Why don't I get a piece of that?: Why Americans hate people on welfare -- Guest Post

Another blogger wrote a piece in response to the vitriol I received after the Mercedes essay went viral. She was then afraid to post it on her own blog due to possible backlash from her American family for voicing her views.

I, of course, agreed to publish it here. I'm always down for a good defense of, well, me. But also of all of us. Of every person who has ever needed the system put in place to help us all.

So here it is.

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Last month, I read the tale of how a former TV news producer and mother of twins had to drive her husband's Mercedes to the WIC Office (to pick up food vouchers).

I know—I'm super-late to this party already.

Her story has apparently hit close to home for many. But from looking at the 5000+ comments on the original piece, various other media outlets, her blog, and her Facebook page, many are also irate or disgusted by her story.

So let's get this straight. A taxpaying citizen hits a really rough patch financially, used the welfare system she and her husband paid into to help feed herself and her premature babies, and the internets exploded. In all sense of how the American welfare system was designed to be used (especially WIC), she did things right. She spent her time in "the system" to get back on her feet, then moved on when they were able to keep their heads above water again.

But going back to the comments—there are some really angry, bitter, and judgmental people out there. I remembered reading somewhere that the US is the most generous nation in the world—except, apparently, when it comes to giving government support to their own taxpaying citizens. I'm boggled by all the hate aimed at a family getting help to keep their heads above water.

I can only assume, in part, that Americans hate this story so much because it threatens the bootstrapping idea that should ideally lead one way up the income rungs. Two educated, middle-class workers starting a family are only supposed to climb the ladder. This paradigm has no room for a crises or unforeseen circumstances, and certainly no forgiveness for any real or perceived mistakes that would lead someone to apply for government support.

There's also a clear message in the comments for all those applying for government support: people should know their place. When financial trouble sets in, many Americans seem to except the full reversal of the rags-to-riches story. They should look the part of being poor—no matter that they had some nice things they bought for themselves. No matter that keeping a Mercedes was a sound financial decision given their predicament. Nope. Before you dare get help, you must exchange your blazer for that stained, grubby Coney Island tee no one would buy at the Goodwill. Oh, and don't forget to tease your hair up a bit and skip some showers for your best "lookin' poor" hairstyles.

Many Americans also seem to enjoy envisioning their own climb towards the American dream as a competition against other Americans. This reminds me of Monty Python's Flying Circus "Four Yorkshiremen" skit. You know, the one in which a bunch of men are nostalgically discussing how poor they once were or how hard they had it as kids, and each man tries to one-up the other with their story of misery? Yeah, Americans do that with their experiences with financial hardship or near-poverty experiences. "I was so poor I ate tuna straight from the can that I opened with a hammer and nails."

All satire aside, I think the largest reason Americans hate welfare is that not everyone gets a piece of it. But what if all Americans, rich or poor, had access to government support and entitlements? Sound odd? Impossible? Welcome to the Nordic countries, where time and time again we are making the news for offering the best quality of life in the world. I'm a dual-citizen American/Finn living in Finland. This is a nation of hard-working, innovative people. And yet everyone – rich or poor, old or young, immigrant or native, we all are entitled to our piece of the pie.

Here are just a few examples:

• Every adult is entitled to free higher education or vocational training, while also getting paid salary by the welfare agency to go to school or train.
• Everyone is entitled to free or dirt-cheap public heath care.
• Parents are entitled to approximately 100 euros per month per child to do whatever they wish with (presumably to help buy clothes and food, but there are no vouchers for this, just cash straight into your bank accounts).
• All parents, regardless of income, are entitled to highly subsidised (by the welfare agency) daycare.

...and the list goes on. The universality of our benefits and welfare is what makes these programs so highly valued to Finns. When everyone gets a piece of the pie, there's less disdain towards the takers. We're all takers – and much like Americans, we've paid for that right in our taxes. The difference here is, because both the rich and the poor and everyone in between get social benefits, the playing field is a bit more equal.

This is not my story

The Washington Post piece on my experiences on the threshold is garnering a lot of attention...you could say.

And I'm being asked for all kinds of follow ups from news organizations, but also from people.

I've been working on a book about it, one that tells not only the rest of my story, but the story of so many others, one that talks to people high and low and in between, officials and experts and anecdotal experiencers. It will give perspective not only on this recession's version of poor on every level, but give meaningful ways to get out of it.

It's clearly a necessary work.

I know that now because this is not my story.

