Hey, Jessie. No, Really, Hey!

Dear Disney,

You know those God-awful children's sit-coms you have on in the afternoons to try to compete with Nickelodeon's God-awful children's sit-coms (and Spongebob)? Can you stop?

No, seriously. They're all really freaking bad.

Anyway, the show I have a particular problem with today is Jessie.

Admittedly, at first it seems like your typical sucky show with its cast of quirky, one-lining, not-hilarious-at-all characters, getting themselves into silly, embarrassing and otherwise boring situations. In other words, fairly non-offensive, run-of-the-mill crap. We've now caught bits and pieces of a few episodes (it's meant for tweens, not four year olds, so we're not really watching it anyway), but I'm still totally appalled at this programming, and even if my kids were nine or ten, I still wouldn't want them watching it. It's everything I do not want them to be.

Hey, Jessie is not only thoroughly inane, it's also modelling horrible behavior. Consistently. And in many different avenues.

NUMBER ONE:

The way they treat Nanny Agatha is reprehensible. Now, on Wiki, Nanny Agatha is listed as a character as follows:

"An unattractive, arrogant British nanny who frequently locks horns with Jessie and the Ross children. During their first meeting, she attempts to ban Zuri and Jessie from Central Park. Zuri and Jessie ignore Agatha and keep coming back, so Agatha starts posting mean things saying that Jessie is a bad nanny on her website "Toddler Tattler:. Zuri, Jessie, and Christina stand up to Agatha, and Agatha shuts down her website. Agatha has a twin sister Angela, who is even more dishonest (but much prettier) and tries to steal Jessie's job, but the kids and Jessie stand up to her, and she goes back to England. So far, this is the only time Agatha, who despises the long-favored Angela, was on the same side as Jessie. Officer Petey met Agatha (dressed as a clown) at a fair in the park, and thought she was cute until he learned her mole and snaggle-tooth were not part of her costume."

Given this mediocre Wikipedia description, you can clearly see there are many reasons for the viewer to dislike Agatha. She's mean, she's dishonest, she's constantly trying to trip your hero up just for kicks, she's surly and awful.

But what do you do? You make fun of her looks. Constantly. All those other bad qualities are almost completely ignored vocally, as Jessie ranks on Agatha for her apparent ugliness.

Poor form.

Here are some examples:

Their first meeting -

Jessie: "I'm pretty sure you don't own Central Park."
Zuri: "For her sake, I hope she doesn't own a mirror."
Jessie: "And for the mirror's sake."

Jessie frequently refers to her as "Hagatha."

They also poke fun at overweight people, and sometimes the insults (of which there are dozens per show) have racist undertones.

They'll make fun of anything on that show, seriously. Intellect, looks, socialization skills, love, friendship. And the biggest offender is Jessie herself, the adult nanny. Shameful. It's all she has for jokes. And making fun of people isn't funny.

I'd like it if you would stop trying to teach my kids that laughing at people because they are different or have a weakness. What horrible behavior modelling. And not only are the characters doing it, but the laugh track finds it off-the-hook funny.

NUMBER TWO:

The sex talk and innuendos used are graphic, stupid and objectifying. Jessie should not be talking to her young charges in the manner that she does, referencing her "end zone" and etc. And it should not be funny that Luke (one of the kids who has a crush on Jessie) tapes the nanny sleeping, says things like "Come and find my off button" or gropes her in an elevator.

What in the ever loving...?

Disney, it's like I don't even know you any more.

I'd like to end this with some reviews I found on Common Sense Media from parents with kids who might actually watch this tripe on a regular basis.

- "this show is full of inappropriate innuendo and sexual references by very young kids as well as "Jessie". I don't think 8 or 9 year old girls need to hear their heroine saying "As long as he doesn't touch my end zone"."

- "The show makes me regret relenting on the whining for Disney in my house. For one thing, there is too much sexual innuendo - in one episode "romancing the crone", an older female neighbor is bending over suggestively and mentions something about "the view" to the butler Bertram, who is visibly horrified. Disney really thinks I want my kids to watch this? I won't go into many details because you can watch an ep for 5 minutes to see for yourself. For a show that is aimed at tween girls to contain so much sexism is inexcusable. The main characters are materialistic and shallow. Stereotypes are reinforced constantly (fat, old, or unattractive characters are frequently insulted and made jokes of)."

- "This evening I watched my first and last episode of "Jessie" and think it is inappropriate for all ages of adolescents and teens. The reason given here will be brief and to the point. The two attractive female teens are tall, fashionably dressed, wearing make up, hair attractive, etc while another young teen is short, boring drab outfit, no make up, childlike hair style and wearing glasses to boot. This young teen was subjected to very pointed unkind remarks by others and indicating in one scene that she was not pretty enough to have a boyfriend so might as well get a cat."

