5 ways a dog helped my kids

When I first got our puppy, Fletch, I was told in no uncertain terms by someone that it would be a huge mistake, that we weren't prepared to be pet owners and that my kids would literally kill the dog. (I swear.) Not only has that not happened, but I can say with authority that having this puppy has really helped the mood of our household overall, not least because he's there for my kids in a myriad of ways only a dog could be.

1) He will always play with them.

Mom working on the computer again and can only make bracelets with the kids for ten minutes? Don't worry! Fletch is there with a ball to help them out of their doldrums.

2) He takes the blame.

I don't know how many times missing shoes, broken toys and huge messes have been blamed on this little guy. We always laugh about it, because it probably wasn't Fletch who forgot to flush the potty after all.

3) He's always there for them.

My kids are really sensitive, so when they have to be reprimanded, they take it hard (for like a second before they go right back to misbehaving again). But nothing in the world is better than a live snuggle buddy who loves you no matter what when you're feeling down.

4) He LOVES them so hard.

Every morning when they wake up, he'll spend a half hour celebrating this momentous occasion. When they come home after being away, or even if they just come inside after playing outside for a bit, all bets are off for ten minutes while he licks them to death and wags his tail ecstatically. He does not hide his emotions, and his emotions are OMG YOU ARE BACK I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH LET ME LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. They love it and need it in their lives.

5) He gives them something to take care of.

They worry over him, and take charge of him as if he were their own kid. They help feed him and give him water and take him outside and make sure he's feeling happy all the time. This has the added benefit of them realizing that the sun doesn't rise and set on their faces alone. With a smaller thing in their lives, they see that they might not be the end-all be-all forever for everyone, and that other things may also need our compassion and strength. It's helping them (slooooowly) become big girls.

Fletch has been the perfect addition to this family. Absolutely.

Puppy Adolescence

So, we have this puppy, and so far he's been great. He listens pretty well, and is cute and well-behaved.

Well, until a few days ago.

Suddenly, the dog I had almost finished house-training, to the point where he would whine and scratch at the door if he had to go out, was not only going in the house by accident, but seeking out opportunity to do it on purpose. Refusing to go outside, in fact, then peeing as soon as we came in.

The dog who has  been sleeping through the night since the first week we got him started getting up, not just to go potty and go back to bed at 3 a.m., but full-on wanting to play and being a total nuisance at 3 a.m. We had to go back to the crate last night to get him to calm down to sleep--something we haven't had to do in ages.

The dog who listened to 'no biting' and would lick instead, though you could tell he wanted to play his puppy games with his teeth began nipping and growling and trying to assert dominance over the kids.

What?

After not sleeping last night due to his antics, I looked up 5-month-old puppy on the Internet. Because I can. And wouldn't you know there's a whole Google page devoted to "puppy adolescence." This is the stage where a male puppy starts trying to take the alpha role in the pack. We're to be calm alphas, always taking care of him, but not letting him get away with his little attitude displays.

Apparently this will lessen when he gets neutered and in small dogs it doesn't last too long anyway.

In large dogs it's said to last up to a year.

I have no idea how anyone manages to own large dogs.

I've trained a male dog before, but we got him around 5 months and I'm thinking the new situation and environment combined with his previous life left little room for this type of development, so I've never seen it before. Fletch, by contrast, has been with us since Thanksgiving, and certainly knows his way around. Plus he was the largest of the litter, so perhaps his alpha inclinations are stronger.

Online tells me to train, train, train. To continue giving praise when he completes a task or trick and to be stern but calm when he disobeys. I've got twin six year olds. I think I can handle that. I hope.

Regardless, it's probably going to be a rough couple of weeks at Chez Cunha. Hopefully everyone lives through it.

In which Facebook tells me my kids will kill a dog

Facebook.

Lovely Facebook.

I realize most people use the social media platform to show the world their ideal selves, throw up their highlight reel. I use mine more like a blooper reel, to  be honest, and for the most part, that serves me well.

I don't care if people know my house is sometimes messy, or if my kids sometimes misbehave. I make mistakes, and I post about those. I fail in the kitchen, in the home, in trying to be fashionable, in writing, in life. And I post about it. Because I'm a real person and I just don't have the energy to put my best foot forward. Sometimes I don't even have a best foot, it's true.