It's your story, and his story, and your aunt's story, and your daughter in law's story. It is everybody's story.

Since the piece went wide, I have been inundated with emails, messages, tweets, phone calls. And I braced myself for the very worst.

And I was wrong.

The support, the overwhelming kindness and empathy, and most importantly the now hundreds of matching stories that people have been brave enough to come forward with into my inbox has been a phenomenon of breathtaking beauty.

So many of us were here, are here, or are on the brink of here. My experience, it would seem, is more universal than I even thought.

We are struggling, as a nation, as a people, and as individuals, and we're looking for any glimmer of hope to get us through the next few days, months, years, until the economic fallout straightens itself.

I have not asked permission to share the personal tales of hardship, hope and human resilience, but I wanted to give you a glimpse of the kind of messages I am receiving by the hundreds, even thousands.

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"Had to write and say your story touched me. Thanks for being honest and putting you heart out there. So many people are fighting all types of "poverty" in their lives. You never know until you walk in their shoes."


"I am sitting at my desk crying . . . I’m so glad you and your family were able to overcome that situation. Bad things should not happen to good people. My family is going through a similar experience – down the the driving of a paid for, extremely reliable 2007 Mercedes, which is why your story caught my eye. . .we are in the worst financial situation we have ever been in as we approach our 50s. It’s unbelievable and truly depressing. Reading your story gives me some hope to keep trying."


"I went through same experienced. Took me so long to recover. Read yours and made me cry. Anyhow. It was pretty inspiring and took me back to that harsh experience. This shouldn't happen to people that are just trying to get out of a hole. Very sad. "


"I just read your article & I wanted to thank you. Thank you, for reminding people that hard times can happen to anyone & being judgmental doesn't help. Bravo!"


"Really am embarrassed by the vitriol being spewed about you. I respect and admire you despite not agreeing with your political or religious philosophy. Not even gonna argue with some of the apes complaining about you taking help. Jeez, what a divided country we live in."


"Your article...thank you for the aritcle you wrote about "food stamps" that showed up on Yahoo. I did not want to post on that site because of all of the negativity posted about the article. It seems you got a small/brief taste of the feeling of "not having" that so many are experiencing on even bigger and longer continuums..and the emotions, judgments, blow to self esteem that go along with the circumstances. Glad you and your family are doing much better."

...

And these are just a few of the heartfelt messages.

The story of how I drove my husband's Mercedes to the WIC Office is mine, yes. But obviously it struck a tender nerve because, stripped down, it is the story of so many more.




 

Let's Play a Game Called Who Can Be the Biggest Douche, AKA Tax Return Time

I'm constantly telling my twins, "look, when you give something away, it's no longer yours. It belongs to the person you gave it to, and you should be happy you were able to make them so happy." Sharing is a big deal in this house, and it's hard. I get it. You don't want to give away what you think is yours. And when I make them share, it's as if this big unfair, stupid hand is forcing them to do what they least want to do. Then they're supposed to be happy about it. (Or at least shut up about it.) But, they're living in my house, and we have a system and to live here peacefully, we all have to obey the rules of that system. Sure they can tantrum about it. But that just makes them look silly, selfish, and like babies.

With that said, I give you this:

What is it about tax return time that turns people into such jerks? Do we not understand how taxes work? If you got $500 back, and someone you know who "doesn't work as hard" gets thousands back, you realize that if they got less back, you still wouldn't get more back, right?

As much as we hate to believe it in the "It's mine, all mine, it should ALL be mine" frenzy that is tax return season, the system we have in place is there for a reason, and when we sign up to make our living in the United States, we sign up to give up a lot of our money into the system. The poor people aren't stealing your money, middle-class folks. Again we're caught up in blaming the wrong people.

If you have children, you get more money back. Because you need it. I know that people without children think they need it, too, but this is the exact reason we don't all rule ourselves in little kingdoms of one. If you want to change the tax brackets, change them up not down. More money should be put in from those at the top (sorry, dudebros, success sucks a little bit, but here's a secret: It doesn't suck nearly as much as failure), not less being taken out by the bottom.

And remember, please remember, it's not your money and poor people didn't take it from you.

The government takes it to provide a nice society for all of us, and depending on your particular needs any given year, they give you some of it back because lol, oops, we accidentally took all your money and held it hostage all year.

Here's the second part, if someone is ever lucky enough to bring in thousands of dollars in tax return money, you don't get to be the tax return police.