- "Bra stuffing is not a topic I'd expose my children to, same with bullying without any consequences, and the sexual references are inappropriate. Tired of the media telling our young teenagers that they need to change their bodies to meet the world's standards. Horrible role models and very negative message for kiddos. Come on, Disney."


And lest you think we're all just making a big deal out of nothing, don't forget you had to take an episode of Jessie off the air after the characters made fun of someone with Celiac's disease.

Keep it classy, Disney.

Sincerely,
A lost customer


 

Guest Post - An Ode to Scooby Doo

Today I have an avid Scooby Doo fan explaining to me why the show is great. (Which works out well, since I was never really into it, myself.)

Scooby Doo has always been a greatly popular cartoon and is still shown today on Cartoon Network. The show has been on air in some way or another since 1969 and is still being produced today. There are four main characters, along with Scooby himself of course. The four teenagers include Shaggy, Fred, Daphne, and Velma and together they solve many mysteries that come their way.

The gang spend their days getting into all sorts of trouble and solving many mysteries that involve the teenagers facing ghosts, ghouls, monsters, and criminals. The episodes are full of fun, action, and adventure and it’s no wonder why they have always been so popular.

Shaggy and Scooby are usually together. Shaggy is Scooby’s owner and is a little bit of a coward himself who is usually more interested in food that what is going on! Scooby is a Great Dane who can speak English a little bit and tends to put an ‘r’ before the words that he says. Shaggy is always being chased by ghosts and is a bit scared to say the least! Scooby is the star of the show and a very loveable character who is scared of his own shadow! His mistakes often lead to the group solving a mystery.

Daphne is known to be a little clumsy. She has been kidnapped a few times and left imprisoned until the other teenagers finding her. It’s usually Shaggy and Scooby who end up finding her, but it does tend to vary. She has a big crush on Fred too. Daphne adds a bit of glamor to the show with some handy everyday things in her purse that often prove to be useful.

Fred is the leader of the gang and tends to try to take charge. He and Daphne are often wondering off alone whilst the rest of the team heads off in another direction. She is calm and collected most of the time and very focused on the task in hand.

Velma is the clever one and is very intelligent at that. She is a key to solving a lot of the mysteries and loves to read mystery books as well. She has a habit of losing her glasses at times and finds them often falling off her head! Velma is great at finding the vital clues that the gang need to solve the mystery!

If you are a Scooby Doo fan, then you can watch episodes on Cartoon Network and see if you can help solve the mysteries. Every episode has a new plot and a new mystery to solve. The gang gathers clues to reveal who has committed the crime!

Not only can you watch the episodes, but you can also play the games. Cartoon Network has loads of great games to play online so you can help the gang solve mysteries and plot your way out of a haunted house. You can keep yourself entertained with games online until the next episode is on! Scooby will no doubt be around for many more years to come. 

About Author

Olivia is a freelance writer based in North Wales. She is a great fan of Cartoon Network and Scooby Doo. When not watching the shows; you’ll usually find her swimming or reading a good book.

 

When Is Violence Okay?

Do you remember these days?

I saw it on my Facebook feed and it got me thinking. Now, I'm going to skip past all the normal stuff, like, how would the originator of this image know that my childhood was awesome just because I remember this episode of Tom and Jerry? Perhaps every child born from 1975-1987 did not have an awesome childhood just because Looney Toons were on TV, right?

I'm going to get right to the point. Is the violence acceptable or not and have we wussed out as parents or not? And is it adversely affecting our kids?

 In the acceptable column, we have arguments such as the ever valid:

"Well, I grew up with it and I'm fine."
"It teaches kids to stand up to bullies and outsmart them."
"It's funny."
"Kids are smart enough to know it's just television."

In the not acceptable column, we have such gems as:

"I don't feel like explaining why a cat is pummeling a mouse with a frying pan while getting hit in the knee caps with a pipe, only to turn around to get beaten by a bat. I'll let Uncle Vito do that." (Just kidding, Uncle Vito.)
"It's scary."
"It teaches children to be violent and that hitting people is okay and hilarious."


Both of these sides have been done to death and I'm not going to flesh out either one of them. That's why we all went to 6th grade debate class, right?

I think the real issue is that we try to fit all families, all kids and all parents into one generic mold. You know what your kid can handle. You know what you want to explain. You know the maturity level of your child and his ability to tell reality from make-believe. You know your situation in life and how the cartoons would affect your particular children. So, go for it. Or don't.

