Ask a Cleaning Lady - How Do I Keep It Clean?

Today Smibbo has an incredible list of ways you can make cleaning easier on yourself. And Lord knows I need them.


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By far the most common question I get when I show up to a job is “What can I do to make sure it doesn’t get like this again/keep it clean?”

Well, that answer always tends to be a bit long so here we go…

1. More trash receptacles. Not once have I ever seen enough trash receptacles at a deep clean site. In my opinion, every room where you do something needs a trash receptacle, whether its tiny or huge. I’m still amazed people will have a room that is obviously their favorite, where they spend the majority of their time but not ONE trash receptacle anywhere! Or if there is one, its at the other end of the room, usually overflowing because the receptacle is tiny and decorative.

Look, if its a place you rest your bones and veg out, you’re going to need a place to put your trash. Unless you get up for every snack, every nose blow, every manicure, you NEED a trash receptacle by your favorite resting spot. And it needs to have a bag. Because favorite resting spots tend to get all manner of trash, not just paper. If you don’t use a bag, the receptacle itself will begin to smell funky over time.

If you’re a parent, you need AT LEAST one large receptacle in every room. If your child is old enough to run, they are old enough to learn to throw things away properly. Let it be one of the FIRST things you teach them. Let it become automatic. IF you impress this rule upon them at 2 or 3, they will be doing it without thinking by the time they are ten. Trust me. Older kids often are a big help here because they get to be tiny dictators to the younger ones.

2. Better lighting. Most places I am hired to clean, I end up pulling curtains back and opening doors because its too damned dark to see. Once I do that, I can see all the nasty dustbunnies and fur balls that have accumulated in the corners and along the baseboards. So when you have been cleaning, you didn’t see this stuff, so you didn’t clean it. Then to your great astonishment, the place you just cleaned a couple of days ago, looks hopelessly filthy again in no time. That’s because all the stuff you didn’t see? It rolled around and covered everything in a fine layer of new filth. If you can’t see it, you can’t clean it. Add more lamps, get higher wattage bulbs, whatever – just add more light. It always looks nicer too.

3. Designate a place for your shoes and socks. People have no idea how much crap they track in from outside. If you start parking your shoes when you come in, you will notice a big difference in that wave of dirt that keeps migrating in from your front door. It won’t cure it, but it sure will help. Plus, when you go to bed at night, you’ll see the bottoms of your sock and have a better idea of how clean or filthy your floor really is. If you see me walking around my house with my shoes on, its because I know my floors are filthy and need to be cleaned. Going shoe-less is more comfy anyway. I’m surprised more people don’t do it. I know some people like to take their shoes AND sock off when they come home. For them, I say put a small clothes hamper by the shoe dock.

4. Stop using bar soap. Okay, this one is a biggie for me because its so prevalent yet so, so nasty. Bar soap is comprised of many things but one of those things is fat. That fat does not rinse completely away. Every time you use bar soap, you leave a tiny trail of dirt attached to bar soap molecules that stick to your shower/bath walls. It takes some time but eventually that dirt trail becomes visible as a brownish coating. This coating is EXCEEDINGLY hard to remove. The longer it’s built up, the harder it is to get rid of. I did one job where I literally scraped it off the shower wall for an HOUR. This was a single-person abode. The customer had never once cleaned their shower. For years. Once I was done, he was blown away at how bright his shower stall was.

Bar soap is nasty, it leaves a sticky icky coating that solidifies into something ungodly. By all that is good in this world STAHP using it!

Use liquid soap. Liquid soap is a different composition. It is detergent, not soap. Which means its actually gentler on your skin as well. More importantly, it rinses clean. Even if you don’t rinse it, it doesn’t build up like soap does. If you like, shampoo will do the job just as well. Just no more bar, I am begging you.

5. Close certain rooms off from pets. Face it, your pet has fur. Your pet sheds. THe fur that it sheds goes everywhere. Fur is fine and delicate and often hard to see. It also sticks to tile like nobody’s business! If I had a curse jar for every time I’ve battled fur sticking to bathroom tile, somebody would have their college paid for in full. I hate pet fur. But I really hate it in a tiled bathroom.