That said, just because I share things that aren't all roses and sunshine all the time, doesn't mean Facebook friends know me any better than they know anyone else. They certainly don't know me better than I do.

That said, I got a dog a few weeks ago.

Before I got this puppy, I had done a lot of research online, finding the right match for our family. I'd been looking since October. I also have had and trained a few dogs in my lifetime, though none so small (he's a Chorkie, and will top out at 8-10 pounds) and none while I had a family.

Facebook, though, didn't know that. Facebook only knew that I posted a picture of the little guy along with the status: "Going to see this little guy tomorrow. If all goes well, we'll be getting a puppy."

This was enough to set the social medium on fire, apparently.

Amid the squeals of omgcutepuppy, there were a few concerned yet respectful comments inquiring as to whether I knew what I was getting into with a puppy. Understandable. As much as I share on social media, I hadn't found reason ever to go into my history with dogs, or even (aside from one comment months before) to indicate that I was researching puppy options for the family. I put those fears to rest with a brief explanation. Then I got this comment:

"How long are you home everyday? Aren't you gone quiet a bit with grad school? And doing other stuff. A small dog that is going to top out at ten pounds most can't really go more then two hours with out bringing them outside when they are itty bitty puppies. With two kids who can go from fine to freak out in two seconds a small puppy could easily get hurt,or a broken bone or worst case dead are you prepared for them to fight over a puppy and how to handle that? Also asking which is better to house or crate train makes me think you have not really 100% thought this through and you're just thinking omgPUPPY. And while they may look cute I also don't think a yorkie corgi mix is really a good mix for your family. You could end up with a nightmare nuerotic dog real quick. Please look more up on both breeds and search around for puppy classes and if you really do plan on impulse buying a puppy and get it to puppy classes ASAP. And I hope you're not paying a ridic amount for basically a mutt."

So much wrong with this comment. Not that I have to defend my life or my choices, but I'm not gone hardly at all. I'm home basically always. I thought crate training meant training the dog to go to the bathroom inside. Crate training and house training were the same to me. So, yes, got me on misuse of terminology. Not a Corgi mix. Not an impulse buy. And for someone so concerned about the apparently downtrodden and horrid life this dog is about to have, that last line calling him a mutt and not wanting me to spend money (ie: ensure I make a commitment to this decision) stands out as odd.

Now.

How about we deal with this: "With two kids who can go from fine to freak out in two seconds a small puppy could easily get hurt,or a broken bone or worst case dead are you prepared for them to fight over a puppy and how to handle that?"

I'm sorry, but no matter how well you think you know me, Facebook, it is totally inappropriate to imply my children would kill a dog. They are six. They're not going to tear it apart like a stuffed animal because they can't control themselves.

This was my reply at the time.

"Thanks. I'm home all day. My kids won't break the pup's bones either. I've bought and trained dogs before, as well. Though they were 25-40 American Eskimos. My kids also won't fucking kill the dog."

I figured that would be it. Thank you for your slightly inappropriate concern, here's why it's not valid, have a good day. Nope. More puppy drama ensued (puppy drama, Facebook. Are we serious?)

I was unfriended and then a status was made about how my home isn't stable and said ex-friend wasn't going to stand by while I let a puppy into this house.

Oh.

You're right, Facebook. This is clearly a dog fearing for his life, daily.

I made a few statuses about it myself, because when you're fighting on Facebook over a dog, you can't let such an important topic drop, amirite?

The first status just let Facebook know that while I appreciated its concern, I simply didn't tell the medium everything, and rest-assured, I pretty much had a handle on my life at all times, as wacky as my statuses may sometimes seem.

Thankfully, most of my friends have good senses of humor, and I got these types of responses:

"Good lord is this over the fucking DOG? Buy the dog, fuck anyone who thinks you're under qualified or over paying. Can you take a dump without everyone commenting on the size/shape/color?"

"Hang on, I have lots of relevant advice for you. I would hate for you to make a decision for your family without my super important input you didn't ask for."

"AS EXPERTS ON YOUR LIFE AND LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE DOG BREED OR CROSS BREED IN EXISTENCE, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I THINK YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BUYING A PUPPY."

We continue to have fun with it. I let everyone know I also have a fish they didn't know about and everyone clutches pearls in jest. Someone asks me if we're breaking up.