But, really, stop crying about it. You don't like Sid the Science Kid? Go out and buy some old-school DVDs. They're funny and awesome. I remember them.

We'll chill with PBS for now because I have a hard enough time answering my kids when they ask me why Rapunzel's mother died when she fell out of the tower, why Ursula gets so big when she takes over the ocean, and what the heck that green stuff is leaking out of Maleficent. Also, why do the trees grab Snow White, and do they have to be afraid of trees, too?

They're old enough now where they're simply curious. They're not actually confusing the videos with reality...meaning they don't really think the trees are out to get them. But they do love their questions, and I just don't have the energy.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you show the violent cartoons or not. It's not going to make your kid into a wimp or a serial killer. What's important is how the real people in that child's life act. The real-life fighting, how does it go down? The real-life discipline.

Because you're already working (supposedly) on teaching your kids that what goes on in the TV isn't real, I would think that lesson would sink in. What will also sink in is how you, personally, treat your kids and your partner in front of them.

The danger isn't in the television. It just isn't.

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Favorite Characters

We watch a variety of shows here at various times, depending on when I'm working that day. We switch it up because I can only handle so much of any one kids' show. They're fairly irritating, I would say. Of course, so are most adult shows.

I work in the living room, so I see all these shows, and I've ended up with a couple of favorite characters.

1) Gerald on Sid the Science Kid. I love him. He's vibrant and full of energy and shows how kids can be just this side of good even if they're acting hyper. He's got funny ideas, and he's confident in himself. I find him to be a good role model for my kids, even if he is a little scary looking.

2) Swiper. He's, quite simply, the least annoying character on Dora. His "oh, man!" is adorable, and it's proved in the Christmas special that he has a good heart.


3) Ernie. He's been my favorite Sesame St. character since I was a kid. For many of the same reasons I love Gerald, in fact. He's lively, optimistic, fun, and funny. He's inquisitive. Even if he's annoying Bert or bothering his neighbors, he's trying to make life better for them. Plus, he has a band of counting sheep. Does it get cooler? I still remember the mummy skit. It still scares the heck out of me. Ernie is where it's at.

4) Duck. All the same reasoning. Apparently, I love silly, fun-loving, slightly annoying characters with charisma and a good heart. What can I say.



5) Eeyore. The one exception to my pattern. Something about his glum, pessimistic demeanor is so endearing to me. Yes, he sees the worst in everything, but he brightens up when his friends come through for him, which is almost every episode. Plus, he never takes his feelings out on other people, and he's always willing to see the other side. It just takes a little convincing.

Honorable mentions go to Kermit the Frog, the Moonbear, the Spider Monkeys, and Curious George (tied with The Man in the Yellow Hat).

Who are your favorites?

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An Open Letter to Parents Checking Out Library DVDs

Dear PCOLDVDs,

Is it really necessary to run a chainsaw over the discs before returning them to the library? I mean, I get it. I have two three-year-old girls. Things happen. Sometimes a scratch is inevitable. But even if there are scores of us eagerly awaiting returns so that we can gain a few minutes of peace here and there with the aid of a free movie or show collection, the discs shouldn't look like they've been chewed on. Seriously.

It's to the point where the girls and I check out five DVDs at a time in the hopes that one of them will play at least halfway through before stopping entirely. Skips, freezes and pauses don't even phase us anymore. If that DVD is playing at all, even haltingly, we are thankful.

And I know now not to hype up any DVD we take out. Because it won't play. They never do.

So, in the interest of all of us, I thought I'd post a little how-to. This will help you, other parents and children, and the librarians with librarian degrees.

How to play a DVD from the library that other people will eventually also want to use:

1) Open the case. Stick your thumb in the indentation, and pry open. Don't use too much force. You want it to pop open, not spring. You don't want the DVD to come flying out.

2) Press the popper in the middle of the DVD case down gently with your thumb. This should loosen the DVD.

3) Insert your thumb into the hole, and wrap your fingers around the outside of the thin rim. Wait! Not too much. You don't want your fingerprints on the bottom of the disc. You see, that's where the disc's information is.

4) Open your DVD player by pressing the on button, then the eject button. No! Not with the hand holding the DVD. Use the other hand.

5) Carefully place the DVD (shiny side down!) into your player, then press the eject button again (you can use either hand this time).

Your DVD should be ready to play!

Here are some things you should not do:

- DON'T let your child play with the DVD.
- NO sitting on the DVD, scraping the DVD against the wall, floor, dollhouse or toybox.
- REMEMBER, DVDs are not paper for coloring!
- DVDs are not Frisbees.
- DON'T take your DVD outside. It's an inside toy.