Also, pets do leave effluvia behind when they sit. If you have your room open or your office or whatever, the pet will go in there and sit because that’s where you are. If you can contain the area of contact, it is easier to clean and keep clean. Especially rooms that have off-the-floor furniture (like a bed)

6. Brush your hair every day, in the same place. NOT in the shower. You are asking for a visit from your plumber with all the hair you let slide down the drain. Just brush it beforehand in a place you can easily sweep or vacuum it up later. Or over a trash can. That’s what I do. Even if your hair is short.

7. When you spill something, don’t just leave it there. Don’t just wipe it with a bare paper towel and walk away. Use a spray, a slightly soapy sponge or cloth or even plain water. Once you wipe up what you see, squat down and wipe the area. I guarantee you there is splatter. It may just be a few drops but those drops accumulate over time and darken the walls, doorways, floor, baseboards. If I had a dollar for every time I had to sit on the floor SCRUBBING splatter off of baseboards I wouldn’t have to clean for a living any more.

8. Ladies: Take your tampon out while standing/squatting. NOT while sitting on the toilet. Use a folded toilet paper in your other hand to catch the tampon when it comes out and you won’t get a mess anywhere. Every time you take one out while sitting on the toilet, it swings and hits the underside of the seat and that stuff is HELL to scrub off.

Men: keep a bottle of rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. Pick a day, any day of the week, and resolve to on that day, wipe behind the seat hinge of the toilet. It is easy, it takes three seconds and it won’t hurt you in the slightest. Just fold some toilet paper, pour a little rubbing alcohol on it, and wipe just behind the seat hinges. Your urine spray accumulates there at a frightening pace. For gawds sake wipe it once a week. And if you have to pee when you’re stumbling drunk, fer crying out loud SIT DOWN.

9. Learn to throw away Kipple. Kipple is the paper detritus that breeds in your home, usually the desk or kitchen counter. Stop saving it. That coupon you think you might use? You won’t. If you really were going to use it you’d put it in your purse or wallet. That offer you got in the mail for a new blahblah at half price? Toss it. If you had really wanted a new blahblah at any price you would have already bought one. If its something you have to really be enticed to go buy, then you probably don’t need to buy it in the first place.
Whatever your weakness is, throw it away. And while we’re on the subject, wherever you usually go through your snail mail, put a trashcan specifically for kipple.

10. Brush your teeth with your lips closed. Preferably bend over the sink somewhat. Stop spraying the mirror: it doesn’t make your teeth cleaner to make a mess while brushing. After you’re done brushing, rinse the sink. It takes two seconds. Use your hand to cup some water, then sling the water at the sides of the sink. Bam! Clean sink.

11. If you go in a non-kitchen room with food or drink that requires a non-disposable container, use a tray or bring a bin with you. When you are done with your food/drink, put the dish/es on the tray or in the bin. You will feel too lazy to take your dishes back to the kitchen right away, but its always likely you’ll be walking by later not doing anything in particular and you can grab the tray or bin and take it to the kitchen.

12. If you don’t want to wash your dishes right away, SOAK THEM. Just pour some water on those puppies before you walk away.

13. When something spills, WIPE IT UP. It helps if you have paper towels or rags in every other room. You can stash rags in drawers, you can hide a roll of paper towels under a coffee table.

14. When you use the microwave, put a paper towel under whatever you’re heating. No exceptions. When you take your food out, you can leave the towel or throw it away. Because there’s a garbage can nearby, right?

15. Groom your pets.
16. Keep a dustbuster by your couch or your desk.
17. When you vacuum, take a second to vacuum the baseboards, the indentations in doors and lampshades.
18. More laundry hampers. I’ve never met a client yet who had enough laundry hampers.

19. Don’t nag your partner/roommate about picking up, give them a list. Don’t even say anything, just leave it where they will find it. They are an adult, they don’t need instructions, but many people do need a list.

20. Pick a specific place for: your keys, your glasses, your cell phone, your lotion, your “important weird thing I need to attend to within a week”, your medicine, your vitamins, your lighter, your cigs/pipe/snuff, and never, ever, EVER listen to your brain when it says “I’ll just put this here for now… I’ll get back to it later” because you know good and well you’re never going to find it again.

Bonus: When you can’t find something, start cleaning up.

For more amazing cleaning tips and hilarious stories, visit Smibbo!




 

Ask the Cleaning Lady: Basic FAQ

We are lucky enough to have a professional cleaner in our midst, who has sat down and answered some of the most frequently asked questions by those thinking of going the paid-for clean route. Smibbo takes it away.