Repeat after me: It is not your business what other people spend their money on.

I already know what you are going to say so here:

1) It is their money. Period. I don't care if you think they "earned" it or not. You don't get to make that call. If you want to make that call, go become the head guy of the IRS or something. You don't get to decide who deserves money and who doesn't just because you're someone's neighbor or aunt or pseudo-friend.

2) It's not your business even if you (wrongly) think they're using money you personally put into the system. It is a gift. We are sharing. These people need it. You don't get to give and then cry about it without looking silly, selfish and like a baby. (see above).

Images like the ones above are inflammatory hyperbole, meant to section the middle-class against the poorer classes. And they work easily because those in different classes, even in the United States have no idea how the other people live. We live and breathe the stereotypes given those people.

Earlier in the week, I was involved in a "discussion" about this image on facebook. Many people agree with this picture and raise their hands all rah-rah style about how effed up it is that poor people get to have new phones and toys and clothes at tax return time, when they (the working middle class) are stuck with the same old iPhone model they've had for two whole years now.

I want to dissect a bit of the argument here, in hopes that you will change your mind about whether or not it is your business when a poor person buys their child a tablet or takes a trip to Disney World on their tax return money. I will use real things said in that FB thread to preserve the reality and ensure I'm not putting words in the other side's mouth. They are unchanged in spelling, grammar and sense-making.

Argument 1:

"theres some ppl down the street who have 3 kids all different dads, the wife is a waitress and the step dad is hiding on the sofa waiting on an insurance settlement so, as the 10 yr old tells me they can be rich... they got 7k back in taxes,,, the mom took pics of all the kids holding the money on a tablet and the kid showed me... and like most ghetto folk, they all got there nails and hair did, went clothes shopping and of coarse they all got new phones... instead of fixing up there shitty house.. or saving for a new car or something.."

1) Three kids, all different dads. We're talking about tax returns here. This information about paternity is unnecessary. It holds no meaning in terms of how much money the woman receives for care of her children. It serves only to strengthen the poverty-stricken, single-mom-whore stereotype, and provides a mediocre means for snap judgments. Can't keep your legs shut? Clearly don't deserve money to care for your kids. Since OBVIOUSLY they are unwanted mistakes that you made because you're stupid and wanton. Only that's not the case at all, and shut the hell up. Jesus.

2) The step-dad is hiding on the sofa waiting on an insurance settlement. Okay, first of all, how do you hide on a sofa? My kids tried that when they were little and I, like, found them every damn time. Secondly, this is rather vague and non-sensical. Like, so what? He's not allowed an insurance settlement? You think insurances are just bending over backward trying to give money to people? If he's getting a settlement, he's most likely legitimately injured in a way that even insurance companies have to acknowledge. So why won't you? I give you a D- for trying to insinuate laziness and lack of desire to work without actually knowing anything about the situation and mixing stereotype with something you think you saw or heard.

3) so, as the 10 yr old tells me they can be rich. You know what rich means to a poor ten year old? Rich means he can fucking afford school lunch, yo. Do not use a child's definition of wealthy to determine how much or little a family who "doesn't deserve it" is going to pull in from their "obviously shady insurance dealings". Secondly, any damn thing comes out of kids' mouths, dude. My kids will walk around telling strangers on the street we're poor because I wouldn't buy them a Tootsie Pop. Chill.

4) the mom took pics of all the kids holding the money on a tablet and the kid showed me... and like most ghetto folk, they all got there nails and hair did, went clothes shopping and of coarse they all got new phones... instead of fixing up there shitty house.. or saving for a new car or something. Yes, God forbid poor people get to post pictures of something nice they got. They not only don't deserve to buy it, they certainly don't get to show their friends that they're attempting to live a real-person life. And those tablets won't teach the children how to function in the technological age, those phones won't be used to upload resumes or conduct job interviews, the hair and nails certainly won't help them look presentable to a potential employer. Ever hear of "Dress for Success"? Not to mention, in order to make life-long, durable changes, people need the self-confidence to do it. No one is going to be able to succeed if they feel like a piece of shit all the time. And "ghetto folk"? "Most ghetto folk?" GTFO.

Now, let's say these people really did get $7K back in taxes. Why should they throw it into a house that is falling apart? That's a money suck. They would get literally nothing for that money if they sunk it into their house. "Saving for a new car." New cars cost at least $20K. Where are they going to get the rest of the money for that? They could buy a used one, but then that one will break and you'd still judge them for their shitty car. Oh, and if they did get a new one? You'd judge them for getting a new car. They cannot win.