A few reminders:

- Keep DVD away from power tools.
- Tape and scissors are not appropriate around DVDs.
- DVDs are not mirrors.
- They're also not nail filers.
- Although it will be tempting, don't use your DVDs as plateware. On that note, remember, DVDs are not food. Don't let your children chew on them.

Most importantly, if you have accidentally ruined your borrowed DVD, it's okay! Things happen. Have some decency and report it to the librarian instead of putting it back on the shelf, please.

Using this as an instructional tool, I feel confident we can all start borrowing DVDs from the library with the confidence that they will work as intended when we get them home.

I thank you for your cooperation,




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Toddler Tricks - 80: Use the Television

Problem:

Twofold...one, your kid continues to do something she's not supposed to do. Two, you're not sure if all your talking at her is sticking. She seems to understand everything you say, down to the very subtle nuances of conversation, but when it comes to "don't do that," she pulls a blank face. Maybe she really doesn't yet understand? Haha, no. Maybe she's reached the age of selective hearing. Time to gear up.

Solution:

Use those mindless TV shows to your advantage. Your child is going to remember little fun details about pieces of the shows, and Lord knows, you'll have memorized them too at this point. These days kids' shows are always trying to teach some lesson (unless it's Max and Ruby, which, don't get me started). In our house, we watch primarily PBS, so those are the shows we all know the best. Use a few lines of the dialogue from the show or one of its songs to get your point across and make it memorable.

In my case, my child did this for me. I told her not to touch my wine glass.

"But, Mama, I have to touch the wine glass, it's in my story, see? Dulce touches the wine glass."

This is Super Why, and luckily for me, the point of that whole bit is to change the story and save the day!

Knowing this, I was able to step right into character, and what would have been tense discipline turned into a fun game in which no wine was spilled.

"Okay, then," I said, "let's change one of the words in the story. Should wine glass be "couch," "oven," or "shelf? Let's try oven. Dulce touches the oven?"

"No!" the girls shout delightedly.

"Dulce touches the couch?"

And they gleefully ran and touched the couch.

"With our power to read, we have changed the story and saved the day!"

And in this manner, not only did I get across to them that they couldn't touch the glass, I was also able to check on other lessons I had taught them throughout their lives.

And they got to play the whole time. Double win.

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Toddler Tricks - 73: Shut It Off

Problem: The TV is on. Again. You needed to make breakfast or dinner and switched it on for the children. And then never switched it off. Or they asked for it specifically after nap, and watched it for ten minutes then wandered off, but they don't want you to shut it off. Or they're still watching it. They'll watch it for hours. Whatever kind of television-watching toddler you have, you, as the parent, feel like the TV is on just too much.

Solution: Shut it off. But not like you think. This, like everything, requires slight manipulation of the situation. The toddlers need to feel like they are in control. So, if they ask you to turn the television on, try to guide them  in a different direction, but if they're set on it (and asking politely, of course), go ahead and turn it on. Either set a time (if you've got an actual watcher), or wait five minutes when your kids will be distracted by any of the other wonderful things in your living room and shut it off again. If they protest, take part in whatever game they were playing before you shut it off. If they insist, turn it on again, but in another few minutes shut it off.

This might seem odd, but in my house, it's a result of a parenting mistake I made long ago. I turned the TV on to make breakfast, and left it on because my kids weren't watching it, so I figured it wasn't harming anything. But they got used to having it on in the background, and the truth is, I don't really like the television on. I don't like the sound of it. It's distracting and unnecessary. But, they're so used to hearing it in the background that they railed against my off position. So I've been doing it this way to prove to their subconsciouses that they don't need the mindless drabble in the background, and it's been working.

They feel like they have some control, and television stays in its place (instead of being put on a pedestal along with other things Mom says they can't do), and they come to realize they don't really want or need the TV anyway. I mean, they're just running around ignoring it anyway, and Kung Fu Panda isn't on for me.

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Blast You, Max and Ruby!

My children had an unfortunate affair with Max and Ruby for a few weeks there. I think they're over it now, thank goodness, but not before learning several bad behaviors.

This is from its wiki page:

"The episodes present stories about Max, a rambunctious and determined three-year-old bunny, and his big sister, Ruby, a patient, goal-oriented, sometimes restrictive seven-year-old bunny. The show presents an uplifting message for its audience by showing Max and Ruby playing together and exercising respect and love in resolving their conflicts."

There's nothing uplifting to me about a seven year old and a three year old on their own. You'd think Grandma Bunny would be a bit more involved, but no. A seven year old and a three year old catch the public bus to see her. Oh, okay. That's kind of a lot to expect, I think.

