tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post851201354291180441..comments2024-03-28T16:03:56.398-04:00Comments on parentwin: The Advice Column of Shame: On Perpetuating Rape Cultureparentwinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10056331784261915713noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-6843392923156742952018-08-05T04:39:23.076-04:002018-08-05T04:39:23.076-04:00Well Written and Structured Blog. Totally a fan of...Well Written and Structured Blog. Totally a fan of your writing, I found this blog unique and i have been going through the posts in your blog.<a href="http://independencedayindia2018.com/category/happy-independence-day-marathi/" rel="nofollow">Independence SMS</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14775310290966491030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-71639861288730430692012-02-02T17:43:48.669-05:002012-02-02T17:43:48.669-05:00Sorry Dar I'm new to the world of blog comment...Sorry Dar I'm new to the world of blog comments, and forget that quoting someone means you're debating their point. <br /><br />I meant to use your point as the starting point for mine, not make a counter argument. <br /><br />Put more simply I think we should always err on the side of the victim. Because, for all the excellent reasons you stated, the likelihood of a woman victim-blaming the man is small, but even if you take it to that extreme......<br /><br />then read from paragraph 3 onwards and it makes more sense :)<br /><br />Main point being to Yoffe: how can you possibly say 'VICTIMS should have taken responsibility for themselves' and not also at least say 'CULPRITS should be responsible for making absolutely sure they're not going to end up being CULPRITS'Nikolenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-51183659995994872022012-02-02T17:02:02.455-05:002012-02-02T17:02:02.455-05:00I would think that it's not really an easy thi...I would think that it's not really an easy thing for a woman to bring those types of charges to court. The system (at least here) does not make it easy. She'll have to testify against him, she'll have to have her ducks in a row and back up to prove it. She'll get backlash from society, in particular anyone who knows the man. It would not be a walk in the park for her to do this.<br /><br />It would be much easier for her to be like, 'welp, I was an idiot, and I won't do that again.' The victim in question went so far as to tell her friend that she thinks she might have been drugged. It affected her deeply enough for her to seek counseling on the issue. She's clearly given this a lot of thought and time on her end and she is prepared to go forward. Charging someone with rape isn't like getting free candy. It's tough to do.<br /><br />And I stand by the statement that any sex, without consent is non-consensual sex and any non-consensual sex is rape.parentwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10056331784261915713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-74656040727054186082012-02-02T16:42:49.030-05:002012-02-02T16:42:49.030-05:00"I would personally like to err on the side o..."I would personally like to err on the side of the victim, as a man (or woman) could probably just go ahead and wait until their partner could give consent."<br /><br />Not to go all extremist on you but lets follow that thought through shall we. Worst case scenario here, because really the only reason anyone has an issue with the view of 'if she was in any way inebriated or had her judgement potentially impaired, she said no' mentality is to protect men from being wrongfully accused of rape.<br /><br />Woman goes to a bar. Has a couple of drinks but isn't drunk and throws herself at a guy, invites him back to her place, is obviously a consenting party and then wakes up the next day and calls the police on charges of rape. Just for fun.<br /><br />In a culture where a woman could seriously post a response like the one Prudence Yoffe did about a woman who didn't give consent, how do we not live in a world where we can say 'you know what buddy, that'll teach you for having sex with someone you didn't know very well' to the guy wrongfully accused? Women should be responsible for making safe choices and protecting themselves (which I think is not a bad idea on principle, but should not and does not in any way infer that somehow it's her fault if she didn't) but men are not responsible for ONLY having sex with someone they know for a certainty wants to have sex with them and isn't going to try to put them in jail for rape?<br /><br />Am I the only one who thinks that's crazy?Nikolenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-27656136897093469402012-02-01T20:41:30.572-05:002012-02-01T20:41:30.572-05:00Jill pretty much covered it, but yes. This blog is...Jill pretty much covered it, but yes. This blog is based on a situation where the woman in question wanted to press charges, even thinking she may have been drugged. She did not give consent.<br /><br />In the case of a husband or wife, yes, you can be raped by someone you've married. Consent is a time-by-time basis unless other arrangements between the two parties have been made, but like Jill said, it's probably a moot point where charges are concerned.