the things that they want to buy, the child is bored and does not want to walk around behind the parent. (They could make a break for it, run around, spill stuff, tantrum. It's a blast, really.)

...

Mike has 2 young children aged 2 and 5, who keep him really busy. In his spare time (not really often), Mike enjoys contributing to blogs and reviewing kids products. In the last 4 years, Mike has published numerous articles and reviews on outdoor kids toys, baby accessories and parenting tools.

Grocery Game Plan 2013

Grocery shopping is always a crap shoot over here.  The babies know they have me captive because when we go to the grocery store, we have things we need to get before we leave. They know I won't leave until I go through the checkout. They have me at their disposal as we walk through aisles and aisles of fun and yummy things that they can't open or play with.  It could easily become a nightmare, and it has been pretty ugly in there at times, but usually, we pull it off flawlessly, thanks to having a game plan in place before we even leave the house.

1) Park close and pick out your cart before you leave the car.  This is probably more important for me than most as I have to find a twin cart, but even if you have a singleton, decide whether or not you are going to use your own infant seat, the infant seat on a specialized cart or if your child is old enough to simply sit in the basket area, or walk alongside you as you shop. When my babies were younger we used the five-point shopping carts, but a few weeks ago we moved to the lap-strapped racing carts. There is only one of these that suit our needs. The others are two small. If that one cart is unavailable, step 2 goes into action.

2) Do not enter the store with a crying baby or a fussing toddler. If your infant is small, stand outside rocking her and comforting her until you can make the transition into the cart.  If you have toddlers like I do, be prepared to garner stares in the parking lot and you stand resolutely to the side, waiting for your children to calm down.  Tell them firmly every once in a while that no one is going anywhere until they stop fussing.  If they're truly upset, cuddle them in the cart, tell them about what you are going to buy, distract them by naming the colors of the cars in the parking lot, etc., until they calm down.  If they're just doing it for show, make sure you've got all day, and just sit tight.

3) In my childless days, if I had to do a full-on shopping run, I'd start from one end of the store and make my way methodically to the other side. These days, I do a modified verision.  I start in the baby aisle, and immediately grab them something to munch on.  Gerber puffs, yogurt bursts, Nutri Grain bars, whichever items catches my fancy at the time. Once the babies are crunching away, I start my real route.

4) Move quickly. Know where everything is, and what you'll need.  Shopping with babies is no time for browsing.  Don't shop when you're hungry.  You'll not have time to investigate each possible item for purchase. If you're looking for bargains, browse the store's catalogue before you leave so that you don't have to waste precious moments comparing prices and products, or finding this week's specials.

5) Set break points at even intervals.  Use the fruit section, the bakery, the deli, and the section where they hand out the balloons (don't know what I'm talking about?  Click here.) as set points to break up your trip into small intervals, like pit stops.  At each stop, give the babies a treat.  In the fruit section, the babies get a few grapes.  When we move to the deli, they get a slice of cheese.  The coveted bakery stop provides them with a small cookie.  If we are incredibly hard up that day, I'll end the trip with a balloon.  Usually we can skip this step.

6) When the babies inevitably reach out for or ask about one of the untouchable goodies hanging from every section of every aisle, hurry on by.  Tell them you'll come back to look at it later.  If there is an item you need near one of these toys, park the cart a few feet ahead and go back for it without them.

7) If you are having trouble getting from pit stop to pit stop, make a game of it.  Have the babies "help you look" for the grapes, the cookies, or whatever they want next.  If they're repeating with increased urgency, "Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!" Get yourself on their side by saying, "Yeah! Cheese! We have to find the cheese.  Do you see it?  I don't see it. Cheese!  Oh, cheese!  Hello?  Where are you, cheese?"  The babies will most likely join you in your quest, and you can "look for" an item for up to five minutes before the trick begins to wear off.

8) We usually don't have trouble at the checkout, but if your child becomes restless, have them help you put the groceries on the belt.  It gives them something to do, and they're usually amazed that the items move.