And Max is three? I had no idea until just now. Because most neurotypical three year olds are saying more than one word at a time, wouldn't you say? If my kids point at one more thing and demand it over and over only using a one-word name for it, I might see red.

And Max is a saint to hang out with boring Ruby all the time. At the same time, he's not really a good kid, per se.

We got the Christmas DVD for Christmas. In the Santa episode, he refuses to go to sleep and he sees Santa.

Are you kidding me, Nick Jr.? Because what I need on the night before Christmas is a television show telling my kids that if they ignore the going to sleep part of Christmas Eve, they'll actually meet Santa. Awesome.

The next episode is even worse for us. My kids have trouble eating. They don't like to do it. They don't like to try new things, and getting them to take a bite of something is quite the task, all on its own. So someone needs to clue me in on why having Max hate eggs (which he's never tried), is a good idea.

The episode goes like this: Ruby makes Max an egg. Max doesn't want the egg. He wants the strawberries. Ruby says not until after you eat your egg. Max breaks his one-word streak to say "Bad Egg!" throughout this episode. He hides the egg, he throws his spoon, he drops the egg on the chair. Ruby is ever-patient and never loses her temper. Never reprimands him for his bad behavior either.

Then Ruby finally does the I'm-going-to-show-you-how-delicious-this-is tactic, and takes a bite of the egg. Then she does it again, and Max plays into it "egging her on" as it were. She eats the whole egg, and he still gets the strawberries.

So my kids have learned that if they don't want to try something they can hide it, throw things and just generally be obstinate until the adult (because, yes, they think Ruby is an adult) eats it for them and then they get a treat.

Great. Really?

I've seen another one where he wants a popsicle and Ruby says no and he spends the episode making a huge mess to get to the popsicle. At the end, he's slurping away happily, everything is destroyed and they're all like, oh, Max, hahaha.

That's just not how I want my house to run. No more Max and Ruby for us. It's an annoying show and the only thing it teaches is how to get what you want by being bad (or figuratively die trying.) No thanks.

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Why Don't Cartoon Dogs Talk?

This is a serious question. I mean, sure, some cartoon dogs talk, but of all cartoon species, the dog is often the silent one, full of woofs and pants, but no words. Even the dog in Word World itself has no words. You could argue that dogs are meant always as pets, but in Blue's Clues the cats talk. Heck, even the salt and pepper shakers talk. Just not the dogs. Same for Garfield, talking cats, non-talking dogs. And one of the only Looney Toons not to talk? Wile E. Coyote. Why don't dogs talk? Does anyone know?

Talking Dogs:

Brian talks, poking fun of cartoon dogs not traditionally talking (I think). It comes up as a joke often enough, anyway.

Clifford and all his friends talk, in disparity with the original book series.

Goofy talks. But not Pluto. What the heck? Because a dog is a mouse's pet he doesn't get to talk, but a stray (and let's not forget Pete, either...Wait, hold the phone. I was just informed that Pete is a cat. Mind blown. 29 years of knowledge rocked. Whoa.) gets full vocal range?

Underdog talks. That's kind of necessary if you're going to save the world, I suspect.










Dogs that don't talk:

And I've left out dozens on either side. Still, it would seem there are more non-talking dogs than talking dogs, and each specific character seems to have a unique reason for not speaking (or speaking) although I can't figure out what that reasoning is. Are there any trends? Does anyone know the reasoning behind this? Why don't cartoon dogs talk?

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The Things that Annoy Me about Kids' Shows

Being an expert in educational children's programming, by which I mean I'm a parent who sometimes needs to clean or make dinner in peace, I have some gripes. Most are irrational, some are grudgey, all legitimately bother me.

The first is derived from a very unfair grudge I hold against Martin Short. I just hate him. I've never found him funny, and he was at his unfunniest on his little show there, Glick, or whatever it was. His voice irritates me. Therefore, the voice of the Cat from The Cat and the Hat affects me like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Gosh, Cat! Shut up with your creepy cackle and stupid sayings. I can't handle it over here in the kitchen.

While we're talking about The Cat in the Hat, why do they bother showing the kids being buckled in every time if the buckles are 1970s-Olsmobile-style seatbelts? I can just see six year olds around the nation putting their chest strap behind their backs right now. If you're going to do safety, do it right.

And why does fish sound exactly like half of the other characters (including the bat) on the show? If you have the same voice artist doing different voices, try to make them different, okay?

Speaking of characters that sound the same, Disney is a prime offender. I didn't think I cared, but apparently I really need to know if the cartoon speaking is Pig from Word World or Smee from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. A line coming from Pete in Mickey's Club House has a completely different connotation than one coming from Tigger. So why is the voice the exact same? You're confusing me over here! Remember, I can't see the TV. Let's use a little creativity, shall we?