Argument 2: 

"u guys obviously live surrounded by suburbia bliss and think everyone on maury is an actor... when you already have an iphone and buy the latest one..not just for you but your 10 and 11 yr old kids have a new iphone... mean while their teeth are rotting out their heads and crooked...  . . . and I have nothing against being a waitress.. i was one for 6 years... the thing is i never meet a single one that claims all their tips that's why they get more back if they have kids... its looks like they make minimum wage... come spend a day in new orleans and just people watch.. 4yr old kids in diapers playing in a garbage can and dirty street water living in a roach infested apt. w/ no a/c while dads in jail and mom is on every assistant program there is dressed to the T. herself.. hair, nails designer clothes... arguing out side w/ some man cussing up a storm calling the little kids all kinds of horrid names in front them.. idk how many times me and another neighbor called cps on those ppl.... and every time the cops came to pick up one of the parents or revive the mom for a drug overdose for the 6th damn time, they never once took the kids... i guess the system doesn't care about black kids..."

1) u guys obviously live surrounded by suburbia bliss and think everyone on maury is an actor. Not sure how sticking up for people in a low tax bracket equals suburbia bliss, to be honest.

2) mean while their teeth are rotting out their heads and crooked... Bad teeth are genetic, not necessarily linked to poverty, but caring for bad teeth takes much more time and money than an iPhone. $5,000 for braces, another $5,000 for teeth pulled, root canals, crowns, etc. Remember they probably don't have dental insurance and all that is due up front. Plus, it's a process whereby they have to get to the dentist routinely, during working hours, and spend hours getting things tightened, adjusted and fit right. Plus, it's a risk, because each time, that shit costs more money, and being poor, the tax return money will most surely be gone well before the three years of teeth repairs are done, and then how are they going to pay for it?

3)  and I have nothing against being a waitress.. i was one for 6 years... the thing is i never meet a single one that claims all their tips that's why they get more back if they have kids... its looks like they make minimum wage... That's because they do. I wouldn't claim my tips, either. Restaurants pay well below minimum wage to account for this. Don't worry about the restaurants. They're getting theirs.

4) I'm not even touching that last bit because eff you. I require citation. I've been to New Orleans, I've walked in the bad areas. Citation needed, please. What I will say is this:

You're right, the system doesn't care much about black kids. It's a huge problem and one you complaining about them getting money you don't get isn't going to fix.

Argument 3: (when told it's not her business)

"it is if your kids are at my house asking for food and other shit... your right next time i'll tell them, look your hungry go home its not my business... i see a dude screaming at a 3 year old to shut the fuck up or he'll beat the piss out of him..i'll just mind my business.. and when he kills the kid i will feel perfectly fine having not done something sooner...just like u... uh no... look you live in your bubble of selfishness and i'll watch out for the kids.."

1)  your right next time i'll tell them, look your hungry go home its not my business... You need to pick a side, middle class. Either you care about the welfare of the children or you do not. But threatening to start withholding the food you obviously begrudge the children you're giving it to because some people on the internet told you it wasn't your business what the family spent their tax money on is asinine and ludicrous and makes you look like the worst of both worlds. Either you want them to have food and money or you don't. This goes triple for the assault situation. You're mixing your arguments and trying to muddy the point and it does not behoove you. If the people are bad off, and you're that mad about it...help them.

This reply on the thread says it better than I can:

"If you're going to extend a helping hand to kids that's great but if you can't do it without being a judgmental asshole about their parents then you're really not doing them any favors, you're just doing what you can to make yourself feel better for being a judgy douche. I was one of those kids, and I know how it feels to have someone "helping," me while judging the fuck out of my mother for our shitty station in life and guess what, I HATED people like you growing up, even if they were trying to "help" us. You know what it did? It made me not want to ask anyone for help. Ever. Because I knew that they were going to judge us."

AND NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE.

After going back and forth over this for a long chunk of primo Oscar-watching time, the final comment ends with this:

i have a 100$ phone.. a cracked nook and drink wine out the box... but my house is paid for.. no mortgage..and so are both my cars... so there is a bit of info for you all to make assumptions about... have fun with it..

All of that judgement, that hate, that vitriol, all of that incredibly hardened and stereotyping behavior...it all comes down to her being angry that she has to live with a $100 phone, a cracked nook and boxed wine. And her husband works 6 days a week, 12 hours a day for them to be able to afford even that, according to her.