If nothing works, and you've got a disgruntled toddler or screaming baby on your hands for the hour in which you shop, take heart.  Remember, when you get home, it's nap time!




Disclosure: This post from my archives is being re-run as part of BlogHer's Smart Mom's Guide to Being Busy editorial series, brought to you by Rice Krispies and BlogHer.

 

Road Trip!

Why would a person take two four-year-old girls on a two-hour car trip to go to dinner, then drive them two hours back? Exercise in torture, most likely. Still, yesterday at 3 p.m., I packed up my half-sick girls and off we went. Back by 10:30 p.m.

A huge reason, of course, is that a good friend of mine is visiting the state all the way from Canada. We went to see her.

But, why not leave at 10 in the morning? Why not spend the day, instead of just a few hours?

Good questions.

Answer 1) I had some stuff to do. Figured I could pound that out, then we'd go. It's like I don't even know me. When I finally get that stuff done, there's still enough time to go for a day trip. Which leads us to Answer 2.

Answer 2) Have you ever tried to go anywhere with twin four year olds? It's like gambling. Could take five minutes, could take two hours. Yesterday, it took the latter. First, they were hungry. Then they had to argue with me about exactly what kind of lunch they were hungry for. (They got PB&J, much to one's delight and the other's dismay. You can never win with twins.) Then it was time for socks and shoes. And I can't do that for them anymore because they're big girls and can do it by themselves. Very s l o w l y. After forgetting about what they're doing midway about 50 times.

Then potty. But one has to go poop, so then the other one won't use that same bathroom, oh no. It's too stinky in there! (It didn't stink at all.) She had to use the upstairs bathroom. Well, then, why did the second one get to use the upstairs bathroom when the first one had to use the downstairs bathroom? That's it! The first twin is taking off her shoes in anger and despair. The world will never be the same. Meanwhile, I've got the other one calling down to me, asking if she wet her hands enough. Then if she put enough soap on. Then if she rubbed them enough. Then if she...just wash your damn hands, girl, jeez!

So, now I've got the upstairs bathroom twin crying at me because I won't tell her if her hands are dry enough, and the downstairs bathroom twin going nuts because I obviously hate her forever because she chose to use the downstairs bathroom (they can always use whichever one they want. So long as they use a bathroom at all, I'm happy.)

And we haven't even gotten started yet.

Then I check the directions on my smart phone, which tries to take me to an entirely different place. Thankfully I realize this, and work hard to straighten it out and get the phone to find the right place. Now the twins need a snack. And one for the road, they decide. Then they fight about what to bring for the car ride and I want to give up on life.

By now, of course, I know we're not going to make it back for dinner, so I email my husband (who is not feeling well) to let him know I'm thinking about driving two hours down to Orlando for dinner with the girls.

His response was: "It's fine on my end, but I worry for you." No kidding.

Okay, we're ready! Snacks in hand, let's get in the car!

Oh, wait, someone has to use the potty again.

So, we left at around 3:30 p.m.

They didn't sleep on the car ride down, but we only had a few minor breakdowns (one over the fact that I cannot physically put grapes back on their stems. I'm such a jerk, seriously.)

Anyway, there are many more stories from when we were there and from when we went back, but I'm all tired out. For now, suffice to say that it was hard, but worth it.

Oh, and the answer to the original question is this: I eventually want real people in my life. If the girls are to become those people, they are going to have to start doing things, and lots of them. Expanding their horizons and such. Coming along with me. I cannot remain holed up in my Gville apartment because the thought of taking them anywhere further than the grocery store alone scares me.

So, points for us all, just for doing it.





 

Preschool Pointers - 18: Wait, Just Wait

Problem:

You want to take your kids out but they're playing so incredibly nicely. You know if you hazard into their 'pretend' territory, you will ruin this idyll, you will turn it to tears and tantrums...just by being you.

Alternately:

You want to take your kids out, but they're being complete pills. Throwing tantrums, fighting, making a big deal out of nothing, intentionally setting verbal traps for you, etc. You can't move them into public in this state.