Max and Ruby is pretty much the most boring show I've ever seen, but for some reason, it evokes ever-changing emotions in me. At first I really disliked Ruby. She's so precocious. But then I realized that she's just a kid, and she's basically little Max's mom, and Max would certainly annoy any eight year old. I know if my kids didn't listen to me three times in a row, I'd be telling them about themselves. So, really, even though Max seems like a saintly toddler just doing his own thing, it's Ruby who has the patience. And one of my friends brought up a really good point. Why does he insist on speaking in only one word sentences? The point-and-demand is not a method of communication I want to encourage in my house.

And what started this whole rant is my favorite character, The Map. What a smug, egocentric, worthless tool he is. He always sends Dora the absolute longest way with the most obstacles, and his little song just sets me on edge. "What's my name? The map! SAY IT AGAIN!" Ooooh,  yeah. Wait, what? Enough, map, enough. We get it. You're the map.

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Franchise Flops

I hardly ever buy commercial icon stuff, not only out of any belief that my kids shouldn't be advertisements for a company, but also because that stuff is so damn expensive.

You take a $1 plate, you put Mickey Mouse on it, and it becomes a $10 plate.

I know because I got the kids Mickey Mouse plates for Christmas, thinking I was treating them.

Silly me. First of all, the kids don't care. They're just as happy eating from the plain pink or green sectioned plates I got for a buck at the Publix. Secondly, the set-up isn't even remotely practical. One big plate area, for the main piece of the meal (way bigger than necessary.), and two teeny tiny "ears" for the side dishes. Seriously, I can fit, like, three peas in those side dish sections. No good.

Most irritatingly, they're badly made. I get that I'm not supposed to cut bites on the plate itself due to the laminate, but sometimes it's just not practical to cut the meat on my plate first and then transfer. I believe I used a knife on these plates once, right after I got them. I hadn't thought about the laminate until I saw the results, which at the time were minimal. Now?

As you can see, the dishwasher was kinder to one of the plates than the other. Both need to be tossed out. Little pieces of plastic mixed in with food isn't ideal, now, is it? But, the whole plate came undone after just one cut-up pork-chop experience and lots of washes.

And now, I have to hear a million questions about where Mickey Mouse went, whenever the babies so much as catch a glimpse of these no-longer-used plates. It's unpleasant all around.

I recently stocked up on these, six of which cost less than half of what the two Mickey plates cost.

Perfectly-sized sections, stackable for storage, holds up well against a knife blade. They're great.

This franchise phenomenon doesn't end with dinnerware. My mother recently bought the kids some Dora underwear. The kids had been wearing underwear for quite a while before that, so I had plenty of regular pairs around already.

The Dora underwear pairs are shot. They're done. I'm tossing them. After less than three months' time, they're unravelling at the seams, tearing and breaking down. The underwear I'd bought months before Dora made her appearance, on the other hand, are still holding up strong.

Just because an item has a picture of some popular icon on it doesn't mean it's any better than any other item out there. In fact, it's probably worse. And it probably costs 10 times more.

No, thank you.  Back to generic babywear for me.


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I Like My Kid Shows with a Large Side of Guilt

As I've mentioned before, I'm kind of religiously confused right now. Of course, I'm dealing with it in the mature way of ignoring it until I can't any longer. Very healthy.

As such, I wouldn't normally introduce Veggie Tales into my home. But, Natalina fell in love with the cucumber on the cover at the library, and we brought it home with us. Since then, we've watched it a few times. To be honest, it's pretty great!  The real-world lesson is 'don't be selfish,' something we're working hard on here, with limited success. The songs are catchy as all get out and based loosely on classical numbers. They address grammar and style. The animation isn't particularly annoying. I even kind of like the characters.

In fact, here's a quick preview of the show.



Suffice to say, I really like it, much to my surprise.

I was totally crushed, then, when at the end of the episode a little weird dude comes out and tells my kids that the cucumber's actions made God angry.

Oh.

Click.

I think even if I were religious and that was a lesson I wanted to teach to my children (which, even if I were religious, I doubt I'd want to teach my kids that they could anger God by being bad and that they had to ask Him for forgiveness, but to each their own) I just don't think I'd want it coming from a cucumber.

Those are personal lessons that I'd like to share with my children on my own time, in my own words. I don't want a dancing vegetable to do it for me. I don't want my television (which makes me feel guilty enough) telling my kids what they should feel bad about and what they should be afraid of.

So, right now, we're in a compromise. We'll watch the episode, and I'll click it off before the last five minutes arrives.  It's working for us.