<br /><br />I would personally like to err on the side of the victim, as a man (or woman) could probably just go ahead and wait until their partner could give consent.parentwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10056331784261915713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-42014416671109972502012-02-01T19:33:48.247-05:002012-02-01T19:33:48.247-05:00Your friend**Your friend**Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05369288581055573730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-75996170694375659762012-02-01T19:33:07.493-05:002012-02-01T19:33:07.493-05:00This, THIS is F***ing awesome! I am reposting thi...This, THIS is F***ing awesome! I am reposting this on FB and my blog.<br /><br />"Devil's Advocate here: What if a woman and her husband both get drunk together and they have sex, even though technically the woman wasn't in a state of mind to consent? Let's say maybe she couldn't even really remember it in the morning. Was it rape?<br /><br />And if they got drunk together, the man couldn't consent either. Who was raped? Were they both raped?"<br /><br />Yep, they raped each other. Once this was established, they probably would drop charges anyway, or else they'd both go to jail. But frankly, people wouldn't be silly enough to charge if they knew they were both culpable for the same act for the same reasons. So...not really a dilemma actually.<br /><br />"What if the next morning the husband told the woman they had sex, and she didn't care in the least and wasn't upset? Was she still raped?"<br /><br />Yep, she was. This also wouldn't make it in court though, since she wouldn't press charges, so ALSO not a dilemma. <br /><br />"I had started out with a really strong negative opinion of guys who take advantage of drunk women, but was left feeling that women have some personal responsibility to kept themselves safe and my friend wasn't making safe choices. The guys were scumbags, but my friend should have been more careful."<br /><br />There is a HUGE difference between saying women should take care of themselves and women deserve to be raped based on their actions. Men are not mindless sexually addicted robots, folks. THEY are still fully culpable for taking advantage of a woman who does not fully consent. Men have a choice about whether to rape or not, REGARDLESS of the actions of women. <br /><br />Your friends PERHAPS could've avoided rape if she had acted differently. But this really doesn't matter, because the rapes could've most DEFINITELY been prevented (and subsequent rapes of different women) if those men had CHOSEN not to rape. Your friend is not in ANY way to blame for her rape. Only rapists are culpable for rape.<br /><br />Seriously, you should hear yourselves. You're making excuses for rapists...Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05369288581055573730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-32510233724263385702012-02-01T18:57:01.901-05:002012-02-01T18:57:01.901-05:00I had a friend who repeatedly got herself into sit...I had a friend who repeatedly got herself into situations like this, and although she never claimed to be raped, under your definition she was. She had really low self-esteem and was always throwing herself at guys at bars who she would take home, and then she'd have huge regrets in the morning. It happened at least 4 times during the summer we were roommates. We talked honestly about what she was doing to put herself in these situations, but it didn't seem to change anything. I had started out with a really strong negative opinion of guys who take advantage of drunk women, but was left feeling that women have some personal responsibility to kept themselves safe and my friend wasn't making safe choices. The guys were scumbags, but my friend should have been more careful.Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-45536991979612485112012-02-01T18:11:27.222-05:002012-02-01T18:11:27.222-05:00Devil's Advocate here: What if a woman and her...Devil's Advocate here: What if a woman and her husband both get drunk together and they have sex, even though technically the woman wasn't in a state of mind to consent? Let's say maybe she couldn't even really remember it in the morning. Was it rape?<br /><br />And if they got drunk together, the man couldn't consent either. Who was raped? Were they both raped?<br /><br />What if the next morning the husband told the woman they had sex, and she didn't care in the least and wasn't upset? Was she still raped?<br /><br />Just curious.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-37167260181435361942012-02-01T14:20:32.006-05:002012-02-01T14:20:32.006-05:00I myself have been a victim of rape, not involving...I myself have been a victim of rape, not involving alcohol or drugs in any fashion. <br /><br />I very much appreciate your article on this. It describes very well the feelings that I felt and why I didn't come forward for many years. Too many people think like "Prudence". <br /><br />Thank you.Emgyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00948543625055772514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2621701638860930715.post-35554756997763244982012-02-01T11:34:11.269-05:002012-02-01T11:34:11.269-05:00BRAVO, Darlena. This is an amazing response. I can...BRAVO, Darlena. This is an amazing response. I can't even get into "Prudence"'s response without throwing up all over my computer and foaming at the mouth, so I will just say again how strongly I agree with you and what an articulate, fantastic job you did writing about this.Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04109816527084998960noreply@blogger.com