Solution:

If you happen to have nothing scheduled in stone where you absolutely must be somewhere at a certain time, do not stress over when you leave. Let it happen, don't force it to happen. (You can do this with a scheduled event, too, if you start early enough, and have a backup plan for if they actually get in the car at a reasonable speed.)

For instance, this morning, I told the girls I'd take them rollerskating. Now, usually this would mean me moving immediately...grabbing the skates, putting on socks and shoes, harassing them out the door, let's get a move on.

But, since we had nothing else to do today, I told them, and they got excited, but when they didn't move toward getting out of the house at all, I waited. I let them play their games. I did some work. Then when they brought it up again, I immediately set down my work and got their socks and shoes. By the time I got out of their room with the supplies, they were playing again. I let them play. I picked my work back up. When they brought it up a third time, I put their socks and shoes on. I went to get them out of the house, but they had begun playing again. Same thing. About an hour from when I first mentioned it is when we finally got out of the house. With no muss, no fuss, and everyone on the same page.

I've said before that you only have between 5 and 30 seconds from when the children decide to do something to actually do it. The difference in this pointer is that if you happen to miss that window, don't sweat it, don't force it. Wait for another one to come along.

 

Moment of the Week - 112: Sunday Afternoon Fever

When you're waiting your turn for bowling, you have to do something to fill the time! Well, I flipped the video over, but that version won't upload. It's good enough that you should watch it like this. Moves like Jagger over here.

 

Guest Post - Five Great Outdoor Ideas

Today I am lucky enough to have a guest post detailing how to make your own outdoor experiences educational and unique from Allison Moody.

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One of the problems parents today have to deal with is how to motivate their children to spend
more time in creative activities, as opposed to playing computer games and spending too much
time inside.

Good thing about schools is that teachers stimulate the children’s creativity with different
activities and take them to picnics so kids can learn about and enjoy nature. But how to
entertain children on weekends and during vacations, so they wouldn’t just stare at their
computer screens?

Not all craft-making, fun activities have to be confined to the classroom. Here are some ideas
how your kid can enjoy the wonders of the outside world.

Awake the Dreamer

1) Making a collage is a great way to show creativity. It could be made out of anything your
child finds outside. You could suggest a theme and see how your child expresses it through
collage.

2) Interest your child in setting up an easel in front of a forest, lily-covered lake or a field of
colorful flowers. Prepare a few anecdotes about famous painters to show your child how
reputable painters are.

Awake the Adventurer

3) Challenge your child to make a basketball hoop and pole, a football goal, a rag or paper doll,
a car, or anything he or she would like to play with. Supply your child with necessary material
and help him/her make a more interesting toy than what you would buy in a store.

4) Suggest to your child to play a game outside with friends. It could be some sort of “It’s a
Knockout“ game, where children would divide into two groups, have different tasks (climbing
a tree, making an original craft, catching a butterfly, eating an apple dangling from someone’s
hand) and whichever group finishes the tasks first, wins.

Awake the Money Maker

5) Not only grown-ups feel good when they make money. Children can be more proud of their
well earned 5 bucks, than a grown-up who earns a month’s salary. Find a convenient place to
set up a table and let your child sell lemonade to thirsty passers-by.

Once children spend time on making something by themselves, they will be proud of
their “baby“and will learn the value of creating something unique. Hopefully, their satisfaction
with the result will at least be equal to (if not greater than) the fun they have when playing
video games.



Author bio: Allison Moody is the happiest aunt in the world; she spends her time playing with her nieces, cooking, dancing, and reading. Her work currently consists of promoting her online application, Labeley – it’s a free tool for designing all kinds of labels (mostly beverage labels).



 

Review - Brave

I think enough time has passed where I can talk about Brave, right? Spoilers below.

Before I say anything, damn at those red curls. Awesome.

Now, there was some tumblr nonsense about how the Queen was abusive toward Merida, but I think that's total bunk. Someone is projecting, truly.