Click for me??





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Right On, Kermie!

As a former television news producer, this clip of Kermit the Frog, reporter, never fails to crack me up. In it, he is at the scene of breaking news - an ongoing, live accident scene. Humpty Dumpty has fallen off the wall.

The kids love it because it's a nursery rhyme they know mixed in with with intense imagery, so that they are both familar with and surprised by the content.

I love it because it is so subtley hilarious it is impossible not to love. Here are a few highlights that pertain to real-life news:

:15 - "To recapitulate that story..." Haha! During liveshots reporters often have to fill time as their brains process the incoming information and how to best deliver it to their audience. There can be no dead air on the news, and in order to keep from stuttering as they cast about for something to say, they will often insert huge meaningless words into their introduction, buying them precious seconds.

:29 - "Pardon me, cow? It's just supposed to be the King's horses here...go on, get out, get out, GET OUT!" This is typical of reporters. They go to a story with a set ideal of what is going to unfold, often writing their scripts before they've even left the car to get interviews. Sometimes, it's hard for them to accept the scene as it is, rather that the scene that it was in their heads. Kermie could have gotten another interesting side of the story with the cow. Instead, he chose to insert himself and his idea of the story, closing his mind to a potential angle.

34: "All the King's horses and all the King's men are indeed trying to put Humpty Dumpty back together again." Empty monologue here. Telling the viewer what what he just told them, in an attempt to link the introduction to the live events happening right now. "Are indeed" is probably the funniest part of this entire clip to me. No kidding, Kermit.

49: "Well, Dumpty's a tough egg." "Tough egg, yeah, yeah." Not exactly what you would call hard boiled." "Hard boiled, right, right." "But he had a pretty bad fall." "Bad fall, you say." Hah! This is the reporter being unable to be quiet for even a moment to allow the interviewee to complete an answer. Reporters can sometimes interrupt an interview to interject meaningless reactions, in an attempt to show the interviewee that the two of them are simply having an everyday conversation. This is very annoying to a producer. We're going to have to cut that interview up for sound bites later, and if we can't get a clean cut - that is, a bite without the reporter's voice piping up - the sound is amateurish. Kermit, just smile and nod. Smile and nod.

1:29 - "This is a very exciting and dramatic moment." This kills me every time. When Kermit says this, the photographer is on a close up...of Kermit! He wouldn't have to describe the moment he is missing as exciting and dramatic if the camera were on the climax of the live shot, where it should be. So often, reporter / photographer teams talk over the reason they are there and miss the shot. Thanks, though, Kermit, for at least telling me it was exciting and dramatic.

1:47 - "Oh, Sesame Street. How do I look?" Typical interviewee response that nothing can be done about in a live shot. People can get so excited about being on television that they detract from the actual story to say hi to their mom.

2:09 - "It's very nice to have you back...CRASH." New journalism at its finest. Kermit interjects himself into the story and creates his own news. Fraggle Rock News will now be able to report on the Sesame St. News reporter who accidentally shoved Humpty off the wall, and the story will live for another few days at least.


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Life Lessons Dora-style

My kids watch Dora the Explorer every morning.  I know, I know, but seriously, I need to make breakfast, and they need to not be in the kitchen when I do it.

Anyway, one of their favorite games is to pretend they are Boots and Dora (sidenote: Natalina chose to be the sidekick, Boots, before Dulce chose to be Dora.  My husband and I are both Diego.)  They go on adventures as the characters, making stuff up as they go along, putting toddler rules in place.  It's really quite magical to watch.

The other day we were at Wendy's eating lunch.  I know, I know, but seriously, it was a weekend and we had just been running around at the park.  I stand by the decision - it was worth it.

Anyway, the babies were eating their burger when Natalina got a sly look in her eye.  She eased down from her chair, stealthily made her way over to my husband and I, slid in between us, and grabbed his keys from the tabletop with a huge grin on her face.

She proudly carried her winnings back to her seat, and looked at us, beaming.  I said offhandedly to her, "Oh, Boots...wait, that doesn't look like something Boots would do.  That's something Swiper would do!"

The look of surprise and abject horror on her little face was priceless.  Swiper?  How could she be Swiper?  Oh, no, oh, no, this wouldn't do at all.

In a flash, she jumped back off her chair and returned the keys to their rightful place on the table.  She got back to her seat, very seriously.  She sat and looked at me, then her father, then the keys.  She stuck out her hand in a stop motion.

"No fiping!  No fiping!  Fiper, no fiping!"

I'm still laughing about this today.

But all laughing aside, this shows an important part to the television, if you use it right.  Television can't be used to teach your kids for you, but it can help teach your kids in addition to you.

