I have a thing about fairness. I really want everyone on the Earth to be treated fairly and given the same advantages. I also felt like I had worthwhile points to make on this justice idea when I was a kid. As I've mentioned before, this sometimes makes my life miserable, because the girls think they are real people with valid points all of the time, even when they're being totally ridiculous. Add that to their inability to contain their emotions and their learning of the world around them (which takes a lot of energy and goes through massive misunderstandings before they get it right), and you've got a recipe for chaos.
I like to think it's a kind chaos and one that will prepare them to speak up for themselves no matter what someone else throws at them.
And for the most part, I'm able to keep it to an even keep, let them have a voice, and promote that their ideas and feelings are important.
However, someone recently sent me this and it sums up the negative side of this tactic.
And this is so true, and another huge issue I promote. To me, it goes right along with fairness. But to the girls, it flies in the face of it. And I get that. From a five year old's point of view, it's only fair if everything is equal.
But that doesn't mean I don't have to change it. I do and I will.
I'm going to attempt to change their definition of fairness and equality. I actually used that last line on one of my kids this morning and she was like, wtf are you talking about. But I'm going to keep doing it. This is what I've been missing in my quest.
As adults, we sometimes forget that we have to build the assumptions our kids are going to live by, block by block. We can't skip parts and assume they'll get it.
Sure, I was teaching fairness, but fairness to me means something different than it does to them, and if I want them to have the foundation upon which I base my fullest self, I have to give that to them, succinctly and directly. I can't expect them to just figure it out because that's what I think.
And sometimes these things are so ingrained, they don't really have words to go with them. They're just...the way things are. They're almost below consciousness. They are just the way things should be.
It was good for me to see one of my building blocks put into words. Now hopefully I can do so for my kids.