Strangers

What do you do about strangers? My kids have reached the stage where they think it's hilarious to run away from me in large open spaces, like the beach, for instance, and aside from this being incredibly annoying and irritating, it's also dangerous. If one is going one way and the other another way, they could get lost. Someone could pick them up.

I like to joke that whoever did that would sure be sorry, because, honestly, you do not want to kidnap my toddlers. They're a handful. Unfortunately, it's not a funny world we live in. What if someone did? How do you explain that to a three year old?

I over-reached a bit, I admit it. But when your kids are running away from you at top speed in opposite directions on a crowded beach, you get a little nervous.

I told them about strangers and that some strangers were bad, and that you can't tell which are which. I said that some would help them and bring them back to me, but that some would take them away.

So, now, of course, while they run away from me just slightly less, they do ask really loud questions about strangers whenever we're in a public place.

"Is that lady a stranger? Is she a bad stranger? Why is it okay to talk to her if she is a stranger?"

"Because you are with mommy. It's different when you are with mommy."

"Is she my friend?"

"Well, kind of, but not really. She's just nice, right now."

I mean, you don't want to insult the kind older woman ogling over how cute your twins are, but you don't want them to go around thinking that everyone who compliments them or is nice to them when their parents aren't around are their friends.

With strangers, there are so many exceptions and changing situations to account for. It's a tough one, that's for sure. And until we topple it, you can bet we'll be insulting random adults wherever we go. So, advanced apologies. We're new at this.

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Traitors

Lest I ever get an inflated sense of my importance, my babies are always ready to show me how easily their love and favor is dispensed.

Got a piece of candy or a friendly smile? You're in.

As mom, on the other hand, I can smile at them all I want and I'm still a cruel obstacle lying in their path, blocking them from all the fun they could be having should I just let them take over. Why won't I give up that control. Clearly, I'm some sort of meany-pants jerkface, and I can just keep my smile to myself. Bribing them with candy? Well, they'll accept the sweet, but they'll side-eye me, letting me know that the perilous truce we have forged for that day is not solidified by my gift.

Other people though? They've firstly got the huge advantage of not being mom, which in my toddlers' eyes makes them automatically amazing. Obviously these strangers have stepped into our lives bearing sunshine and unicorns and must be treated with affection, trust and respect.

"I love you," Lilly said to her preschool teacher the other day. Haha, one day is all it took.

This weekend, Dulce asked me where her other mommy was when I gave her a juice box. (Tracey, she was talking about you!)

They're constantly asking about their babysitter, their neighbors, my friends that we sometimes see, even the woman with the dog that waves to us from across the community lot.

This doesn't bother me in the slightest, other than forcing me to be on my toes so the kids don't wander off with the first friendly stranger they see, and making sure my toddlers' advances don't make a poor, unsuspecting soul uncomfortable in any way.

I enjoy that even though we've not been the most outgoing of families thus far, my kids are naturally social. And even if I'm labeled the bad guy most of the time, at least their attention to others takes the onus off me for a minute and allows everyone a bit of distraction from their unfair lives.

If the kids want to flirt coyly with the couple eating dinner right behind us at TGI Fridays, that's two fewer minutes I have to spend reprimanding them or redirecting them. Everybody wins.

Except, of course, my poor mistreated toddlers who will likely be forced to go to bed at a reasonable hour after dinner is over. Alas, if only they could be with any one of those lovely strangers they saw on the way to the car. Surely those people would understand.

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Say Bye Bye!

One of the things I've learned since having twins is that they are not nearly as rare an occurrence as I thought they were.  It seems everybody is a twin, has twins, knows a twin or knows someone who has twins.  They all want to talk to me about it, too.

Everywhere we go, we are stopped.  Twins, apparently, remain a novelty forever. 

These conversations don't usually go smoothly.  I don't mind stopping and talking, but when I'm out with my toddlers, time is of the essence.  The babies have to be amused, and mommy talking another adult they don't know isn't exactly scintillating conversation for them.  Too long and they get restless, they get restless and the remaining portion of the outing is ruined.  This leads me to be less engaging than I otherwise would be.  A conversation typically goes like this:

"Oh!  Are they twins?"

"Yes."

"They're beautiful!"

"Thank you."    Pause.

"... They must be a handful."

"Yes, they can be, but they're usually good."   Pause.

"... You know I'm a twin (my niece has twins, my aunt has twins, my dog's cousin's roommate has twins)."

"Really?  A lot of people have twins; it's crazy!"  Pause.

"... Are there any other twins in your family."

"Nope.  These are the first ones."

Insert personal story of twins running in random stranger's family or not.

Pause.  Pause.  Pause.

"Um, okay.  Well, say bye bye, babies"

"Bye bye! Bye bye!"

"Oh, okay, bye!"

I feel horrible letting people linger like that, but I simply cannot respond to their incredibly interesting anecdotes with the proper enthusiasm while I have two babies staring up at me, wondering when we're going to hit the road.  Surely this must happen to parents of toddlers regardless of whether they're singletons or twins or triplets or what have you.

My thought process is that since our babies inadvertantly get us into these conversations, they can get us out.  Depending on their mood, we have anywhere from 30 seconds to three minutes to have a conversation with someone we don't know.  The key is this: "Say bye bye, babies!"

This key phrase can be inserted into a conversation at any point.  If the babies are showing signs of crankiness, I can tell them to say bye bye after the first compliment is given.  The best part of this solution?  It isn't rude.  Or, if it is rude, the rudeness is forgiven because the emphasis remains on the babies.  The stranger is usually appeased by having the babies talk to him or her, even if it's only to end an unwelcome conversation.  It is my best trick.  I have never seen it not work.  The babies' bye bye is final.


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