Q: Do you judge the people you clean for?

A: absolutely not. The vast majority of people I clean for are pretty damned busy people and/or they have a disability/illness that precludes intensive cleaning. Besides, they can afford to pay me, then I certainly figure they must be busy enough to warrant hiring someone.

Q: you ever snoop around?

A: not really. The closest I’ve come to snooping is checking out someone’s fridge because I was hungry. THat’s if I’ve been there for 5 hours. I’ve occasionally sneaked a candy bar, energy bar, juice drink, a stray cooky or whatnot. I think the worst I ever did was snag someone’s sugar-free pudding. Those people happened to be friends of mine as well and they told me I could help myself (lots of people say that actually)

I don’t do it often but every now and then I clean for a long time and I get hungry. I’d rather snag some minor something in your kitchen and keep working than stop what I’m doing to eat a packed lunch.

Q: so you’ve never been tempted to root through people things?

A: not really. If I’m hired to do the laundry I will naturally peruse your wardrobe. Mostly that is because everyone I’ve ever cleaned for had a HUGE wardrobe (compared to me) with really NICE stuff. I’ve been pretty jealous of some of the clothes and footwear I’ve seen. But no, I don’t really “root through” people stuff because most times I”m in a hurry and I don’t have time to stop and notice anything. Even when I’m organizing.
Well okay, I have been known to stop and peruse people’s book collections. I try to be very stern with myself and not take anything down and open it because I might lose several hours if I open a book. But I will definitely look at your collection. I believe a person’s book collection tells a lot about them.

Q: so you’ve never found really scandalous things?

A: just becaues I”m not purposefully looking doesn’t mean I haven’t occasioned across some item that might raise eyebrows! But truthfully its pretty hard to shock or upset me. Unless I found proof that someone was a criminal of the type that physically harms human beings, I really don’t care what I come across.

Q: Ooo! What kind of things??

A: Really, nothing that outrageous: fetish wear, pornography, sex toys (I tell people up front I won’t clean their personal sex toys), sex gear, love notes, recreational drugs -legal and illegal, private journals, large sums of cash, jewels… really nothing you couldn’t imagine on your own. Most times I come across items like that I barely notice because I’m concentrating on either moving it or keeping it from getting vacuumed or dusted away. I’ve held what was probably a thousand dollars in my hand in order to dust under it. I am not sure because I didn’t stop to count it, I was too busy looking at the counter top I was wiping down. I don’t read journals or letters either although I have occasionally been hired to organize “kippel” (piles of printed paper that accumulates in everyone’s abode) and thus had to glance at mail but I don’t READ it. I notice if its hand-written (save those) or typed (look for category) and put it in the appropriate pile. I’ve shined people’s fetish wear and organized sex gear tote bags (whips, restraints, corsets, etc). Other than an occasional glance of fleeting admiration (that stuff ain’t cheap) I really do not care at all. Its just one more thing to organize or clean.

You have to understand there’s a heavy mental side to cleaning like I do: I can’t afford to be ruminating on every object I come across. I barely have wherewithal to even LOOK at the objects, much less devote precious time and brain power to thinking about them. It happens occasionally but even then its brief and meaningless.

Q: What do you hate cleaning the most?

A: If you mean what area/room I’d guess I’d say the kitchen. Kitchens are ALWAYS bigger than they seem and there’s a bazillion little details no one ever thinks to clean. I could probably spend an hour scrubbing cabinet doors alone. Well, actually I’ve been known to spend more than that. The good thing is most of those details stay relatively clean for a long time. Once I scrub your cabinets, I will most likely only have to wipe them down once a month to keep them nice. But it always seems like I’m discovering something that hasn’t been cleaned in forever when I do a kitchen. Even if I was there two weeks ago. Unless I come on a strict regular basis, there’s always SOMETHING in the kitchen that throws off my timing. Plus its often dried food which – if you had cleaned it when it splattered or dripped it would have come right off but since you let it dry, I now have to scrub it with a brush, a scrubbie or my fingernail. It irks me. People pay me to clean but there are times when I’m sitting there scrubbing something thinking “really people?? All you had to do was wipe it for five seconds!” A similar thing is walls. I am always amazed at how often people spill something, it spatters the wall and they can’t be bothered to just swipe it with a paper towel and some windex.