For instance, swiping things - taking them or stealing them - hasn't really come up yet, in the moral sense.  Sure, I can tell one twin not to take the other one's toy, but my words don't really mean anything to them because they don't understand the effect their actions are having.  My punishments don't really help them stop doing it because they don't understand how the two are connected.  So that even if they did stop taking each other's things, they would be doing so only out of fear of punishment, and not because they understood how taking something from someone else made that person feel.

When a cartoon fox takes something from Dora or Boots (characters in whom my kids have invested their imagination) the characters get upset.  They slowly and thoroughly explain the problem to the viewer, and then they take action to get their stuff back.

This teaches my kids that taking things is wrong because it makes people feel bad.  It further teaches them that you can try to stop people from taking things from you by talking to them about it first.  It further teaches them that if the person takes your stuff anyway, you need to figure out a way to get it back without exacting revenge upon the person who did the taking.  It teaches correct protocol and reasoning, and shows the babies why you should or shouldn't do certain things.

Would I have eventually taught them this myself?  Absolutely.  Would my adult mind have been able to get all of those concepts through to them in one coherent repetitive message?  No.  At least not until they were older.  Dora has expanded upon a lesson I've been trying to get through to them since they were infants.  Dora has correctly instilled that message in them months before I would have been able to do it without the aid of the cartoon.

So, no, the TV does not teach kids everything they need to know, but I feel like if you use it correctly, it can enhance the lessons you may be trying (and failing) to instill in your kids at a young age.

Maybe Dora isn't so bad after all.  Or maybe I'm just rationalizing my TV usage.  Either way, I got a very cute moment out of it.


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The Morning Lineup

My toddlers know the PBS line up by heart because in this family, we wake up when the babies wake up, and that can be any time from 7 a.m. to 9:30 a.m.  We have a morning routine here.  We get dressed for the day, have a glass of milk, then the babies watch some quality programming while my husband and I eat breakfast, and he gets ready for work.  I'd like to go through these briefly, in the order in which they appear on our television screen on any given morning.

8:30 a.m. - The Cat and the Hat - I really dislike this show.  My babies disagree.  I often here them singing "go, go, go, go" which is the refrain to one of the songs, and the show never fails to keep them entertained.  I don't know why.  I find the animation rudimentary, the dialogue annoying, and the actor playing the voice of the Cat irritating.  Also, I don't expect the TV to teach my children anything, but, really, the lessons those two children learn with the Cat are just too stupid to merit review.  The babies would probably give it an 8 out of 10.  I give it a 1.

9 a.m. - Super Why - This show is about a boy and his fairytale friends who magically travel into books to find the answers to such pressing questions as: I want to keep my tooth from the toothfairy, and I want Little Bo Peep to stay and play with me.  I think my babies like this show because of the contrast in animation between the main characters (who are super colorful and multidimensional) to the animation in the stories in which they visit (which is a bit more drab and two dimensional - meant to look like pages in a book, I assume.)  The babies would probably give it a 7 out of 10.  I give it a 7, also.

9:30 a.m. - Dinosaur Train - This show is about a family of flying dinosaurs that go on adventures time-travelling through all the dinosaur history periods on a train.  The babies hate this one.  We switch to Nick which is playing Dora the Explorer if we need 9:30 a.m. entertainment.  I don't mind Dinosaur Train.  I find the landscapes interesting.  Babies: 1  Me: 5

10:00 a.m. - Sesame St.  I can always count on a full hour of silence if Sesame St. is on.  The problems I wrote about in my critique of the show in August hold no weight with the babies.  They love it.  They eat it up.  They sing the theme song, for heaven's sake.  Babies: 10  Me: 8

11:00 a.m. - Sid the Science Kid - Thank you, PBS, for changing your lineup to include Sid the Science Kid!  I think the subject matter is a bit too advanced for my babies, but they are entertained by the many songs throughout the show.  They also like that the show is repetitious.  The same types of things happen at the same times every show.  Many kids' shows do this, but with Sid the Science Kid, it really works well.  Babies: 8  Me: 9

11:30 a.m.  Word World - I love Word World.  I find myself watching along if this is playing on my screen.  I'm always curious as to how the animators are going to turn a word into the object it represents using the letters.  What a creative and awesome idea.  What loveable characters.  What great songs.  My kids like the show, too, although, if they're still watching TV at 11:30 in the morning, they're usually sick, or really cranky, or tired so they can't give it their full appreciation.  Usually we're outside by then.  Babies: 7  Me: 10

And there you have it.  Three hours of television shows I never thought I'd ever watch in my life.  I hope it helps you decide which one is right for your kid.