What I saw was an historical (and very fictional) portrayal of life in a kingdom way back when. Yes, princesses were expected to act in a certain way. And it fell to the mothers to train them. So, when the headstrong teenager refuses to listen, the mother is going to get frustrated trying to explain to the girl in any way possible that there are things that need to be done regardless of personal wants and desires. This is something Merida herself comes to understand with time.

And it's not like Merida is a slave. She's sassy, and she's allowed to explore her own creativity. She's given days just to herself where she can expand her own nature and become her own person. But when it's time for her to be responsible, her mother expects her to pull her weight. No harm, no foul.

And while her stunts are funny to audiences, if my kids went directly against my orders out in public like Merida did, and the whole peace structure of the kingdom depended on them not doing that, well, I'd be pissed, too.

When I first saw the movie, I was pretty ticked at Merida, because what the hell at giving your mom a spell-cake, especially when the two of you are so so close to opening up a dialogue. But, she's only a young teenager. I'd probably have done the same thing.

I will say this, though, the next time I take my kids to a movie, I will check to see if HOLY CRAP GIGANTIC SCARY-ASSED BEAR FIGHT is in the reviews. Because wow. I had two little kids in my lap there. Even I was scared!

I also bawled like a baby at the end. Even though I knew what was coming. Even though I knew there would be a happy ending. There I was, in the packed theater, another mom right next to me, and I'm all crying like whoa. I blame not getting out enough.

The highlight of the movie, for me, was when my kid turned to me and said, "Don't worry mom, I would never turn you into a bear."

Meant the world to me. (Of course, it was all lies. She's 'turned me into a bear' several times since the movie.)

Two thumbs up for Brave from this camp.


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Get Out of the House (for Free!)

There's a whole other half of summer to get through, and here in Florida...it is HOT. Parks are basically out, but there are lots of things you can do with your kids for free (or cheap)...that usually cost money!

Here are a few of the things we've found to keep us occupied and out of the house during this 100+ degree weather:

1) LIBRARY:

I've mentioned this before, and showed off a music show that we went to the other week, but your local library is sure to have all kinds of activities for kids, probably weekly. I know Alachua County libraries have at least one kid-directed activity a week, usually many more. And they are all free. And different. No two library trips are the same! We went to story time this week. (Caution: get a good breakfast first, otherwise your little piggies will look as disgruntled as mine did.)



2) MOVIES:

Here in Gainesville, the Regency theaters offer $1 kids movies on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings! Not free, but close to it, and my kids love, love, love "the show!"

3)SPLASH PAD / POOL:

We have a free splash pad less than a half hour from our house. It's like a playground with water. Perfect for the Florida heat, and a low-impact outing for parents, who can just sit and relax in the shade while their kids run around in the water.

We also have a town pool that is amazing here! It costs a few dollars to get in, but it's huge, has lifejackets for younger swimmers, three diving boards and a water slide. It also has a splash pad area!

And, of course, we're lucky enough to live in a condo complex with a community pool in the back. I make good use of any water activities I can during these summer months.

4) BOWLING

Nationwide, AMF bowling is having a bowl-for-free summer program! You can go once a week for free, if you sign up for the service on their website. Now, free isn't free, of course. You have to rent the shoes at $4 a pop. But, still, it's a great way to spend a couple of hours. They even have little bowling ball slides for young kids like mine.



5) THE MALL:

We haven't been to the mall playland yet this summer because my kids have really weak immune systems, but it's nice to know that we have the option available to us, should we really need to go to a playground.

6) FARMERS MARKETS:

Kids love these, and adults do too! We just wander around looking at all the stuff and people, and sometimes we even buy some produce! It's a great way to spend a morning or afternoon.

7) MUSEUMS:

We have a natural history and art museum on the University of Florida campus that has free admission. They have a dinosaur exhibit right now, and a kids' room full of activities. My kids loved it. We will be going back many times. If you have a college campus near you, take a look at their activities list. Many colleges provide free entertainment to residents!

8) NATURE PARKS:

We have a plethora of nature trails and parks we can explore (the temps have to be a little cooler). Check your area for farms, trails, and wild animal preserves. I bet you'll find some you didn't even know about. Keeps kids engaged for hours!

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