If you are talking about what type of mess i hate cleaning most, that’s easy: moldy stuff. Anything that smells bad I cannot stand. And yes that’s another time when I actually do get a little judgey. HOW can you let something get so nasty that it starts growing and smelling? This baffles me

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I despise picking up underwear that has “skid marks”

After the one time, I absolutely refuse to clean anything with maggots now. So I don’t usually clean thhe inside fo garbage cans anymore

Q: Ever break anything?

A: Once. I broke a very delicate glass while I was wiping it dry. Obviously it was far more delicate than I realized. I tucked a $10 bill into the remains of it with a note of apology and didn’t worry about it. The customer did say anything and didn’t tell me to stop coming (I came once a week) so it must have sufficed.

Actually I think I might have broken a tiny piece of a collectible once when dusting BUT I am not sure because I wasn’t familiar with what the object looked like to begin with. I was delicate and the piece was sticking out (easily broken) so its quite likely it was already broken. Since that incident I take a little bit of time to look at objects when I am dusting. Other than that, I’ve never broken anything.

Q: I bet your house is super-clean/a big mess!

A: actually my house isn’t much cleaner or messier than the average person.My house happens to be a bit cluttered because I have children and a chronic condition and I got to where I stopped wanting to spend so much time keeping it all in check when the only person who cared was me. I keep it reasonable. Every week I clean SOMETHING. If I’m hosting a party or having certain people come over, I’ll really go nuts but most times, I’m too tired from cleanig other people’s houses to really care that much about my own beyond a certain level.

I’ll tell you what IS different about my place versus most places I’ve ever gone (for cleaning or socializing) – there’s nothing in my house that has gone more than two months without being cleaned. The window sills get wiped down at one point. The inside of my fridge gets wiped down. The books and knick-knacks on shelves get not just dusted but cleaned. The toys and clothes get organized.
In other words: my house can get messy but its never dirty. Even my garbage can is not “allowed” to smell. And the kippel in my house is only allowed to get to a certain point before I go through all of it. So in some respects my house is cleaner than everyones because if I want to make it spotless, it wont’ take me six hours to do it.

Q: I don’t know how you do it, You’re amazing! What is your secret?

A: elbow grease and determination. Money motivates but I really take pride in my job.

Q: What’s a good vacuum cleaner?

A: it depends on your circumstance. If you’re living in a small 1-br apartment with hard floors, I highly recommend a roomba. If ou live with carpet, get the cheapest on the market. If you live in a moderate sized place with both hard floors and carpet, be sure whatever you buy has proper attachments and is height adjustable. If you like in a fairly large place (3br/ 3ba +) then you need a bagged vacuum. Bagless vacs simply do not hold much in the cup. Its messy and a PITA to empty those cups out. A bag can last two three complete passes through your house. Plus they are better for allergies. Brand? Pfft. The brand merely determines bells and whistles and price. I’ve had just a good experience with a $40 Bissell as I have with a $400 Oreck.

Q: What’s your favorite product? your go-to cleaner?

A: I use mostly two things: Pine-Sol and Fabuloso. Pine-Sol disinfects for toilets and the like but it doesn’t make me cough from the fumes (although it will strip the outer layer of skin from your hands) and Fabuloso is just a basic cleaner with lots of perfume that lingers. People know their place is clean once I’ve left. If the client has preferred product I don’t mind using theirs. But really, I’ve not found much that works any better than those two things. I use windex sometimes and I have a stainless steel spray I like but I can easily use Fabuloso for those things, I just have to rinse.

My REAL go-to is two things. My two “secrets of success” that does make a difference between when *I* clean and when you clean. A vacuum cleaner and a squeegee. I use a vacuum cleaner in nearly every room to vacuum up hair, pet fur and other difficult to see stuff. This means when its times to dust or mop my tools will not get filthy. If my mop is filthy from hair and fur and nasty other things, then its not going to clean your floor so good. So I make sure my tools are clean and they stay clean. The squeegee is a wonder. I use it in bathrooms and kitchens to squeegee the water and residual cleaner off. Its fantastic for making the floor even cleaner. Mop, scrub a little, then squeegee it.

Q: I read that story by David Sedaris about being mistaken for a stripper cleaner… you ever have any awkward or weird moments as a cleaner?

A: thankfully, no.

Q: Do you *like* doing that? Is it cuz of your OCD?