And that's it. That's it right there. That's what's wrong with everything. The middle class has nothing, gets nothing, is nothing. And someone, somewhere, convinced them to blame it on the poor people.

You are fighting the wrong enemy. Look up, not down. It's the extremity of the capitalist society that has whittled away the last shreds of middle-class dignity. It's the exorbitant tax breaks and ridiculous tax write offs of the rich that contribute to this, not the attempt to dole out what is left fairly, in accordance to tax bracket and income.

Your boxed wine isn't your neighbor's fault, dude. It's your husband's boss's boss's. Let's start there. Can we go back to the beginning of it all and just start there?




 

"Are There No Prisons? Are There No Work Houses?"

I live in Florida. Coming from New England, there has been a lot of adjustment, politically, religiously and otherwise for me, as I've learned to keep my mouth shut. I've never felt at such odds with my new state, however, than now. Now that they've passed a law requiring drug testing for potential welfare recipients.

Governor Rick Scott says it is "unfair for Florida taxpayers to subsidize drug addiction." His solution, of course, is to require those recipients to wait in line at designated areas, sit in a room with other people in the same situation waiting possibly hours for their name to be called so that they can urinate in a cup in front of someone as that person watches their every move. Then they get to wait for their results to come back. If they're "clean", they'll get their money back for the test. If they test positive for drugs, they are forced to front the money.

This, in my opinion, is a classist invasion of privacy that humilates those who are forced to ask their government for help. Supposedly helping the taxpayers, the $15 for each test that comes back negative will come out of the tax pool. But that's not going to be a problem, right? Because of all the money we'll save by refusing to help those in need because they also have an addiction. And what about those who test positive? They pay for their own tests. Because they can afford it. Right.  Even if the test comes back clean, when are those people going to get their $15 back? If they're applying for government assistance programs, they probably cannot afford to go without that $15 for any length of time.

I just can't wrap my mind around making poor people pay for a fairly expensive test out of their own pockets. "Oh, hey! You can't afford food! Maybe we'll help you, but first lend us fifteen bucks. We'll give it back to you at some point, we promise! If you qualify."

The potential recipients are not to bring their children to the test sites. So, not only do they need to magically come up with money they clearly do not have, they also have to arrange for childcare for that time period. Something I'm sure is really easy for them to coordinate and afford. What of those recipients that work? They'll need to take time off from their jobs, costing them more money.

What really gets me is that this affects people applying for the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program. For needy families. So drug-addicted parents must have their innocent children pay for their mistakes? Their families don't deserve help because they have an addiction? Babies shouldn't get fed as punishment for the adults in their lives making what the government has decided is a mistake?

No, Gov. Scott has provided for this. Once the parent fails the test, he or she can designate another drug-free adult to apply for the help on their family's behalf. Of course, this presumes that the failing parents have access to a trusted drug-free adult to take the test for them. Which I'm guessing some of them probably don't.

Another problem with this law's intent is that Gov. Scott says "we want to give people an incentive to not use drugs."

Oh, okay. Because people using drugs can easily break from the habit. The only reason they're not doing so is because the government is giving them a few bucks here and there to buy bread and milk for their kids, or shelter their little ones from the elements.  Wait, are these things even connected? Do what you want with your government programs, I can't stop you, but don't wax idealistically at me as you hammer down the poor in this state with such a cynical law. I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure for at least some of these people, if they could stop using drugs, they would. Probably for their families. Not for your money.

Why don't poor people stop using drugs? Rehabilitation costs thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars that these people do not have. Some of them don't have any support system to speak of at all. Instead of using tax-payer money to systematically test people to deem them worthy of our assistance, why don't we help fund the sorely lacking rehabilitation options for those without livable income?

We can't just push drug users to the side because of their habit. Their reliance on substances should not imply that they are not good enough for our support, for our thoughts, and for our help. They often need the most help of all.

This measure does not create jobs, it does not improve the economy and it does not help the poor in our state in this disastrous economical crisis. It does give a booming business to the walk-in clinic organization that Gov. Scott co-founded. Because, really, I'd rather my money go to a drug-testing corporation than to those in need.

Here is an article with more information: http://articles.cnn.com/2011-06-01/politics/florida.welfare.drug.testing_1_drug-testing-drug-screening-tanf?_s=PM:POLITICS


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