"Well, I guess that depends on whether you think my kids are big enough assholes that they'd straight kill a dog.
If yes, we may have to go our separate ways. But don't worry. I'll pick up the check. Right after I impulse buy a puppy that I never researched until right now when I posted about it."

And I'm just putting this comment here because it makes me laugh:

"like how have your kids ever come across as aggressive puppy tossing cage fighters? Sure they have their twin moments, but even that seemed like when they were younger like all kids. They don't come across as unruly maniacs who would grab a dog by one end and pull it in half. They seem p level headed from how you discuss them."

Aggressive puppy tossing cage fighters. I die.

Okay, so we all have our fun, the other status that I can't see because I was unfriended is going on, and it's all about how I seriously should NOT get a dog because it spells doom and I'd just be the worst pet owner.

Yup. Totally the worst. This poor creature.

Anyway, I could have let it drop. But, I mean, how often do you get to participate in puppy drama? I'm guessing it's once in a lifetime. So I made one more status. Your typical, searching-for-validation-even-though-it-couldn't-be-farther-from-necessary post.

"I mean, like, there's a difference between brutal honesty and alleging someone's six year old, fairly competent (if emotional) kids will kill a dog, amirite? I think I'm right on this one. Just saying."

I got almost 200 comments validating me when I didn't need to be validated, because I play Facebook. I like validation. I like statuses. I like comments. I like conversations. I also appreciated the level of pure ridiculousness we had reached.

I mean, I'm busy a lot of the time. But when I'm not, you can find me on Facebook, fighting for my right to own a dog.

...

So, in conclusion, when you go to comment on someone's status about something you know all the stuffs about, take heed. Maybe the person also knows what they are doing. Maybe their kids actually won't kill a dog.

Always remember, Facebook, you're not my mom.

Words Mean Things

Another week means another glorious trip to the grocery store for this family.  I stacked my kids into the green racing cart (once they discovered it, the regular old blue one wouldn't do.  The babies need the freedom of being behind the wheel, apparently.), and took off for the deli to order some sandwich meat.

Innocent enough.

And again, this trip is one I felt went rather well.  And again, there were some people who wouldn't have agreed with me.

You see, my children were in a fabulous mood.  They were laughing, and playing, and singing, too.  When my babies sing, they usually crescendo into a last toneless note shouted for a good 10 or 20 seconds.  Nearing the end of their display of musical prowess, I happened to look about only to see two deli workers staring disgustedly at me and the kids.  Oh.

"Just wait 10 years," I said to the boy.  "You'll probably get your fill of this."

He laughed and said, "I surely hope not."

"Well," I joked, "I do tell everyone, if they don't have kids yet, don't have them."  (Because if you can't joke about the existence of your kids to strangers while they're right there in front of you, what kind of a parent are you?)

The woman standing next to him took this opportunity to wipe the look of horror off of her face and pipe up, conversationally.

"This is why I have dogs," she said.

Nothing wrong with that statement.  That's something I often hear when we're out and about.  She should have quit while she was ahead.  But, instead, she continued.

"I can cage a dog whenever I want."

I smiled wanly and nodded.  I, myself, am not a big fan of caging, but I realize people do it and for good reason.

"And I can give it an electric shock when it barks too much."

Thank goodness my roast beef was ready because I had no idea how I would respond to that one, nor did I want to hear any other things she did to her dogs.  Even the man cutting my meat was looking at her in surprise at this point.

Now, I know people use electric fences and such to keep their dogs from running out into the street, and maybe she was exagerrating for effect, but there are just some things you don't say.  Especially to strangers.  Things like, "I give my dogs electric shocks when they do things that displease me, and I keep them in cages for the hahas."

Did the woman mean that?  I suspect not.  She most likely meant that she can cage them when she leaves the house and that she keeps them on an electric fence so they don't run away.  But that's not what she said.

And it got me thinking about my own joke to the young man.  By telling him not to have kids in a joking manner, I didn't explicitly say I didn't like them.  I didn't mean that I didn't like them.  But at 2.5 they are beginning to understand so much.  How long until they understand the meaning of my joke as I understood the meaning of the other woman's joke?

So, I guess I will work on taking my own advice.  Words mean things.  Even as adults we sometimes forget the weight our words carry, and we think we can hide behind joking.  But it is not the listener's responsibility to understand or excuse us.  It is our responsibility not to say things we don't want misconstrued.


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