A: actually no, my OCD can get triggered by cleaning and if it does we’re in trouble because I will spend HOURS doing some pointless ritual. But I take medication and I have a good handle on my OCD anyway so it rarely comes up. I have other manifestations. Cleaning isn’t really one of them.
I like cleaning because it makes me feel two things:

1) that I matter, I am powerful. I take a situation that upsets and overwhelms other people and I make order out of it. Sometimes, I make beauty. Plus it really lifts people’s spirits to have a clean environment. It makes them HAPPY sometimes even. That, to me, is a powerful thing.

2) pride. Other people may clean, but I CLEAN! I do not just make things look decent, I can transform a place. I clean things no one even realizes is dirty and therefore I brighten a room without people even knowing how I did it. Its simple particle physics: any grungy dirt fragment will diffuse light and absorb some as well. It makes things look more dim and dreary. You shine everything up, suddenly everything it a tad brighter. Its like magic. I love having a reputation for being “perfect” – I know I”m not perfect but I am pretty damned close. There’s not much in my life I feel super-confident at, but cleaning is one of them.






 

Get Up, Get Out - Contributor Post

As school has started, our entire morning routine has shifted, and not in an easy-to-swallow way. Thankfully, Alex Nguyen from Alex Nguyen Portraits has done this before and she's got some great ways to get the kids up, out, and into good human beings.

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School normally starts up around here after Labor Day. With the beginning of school, begins also the morning struggle of getting my boys ready and out the door on time in the morning. I have two kids going to two different schools, so it took everything I had to keep my sanity from reminding them of the same things every. single. day. They could recite whole episodes of Curious George, but not remember to brush their teeth in the morning without a reminder. Times two! Fortunately, I instituted a morning chart routine a couple of years ago when my oldest started kindergarten, and it's really streamlined our whole morning process. Now, instead of me getting frustrated that, yet again, I'm reminding him to go pee and brush his teeth, I just redirect him to check out his morning chart, and he can look and cross off what he needs to do. It's been a sanity saver, and let's me make a cup of coffee in the morning so I can get going with my day.

The second thing which also helps in our household is a chore chart. I downloaded a template and laminated the different chores and velcroed it to the chart. I love it because there are things that need to be done such as feeding the pets, practicing spelling, not fighting with their brother, etc. that isn't necessarily a chore that I want to reward. The template has a "morning", "afternoon", and also a "to earn" column. In our household, I give out chore coupons for completed chores in the "To Earn" column. One coupons = one quarter OR 30 minutes of screen time. Each boy gets their own chore chart to complete, with age appropriate chores. It really helps gives them a sense of responsibility, and also gives me a chance to redirect them to being helpful (and in the older son's case, making sure his homework is completed, he has practiced his soccer skills or tae kwon do poomses). In the long run, kids who *want* to be helpful get to be, things get done, and sanity gets saved. It's a win, win for everyone!

Project Links: Morning Responsibility Chart Template for Chore Chart (.PDF File)
 

This is the responsibility chart I have for both my kiddos. It's SO helpful in the morning because I can just tell them, "Go look at your chart!" instead of nagging at them in the morning. The step-by-step tutorial I found on Spoonful.com here. To make your own you will need: corrugated cardboard, paper, bamboo skewers, and a straw.

 

My older son's chart reads: wake up, go pee, brush teeth/puffer, eat breakfast, get dressed, pack back pack (includes homework AND lunch). This is simple stuff that needs to be done every day! My younger son has pictures since he can't read yet.

 

Here is the chore chart I have for both my boys, I downloaded the template from Home School Creations (it's a .PDF file, free to download!). I laminated mine, and then put velcro on the backside. I like this template because it has morning, afternoon, and also a "to earn" column, because I want my boys to have automatic things to do that aren't just for money (such as feeding their pets). It also has pictures AND words so both kids can look at it and understand what it asks.

 

What the velcro looks like, it's very easy to adjust around. When the boys are done with a chore, they put it "upside down" on the chore chart to let me know that it's been finished (easily done with velcro).

 

I got my squares from Home Depot, but you can also buy them from places like Lakeshore Learning, or Amazon.com

 

Some of the different chore squares the printable template came with! It also came with some blank ones where you can make your own.

 

In our househole, one chore in the "to earn" column equals one chore coupon. The value is 25 cents OR 30 minutes of screen time, whichever they want.